How many of us deal with keeping this all a secret?

[jcdps]

I've been off and on into these files for years, long before I met my wife. Now we are married and I've never told her.

What about a file that makes us tell our other about this site? In as gentle a way as possible. I don't want to lead with how much of a freak I am (by freak I mean what she would think if I told her everything I listen to, but our standards, completely normal!)

Does anybody else deal with this? Has anybody else told someone? How do you break the news?

[angel123]

That's a tricky one :?
I have told a couple of friends about this site but not a 'significant other'. I tried to tell but I just couldn't get it out .... :wink:
Maybe I will wait for other replies to your question and use their suggestions ... :)

[tech53]

I have spread the word to quite a few people and got narry a bad reaction...start with telling them about the "guided fantasy" type files and proceed from there. Explain how since it's only imaginary and in your mind, no fantasy is truly wrong as long as it doesn't leave there, and then lead into the files with average post hypnotic suggestions and from there lead into whatever you feel necessary. I have done files just about as extreme as they come on and off, and nobody has reacted poorly. Most of them jump in with a curious fervor to be honest. Give people the benefit of the doubt and remember that above all humans are curious.

[jcdps]

I asked her today if she wished she had more energy for sexual stuff and she said yes. I'll see what else I can think of saying.

I'm thinking about given her a vanilla relaxation or something.

Then maybe jumping to Horny at some point? That seems like the best bridge from light to serious. Just some one time horniness seems like a perfectly reasonably thing to hope for right?

[jcdps]

I don't think I have any friends I could share with eihter. Maybe it's because I'm from the midwest?

My wife also works where I work and we really know all the same people so I'd worry too much about it getting back to her.

[Haxsaw]

Dear Jc,
I remember you from writing to me. Regarding your wife, congratulations. Do you ever cheat on your wife? Do you ever miss work? Since you answer no then keep this site secret. Girls have many, many secrets. Should your wife have her mum or sisters once they get alone they will chat on about issues you will never, ever know. Let this site be your little secret.
Sincerely,
Haxsaw

[jcdps]

No I don't cheat or miss work.

But you miss the point, I'd like to share it so we can do this stuff together.

[JadynMC]

Like most cases concerning people there needs to be some background info. Like are you and your wife totally vanilla? Has handcuffs or some other toy/object been used during sex?

So if A: it is a complete vanilla relationship then start with something easy like handcuffs or anal sex just say you want to try something new in the relationship "variety is the spice of life", then slowly add other things or ask her if she's had fantasies about things. A relationship is about communication. Life is a journey of trying things and finding what you like and don't like, its just staying open to the other persons feelings. Then once you do some "lighter" kink stuff then... (or if you already have done this)

If you are already a bit kinky then do the "honey look what I found online" and go through different files together. That's the key "making it a part of the relationship" not a lone wolf thing.

If you wanted to test the waters just ask bring up regular hypnosis. "Have you ever seen a stage hypnotist show?" Or what are you thoughts on hypnosis... even do you think that the government can do mass hypnosis? Find out her thoughts on hypnosis. If she hasn't had direct experience herself or from someone she knows then she probably knows hollywood hypnosis. Which then she might laugh at it. So worst case scenario is you'll have to educate her and make her a believer lol

It dawned on me the other month how when we are kids we hoard everything and keep it all to ourselves not wanting to share even the smallest thing. Then as we grow up we come to the understanding that the best thing in life is being able to share an experience with another human... especially one that we love.

So somehow you should find a way to talk to her about hypnosis especially if it is a part of you. I wouldn't jump straight into erotic hypnosis since it sounds like you have a pretty vanilla relationship.

Just make sure to educate and not let her jump to conclusions.

It will all be fine, one of the problems with fetish forums is the group think of "we are soooo weird and strange" that just gets reiterated and built up into this huge thing if someone really loves you then they won't care what you like/don't like. It's a part of you. If you don't tell them than you aren't giving them the chance to make a decision. Who knows she might have things she wants to share with you too?? You'll never know unless you risk, but you can reduce risk by starting small and educating.

I shared my fetish with my friends, even my mom and they still love me.
You can do it!!!

~Jadyn

[jcdps]

My with is 100% vanilla if not more so.

[silk0ff]

I will pass on advice I got from my own wife, when I started talking about the enjoyment etc. I was getting from hypnosis. She said "that stuff" would be much easier to accept for her, if I called it Relaxation. So I did. When she later found a need to reduce her stress and sleep better, I offered to help her relax and sleep. I did a Progressive Relaxation talk, bringing her right down into trance that first time, deepening it, and placing one of our familiar "good night, dear" phrases as a reinduction trigger. Our hypnosis is now limited to "helping her sleep" , what we call putting her into trance. Once in trance, and asleep, she is available for subtle, gentle, and careful input. This has worked now for almost two years. Message me, if anyone needs advice or details.

Another idea would be to begin telling her of this new thing you have just discovered. Introduce it to her just like you are new to it, and find it wonderful. Plan carefully how you describe things, keeping in mind her particular needs, wants, and confort zones. Bring her along as quickly as she seems willing to be brought along.

My first piece of caution advice re hypnosis and your wife: Don't abuse the gift from the Gods.

[jcdps]

My plan is to start with relaxation. Then I will do something for short term arousal.

My plan doesn't go beyond that as I will have to see how things are at that point.

I think I will do this soon. Find one for pure relaxation. I think she would go for that.

[Jeshi]

I keep my fetish a secret and I'm pretty good at it I'd like to think. It's very easy to just suddenly stay completely silent when the topic comes up and let others talk about it. I've listened to enough files about cocklust that I can get off and function without needing hypnosis so I won't ever really need to tell anyone about the site if I don't want too. I imagine that if I'm in a long enough relationship, like, to the point of marriage, then there will eventually become a time when we'll share with each other our deep dark fantasies. I'm sure they'll have some pretty unusual ones too.

I'll probably phrase it in such a way that my hypnosis fetish would be a tool to get me to be really into whatever crazy thing they want to try, or that if there's any minor thing about me that got on their nerves it could be a way to remedy it and I'd enjoy it.

Or if they feel uncomfortable admitting their fantasies, they can hypnotize me and tell me then, when I won't be able to judge him for it.


But this is a hypothetical for the distant future, I don't think I'll get to that stage with anyone anytime soon.

I guess it's easier to keep secret when you're a submissive, I don't really have to expect the other person to subject to my will or anything, if they don't want to do it then I can just get around it by obeying and not insisting they try it.

[tech53]

the words you are using make it sound like you are trying to sneak it in on her. This may lead her to feeling tricked, which is a negative feeling which may lead to more feelings of untrust. You are truly best off just telling her.

[Fizbin]

My wife has no interest in hypnosis whatsoever. The one time I used a file (on myself) it was to help us in the bedroom. She asked what had brought about the change. Silly me, I was honest about it, and she reacted very badly.

I would never try to hypnotize someone without their knowledge and permission, and even then, you always have to be on the alert for unintended consequences when trying something new.