I need some help

[wmxx]

It feels sooooo good that I’m hooked on shooting up again. I told Mike once he started shooting me up to promise no matter what he would never let me off of it. He so understands me, and he told me he knows exactly how I feel and he will never stop shooting me up. He did tell me he will never shoot me up more than 4 times a day and he will never put garbage in me, always good stuff. I love him so much! His coke is always pure too, and it is so good. I’m also back up to a pack and a half of cigarettes a day now that I’m back doing 20-30 lines a day. I told Mike I wanted Nicole hooked on shooting up so she could never open her mouth. Nicole is very hooked as well:). The shocker was Mike telling me he had a surprise for me. A few hours after that someone is at the door. It was Amy! I was like OMG! Mike hands her a bag and gives her a kiss and says this one is on me! He then shoots Amy up!!! She never used to shoot up! I told her I have bee shooting up for months now. I was shocked and so was she. She told me she started shooting ip shortly after I left and still does lots of coke. Wow! This was a nice surprise to see Amy and she is shooting up like me. She told me she doesn’t know what she would do without it, she loves it so much. I told her I will never give it up, I love it. I can now shoot up with Amy, that seems so weird. I’m so glad she is shooting up now, and so happy for her.

[wmxx]

I was texting Justin telling him I was going to spend 1 more week here. He asked me if I was seeing Mike while I was here. I wanted to lie but I had just shot up and was pretty high. I told him yes. He wasn’t too happy. He said so I presume you are back on coke. I said yes. He was not happy and said be honest with me are you sleeping with him again. I said yes, I am living with him. He wanted me to come back before I start shooting up again. I told him Mike shoots me up all the time, he loves me. He was frantically telling me to come home, and I told him I belong to Mike he shoots me up and I feel so good making love to him. His text abruptly stopped. I am Mike’s now and always will be!

[wmxx]

Mmmm my baby loves me so much, and shows me every time he shoots me up. He makes me feel so good. I know he will never take it away from me which is such an awesome feeling. We are back to making love several times a day and I fall deeper with him each time. We have Nicole hooked now too! So she will never spill anything about me shooting up several times a day and doing all the lines I want! She knows she will be cut off, and she loves it as much as me:). The more hooked she gets the better things are. She told me she will never quit, and I know that about her. She acts so innocent sometimes, but she needs her coke and needs to shoot up every bit as much as I do. I’m so glad I am with Mike now. It was just a matter of time, and since I started shooting up it is sooo perfect! It’s a dream come true. Back when I first moved here and I met Mike and we started doing lines together and sleeping together he saved me. I needed coke so bad, and also needed a steady sex partner because I’m so horny, now I am his. I have slept with Mike more than any other man, and it is permanent now. Justin knows I’m shooting up again and doing coke all day. I was too high texting him. He knows I am having an affair with Mike again too. It is more than an affair, I am all Mike’s now. Justin knows he is helpless. He knows how many times I cheated on him with Mike. I told him I am in love with him now.

[wmxx]

Justin gave me until November 1 to come home or he is taking me to court and take my baby. This is so hard. I shoot up everyday now and I can’t quit. I told Mike I wanted to try and get off and he said I told him to never let me quit. He shoots me up in my sleep now, 3 nights in a row I woke up with him shooting me up. I won’t be able to stop, and he won’t let me. He has Nicole hooked too and if I leave she will move in she already sleeps with Mike. I have to do something soon.

[stupidme]

if you won't quit, let justin have the baby, I'm sure he will be quite reasonable with visitation. unless you get clean you might be a worse influence on your daughter as a present druggie then a more distant but still loving parent.

[stupidme]

https://youtu.be/XB6yjGVuzVo

[wmxx]

OMG this is so messed up. Mike told me he had a surprise for me, and he said under one condition. He needed to shoot me up right before the surprise. So fast forward. He shoots me up and there is a knock on the door. It was fucking Amy! The one that worked for me at my salon. I always thought she had my back. Mike tells her don’t worry she is shooting up now. Amy was shocked! Then proceeds to kiss Mike strip does a line and has sex with Mike right in front of me. She starts bragging how the affair she was having was with Mike! Right under my nose! Every time she went to have her affair and I had to cover the shop, she was fucking Mike! That little bitch. She left and said and don’t think my affair is going to stop because you are here, I have been sleeping with him a lot longer than you. I started to get pissed at Mike, but realized I really need him shooting me up and doing lines. I love Mike so much. He is the only man that loves me, wants me shooting up, doing lines, and smoking cigarettes. He’s so cute because he chain smokes and every time he has one he makes me have one. I’m up to 2 packs a day now and I love it! I am with Mike forever now, Amy is done!

[wmxx]

I was going to meet Justin’s Nov 1 deadline until Amy came back into the picture. No way I am leaving Mike now, so she can take over Mike. That’s not happening. I told Mike she is using him for coke! He said he has been with her longer than me, and not to interfere. He told me every time right before she comes over he will shoot me up and I will be fine. I don’t mind sharing him with Nicole but not fucking slut Amy! Mike loves me dressing and looking extremely slutty. It’s his thing. He loves the real slutty look. From now on I will dress exclusively slutty for him, and with my huge boobs and figure mostly back, I can look so fucking slutty he will forget about Amy. I love being slutty but also like to be very sexy. I am going to fuck and make love with Mike so much he won’t even be able to put his dick in Amy, he will be spent. From now on I am in slut mode and fucking Mike until he says he can’t fuck anymore. That will finish that slut and Mike is Mine. I will make sure he is fucked out. I will suck him dry.

[wmxx]

I asked Mike if Amy ever shoot up? He said no but a couple times she almost tried it. I told him I want her shooting up! I want her totally hooked! He said he could start cutting her coke slowly with heroin. I said yes, and then I want her shooting up. I told him if he did that he could fuck her all he wants and I will be fine with it.

[wmxx]

Mike just made my day. He told me since He started shooting me up it has been 1/4 of a full dose. He told me he didn’t want me to OD and wanted to go slow. So today Amy was coming over and as soon as she got there he shot me up 1/2 dose and I was flying. He fucked Amy right in front of me and I was so high I just smiled. He told me for some reason he loves shooting me up and fucking Amy right in front of me. He said it really turns him on. All I can think of is how much I love shooting up! I don’t even care that bitch Amy is fucking Mike until I come down. I want her shooting up so bad! Get her so hooked! She is such a cocky slut! Mike started cutting her coke with heroine. He told me in a very short time she will need it.

[wmxx]

Sometimes I feel like Mike just uses me for sex, and then at the same time I use him for coke. It’s like which came first the chicken or the egg? I know one thing, I need him because Ihave to shoot up now.I also need to do at least 20 lines a day. I don’t know what I’d do without him. I get nervous he is replacing me with Amy and she loves rubbing my nose in it how she was having an affair with Mike without me knowing it. I really hate that bitch now and she is so cocky!! Wait til she starts shooting up, I will threaten her that I will tell her husband. I have really been thinking lately about seducing her husband and have an affair with him. I know I could! I’m going to start fucking him and he will be easy to seduce. I will stop over there when I know Amy is shooting up knowing she won’t go home until she is straight. I will beat that whore at her own game. I am a better whore than her. I’m ready to fuck her man. Deserves the bitch right. I know why we moved from here now. Nothing but whores here and everyone is doing coke. Mike never gets bothered because he sells only to adults no kids. If not for Mike I’d leave this place, it sucks. Everyone is in everyone else’s business. Word will get out I’m fucking Amy’s man watch! I wish I didn’t need all these drugs but I do and can’t get by without them. It is my medication. Nicole is worse than me. Her mother found out she was shooting up and threw her out. She has her own place now.

[wmxx]

Mike told me not to worry about Amy. He said they have been having sex since he can remember. I asked him about fucking her while we were having an affair on Justin? He said he started with her before me. I don’t know. I’m beginning to wonder about Mike now. I feel like I’m just a way for him to get off, nothing special. It’s bothering me a lot. I have caught him in some lies, and shooting me up with just 1/4 dose. I was wondering why I wasn’t getting the intense jolt. I thought I was doing too much and instead I was doing too little. Still only a 1/2 dose. Yeah it feels amazing, but I want more. Can’t wait to see that bitch Amy shooting up. Mike said she asked him about her coke. She says she is craving something like she isn’t getting enough. She is already hooked on the heroin! I love it. He is going to try to get her to shoot up, that will be awesome! I will have the bitch then. Once she shoots up she will never quit, I know her!

[wmxx]

I love it! Mike has been texting Amy and she is saying how the coke is different. She said she feels a craving but it is much stronger when she needs it, and she is doing more lines because the cravings are so much stronger. He told her that the recent stuff is cut with heroin. She flipped out and said that’s why the high has been so euphoric. She said she feels it big time. He asked her how she likes it? She said it is awesome but she is scared she will get hooked on it. He told her by what she described, she is already hooked! She asked him why he didn’t tell her? He said he didn’t know. He said you almost shot up like 3-4 different times now would be a good time to try it, you’ll love it! She said I know, but With Amber there, I don’t want her to know, she will take anything, I’m not surprised she is shooting u at all. You can just come over when she is not here. She told me not to have sex with you anymore. She said really? She asked Mike if he planned on stopping? He said he might have to, but I love sex with Amber when she shoots up! I don’t want to mess with that. She said I might be willing to try it if we can keep having sex. Mike said if you try it I would definitely have sex with you. Amy said no promises but maybe the next time I come over I will try it, that bitch isn’t controlling me, we have had an affair forever, that whore isn’t getting in the way. It is working! She is already hooked it appears and if he shoots her up once she will never quit! I love Mike so much. He just asked me are you happy now? I told you I’d get her. So if he does I told him he doesn’t have to give her up, and it is so worth it. Once she is good and hooked, I will be fucking her husband, and she won’t know. We will see who the real whore is!

[wmxx]

Yes last night Mike told Amy I’d be out. He invited her over. He convinced her to shoot up:)! All this while I sucked and fucked her husband! I love it. She is so hooked now!

[wmxx]

Mike told me now that Amy is shooting up and my promise that he could fuck anyone he wants may not be what I wanted. He said he will be sleeping with Amy a lot more now. He warned me about having an affair with her husband because if she finds out she might end up staying with me. If she does you aren’t going to like it. I told him Amy can’t move in, I am with you now. He said I can’t leave her on the street. I said that isn’t fair, and asked him if he would sleep with me at night or her? He said he has been with her longer and would sleep at night with her. He always has had a crush on her. I’m getting used really bad. I should have seen this coming. I asked him point blank, you want Amy more than me? He said this isn’t what you want to hear, but yes. He said he knew if he got Amy shooting up she would become his. I’m so screwed now. I can’t leave because I need to shoot up, and he knows it. I have to figure something out. If I tell her husband he will kick her out and I don’t want him. This really sucks!

[wmxx]

I have a feeling Mike is going to want me to leave when Amy really gets into shooting up. She will be taunting me and I’m not going to be able to deal with it. I may just call Justin and go to rehab but I don’t really want to quit shooting or my coke and cigarettes. That is overwhelming to me! I will only start again, I need them all. This is a mess.

[wmxx]

Nothing like shooting up with my honey. He is right. I will always need him now. All worries are gone. I love Mike so much. Nothing like being high 24/7

[wmxx]

Mike has me now. Amy is taking my place. He knows I need him shooting me up and also my coke. I have to just live with the idea that Amy is his love interest now and I’m more or less here for sex. Amy won, and she knows it. Getting her shooting up really backfired. She belongs to Mike now and there is nothing I can do because I need to shoot up really bad and will never quit again ever! I love it so much and can’t quit.

[wmxx]

Justin calls me every night. He tells me he will never stop loving me. I know he means it but I love shooting up more than anything, and need my coke as well. I know it is sad because I love Justin, but I need other things too much. Now I am going to have to deal with Amy and that is going to suck! I will just have Mike shoot me up every time she comes here, or stays here

[wmxx]

I know I have to be careful now or Amy could talk to Mike and he will stop shooting me up. I would be so screwed, and if he ever took my coke away I’d totally lose it. I’m going to have to suck it up and do what Amy wants and that will be hard because she is a selfish whore. She only wants Mike to get at me and she started shooting up so she could replace me. I’m surprised he picked that wench over me. My boobs are so big now but I need a lift. Maybe he doesn’t like them. Amy has much smaller boobs but they are very tight and look great on her. She used to cover for me but as soon as I covered for her she is fucking my man! Now Mike loves her. Amy doesn’t want Mike sleeping with me anymore, which really sucks. As long as I’m shooting up Im good!

[stupidme]

I still highly recommend asking Justin to save you from you, your daughter should get a mother who isn't a druggie

[wmxx]

I know what you are saying. It is so hard for me. I was basically forced to do coke at a very young age. I have needed it to get by forever. I have tried so many times to stop, but I so need it to get by I can’t even think of not having it with me at all times. I always wanted to try shooting up and I finally tried it. OMG! I soooo love it!!! I can’t even imagine quitting and tried but I know now that I shoot up all the time, I will always come back to it, I love it so much!!! There is nothing like the feeling of waking up in the morning and someone you love puts a needle in you that makes everything feel so good. I can’t even imagine not shooting up!!! Then Mike is so cute he has turned me into a chain smoker which I love so much. It is like I can’t get enough suddenly. I love Justin but he can’t except me doing all these things and I know I can’t quit. If I could I’d be with him. I want my baby but can’t have her because I will never be able to stop shooting up. Amy now has taken Mike from me and let’s me know it. He shoots her up right in front of me.She is leaving her hubby for Mike so he belongs to her now not me:(. She taunts me so bad! She makes Mike tell me how much he loves Amy now. Amy said soon I have to move out so her and Mike can begin their life together. I can’t move away because I need Mike so bad. Amy knows that and wants to see me on my knees begging to be shot up while she gets all she wants. She is so nasty! She won’t allow Mike to have sex with me anymore. I have no choice I need Mike so bad. He won’t even shoot me up anymore .Either Amy shoots me up or I don’t get any. Before she shoots me up she humiliated me. She asks me to tell her how much Mike loves her and how I am glad they make love now. It really sucks bad! She controls me now and I have to submit to her or I don’t get shot up!

[wmxx]

It’s at the point now she makes me beg for my shot. She laughs at me all the time. Makes me beg her to make love to Mike and then makes love to him right in front of me. I can’t stand it but I have no choice right now. She said once I move out I will become their housekeeper. This is really messed up now. I’m slowly becoming a slave to Amy and she is such a bitch!

[wmxx]

Amy told me if I fail to do anything she asks she will not shoot me up for one round. She said as soon as I feel that I will obey her very fast! She is right. I can’t miss shooting up I will be hurting

[wmxx]

Amy is such a bitch. She comes over and Mike was going to shoot me up before they made love. Amy said don’t give her any until she puts your cock inside me and tells me that Mike is all yours! I refused and she told Mike do not shoot her up the rest of the day, let the bitch crave herself insane while you shoot me up. I got nervous and agreed to put Mike’s cock inside of her. I told her Mike belongs to her now. Mike was totally turned on by Amy, and told her how much he loves her dominating me. She said this is just the beginning. She got done and told me to tell her that I am now totally submissive to her, if I ever want to shoot up again. I told her what she wanted to hear. I have to get out of this but I am so dependent I can’t think of quitting. Mike finally shot me up, and I felt so much better!

[wmxx]

This is not working out. I’m thinking about getting my own place buy a ton of food and stay there for 30 days withdrawing. That would be so painful. This serving Amy is not something I can do very long, I will lose it. That was so low having me put Mike inside her. I can’t live like this but I so need my coke and shooting up, it is so hard.

[wmxx]

So I get up this morning and I wanted to try not shooting up until late this morning. Amy told Mike to give her the needle and told me she was shooting me up and for me to beg her to shoot E up or I would go without all day. I started to panic and begged her to shoot me up. She did. I so needed it though. From now on she told me she decides when I shoot up. I have to somehow get strong and leave here. I can’t stand that bitch.

[wmxx]

So I usually shoot up after lunch. Amy had me cleaning before she would shoot me up. She told me she would shoot me up after I finish, and after I gave her a massage. This is getting unbearable. I’m really needing to shoot up bad! I told Justin and he said for me to come home now! He will make sure I don’t shoot up or do coke. I asked him if I could at least do coke while I withdraw from the heroine. I promised as soon as I did I would stop doing coke, and I only have about a 20 day supply maybe 30 if I stretch it out. I plan on leaving here tomorrow. Yeah I’m scared and so alone right now. I need Justin more than ever. He told me he will never give up on me, he loves me forever! I love him too. I have to get through the next month or two. I miss my baby so much. I have to succeed! I don’t have anymore options. I realize Justin is a special man. I have tested him over and over, and his love never fades. I have to finally stop this. He is so special and deserves so much more. I can be that woman. I know I can! I also know how hard it will be, but I can’t stay here another day. I am leaving in the morning. I can’t wait to get home! I am scared to death right now, more than ever before, and I have been through a lot. I have put Justin through hell. I have to make all that worthwhile for him, I really have to. More so for my baby. I have failed in that and am ashamed. I am the one at fault, I am the only one that can change that. I will with the help of God! I pray I get through this. I’m sure anyone reading this hates me by now, and rightfully so. Find it in your heart to pray for me. I need it so much! I hope by XMas I am all I can be and more!

[wmxx]

I’m leaving here tomorrow early. I shot up for the last time tonight. I know how hard this is going to be. I hope Justin helps me, I know he will

[elurin]

I was never angry with you. I was sad, because I was afraid you'd lost your way.

"IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO LOOK INWARD AND START ASKING YOURSELF THE BIG QUESTION: WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

Sorry, but I think a little Uncle Iroh wisdom can go a long way. This is my first post here, despite having an interest in hypnosis and being a lurker for a long while. Honestly, I don't know you and this past year and a bit almost seems like a bit of a fan-fiction, how unreal it has been.

Have you ever looked at your first posts and realized how far you have fallen? A cautionary tale, I guess, for all of us.

What prompted me to break my long silence is that you're asking for prayer, in a place where I would not expect a lot of God-believing people would spend time. I will pray for you, but understand this: If you truly desire the God that I know to save you, and get you out of your mess, He will want to bring you ALL the Way Out, not just your dependence on drugs.

This thread was titled, "I need some help" I do hope that you will be sincere in seeking that help, and that you can be an inspiration to others -- because, in one way or another, we all need help, from time to time.

[technophoria]

You should more question if you actually want it to stop. Perhaps there are sides of yourself you didnt realize you had before. Dont be so hasty to get rid of them, but explore them. Find out if its right for you. Hypnosis can be used as a tool of self discovery if you use the right kind.

[stupidme]

I'm still here, you will need lots of help, let people help you, I will be praying for you as well.

[wmxx]

Thank you all for your personal thoughts. I am back with Justin. My baby has gotten so big. I have made a lifetime of mistakes. I know I need another path. The withdrawal is an epic mountain, I have so far to go. I am scared, but Justin helps me so much. I am so lucky he even talks to me let alone love me. He said to me we are fighting this together, and together is the only way we win. I have left him with so many scars, and he told me so. He says the scars take us both to heel, and in that regard, he told me as I heel, he heels. That’s all I have to say right now. It’s sooo hard but I’m fighting even harder. I see what I have and won’t leave it behind ever again. Thank you all! I really mean that!

[wmxx]

Since I arrived here I wish I could shoot up all the time. Justin agreed it might be too much to give up my coke until I was not shooting up anymore but he has all my coke and let’s me use it just 8 times a day. I was up to 20+ with Mike, so that is hard as well. Each week he is going to cut me down to 7 then 6 then 5 until I get no more. He won’t let me smoke in front of the baby I have to go outside, and tomorrow I get tested for STDs, so we haven’t even kissed yet:( I’m really trying with everything I have to do this. Hopefully in 8 weeks I am using nothing!

[stupidme]

so good to hear! Get as much support as you can!

[wmxx]

I wish this was over it is so hard! I really hope I make it! I’m trying but it is the hardest thing I have ever done, even harder than the last 2 times. I think it was because in my mind as soon as I finished detox I would be shooting up the next day. Now I know I can’t and that is so daunting and different!

[wmxx]

I really worry about Nicole. She is hooked badly. I keep trying to tell her to come home with me and Justin so we can all reset. She told me she will never stop shooting up, she loves it. I keep trying every day. She needs help and she can’t get it. She keeps telling me I will be back and shooting up with her soon. I really can’t go back to that. Nicole is trying to pull me in and I’m trying to pull her out! Ugh!

[stupidme]

Stay strong, your baby needs you, Justin loves you, let him help you, seek professional help, you can't help her without the help of other people a team is stronger then an individual. feel free to message me

[wmxx]

I know! This is so hard. Today is the first day I am not throwing up. It is miserable and so hard. It is my own doing though, not pleasant at all! The physical part is easing up, the psychological part, no!

[wmxx]

I had to trick Nicole. Told her I was desperate to shoot up and needed more coke. I told her she needed to have sex with Mike’s dealer and get as much as she can and come home. She said she knew I would cave in. I told her I need it soon. She is working on it. The problem is when she gets here, I’m dying to shoot up, and I need more than 8 lines. I’m afraid I am going to do it. I need to shoot up so bad as soon as I see her I know I will instantly shoot up. This is too hard! I want to tell Justin so as soon as she gets here he takes it all and gets rid of it so she can get off of it, but I want it for myself. This is so hard. Just thinking in a few days or so I can shoot up is getting me wet! I don’t know if I have the courage to tell Justin. Maybe in a few days I will be able to resist more than I can right now! I really want it so bad!

[wmxx]

Now Mike told her the guy is out of town until next Monday. The one after Thanksgiving! Ugh! I was all excited I’d be shooting up by Thanksgiving and now I can’t! I’m going to go crazy waiting now! I don’t know if I can give this up. I know no matter what, if it is in front of me, now or months from now, I will shoot it. Same with my coke. I will always need it. It feels so hopeless. I will always need it now, no matter how long I go without it. I may as well get back on it, because I just need it so bad. Why stop? I feel shitty without it and so amazing with it. Nicole is right, I will always do it, and she told me a long time ago she will never watch me suffer and never let me quit. She loves that she is the one getting me back on it. She is the smart one. She is shooting up and feeling so good and I’m miserable.

[wmxx]

She is also hooking again on her own as an escort. She said when she comes home we can buy a house and I could become a hooker again. She reminded me how much I loved that. I really do love it because I can’t get enough sex and my body is back except my boobs are so big I really have to get a lift, I need to schedule that while I’m not shooting up. I’m scheduling that tomorrow

[wmxx]

So I told Nicole since she can’t get all the stuff we need to get as much as she can from Mike and come spend Thanksgiving with us, then I could shoot up tomorrow! I told her she has nowhere to go anyway. She said how are we going to shoot up with Justin there? Doing lines is easy, but shooting up gets you so high at first it is so obvious! I told her we will figure it out! Just come. She said that I have to move in with her, and she will bring me all I need! Ugh! I have to work on her. All I know is I have to shoot up now! I need her!

[stupidme]

THINK ABOUT JUSTIN
CONSIDER YOUR BABY
Hold strong, even if you slip stay with Justin! Let him help you! Call a health professional!
this is a tough uphill battle but too have truly happy and thrilling moments you have to Do Hard Things!
Praying for you

[wmxx]

Nicole text me and said she wants to come for Thanksgiving but until I give her a plan on how we are going to be able to shoot up with Justin around, she can’t come. She said there is no way she is quitting, or wants to be in a situation where she can’t shoot up whenever she needs it. She told me to come back here and visit me and she will have me shooting up right away. I am so frustrated. I can’t go back their with that bitch Amy and Mike is protecting her not me so she can get away with everything she wants. I don’t know how to work around Justin. I’m absolutely dying to shoot up and 8 lines of coke is like nothing for me, I need my coke bad! I have to figure something out like right now. I don’t seem to have the answer. I asked Nicole to ask Mike if he had some in powder form, instead of shooting it. Not as good, but at least it will get me back on it until I can start shooting up again. I’m waiting to hear back from her. She has my coke at least, now hope she comes through. I need it more than you could even imagine. The more I think about it the more I need it. Whatever happens, one thing is sure. I will be shooting up as soon as I get some, and I can’t wait. I realize I can’t quit so why keep trying. It is impossible. I started coke at about 14. I need it badly! Shooting up I need even more!

[wmxx]

Nicole just text me an article that 91% of those that shoot up go back on it after rehab. She said stop trying to quit! You will never quit and you know it! You are just putting yourself through so much pain knowing how great you will feel as soon as you shoot up! Just move in with me and we will never have to worry ever again! We will run an escort business that I know you love, and shoot up all we want and have tons of sex! That is who you are! Are you ready? She is so right. I have to get back on it fast so I feel good again. Once I start again, I vowed to myself I will never try to get off again. I love it!

[wmxx]

I am so desperate to shoot up. I know it is the low road, but I don’t know any different. Justin feels so bad for me watching me go through all this. He has really gone out of his way to help me as much as he can. Holding my baby knowing she deserves so much better. I so can be that wife, that Mom, and I want that for them both. I am the woman Justin met. I just can’t be her right now, and probably never will be. Justin is getting a hypno file made for me to forget I ever used any drugs, to help me in the way it helped him. The problem is I tried it before for something else and it didn’t work. I told him I would listen to it over and over again and just hope it helps. It is supposed to come either tomorrow or Wednesday. It is supposed to make me quit, make me forget I ever did it, and make me believe that the Justin and me that were so madly in love have never been out of that mode since. It is a lot to erase, but I need to try. It is supposed to come tomorrow or Wednesday. It kind of all boils down to which comes first the hypno or Nicole? If Nicole comes first I know I’m going to use it. Maybe I need to be coke free for it to work? I’m more coke free than I have been in a long time. I really believe this is my last chance. If it doesn’t work, I have no doubt I will start shooting up again and never stop. I text Nicole and told her. She laughed and said I will have a needle in my arm as soon as she has one for me. I really feel for Nicole and worry about her. She is soooo hooked and getting of it is not even a consideration for her. Her Mom threw her out, and she is all alone except hooking and fucking. I could be with her if this doesn’t work. That’s scary but it is something right now I want really bad. I’m physically withdrawn but the mental part makes me want that feeling so bad. If I had some right now it would be in me as soon as Icould do it. I’m not sure where this goes from here. I’m scared and it is so easy to just shoot up and all that goes away!

[wmxx]

I got so desperate I text new Mike. I told him I needed for him to shoot me up. He said he was done with me, and stop contacting him. He has a new girlfriend, and is out of town with her anyway. He told me he is blocking my number, wished me the best and hung up! Ugggghhhh! I need to shoot up so bad I will do anything right now. So confused but the need to shoot up just seems to be more important than anything else.

[stupidme]

DAUGHTER, JUSTIN, DAUGHTER, JUSTIN

[wmxx]

I know stupid me. I know. It’s harder than what I am capable of. The hypno is my last real chance. If Nicole doesn’t get here first.