OxyFemboi wrote
One result of hypnosis was that I decided I was a trans female instead of a gay male. I totally changed my way of dressing. I haven't worn "guy clothes" for over two years. I have transitioned from male to female. The only things left on my "transition to-do list" is
1) legally change my name. My paperwork has been filed; I am waiting for a court decision.
2) notify people of the name change
3) get new documents issued in my new name, such as my birth certificate, high school and college diplomas, ID.
Arcane wroteHow did it hit you that this is what you really are? I used to follow your blog about becoming more jock like and masculine. It's actually interesting to see how your path has changed.
Also what makes you so decisive about making these choices? Since they're pretty big things, actually legally changing your identity, more than just as a social thing. I think it's insights from yeah hypnosis users like you that fascinate me about this whole thing. How do you think you became so set on making such drastic changes, and what value do you think it brings you?
Those are fascinating questions. I could do an essay on each one, so I know this is not going to be a short response.
How did it hit you that this is what you really are? This actually is one of those insights people describe as a
revelation. I'm not claiming that this was a divine insight, but it certainly explained many occasional, inexplicable odd impulsive behaviors which, considered as a totality, was an expression of an unacknowledged desire. Examples of these behaviors include doing pre-internet research on OTC drug to find affordable OTC drugs that caused gynecomastia, buying those drugs, and taking extreme overdoses of those OTC medications. (The only "harmful" side effect would have been to cure any ulcers I had. (I didn't have any ulcers.) [The specific OTC medication I was abusing was Tagamet (cimetidine).] Another inexplicable behavior was buying and using clear nail polish. (I even wore it while visiting my parents. If they observed anything during these visits, they never mentioned it.) I bought and experimented with make-up; I always took it off before I left my house except for easily explained times, such as a Halloween party.
I used to follow your blog about becoming more jock-like and masculine. It's nice to know that I actually had some people interested in my online writings. If I had had some encouraging responses, I would have written more. Which blog? I have had three or four; that does not include ones that disappeared when a website vanished. I'm still occasionally posting on one or two of my blogs ... and you must have noticed my 1,000-plus comments on WMM.
It's actually interesting to see how your path has changed.I agree. You should see how my path looks from inside my skull. Labyrinthine is a good descriptor. (I have an enormous vocabulary from my constant reading. I like to use words that say exactly what I mean, which means that a distinctive, yet unusual, word makes an occasional appearance.)
Also what makes you so decisive about making these choices? Since you have read my blog(s), you must have read at least one rant about my desire to be dumb due to my constant habit of overthinking ... everything. I then analyzed my thinking for flaws in logic and then examined the axioms I was using to see if those postulates were biased toward an unacknowledged desired conclusion. This approached meta-analysis fairly quickly ... and went beyond that realm fairly quickly. That is a summation of arguments in favor of my desire to become dumb.
Unfortunately, that desire to become dumb must remain in the realm of fantasy. The one file series that delivers on its promise to make the user dumb, ViVe's
Dumbing Down files, cannot work on me. ViVe's files are based on the premise that the user has a working sex drive. Due to my need for effective epilepsy medications, a total suppression of my sex drive was an unwanted side-effect. Having no sex drive means that the suggestions to merge your horniness, your desire to be dumb, and your happiness don't have anything to work with.
This was not, as it appears, a whimsical decision. This decision is actually the result of several years' worth of doubt, thinking, research, and analysis. I have based several files on these years worth of doubt and self-analysis. One --
I Doubt I Am Male, a first-person experimental file to cause a cis male to believe he's a trans woman -- has been posted to WMM already. The more normal second-person version (
Doubt You Are Male), and both versions of the female-to-male versions (
I Doubt I Am Female and
Doubt You Are Female) are ready to post.
... they're pretty big thingsYes, they are. In fact, the state has decided to make it hard enough so that changing your gender can't be done easily. Unlike a drunken person deciding to get a tattoo, actually changing your gender is a complex and needlessly complicated multi-year process with several built-in places where a person can easily drop out.
1) You need to convince a therapist that you are a female in a male's body. At the very least, you have a built-in listener to air your who long, drawn-out, and needlessly complicated the entire process is. If you aren't complaining about how long and complicated the process is, you probably will be disqualified.
2) Your therapist writes a letter to an endocrinologist about you suitability to receive Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT).
3) Your endocrinologist starts you on HRT. For trans male-to-females, this consists of:
estradiol, an estrogen
an anti-androgen/testosterone suppressor, such as spironolactone
progesterone, the estrogen which causes mood swings/PMS
I'm not qualified to say what a trans man''s HRT would include. I know it involves weekly testosterone injections.
4) After six months of HRT, the physical changes become permanent. This is another place where you can drop out.
5) After a year, you qualify for surgery. You need a letter from your endocrinologist for the surgery consult appointment.
6) You go through with the surgery.
7) You file legal papers to change your name and gender.
Concurrent with steps one through whatever, you live as your desired sex 24/7 for at least one year. The only men's clothing I have used in the last few years has been men's white cotton socks in winter. (My feet were cold.)
... actually legally changing your identity is more than just as a social thing. Yes. Changing your name and gender on your birth certificate is expensive. It's much more than just a "social thing". It's a final affirmation of your choice. It's a statement to the world that you are both who and what you say you are/ You are not male, as your birth certificate says. You were just
assigned male at birth (amab) solely based on the equipment between your knees. You are, in fact as well as in deed, female, and NOT MALE. You are proudly proclaiming this fact to the entire world.
I think it's insights from hypnosis users like you that fascinate me about this whole thing.
Thanks.
I try to be as comprehensive as I can be in my answers. Answering this p[articular question requires much more than just a few paragraphs. I could write a book on the subject ... and several people have written such books. The definitely helped in my decision-making. (To forestall a question, I did not limit myself to books on the pro-trans side of the subject. I read several books on why not to go through this process of changing my gender.)
[b]How do you think you became so set on making such drastic changes?When I am finally convinced, even against my will, that a statement is true, I need to act on that truth if action is required.
The sky is blue requires no action on my part. The sky will continue to remain blue even if I insist the sky is orange. On the other hand,
OxyFemboi is a female mind in a male body requires action on my part if I decide this is a true statement for me. Either my mind or my body needs to change.
What value do you think it brings you?I have grown as a person and found and explored sides of myself that were neglected. I am not trying to sound
new-agey when I say I have a much better knowledge of myself now than I did in my last few incarnations.