I have a rather complicated problem. Due to some poor life choices on the internet when I was 12-14, I manifested what feels to be a completely innate attraction to children. The initial association in my thoughts was created, and was then enhanced by my ruminating and "checking on" the feelings whenever I was around children. In my deliberate thoughts and actions I'm the same as any other person, but the intrusive feelings I have to put up with on a day-to-day basis are giving me a textbook case of depression.
I investigated all efforts in the past few decades to change sexual orientation:
I found a study https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/6017544 in which a Dr Roper claimed a fair bit of success in changing homosexuality using hypnosis. There was a similar study that used hypnotherapy as a facillitator for aversion therapy (much like shock therapy), but didn't have as much success. These two studies seem to constitute all of the published body of knowledge with regards to hypnosis and sexual orientation. It is astounding how few studies there are on this subject.
I then searched the paraphilia subforum of PsychForums.com for "hypnosis" and found this:
https://www.psychforums.com/paraphilias ... ml#p344350
MarkY wrote:...So for whatever reason, I decided to try it on myself. I began inducing a conscious self hypnosis. To say the least, hypnosis and manipulation of the mind is an extremely difficult thing to do on me, and I've always been skeptical (spiritually) about it. But I separated myself. I forced myself into the daydream-like state. I separated from my conscious thought and did a test. I told myself that I would begin to feel very warm, and after a few tingling sensations running through my body, it became so. I told myself I would begin to feel very cool, and after awhile it became so. I played with my eyesight. Then I told my own self that I was drifting into a very deep sleep, and that I was dreaming on the count of 10. At 0, I was able to will myself to seemingly anything.
So I told myself, several times over and over directly at my mind, that the roles of my view towards women and young girls be reversed. The whole thing seemed to last for an eternity, but I gradually got out of it and felt... kinda strange. I got on the Internet to check if it had worked.
My fellow sufferers of the paraphilias, for the first time in my life I was able to stare at the source of my sexual desires, and though I wasn't fully disgusted, I wasn't aroused. For a good long little while, I could stare at the Lolicon porn and simply not care, disgusted a tiny bit at some of certain art. I looked at pictures of young girls (real) and it seemed to hold true for a little while.
That forum has existed for years and other than that one post, there was nothing in regards to hypnosis. If there was anyone else who did attempt hypnosis, they didn't document it.
Finally, I posted these findings on the NoFantasyZone subforum of the Virtuous Pedophiles website's forums to see if any of the other denizens of this wretched existence had anything to say. That was three days ago and no replies. This, coupled with the complete lack of actionable advice provided by the last half dozen therapists I've seen over the years is making me wonder if I'm just alone in this world. The only good advice was from one talented psychiatrist who basically deep-sensed that an anti-psychotic drug would help with a particularly ravenous spell of sexual energy. It did. But I digress...
It is the general consensus in all of Western psychology that sexual orientation is set for life and unchangeable. This extends to problematic sexual orientations like pedophilia, where all experts agree that the emphasis should be on behaviour control and depression management. Imagine my reaction when I see a large number of people on this forum reporting a complete loss of interest in their original sexual targets! Here are some of the anecdotes I've collected so far:
cartoonfan1983, writing on CFS wrote:The scariest part to me was when I decided to look at porn. I looked at some gay porn that I would normally look at and I noticed I couldn’t even get slightly aroused. It freaked me out!
pbow2010, writing on CFG wrote:...And I am being completely honest when I tell you this, IT WORKS whether you want it to or not and I am really not very happy with myself for doing this. I am no longer able to become arouse by females at all and I haven't dated for a long time.
atan, writing on CFG wrote:So a quick update... I realized that I’m starting to forget what it was like to be straight and attracted to women and being gay is starting to feel normal.
Janis_en_femme, writing on CFG wrote:Wow. I've lost all interest in my wife.... I should have been more specific. I have lost sexual interest in my wife. I still care about her and am very caring toward her. No sex though. She hasn't given any indication that she misses it. She's always had a low sex drive. We still enjoy each other other's company.
I haven't had sex with my wife in 15 months. The thought of it disgusts me. All I lust for is to give my 'male virginity' to a man.
TeenWolf, writing on an unknown hypnosis file wrote:He told me to look at a woman naked.I did, and found it pointless and crazy that I was looking at her.
Alien4420, writing on CFG wrote:Anyway, the longer I'm gay the more indifferent I become to women and the more anxious the thought of sex with them makes me, at this point I react to it with much the same discomfort that I felt towards sex with men before CFG. Men and women kissing or making love in a movie now make me uncomfortable just the way seeing gay guys getting it on used to.
JoyOSub, writing on CFG wrote:The other day, however, I encountered a woman who did excite me. Oddly, I felt uncomfortable with that sensation and for the first time I told myself that the feelings were nonsense because I was gay, and I proceeded to review all the beautiful gay images and feelings I had recently encountered. Like magic, the attraction disappeared. I am beginning to sense a genuine indifference towards women and I couldn't be happier.
JoyOfSub, writing on CFG wrote:The great advantage to CFG is that the sexual withdrawal from women becomes so easy and painless. When I walked away, I was still burdened with an unwanted attraction to them. Sexual desire was obviously not the issue, but I couldn't rid myself of this attraction. I love CFG for ridding me of this: for annihilating the last vestiges of hetero-interest.
However, there's one concern I have. What if these people were never that attracted to women in the first place? How would they know? Were they closeted gay men who conditioned themselves to have a shallow attraction to women because that's what society expected of them? If so, then the CFG files did nothing but awaken their latent orientation. This quote by Cartoonfan1983 is more encouraging because I don't have to worry about that.
To those of you who lost interest in your previous sexual targets, just how strong were your original attractions? What were the visual qualities of a woman or man's body that you found compelling? Did your heart pound? Did your arms and legs feel light?
Thank you for reading,
-LaughingBannermen
