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by MadDameButterfly » December 10th, 2011, 9:38 am
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Last edited by MadDameButterfly on December 25th, 2011, 4:04 am, edited 2 times in total.
- MadDameButterfly
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by Mutazoa » December 10th, 2011, 11:43 am
Well this has more to do with psychology, particularly PTS (Post Traumatic Stress) Syndrome than it does hypnosis. Now I am by no means a licensed psychologist, but I believe I have studied enough to offer a basic opinion on the subject. This is my opinion only and I would suggest any real inquiries be directed towards your boyfriends therapist. He or she has more insight and knowledge of the contributing factors in this case, and is much more qualified professionally to offer advice than probably anybody your going to find on a forum such as this.
That being said...
In simple terms, your boyfriend was traumatized at an impressionable age and was subsequently robbed of his childhood from that point on by being forced into a position where he was required to take care of the one person who was supposed to be taking care of him. The end result is one of trauma compounded and prolonged.
His tendency toward dominance, as well as his treatment of women was, in a very basic form, his attempt to gain some measure of control over at least one aspect of his life. The fact that he crushed, then abandoned his "romantic" interests reflected most likely his view of relationships. The one authority figure he hand know and come to love and respect had, in a sense crushed and abandoned him, and he was reacting in the same manner.
As a young teen boy he would naturally feel his hormones driving him to interact with girls so he would seek them out for the usual reasons, but emotionally he was expecting the other shoe to drop, so to speak, so he acted first, crushing and abandoning his partners before they could do the same to him.
As time went on his dominance grew, both as a natural reaction (Most Doms start out light and grow more towards the sadist end of the spectrum as the thrill lessens...much like drug users taking more and more as their body becomes use to lesser levels of the drug) and as a reaction to his continuing growing isolation.
I don't know what epiphany he had in Italy, most likely (and this is just a guess) he started to turn that dominance toward his mother, more out of growing resentment for the situation than any desire to actually dominate her. Just one simple act and her reaction would probably be enough to bring things into perspective for him.
Now we get to you and your relationship with him.
His dominance and cruelty are not gone. They are masked and kept in check more by force of will than anything else. Much like an alcoholic who's been off the wagon for a while, the potential for relapse is always there. The fact that you enjoy, even desire this treatment from him is much akin to taking said alcoholic on a brewery tour and making him drink the free samples at the end.
You see, sexual behavior is not so much something we do by nature, as much as it is something we learn and develop. Sure when puberty hits, our hormones drive us to stick tab A into slot A as often as possible but that's about the end of natures influence. The rest we do to ourselves and/or is done for us by others.
At the beginning of your boyfriends sexual development, he experienced the trauma, and his reaction to it carried over into his relationships. He expressed his anger and frustration on the girls he dated and that, naturally, carried over into the sexual aspect said relationships. He hasn't learned any other way to have sex. The fact that you like it is both a boon and a bane.
You can take everything he can dish out, but that's not helping resolve his issues.
The most likely reason that this "other self" of his retreated was not that it was trying to be cruel, but most likely that he has actual feelings for you beyond the "use 'em and lose 'em" relationships that he has had in the past, and that that part of him still believes that treating some one you love like that is wrong (a view most likely aided by therapy). So in a nut shell he is at war with him self.
On one had he has the sexual behavior that he has grown up with and has been etched into his subconscious, telling him girls are to be used and abused. On the other had he has the image of the loving relationship that he first witnessed with his mother and step-father as well as the efforts of his therapist telling him that loved ones are to be cherished and treated with kindness and respect.
The more sexually attracted to you he is the more he wants to dominate and abuse you, the more he falls in love with you, the more he wants to be nice and lovey dovey.
The best thing for him is to raise the issue with his therapist. The best thing for you is to realize that it is going to take years of professional therapy before he can successfully resolve the conflicting parts of his personality enough to have consistent behavioral patterns, especially where relationships are concerned.
As far as hypnotism is concerned, yes his cruel sadistic side could be brought out in a trance, but I would most adamantly advise against it. It may be great sexually for you, but it may ultimately be catastrophic for him.
To draw a lame analogy, The dark side is still strong with in him, and he is still at risk of it forever guiding his steps...
That being said...
In simple terms, your boyfriend was traumatized at an impressionable age and was subsequently robbed of his childhood from that point on by being forced into a position where he was required to take care of the one person who was supposed to be taking care of him. The end result is one of trauma compounded and prolonged.
His tendency toward dominance, as well as his treatment of women was, in a very basic form, his attempt to gain some measure of control over at least one aspect of his life. The fact that he crushed, then abandoned his "romantic" interests reflected most likely his view of relationships. The one authority figure he hand know and come to love and respect had, in a sense crushed and abandoned him, and he was reacting in the same manner.
As a young teen boy he would naturally feel his hormones driving him to interact with girls so he would seek them out for the usual reasons, but emotionally he was expecting the other shoe to drop, so to speak, so he acted first, crushing and abandoning his partners before they could do the same to him.
As time went on his dominance grew, both as a natural reaction (Most Doms start out light and grow more towards the sadist end of the spectrum as the thrill lessens...much like drug users taking more and more as their body becomes use to lesser levels of the drug) and as a reaction to his continuing growing isolation.
I don't know what epiphany he had in Italy, most likely (and this is just a guess) he started to turn that dominance toward his mother, more out of growing resentment for the situation than any desire to actually dominate her. Just one simple act and her reaction would probably be enough to bring things into perspective for him.
Now we get to you and your relationship with him.
His dominance and cruelty are not gone. They are masked and kept in check more by force of will than anything else. Much like an alcoholic who's been off the wagon for a while, the potential for relapse is always there. The fact that you enjoy, even desire this treatment from him is much akin to taking said alcoholic on a brewery tour and making him drink the free samples at the end.
You see, sexual behavior is not so much something we do by nature, as much as it is something we learn and develop. Sure when puberty hits, our hormones drive us to stick tab A into slot A as often as possible but that's about the end of natures influence. The rest we do to ourselves and/or is done for us by others.
At the beginning of your boyfriends sexual development, he experienced the trauma, and his reaction to it carried over into his relationships. He expressed his anger and frustration on the girls he dated and that, naturally, carried over into the sexual aspect said relationships. He hasn't learned any other way to have sex. The fact that you like it is both a boon and a bane.
You can take everything he can dish out, but that's not helping resolve his issues.
The most likely reason that this "other self" of his retreated was not that it was trying to be cruel, but most likely that he has actual feelings for you beyond the "use 'em and lose 'em" relationships that he has had in the past, and that that part of him still believes that treating some one you love like that is wrong (a view most likely aided by therapy). So in a nut shell he is at war with him self.
On one had he has the sexual behavior that he has grown up with and has been etched into his subconscious, telling him girls are to be used and abused. On the other had he has the image of the loving relationship that he first witnessed with his mother and step-father as well as the efforts of his therapist telling him that loved ones are to be cherished and treated with kindness and respect.
The more sexually attracted to you he is the more he wants to dominate and abuse you, the more he falls in love with you, the more he wants to be nice and lovey dovey.
The best thing for him is to raise the issue with his therapist. The best thing for you is to realize that it is going to take years of professional therapy before he can successfully resolve the conflicting parts of his personality enough to have consistent behavioral patterns, especially where relationships are concerned.
As far as hypnotism is concerned, yes his cruel sadistic side could be brought out in a trance, but I would most adamantly advise against it. It may be great sexually for you, but it may ultimately be catastrophic for him.
To draw a lame analogy, The dark side is still strong with in him, and he is still at risk of it forever guiding his steps...
- Mutazoa
- Mentor
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- Joined: June 8th, 2011, 12:00 am
by MadDameButterfly » December 10th, 2011, 9:43 pm
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Last edited by MadDameButterfly on December 25th, 2011, 4:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
- MadDameButterfly
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by MadDameButterfly » December 11th, 2011, 9:42 am
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Last edited by MadDameButterfly on December 25th, 2011, 4:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
- MadDameButterfly
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- Joined: July 30th, 2011, 12:00 am
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