WarpMyMind

I've been in a relationship with a novice Dom (I'm a novice sub, so it works, we're getting to explore with each other) for a little while. It feels more intimate than it may actually be chronologically, and I'm aware that's one of the things people notice in D/s relationships. We met through a D/s personals website, so we were aware of some of each other's kinks -- he's quite aware of my interest in erotic hypnosis. (We also do not do the capitalization of pronouns in reference to each other, we're both a bit too Grammar Nazi, so I'm not being disrespectful by using standard English capitalization rules.)

So far, we're doing things without it, and it's quite hot as it is. :) One of the reasons we clicked is that neither of us is into S&M but more the D/s aspects. And, of course, like all relationships, compromise.

The last time we played, he did something that I'd never experienced before, that wasn't unpleasant per se, but wasn't something that I really like, and has a small amount of unexplained squick for me. It was "that time of the month" so we were not having penetrative sex (his decision), and he came not in my mouth, but on my face. I've never really experienced or been into very messy sex. It wasn't unpleasant physically, but for some reason I did feel a bit of psychological unhappiness after, and was trying to figure out why. The only reason I can figure out is that it has associations with humiliation/degradation, and the only reason I can think of for it to have those associations in society is its use in porn.

Obviously he enjoyed it, and it wasn't painful or damaging physically. It's some kind of mind hangup on my part that made it less than great -- and even with that included, it was the most intense times we've played yet. I think part of that was that he combined driving me crazy with talking to me, and the things he said were all very hot, and reinforcing many of the ideas I would enjoy being reinforced in erotic hypnosis. I did enter somewhat of a trance state from just focusing on the feelings and his voice.

But I do need to talk to him and confess that I was weirded out by the facial, and also explain that I can't really figure out a good reason for why it bothered me that would make me ask him *not* to do it, if he really enjoys it. And if he really does enjoy it, I'd like to learn to enjoy it too, even if the only thing that I could tie to it to make it enjoyable was that it was giving him pleasure. And *that's* the kind of thing I'd hope could be done with hypno BDSM.

But is it too much of "topping from the bottom" to let him know that I'd be willing for him to "tweak" that issue about me if he chose to? I know there are other ways to modify behavior/attitudes than straight hypnosis, and I don't like to feel the way it made me feel. If there was a good reason for it, one I could articulate, it'd be a little different and less like something I felt should be trained out of me. But it's not like it's harmful or likely to get me pregnant, right? ;)

Facials are, in my opinion, heavily overused in vanilla porn for whatever reason, and they often look like they're meant to be degrading. I can see why you'd want to distance yourself from that. I don't think it's too much "topping from the bottom" to tell him how it made you feel, especially for a long-term personal relationship.

Since you are into being submissive and being hypnotized, you could ask that he associate his cum on your face with intense pleasure, or with intense feelings of pleasing him, like you said. Of course I can't speak for your dom, but it's also entirely possible that he just did it for lack of a better idea. If you tell him you prefer he finish somewhere else, he may be fine with avoiding it.

You are clearly very level-headed, so as long as you are honest about your feelings with him (and what more important expression of submission than honesty!), then I'm sure he'll help you come up with something you'll both enjoy :)

Have you got some form of communication in place where he'll know this if you don't tell him. Will he ask ? Do you ask him?

Topping from the bottom for one couple is another couples bratting or yet another's foreplay.

Never hurts to talk. It might be a casual snuggle followed by "how did that feel .." to a structured D/s scene. Or anywhere in between. Both being new you both don't know what you like. How you respond. How it made you feel before. If this is the first time you're doing things you've got to talk about it.
If this is the first time doing something with a new person - you've got to talk about it.
(Yep. Things you've never liked before can be amazing with the right person).

You might try any of:
Casual chats.
A Weekly review.
Daily written dairy.
Keeping a blog.
Confession. (optional punishment/spanking)
Star chart.

Find a way that already works for you to talk. You probably know what films he wants to watch and maybe his thoughts on visiting your parents next weekend. Chat with as much D/s involved in the chats as takes your fancy.

Another thing about erotic hypnosis.
Have you experience as a subject. Does he have any experience as Hypnotist?

Saying you'd like this tweaked to anchor pleasure from servitude to individually unpleasant acts .. this is what hypnotherapists do in reverse.
It's erotic because we find it horny - but it means real change.

He knows you're into erotic hypnosis.
You might want to schedule a big chat on what erotic hypnosis is, how it works, how you experience it etc ..

I might get a little keen on the subject and will talk at munches and to friends at length. I went through a phase of helping several kinksters I know work on triggers they can use. Mostly they were already couples.
Most never pursued it because even though one of the partners was interested it didn't fit their dynamic.

There is a big difference between guy wanting happy girlfriend with cum on face and guy getting horny as he is changing girlfriend that melts into her knickers over his voice when he tells he she will let him cum on her face and girl is helplessly enjoying it.

One is a hypno fetishist. The other is a .. guy.

Why not ask him if he thinks it would be topping from the bottom for you to suggest a new activity to try (the hypnosis) that you think could solve the problem? Some Doms are happy to try new kinks that their submissives want, while others would prefer the submissives not to indulge any kinks that the Dom does not already have. When you talk to him about the facial, also get his input on whether he'd like your input on what to try. If he does turn out to want your input on your kinks, then ask his permission to try the erotic hypnosis behavior modification you want.

Also, think about the time/money/opportunity cost to the Dom of you satisfying your hypnosis kink. If he doesn't know hypnosis already and would have to learn in order to accommodate your kink, there might be high costs for him. If this is the case, see if he would permit other, less costly ways of you getting your hypnosis kink fulfilled, such as you learning to self-hypnotize, or using hypnosis mp3s and videos. There also might be people in your community who know how to use erotic hypnosis, and are willing to work with couples to create triggers for the sub that the Dom can use.[/i]

boffa created a file to help with one enjoy getting "facials". Perhaps you could give it a 'shot'?

http://www.warpmymind.com/Files/1016/Train-Facial-Slut.php

I'm going to answer this from the perspective somebody who has been in an M/s D/s relationship for the better part of two decades.

Talk about it.

If you want to have a good, healthy and LASTING D/s relationship, unless your MUTUAL goal is to make you a completely broken, unthinking slaveautomaton, then you need to get your communication protocols figured out NOW...

As I harp on a LOT, the important word in M/s D/s Relationship is RELATIONSHIP portion of it. Communicating is NOT topping from the bottom... That's a load of crap spawned by the many 'duminantsdoms in name only"

And the fact that you are willing to suggest 'conditioning' to a dislike that you have examined and find no value in, when the behavioraction in question is something he clearly enjoys, says to me that you are thinking things through and are putting the relationship first.

Bravo..

But, make sure you continue to do that critical self examination going forward, don't just accept things blindly. You're still a person, even as a slave, and you still need to be protected, hopefully by him, if not, by yourself.