Hi, been listening to Bambi Sleep since it first released.
I've cross dressed since I was 7, realised I was bisexual in my 20's. Spent a lot of my life denying my nature since I never understood it. I didn't start messing with hypnosis till my late 30's. To begin with Bambi was fun and sexy listening material which just made me feel horny. The pro for me was that it wasn't filled with negativity and humiliation. I've done a lot of that in the past and found many ways to hate and punish myself for being the way I am, so any hypnosis along those lines just upsets me.
Two years worth of Bambi and I can say it's certainly had some influence. The guilt I used to feel about dressing is gone, even though for quite obvious reasons I don't want anyone in my immediate circle to know about it, namely because I don't want the hassle. I don't purge my clothes anymore either because it's a waste of money and just ends up making me feel like crap. I've somehow picked up some feminine mannerisms and I am now pretty certain that I'm only going to be happy if I get myself a boyfriend, no idea where that came from, but in my head that relationship makes the most sense.
Sometimes I sit around daydreaming about men like some vacuous airhead, realising some minutes later that I'm sat cross legged like a girl and that I've been playing with my hair. This might cause a giggle or a very feminine sounding sigh (at least to my mind). It's totally spontaneous, quite bizarre, happens even when wearing male clothes, and I don't really know for sure if it's conditioning from the files or acceptance on my part that a distinct portion of my brain is pretty damn happy being female and I'm just letting that out.
I don't have any interest in women now apart from checking out their clothes for fashion ideas but I would like some as friends.
A few friends and people on the net have told me I'm trans but I'm not so sure. I don't feel dysphoria like other's describe it and I've read a great deal. Sure there's some sadness since I can't always dress female due to my circumstances, but I live with that. I don't hate my body either. I sometimes feel a general malaise but I put that down to being single and being bored with my lifestyle. Personally I always thought I was just a moody git.
I got into chastity about a year ago and once again I have no idea if I was just curious to try a new kink or it was something to do with the files. Definitely does help keep the worst of my masculinity at bay, so no harm done.
I've always had sensitive nipples since I was a teenager but a combination of Bambi, chastity and nipple play can easily make me cum these days. Same goes for deep-throating a dildo or riding it.
In the past I had a lot of inhibitions but for some reason when I dressed up in my girly things they faded away or were pushed to the background. It helped me explore my sexuality and I think that's one of the main reasons I enjoy Bambi Sleep so much. I've noticed the triggers seem so much more powerful these days. I go into trance quicker and when I hear the triggers it can seem like someone just boosted the volume. At least that's how I can best explain it. Of course you can write the triggers all day long and it won't do anything for me (please don't because others can be susceptible).
I would say my main modalities are auditory/kinesthetic, the latter makes sense since I'm a sucker for the feel of women's clothes. I can't visualise at all in trance, I'm terrible at it and I certainly can't see the pink box mentioned in the files, so I have to pretend and convince myself it's there which works.
Some odd things I've experienced with these files is falling asleep but then waking up later in my playlist but still feeling like I am deep in trance. I've had memory loss on occasion and totally forgot what I had listened to. I keep listening because the files make me feel comfortable with myself most of the time, are very relaxing and I'm convinced I feel my femininity in the sense that my whole body and mind is in tune.
The problem for me is that I don't really want Bambi as a separate part of my mind and I really don't want any femininity I perceive I have being reduced to the level of some dumb bimbo. I told myself some time ago that my feminine identity is real to me and that she has a name, because that helps me live with it and brings me some kind of balance. I guess the real issue is that my feminine nature likes being both elegant and a slut depending entirely on my mood, but in terms of dress the slut seems to come out most often these days and I'm not convinced that's always a good thing. Maybe that's a side effect of Bambi being my partner in crime or perhaps its just the fact that my inhibitions have gone out the window. Certainly in male mode my inhibitions have also seemingly vanished and don't prey on my mind. So my male and female identity appears to have become one or simply came to some agreement. No idea!
I kind of think if I were genuinely trans I'd have more respect for myself and wouldn't want to indulge in so much Bambi listening time. I wonder if it's male me trying to reduce female me into something which fits my old misconceptions (is it all a fetish so to say). Problem is I love hyper feminine clothes, extreme heels and other fetish elements because that fits the image I have of myself in my head but other times I think I'd like to dress in a more sensible manner. Curious thing is while I like some sissy things and find them great girls to talk to I can't say I really feel like a sissy either because that kind of hypnosis always pisses me off for some reason and dressing up isn't sexual a lot of the time.
Apologies if I've gone off tangent a bit here but from my perspective it's all related and tends to blend together.
I've only had the one bad experience with Bambi. It was about a year ago and I woke up with a splitting headache, dizziness, confusion. My body felt weird as if part of it didn't belong to me. A lot like that feeling when you've been sleeping on your arm or like when your leg gets cramp. I was stumbling around so went back to bed and managed to sleep it off but had a drowsy feeling for days.
Only things that happen these days is some occasional brain fog like my head has gone fuzzy.
I'm not sure if I should stop listening but the thing is I like listening because it makes me feel true to myself but in another way it doesn't. Either way even if I put this stuff on hold I always seem to go back. In general I feel fine so I hope what I have written hasn't got anyone worried.
After all the listening I've done in trance I might become Bambi sometimes, yet I don't sign my name that way or respond to it. but that could be because I already felt I had a feminine identity and I don't want another passenger along for the ride. Perhaps that's my safeguard.
Thanks for reading. xxx