by antistraight » February 14th, 2024, 11:18 am
I just registered after lurking here for a number of years.
I started listening to CFG and various other gay hypno files out of curiosity, figuring that even if they affected me, that I could just quit at any time. I thought that I could live a secret inner life of pretending to be gay inside my head while I could still remain heterosexual in my outer life. "What harm could come of it?" I rationalized to myself.
After the first two weeks of daily listening, my sexuality was affected in a more superficial sense (as I expected and wanted to happen). I first started to be turned on by cocks, but I wasn't attracted to other parts of men. I was still more attracted to women. This was fun for me--I began to appreciate how pleasant cocks looked like and wondered how it would like to touch and suck another man's cock.
But my heterosexuality had many layers and it took some time to get through them. Along with physical attraction to men, there is also romantic and emotional attraction to consider as well. I thought that these were barriers that would never really be crossed. Women are such beautiful and angelic creatures, I had thought through most of my life. Men in comparison are supposed to be ugly from a man's point of view, or so I used to believe.
Over time, I enjoyed the process of being transformed and exploring thought experiments of fantasizing about being gay. Even as my attraction to cocks grew, I did try to cling to my heterosexuality. I justified myself that I was only attracted to men sexually but that I really preferred women at the end of the day. Some time later, I then I thought that I could be bisexual and that would be as far as it gets. But the parts about the files telling me to be repulsed by women and vaginas were taking hold and I eventually admitted to myself that I preferred men more for sex but that I might still love women in a romantic way if the situation was right.
There were times where I tried to quit and then tell myself that I wasn't really gay. But that pretense was very short-lived. I could be browsing online porn and I would notice the big hard sexy cocks in the videos (instead of the women), which triggered my repressed desires. Or I'd be out in public and I'd be checking out other good looking guys. That's when you know that you're changing--that instead of checking out women, you are instead checking out men. I would often look down at their crotch and buttocks areas and admire them. I felt guilty for ogling at first, but then it became easier the more I did it. Regardless of my attempts to stop, I would always come back to the files because while they were changing me, I was really enjoying what I was becoming.
So I started to explore online dating apps with men. I enjoyed interacting and flirting with other men. When I finally sucked a cock for the first time, it was amazing and was pure bliss. I also felt wonderful when I kissed another man. Even if I felt more thrilled and excited being with men compared to what I have had with women, I still clung to the belief that I might still be bi from time to time.
One memorable encounter was when I went to a gay bar and hooked up with a hot gay couple. They lavished me with drinks and attention. As I went back to their place and lay in their bed, they ran their hands over me and praised my body and my beauty. It felt completely natural to kiss them and then be fucked by them. There was a time when I used to fantasize about having a threesome with two other women, but now I was in a real one with two other men with long, hard cocks--and that made it all the better!
The real turning point happened is when I had met with a former girlfriend at a party and when we started to make out, I wasn't getting hard at all. I was not able to perform, and I didn't really want to either. All I kept thinking about was that I wished that she had a cock. I've had moments of performance anxiety before and felt awful about it but it was different this time; I really wasn't emotionally invested in performing for another woman. It was a powerful realization that I actually did not want to be with a woman at all anymore--her breasts, her soft body and her vagina (yuck!) all felt wrong. What I really wanted was to be inside the arms of a strong and handsome man with a raging hard cock pressed against mine.
Whereas I used to long for female companionship and sex, that impulse was completely dead and alien to me at that moment. Men and cocks on the other hand, stirred feelings of deep arousal as if a fire was burning inside of me. Vaginas, as pointed out in the files, are putrid and have a pungent aroma that is repulsive. Cocks, on the hand, are magnificent, especially when they are hard. Sucking on a hard throbbing cock is a wonderful feeling. The taste is much more pleasant in comparison to a vagina.
Out of courtesy, I induced myself into an erection by masturbating beside her, all the while thinking about cock. Even then, I had to hurry and proceed with the act, and I could only maintain my erection for a brief period. I felt bad only in the sense that the session must not have been pleasant for her. I used my fingers to bring her to orgasm. This was to be the last time that I had ever been with a woman.
And after that, I have been fully and completely gay. I didn't mourn the end of my heterosexuality in that a whole entire new world of a gay life has been much more fulfilling. I love men's cocks, men's bodies, men's voices and I can express myself in a camp and femmy way. I feel comfortable with myself and no longer have to keep up a macho facade. While I'm no longer attracted to women, I can appreciate them aesthetically in a detached and platonic sense. In fact, I have more female friends nowadays because being openly gay, there is no pressure and so I feel more at ease and in turn, women feel more comfortable around me. To the more open-minded women, I have more in common with them in terms of our mutual attraction to men and being able to express myself in a more stereotypically effeminate way.
Another milestone occurred was to start to have feelings of infatuation for men, to the point of even being in love. This was a final obstacle where I never thought that I could go beyond the feeling of not only physical and sexual attraction, but having feelings of deep admiration and affection for men. I love to make love to the one whom I call my boyfriend. I hope to make love to the man who will be my husband, if that day will ever come.
Heterosexuality is really a prison. I look back at my former life and wonder how much of it was due to social expectations and pressure to conform to it. I've abandoned the straight world and I don't miss it one bit. I found out who were my true friends and family were when I came out (I didn't hide the fact that I had a boyfriend and I also announced who he was on Facebook). Many were surprised because I seemed so straight to them before. But I had changed--my clothes and attire are more stylish now. To those who were offended, I don't really need their approval.
"Cock is freedom. Vagina is slavery." -- it was a mantra that I've come up with that simplifies and summarizes all of the words of the gay hypno files that helped me become my true self. Nowadays, I only listen to these files every few months for entertainment, reminiscing, relaxation and titillation. The effects, as their warnings say, are true to their introductory words: permanent. You can't really do the files in a limited sense. Once you're deep into trance, you absorb the words and believe in them. They become part of who you are. Or maybe they unlock a yearning you might have kept hidden all along. But whatever the real reason, I have been permanently changed for the better. I would recommend these files to any man who is open to exploring his sexuality.
In the end, my struggle to overcome heterosexuality was finally finished. I had won the victory over myself. I love men and I love big cocks.