OMG! It's happening!

[espfrench]

ONG! It's finally happening :,-) I am so stoked! I just got to tell someone.
For about a year and a half now I've been using Sarnoga's set of 4 Diaper Dependency files. That gradually leave you permanently incontinent?
Well last month I finally realized I had begun voiding my bladder without consciously thinking about it. I'd become bladder incontinent :,-) it was time to start the final file in the set.
Sarnoga's Diaper Dependency Level 4 is his final step. It's designed to remove all voluntary bowl control. And make you COMPLETELY diaper dependant.
So for the last month now I've been listening to a set of 5 files, that culminate with Sarnoga's 4th file.
It's 03:00 now on 31May21, and I've finally finished my rounds, untill five, when I start my last checks and my "get ups".
It was about 01:07 when I first realised it was happening :,-) one second I was walking down the hall... And the next, I realised I was poopING! There was a BM half way out of me squishing into the seat of my diaper, and back up between my cheeks! Now, up untill this I'd dun pointy of BMs in my diaper. But they'd always been me making the choice and the effort.
This one wasn't anything I'd thought about! It was just happenING all on its own!
I immediately went to get my bag and clean up in the tubroom of course... But :,-) OMG! It's working!
I can't wait to get home and listen to my files again!
Trust me on this! If you aren't ready to spend the rest of your life in diapers and plastic panties? Steer clear of these last two files. They really do work!
Thank you Sarnoga so much! My only regret is that I didn't start this journey sooner.

[espfrench]

Sarnoga,
It's over!
It's been 3 days now without any warning from my bowls. I'm sorta amazed at how fast this last file worked, after all the trouble I had with the others. (Not that I'm complaining mind you. Quite the opposite.
I now DRIBBLE pee constantly and poop without any sort of "advanced notice".
AND... This afternoon I woke up to realize... I wasn't just wet! I'd actually slept through a BM! And I have no idea when it happened.
I'm now COMPLETELY & PERMANENTLY INCONTINENT!
Over the last couple nights at work I used some of my 'down time' to splice what's left of my copies of your steps 3&4, into a single file, that I can play as a loop when I'm sleeping.
I intend to keep using it for the next few weeks. A, Just to make certain everything's 'locked in' and really irrevocable. And B, Just because I like this file.
But the truth is. I already know I'm going to be in diapers now, for the rest of my life. (Who. That sounds so great when I say it out loud. <3 ) I'm so fracking stoked.

[notmuchdownunder]

I'm glad it's working exactly as you want it to.

I can't help wondering some things, mostly because I have an inquisitive mind. And I ask with total respect.

Now that you're totally incontinent, it's not the sort of thing you can hide when you're out in public, or to people you know. So I wonder how you're explaining this to other people? As in, are you telling them it's a medical condition that you can't do anything about, and pretending that you're not happy about it? I can see the attraction of doing that, with people offering their sympathy for your "terrible" condition. There's the matter of the smell of it too.

Or maybe you're being totally honest with everyone? (Personally I wouldn't, but then I'm speaking as someone who only wears incontinence pants occasionally and chooses when and where to wet them, and no more).

Hope you don't mind my asking.

[espfrench]

Dear Not Much,
"Now that your totally incontinent..." God... That is so cool to see in your post.
No. I'm still totally stoked by this hole thing. Most likely I'll eventually start getting annoyed by the horny netgeeks that want to hear the story as they "spank the monkey". But for now... It's still new and shinny. And I'm still willing to talk about it with other ABDLs.
There are a few people that know how I've dun it. And that it was intentional. My roommates know of course, and there are a couple of the AB/DL girls over on FetLife that are interested in doing the same thing, that I've told the hole truth to. Either that or I'm being catfished.
I've also told my therapist. And once a month, she has five of us in an LGBTQ group session, on Friday nights, that I have told the entire truth too.
But for the most part no. Most people don't need to know the whole truth. My supervisors all "know" I'm having "problems". And have started wearing diapers to work, under my scrubs. But working in the dementia ward of the local nursing home here in town, most of my coworkers expect to smell BM at work. And when I'm at work or out and about I don't spend a lot of time in a BM diaper. Once I'm certain it's dun I just take my "bag" to the "tubroom" and change. For the most part, most people are too busy with their own lives to give a s*** one way or the other.
I've had a couple BMs in the car of course. But I know where there are a couple of gas station restrooms here in town that I can use to clean up.
The other afternoon I pooped in the local Target. (Right there in front of all the pursues.) But they have a "family restroom" that I can change in.
I normally BM two or three times per day. So it's not a constant "problem" (insert alligator tears here.) like my bladder. My bladder dribbles all the time now. So it only takes three or four minutes before I realize there's a wet spot in my fresh diaper again.
I've even started dribbling when I'm in the shower. And have started using a changingpad, to minimise the "mess".when I change.
Bottom line here? I know it's not the kind of thing that most people can understand. But for ME it was the only decision that actually made any sense... Or made me happy. And it was the only decision that I wanted to make.
It did take some hemming-and-hawing back and forth, as to whether or not I really wanted to use the fourth file. But in the end I knew I was going to do it. And the only thing about it that "bothers" me. Is why the f*** didn't I do it years ago?

[notmuchdownunder]

Thanks for the detailed reply! Your mentioning the way you approach it maybe changing over time brought something to mind.

My main thing here is penis shrinkage. I'm now down to 2 inches maximum, and usually closer to 1. This makes me as happy as your incontinence makes you. But I've noticed recently I'm thinking about it in a different way, without even trying to. Now instead of thinking of it as some sort of kink, or something vaguely unusual, I'm just thinking "yep, I've got a tiny dick and balls. That's just the way it is." And that's it. It's just so natural to me now I don't think of it as anything else, as if it's always been that way. And that is very cool!

I guess it's just a natural process like that, and I doubt I'm alone with it. I still also listen to files to make sure it's all still consciously in my mind too, but the main feeling is as above. I have no idea of course, but I wonder if you might come to a similar place - "Yes of course I'm incontinent. It's just the way I am. I'm used to it now, it's me." Assuming you're not there already!

It's all very interesting.

Even though the shrinkage is my main thing, I'm still very happy in my incontinence pants too - I specially love the way the absorbent part swells when I've wet them. Part of me also wants to have an "accident" in public, another part isn't so sure. We'll see. Anyway, glad you've made incontinence a part of your life now.

[espfrench]

Dear Not much
No. To me it's still new and shinny. And yes. I'm pretty certain it's eventually get to that point for me as well.
"Yes, I need diapers. That's just how it is."
But for now... "OMG! I'm really incontinent! I'm pooping my diaper at work! Sa-Weet! I'm still basking in the shininess.
I'm still stoked about it each time I go to NorthShore and order my diapers by the case, or when the UPS guy delivers a package with a new passy or a half dozen bottles.

As to penis shrinkage... My being female, I really can't speak to that. Except to say that if it's what you really want. Then I'm happy for you. Although I suspect that in the end you might end up being gender dysphoric? But that's just an uneducated guess.
And again
Thanks for your replies,
Live Long and Prosper _\\//

[espfrench]

As of today I'm officially, and medically! inconstant!
I've just now gotten off the phone with my GP. She and my urologists have gotten my labs back. You'll be happy to hear I'm cancer free. But the two of them are still trying to figure out why I'm having so much trouble keeping dry. Other than my age.
But! My GP has written a script for me... For Attends! I am so stoked! I should be receiving my first case of the things within the next 3or4 days.

[espfrench]

Holly Shi*!
The UPS guy just delivered my Attends. 300 diapers per month for the rest of my life... for a $20.oo copay! Holly frak YES! And here I was all worried about coming out.
I dang near freaked when he knocked on the front door! I had to run and grab my robe. All I'd been wearing was a scrub top over my diaper and plastic panties.

[notmuchdownunder]

What's that, something like 10 diapers a day? That should be more than enough even for someone totally incontinent like you! Strange how they can't figure out what's actually causing it....

I can understand how happy you must be!

[espfrench]

What's that, something like 10 diapers a day? That should be more than enough even for someone totally incontinent like you! Strange how they can't figure out what's actually causing it....

I can understand how happy you must be!

I know. It's really a mystery worthy of the Scooby-Doo gang. Not that I'm complaining mind you.
But I intend to do the best I can to get through all 300 of them.
I think I'll hang some shelves in my bedroom for all of my diapers. Anyone out there know how to install shelves

I haven't had a dry night in months, but... Today makes seven days in a row I've woke up in a BM diaper and no idea when it happened. I love it!

[ThatoneGurll]

congrats, me and most system mates.. if I can call them that, have been trying different files for years, I wish i'd had the success you had.

Hypnosis seems to easily wear off for me, if not reinforced with extreme focus. >.<
Basically as many years as I've been registered to this site, then maybe a few more.

[ThatoneGurll]

me and *my* system mates. Ugh I can't stand typos like that. Sorry.

[espfrench]

me and *my* system mates. Ugh I can't stand typos like that. Sorry.

ThatoneGurll,
Thank you for your post. I'm sorry to hear that you're having so much trouble getting the results you want.
I wish I could offer more or better advice than to just keep at it.
And don't worry about it. I'm dyslexic as he|| and didn't even notice it until you pointed it out.
Live Long and Prosper _\\//
ESP.

[espfrench]

I just realized something!
Today is my three months anniversary of real diaper dependents.
I'm sitting on the edge of the bed right now. I just got home and took my shower. I BMed myself driving home. It's been seven weeks now sense I have been able to get to a total in time for that.
And in the immortal words of... Well. The entire crew of The Serenity https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8q_lsRLJhcA "It's still shinny."
I still love my diapers. And my plastic panties... And the realization that I'm totally dependant on them now. And that my bladder and bowels aren't my responsibility anymore. My diapers really are a source of comfort for all my stress and anxiety that no-one can take away now.

[espfrench]

It's still "shinny"
Just now I was doing my "get ups" (getting residents ready for breakfast)
I had to do 6 changes. But only 5 were residents.
Goddess! I love being incontinent. I still love that suprise when I first realize it's pushing out. And then it hits the seat of my wet diaper, and starts backing up between my cheeks.
I love knowing I'll never again be able to go without a diaper and plastic pants.

[espfrench]

I just got off the phone with my GP.
She and the urologists want me up to UH next week, for a "urodynamic test"? From the way she was talking I guess they intend to fill up my bladder, and see if I can hold it.
LOL. Like that's going to happen. I can already tell them how it's going to work out.
In and right back out. That's how.

BTW... Found out the other day. It's not 300 Attends per month after all. It's 300 per delivery. As needed.
If I order twice a month or once every 4 months it's 300 every time I call in to say I need more

[notmuchdownunder]

You might have to practice looking really disappointed when the tests don't make any difference!

[espfrench]

Dear NotMuch,
From the sound of our conversation. It's looking like I'll be out cold for the test.
She kept saying I'll need someone to drive me home. So I'm thinking I'm not going to need to be an actress for this one.
LL&P
ESPFrench

[espfrench]

Like I said. In and out. Being a bed wetter has some advantages.
I was only out for about two hours. But when I came out of it.

The urologist and my GP still haven't got a clue.

[espfrench]

Just got home to find snother 300 attends on the front porch... In the rain.