Need help in making my wife more open

[brownie_be]

Guys, i'm turning to you for advice on how I could use subliminals in order to turn my wife into being more openminded where seks is concerned, and ultimately into a real slut.

Yesterday was my 50th birthday which made me all day rather depressed because it caused me to reflect on how i spend the last 20 years and what i want to with the coming years, so I guess i wasn't great fun yesterday to be honest. But at the end of the day, it led to a very open talk with my wife on the root causes for my sexual insatisfaction, which has become the main driver for a lot of things in my behavior and our relationship. The fact that we could talk openly is a good thing, especially as i have a tendency to be very closed about my feelings.

Before continuing on our chat, I want to tell you what i'm trying to accomplish first. I have always been interested in kinky stuff, and for me this covers the whole range from watching porn together to experimenting with kinky stuff, and to experimenting with swapping and swinger clubs. My wife is aware of this need but doesn't share it, which over the years has led to quite some arguments, and me spending a lot of time on internet watching porn and chatting in sexchats with her knowing that while she watches TV. She occasionally watches porn with me and on those occasions, she gets more hot and is more willing to be kinky, but in most cases she refuses to watch. She has also joined me a couple of times to swingerclubs (last time was 2 years ago), where she got hot from seeing the action but refuses to get actif with others. So basically, we went out in an erotic ambiance and had sex there in a quiet corner.

To cut a long story short, because of my birthday she promised me to repeat that in a couple of weeks from now. I took that as an ideal opener to start an open talk on what i need for my sexual desires. Two main things came out of that. She told me that she's absolutely not interested in having sex with another guy if we would go to a swingersclub again, although i'd really like to see that. She respects my needs but as she doesn't share them, she actually even proposed me to look for another woman in my situation so that we could go out to swingerclubs together. To be honest, even though a lot of men would perhaps be enthousiastic about that, i don't like it as i would feel guilty towards her, and because i see a danger of getting really involved with that other woman if we have a click. I need a partner that i can share everything with, not a partner that grants me permission to do my stuff, so getting involved closer on a regular basis with someone who shares the same sexual needs is a danger for the relation with my wife. Secondly, she told me that even if she gets hot from watching porn, she doesn't want to watch it when there's a risk of being discovered by our kids (which are 17 and 14 years old), so basically this means that she only feels comfortable to watch it when they are not at home, which almost never happens except in summer holiday.

Now, i've always heard from others that one way to get your wife openminded for swinging and kinky sex is simply by watching more porn to get her more comfortable with the idea, but she clearly has a blocking issue with that especially when the kids are at home, so this is one of the first things to overcome. At the end of our long chat, we agreed that we have such different visions on sex and what we want to reach in our lives, that it's very difficult for us to get out of it, and that perhaps we should try relationship/sexual councelling in order to find something that works for both of us.

Perhaps this is a good thing, but at the same time, i'm wondering if silent subliminals could help overcoming what's blocking her from being more openminded, because there's no way i can get her to listen to the non-covert files. What do you guys think about this ? How would you try to solve this ? I can imagine that others here have had similar issues with their wifes, and perhaps they managed to overcome those issues with the help of subliminals. Which files did you use and how long did it take ?

An additional issue is that we are dutch speaking. Even though she understands english to some degree, i'm not sure that she would pick up some specific english terms. Looking forward to your answers and advice.

[uw_onsterfelijk]

Or maybe your wife could logon and post in a similar vein looking for a secret sneaky subliminal for you to listen to that would alter your personality to make you spend less time on the web masturbating!

[Calimore]

[Endo]

I think there's something different about Calimore recently.

[ProfessorPig]

I think there's something different about Calimore recently.

perhaps he has been hypnotized :P

[browncoatkyle]

The following is strictly my opinion only, and I will try to be constructive and informative. I think there are a lot of people in similar situations, both male and female.

First thing I suggest is to be completely honest with yourself first. Ask yourself some questions. Why do you want this? Is there a hidden psychological agenda that you have? Are you honestly wanting to expand both of your sexual horizons, or is there a desire for degradation or control? Reflect on your motivation. A lot.

Second thing I will point out is that trying to overcome your wife's instinct to protect her children (which is what she seems to view this as) is a fool's errand. You will never overcome that. So you have to present opportunities and environments where the children will not be a factor in her decision making at that particular time. The fact that she has accompanied you to lifestyle clubs, and even suggested another woman for your experiences, indicates that either she loves you very much, or she is cautiously removing her investment in your relationship. It would be wise to determine which of these is the case.

In my opinion, you need to really learn about your wife, her feelings, her thoughts, and her desires. Study female psychology if you have to. And realize that with the Dutch/English issue, that there may be language or cultural barriers which will need to be addressed. From your post, it appears that your wife is very concerned about the judgment of others, even you. She may be resistant because she doesn't want to be thought about in that way, and she's afraid who may find out. Most people are primarily directed by what they want, or what they fear. And one is usually stronger than the other.

I will tell you some things that I saw in your post, and I hope you will take this as purely constructive and helpful, because that is my intent. Your post seems to be about you and your sexual desires and fantasies. And you focus on her resistance to these. Do you know what her sexual fantasies are? If you have both been closed with feelings and communication over the years, it may take some time to open those doors up. Find out about your wife. Find out what she craves. How could you be a better lover? Do you satisfy her sexually? What are her sexual triggers? Does she like kinky stuff, or just straight vanilla sex? You really need to focus on her, her desires, things that you both find sexual common ground on, and completely honest and open communication in a non-volatile and non-argumentative way.

I'm guessing that there is something she fears, and I'm also guessing that your motivation (whether you are aware of it or not) is different than what you've told her. Not to say that's necessarily a deal breaker, but I think you need to examine these things. It may be that you married a sexually conservative woman too. And if so, you may just have to accept that, and focus on the positives of your relationship.

But before starting with subliminals, I really suggest you begin with yourself and your relationship. And her.

[Jackstock]

You wife needs appreciation. Lots and lots of appreciation. make her feel like the Goddess she is