Mind control porn? Really? I mean really? :|

[mindmaster3434]

Wanna see the worst porn ever made? I found it the other night. It's not even funny it's so bad. I'm serious, I've never said that about anything before, but it's just not even funny it's so bad.

With the catchy title of Mind Control - Angel and Chelsea Hypno Strobe(.avi hint hint if you want to find it yourself) I was intrigued from the moment I saw it. After taking nearly 5 days to obtain a copy, I finally put it on this evening, hoping for at least a good laugh. First off it's completely home brew. Guess I shouldn't be surprised with a topic as off mainstream as mind control. Fair enough, let's see..... oh wait, neither girl is hot. Greeeeat. So home brew ugly chicks doing a mind control porn. Oh boy, this is gonna take a while.

The thing was 35:57 in length and I was only 2 minutes into it. After delivering the acting performances of their careers *EXTREME SARCASM DETECTION* I thought I heard something in the background. Wait, there it was again. And again. Oh god. They have a bird. They kept a freakin loud squawking bird in the same room as them. It sounds like a cross between sneakers on a basketball court squeaking and nails on a chalkboard. We're now maybe 4 minutes in. That leaves.... oh christ.

So far besides the amazing script, acting, and stellar directing I have to say I was hooked. Granted it felt like I was hooked from my balls and left to dangle, but I was hooked in some form and that was indisputable.

In the "story" so far, girl comes over to other girls house, they sit down on the couch and the host gets them some wine drugging one of them. Giving her guest the wine they drink it, the drug has the intended effect and puts her to sleep. By the way I can't help but mention that when the host drugged the wine, she did so by pouring a vile of absolutely nothing into a glass of wine that was clearly visible so as to make sure you couldn't imagine a ripple or anything to at least try and satisfy your 10 IQ points that were left by this point. This isn't a story point exactly, but after she finally passes out the screen goes black after zooming in on her. I and I'm willing to bet any other viewers thought "Thank God, a new scene in a new room without that FUCKING bird!". Woe upon us all. After a pause that was just long enough to make you really uncomfortable, it resumed in the exact same spot. Anyway, the guest girl is waking up now and the host is going to hypnotize her with a strobe light. She decides to hide it in her skirt and very clearly stare at it and lift up her skirt every 5 seconds from now on until its use to make sure it was still hidden. Did I mention the bird? It's still going. Louder than ever in fact.

Now then, the actual induction. This would be the part that interests anybody that would buy this title surely. Hell, it might interest some of you too so I'm going to be a really nice guy and type out a word for word transcript for you!

(so that it makes sense the "slave" [or at least will be in a minute] has a headache leftover from the drug and this begins after the "Domme" suggests she try this new strobe light she has to help)

Domme: Just stare right into the light, don't take your eyes off of it. Feeling better?

slave:I guess a little bit better.

Domme:Just keep looking, deep into the light, watch it blink..... Feeling better Angel?

slave:Yes

Domme:Excellent. You ready to be at my command?

slave:Yes

Domme:Excellent. I'm going to turn the light off, but you're gonna remember that from now on I'm your Master, until i say. Say yes Mistress Chelsea

slave: Yes Mistress Chelsea

Domme:Excellent I'm gonna turn the light off now. There.




Wow. Not only riveting, but completely plausible. This is the kind of revolutionary film that will change the lives of everybody it touches, and believe you me I genuinely mean that though I refuse to comment on whether the change is positive or not. Remember my poor balls that were left to hang with my entire body weight attached? Those poor bastards have been at it for 10:36 now and there hasn't even been any sex or nudity. I think this is hell. I really, really do.

I couldn't take it anymore. I skipped to the sex (12:52 if you're interested). Well the first glimpse of a nipple anyway. During a very awkward strip tease the horror unfolds. Now don't get me wrong, neither girl is ugly or bad looking, just not really what I want to see in porn. Hell I don't even like porn why am I watching this? Oh well, I'm way past the point of no return.

What unfolded was the most pathetic experience humanity has handed me yet. A now robotic like mindless slave, a Domme without a personality, and as much enthusiasm behind the sex as a cat taking a bath. I couldn't watch this crap. I skipped through most of it after about 15 minutes and as I said in the beginning it was so bad I didn't even get a laugh out of it. Don't know what that's like? It's so bad, that I had to write this post to try and give myself a laugh.

Yeah, things really are that bad.

[Jacara]

I got a laugh from your description of it, so maybe it did serve a purpose after all ;)

I doubt anyone will take you up on your subtle offer to download the thing themselves. :roll:

[PotHeadChick]

Hmmm... as an absolute LOVER of terrible movies (porn or whatever) I probably WILL download it, if only to indulge my inner MST3K robotform. ;p