Question on Subliminals/Raising Libido on an Unaware Subject

[Chameleon77]

Hi, bit of a noob here. Never been hypnotised myself, tho I may try out the odd one or two I've found on here.
Found this place yesterday, and have a question about my current situation and any help that's around.

Essentially, my wife's sex drive has dropped off considerably since we had our first child three years ago. It's not rock bottom, but it isn't what it was beforehand. Not totally unexpected, but not great either. Now there's very little chance that I'm going to get her to try any of the hypnotism files on here (when I suggested that I went to a hypnotist to stop smoking a few years ago, I was shocked at how against the idea she was - and that was me being hypnotised). So, if I were to go down the route of using a site such as this, it would have to be in the realms of subliminal messages hidden in the odd MP3 or two. Would it work? From what I've read, the subliminals work best when listened to in a trace and without George Michael (her choice!) playing over it.

Unethical, especially on a woman I love? Probably. And I'll understand if someone replies to my post saying so in no uncertain terms, and telling me where to go.

Nevertheless, something that I would consider. At this particular moment in time, I'm not certain it's the route I want to go down, but I'm interested to know whether it's possible.
It's not like I'm not wanting to change her sexual desires (tho some of the less vanilla things that we used to get up to, and don't any more, would be nice ;-)). I just want her to be a little more... horny. And I'm open to ideas.

[Henrique]

1st: If you love her, talk to her about your needs.
2nd: If she does want to be more hornier as she were, she won't need hypnosis (hypno-files will only work as excuse for the subconcious to be what it always want).
3rd: It's just not ethical: It won't work if she don't want. All hypnosis is self-hypnosis.
4th: don't know what more to write.

Welcome to WMM.com!

[cardigan]

Well, I would probably ask her whether or not she would like to get some therapy. To do that you need her to admit to there being some kind of problem! If she says "Therapy? What would I need therapy for? I feel fine", then it would take some convincing to have her do it!

Anyway - if I were the therapist, and she was opposed to hypnosis, I'd tell her we weren't going to do hypnosis at all - only very deep relaxation. Ask her if it'd be alright for me to get her very relaxed. Assuming a yes, I'd take her deep into 'relaxation' - asking her at some point if it would be alright to take her even deeper. At this point one usually gets a yes, but must respect a no. Prior to all this, I'd conduct an interview, where I would have her tell me about her feelings about sex - or about not having sex. Then in trance I'd ask her to take herself back to the time where those feelings have their origin, and I'd see what was there and find a way to work around it with her. This is hypnotherapy.

I do think hypnotherapy would help in this case, but she'd need to say yes - perhaps not to hypnosis or hypnotherapy, but that is what I'd apply anyway. It's extremely effective.

There are many skilled hypnotherapists out there. You might want to find one in your area - or I would do it over the net, if that were required.

[Blink]

Essentially, my wife's sex drive has dropped off considerably since we had our first child three years ago. It's not rock bottom, but it isn't what it was beforehand. Not totally unexpected, but not great either.

First, welcome to WMM.

There are several reasons that she might be experiencing low libido following the birth of a child, not the least of which is postpartum depression. If she hasn't had a complete medical checkup, including a depression screening, that would be the place to start. If she's taking any prescription medication, be sure to read what the potential side effects are (either look up the meds online or ask your pharmacist for a copy of the package insert).

If there is not a larger medical issue (of which the low libido is just a symptom), then you should have a serious talk with your wife about your mutual expectations.

As a side note, we don't need to do hypnosis to be helpful. We can do progressive relaxation, guided meditation, therapeutic visualization exercises, lots of stuff. I like to tell stories.

-- Blink

[Chameleon77]

Thanks for all the help, guys.

We have talked about her sex drive, and she knows it's lower than it was, and would prefer it to be higher.
At night it seems she's forever saying "I'm not horny. You are, aren't you? I'm sorry. Are you getting frustrated?"
To which I of course reply "No, but..."

Yes, there may be a medical issue - not post-natal depression, but she was diagnosed as diabetic early this year. On reading up about that, I discovered that excess sugar in the bloodstream thickens the blood, and can make erogenous zones less sensitive. But the diabetes is now under control and her sugar levels are back within acceptable limits.
There is still the issue that she doesn't sleep very well (cue slightly less unethical thought about putting subliminal messages about sleeping into her MP3s) and this may well be a big cause of her loss of sex drive.

But, anyway... I think I'll start off with trying to finally kick that smoking habit with Cardigan's file. If it works, maybe I can convince her to try a file or two to help her sleep, and see where we go from there.

Thanks again for all the help.

[hellion0]

See if you can get her to get sleep therapy, and do try the files yourself if they're what you need... but forcing an unwilling subject is a nuclear option I'd never personally consider as a 'tist.

[MovZig]

Doing this kind of thing without the person openly working with you is more of a neurolinguistic programming feat than hypnotism. Hypnosis tends to require a little bit of help from the person being hypnotised, whereas NLP is some weirdness I don't fully understand.

Ultimately though, the advice outlined above is probably the better way to go. Using NLP or hiding hypnosis/subliminals is fairly black hat and unhappiness would ensue if she found out :P

[Blink]

Doing this kind of thing without the person openly working with you is more of a neurolinguistic programming feat than hypnotism. Hypnosis tends to require a little bit of help from the person being hypnotised, whereas NLP is some weirdness I don't fully understand.

Hypnosis and NLP aren't that far apart. Most of the "stuff" in NLP is taken from study of Milton Erickson's work. There's also some Virginia Satir and Gregory Bateson (the Wikipedia article says Fritz Perls, but Bandler, way back when, said Bateson). The whole thing is sprinkled with a little Noam Chomsky and percolated through the minds of a (moderately narcissistic) computer programmer and a (recluse) former CIA linguist.

NLP is intended to work on the same subconscious stuff that hypnosis goes after, as are most modes of therapy. The big difference is in how the practitioner (I've heard "nelper" used as a synonym) gets there. NLP is a very nicely codified and trainable skill set. If I'd had the $1500 or so that it cost to get name-brand training back in the day, I'd have a certification now.

Ultimately though, the advice outlined above is probably the better way to go. Using NLP or hiding hypnosis/subliminals is fairly black hat and unhappiness would ensue if she found out :P

This bit is why I'm writing. I've got two things to say. MovZig has provided me the chance to say them, so thanks.

First, NLP isn't evil. It's gotten a bad reputation because it works for lots of stuff and some disreputable people have put it to work for less-than-lovable purposes. Ross Jeffries and the "speed seduction" bunch are... well, they're out there in full view if you'd like to have a look. Chainsaws make hard work easier and are useful tools for people who do difficult jobs. They're also used by freaks in hockey masks who hang out at deserted summer camps.

Second, hiding the goods isn't unethical. I've tried to put full labels on the work that I've posted here. I want to have informed consent before I do anything. Just like a surgeon (or a magician), though, I'm going to have you consent to the general method and the eventual outcome (I'll tell you the story and show you the box), but I'm not going to show you the tools (you don't get to know where the rabbit was).

I might be evil, but I'm evil for completely different reasons. :D

</soapbox>

-- Blink

I support great justice.

[MovZig]

I'm not sure my point was fully understood. NLP and various forms of subconcious tweaking are not evil in themselves (nothing is really evil by itself, tbh) but it's the intent that determines the alignment. It's more black-hat when being used for personal gain (which was the context I was mentioning it in). Using it on willing patients isn't really evil at all.

[Blink]

I'm not sure my point was fully understood.

Reading you five-by-five. You gave me a springboard to launch into a minirant.

NLP and various forms of subconcious tweaking are not evil in themselves (nothing is really evil by itself, tbh) but it's the intent that determines the alignment.

I knew you knew, but I never could walk past a soapbox without stepping on top. As I said, NLP has taken a bit of a beating because of some of the uses it's been put to. Some people have a negative reaction at the mention of it. Just as some people have a negative reaction at the mention of hypnosis.

Using it on willing patients isn't really evil at all.

Not everyone gets informed consent that readily.

Thanks for your patience, MovZig.

-- Blink