There will be times when it’s hard and scary, and times when it’s exhilarating and life-giving. It can take some time to figure out how — or even if — polyamory works best in your life. Embrace the process. Ultimately, the goal is to deepen and strengthen your relationship with your #1 partner. We s...

This is a conflict for all that say to set boundaries rules can’t protect a relationship. Only mutual commitment, respect, and compatibility can do that. If you and your partner have a relationship that’s benefitting both of you, that you’re both giving sufficient time and attention to, that’s found...

I told Amber I am treating Nicole like a gift from her. A gift never is used against the giver, I hope you think of Glenn the same wsy

I asked Justin if he is nervous about being with Nicole the whole weekend. He said yes, but not in the way you think. I’m nervous about you. I’ve been true to you since day one. I’ve been true to every woman I have been with. Now I’m not going to be, it is like I’m dating her. I worry how it will be...

Now Nicole just text me. Hi Amber, are you sure you are ok with me being with Justin this weekend? I text back, I am positive, don’t worry. You have an amazing man, I don’t want to create any problems for you. He is and for the next two weekends, he is yours, and maybe a lot more of them. Thank you ...

So Glenn text me and he said it is supposed to be really nice Saturday, do you have something in mind that you would like to do? Also Saturday Night? I was hoping he would plan something out, wanted to see how creative he is. So I text him back and I said I want you to surprise me, but if it require...

We are both looking forward to this. It’s a lot of work, and we are both not afraid of that. We will do everything successful couples have done, with our own boundaries. I think we each have excitement for this weekend for different reasons. I know for Amber this will be the most consecutive time sh...

This is very difficult: What if one of you has a lover that is friends with your primary relationship? Does she have break contact with her? (Specifically regarding Nicole and Justin). Threesomes end? Only contact is when Justin is not with us? Justin: Wow. I think that I should never be with both A...

This is hard trying to negotiate some things. It is only because I’ve already been in another committed relationship and Justin hasn’t. As much as he says he understands that I need more time with Glenn, he doesn’t. By the same respect, as much as I feel I understand how it is for him to be at home ...

There is a term called compression. It occurs when both begin to experience great joy that their main partner has a deeply loving relationship with their other partner. That is the goal. You get past the doubts and trust issues and you love that your partner is experiencing that. That is the mountai...

These are not easy but have to be discussed: Your main partner just lost his secondary partner, and they were in a committed relationship, how do you handle your other committed partner. You have to deal with your main partner crying over losing another man/woman. This will almost executable happen ...

Justin just did a compromise after thinking about it and hearing my feelings about over nights. One thing about this is you are forced to be brutally honest, and you have to talk about some really tender things. Listening to other couples it is extremely hard at the beginning and you have to talk in...

Another tender issue: What if your lover sets up a very romantic candlelight dinner at home for you both? Is that acceptable? How about you personally doing that for them? Also how about unconventional sex? Bondage, domination, threesome, or anything out of the mainstream? We both agree the romance ...

So the time issue comes up with scheduling. We can’t quite agree but we are close. I want a little more time and more overnights, Justin wants a bit less. We thought it would be better to find common ground after this weekend. I think after Justin has this weekend he may move closer to me on this. I...

We are just sitting down to get ourselves solid boundaries. A couple more. How do you feel about Holidays? Birthdays, piggy back Holidays, XMas Eve-XMas? New Years Eve-New Years Day. Remember always partners may change, so consider not just current situation. All these can be renegotiated, and shoul...

Amber and I were talking in bed last night and she came to the realization that this weekend will be the longest we have been without seeing each other since we moved in together. Today we have to tackle some difficult issues. One is, The safety issue. One, is your secondary partner allowed to have ...

Last one we are both tired need some lovin. How do you handle your parter that wants you to leave your primary relationship or starts a conversation about it? Justin: I would politely say that isn’t anything I will discuss. Please don’t ask me that again, because I will never leave. Amber: I will ne...

This is where the understanding and negotiating starts. How many over nights per week? Justin 1 of each Amber 1 and 2 overnights Justin compromise offer 1 overnight, one week then 2 the following week alternating. Split our gap. Amber 0 other visits 2 overnights. I told him we are doing 2 this week?...

A real big one. Is alcohol consumption allowed? What if you drink too much? Do you spend the night even if you were not supposed to? Do you call an Uber? Some people change when they drink alcohol? Never get in a car if both are intoxicated call Uber. We don’t drink much at all but still need to dis...

Taking a break we are setting all our comfort zones that we agree on. Those are easy. Now we are taking on very tough ones. What happens if we are both in relationships and one ends. Can the other still see their partner? If so how often? Overnights? Gets complicated. Can you get high on weed? No ot...

Nicole just text me and asked if I had any favorite colors for me to wear. I said I don’t think there is a color out there that you wouldn’t look fantastic in, your choice. She said thank you, one more thing, do you have a favorite perfume? I said np preference, but actually I only want to smell it ...

One last thing. I told Amber we would be sleeping in the spare bedrooms, not our bed. Last thing she needs to do is have to change a bed that another woman slept in, and I would strip both beds and make them back up. She said she never thought about that, but it didn’t really matter.

I picked up some ready to serve meals, I realize Amber is tired, so am I. She is cuddling up to me now. Just a quickie here. Nicole said could I ask you the same 1-10 question, I said a 10. She asked if we were hanging out or going anywhere, I need to know what clothes I need. I asked her what would...

Glenn is a yes. I’m so glad we are doing this. This is our chance to shine. We are both a lot more conscious of each other. I’m betting by the time we get home together at noon on Sunday, we will be making love like never before, and our appreciation for each other will be at an all time high. I tru...

I can’t believe I slept past lunchtime. Justin truly is an amazing man. Danny you are right again, thank you. I learned a valuable lesson, I didn’t thing I was doing anything wrong, because I didn’t think about what I was doing. I will never drop my guard again. We talked for another hour. He went o...

Amber this is for you: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protec...

I sent this just now to Amber:

Https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XB6yjGVuzVo

I really want to help Nicole regardless of what happens. After hearing her relationship and job hardships, it really hit me. Then Amber telling about her inability to have children. My question is does she have health insurance? Is the situation correctable? If it is I will get it corrected for her....

Really late night. I see what Amber wrote. She is sleeping on the couch. I need a hug really bad, but no way I can wake her, I see she has been up all night. The one thing that really helped me is when she came in and told me she was done with Glenn. She was showing me her true priority. It touched ...

Ugh I just can’t sleep my mind is so restless. I asked him why he is so giving and cares so much about people? He said I watched my grandfather give to everyone that was his friend, family, neighbor, etc. He not only put me through college he put 3 kids in the neighborhood through college. He rarely...

I’m condensing from a tired memory. This is from about 7-8 hrs of talking. Some we will keep private, but so much more. It is the most we have ever talked, and everything came out, everything.

That was futile. Justin was sound asleep, and as much as I need a hug right now, I don’t want to bother him. I’m venting here now, I can’t sleep. Justin asked me what exactly am I getting from Glenn. I have asked myself that 100 times. When I met you, I was coming out of a relationship train wreck. ...

I don’t know where to begin. Justin and I were up until 5 am. I don’t think either of us have any tears left. Justin is an amazing man. He is strong as an ox physically, but never threatens anyone. He is also very sensitive and giving. If there is an opportunity to do the right thing, he does it. He...

I just read what Justin wrote. I completely fucked up in so many ways. I broke all the rules. I did not intend it to turn out this way, but I am not relinquishing responsibility. I totally fucked up. Glenn said why don’t we have dinner together? Without thinking I said what do you want and I will ma...

I asked her to think about this. What if I was going to Nicole’s and when I left the house I said when I get back we will go to the movies, I will be back at 5. Then I call you at 5:30 and tell you not to text me back. So the movie is now too late, ala dinner, and I come home and say, sorry I took N...

I asked her to please stop seeing Glenn for now, I’m feeling really really insecure right now. She never did anything like this before, and then I think about how she needs to see Glenn more, I’m scared.

This has been a difficult night for me. Amber left the house and said she would be home around 5 and will make dinner for us. At 5:30 I get a text from her saying don’t text back, I will be home around 7, so I guess that meant I was eating alone. Then when she got home it felt worse. She said she wa...

This says it all: Some polyamorists, however, report that the process of negotiating relationships outside of the norm inevitably fosters emotional intimacy through the amount of communication, honesty, and self-growth that comes with crafting these unconventional relationships. That is already happ...

Amber text me, said don’t text back. I’m staying over Glenn’s until about 7. Nothing to worry about just need some extra time with him now. I love you so much!

Some polyamorists, however, report that the process of negotiating relationships outside of the norm inevitably fosters emotional intimacy through the amount of communication, honesty, and self-growth that comes with crafting these unconventional relationships. Telling lies means negotiating in bad ...

Maybe it is a bit selfish, but I hope Justin and Nicole find something. I feel a little guilty despite of the circumstances of me falling in love with Glenn to begin with, and Justin has had to cope with it, and he really has accepted it. Fully embraces it now. Once he gets to that point hopefully, ...

Amber gave my number to Nicole and said go ahead and text him if you want. I get a text from her, hi Justin this is Nicole, is this ok? I said sure Nicole, hope your having a great day. She said thanks you too. I was telling Amber I’m a little nervous about Saturday. I have to try and live up to Amb...

Nicole just text me. She thanked me for doing her hair and makeup. She also thanked “us” for the best weekend she ever had. She also asked me again if she really was ok I was going to be with just Justin, and over night as well? She doesn’t want to interfere with our relationship. I told her, as lon...

I agreed to share all my texts with Glenn with Justin. The key to all this is honest and open communication, even if it feels like it may be hard for your primary partner to read, but in the end if you don’t hide anything he will be more secure with your relationship with your other committed relati...

Justin and I just sat down so I could tell him my needs with Glenn coming up. I will be seeing him today at 4. I will be home by 5-5.30, and will make us dinner. He leaves on the 23rd to go see his Mom. The weekend before he leaves the 19th and 20th I want to spend those two nights with him, and the...

I have to agree with Amber. I feel like our relationship is already getting stronger. We talk a lot, but we are really talking now, and the conversations are very important and at times difficult ones. I never in my life thought I’d be in a polymourus relationship with anyone, but the more I read ab...

We had our own little love fest last night. It was nice to have Justin’s full attention. I can see if anything, he loves and appreciates me all the more. Probably equal to that, it has given him a new perspective on my relationship with Glenn after having a little taste of his own this weekend. I th...

the evidence suggests that it’s a style that, in some populations, leads to greater relationship satisfaction than monogamy. polyamory, where both partners approve of having close emotional, romantic, and sexual relationships outside of the couple itself. Actually We got this all wrong. It is suppos...

I think I agree with Justin on most things. I think the hard thing for him is I’m already in another committed (described as loving and emotional attachment), and it is harder for him to realize that requires more than just sex, although I think last night has really helped him understand. It isn’t ...

So the guideline from a shrink of essential things to negotiate, the first is safety above all. We both take that seriously so no debate needed there First up is what type of open relationship do you want Me: That has already been decided because Amber is in another committed relationship. Amber: co...