Fishing for Feedback-- 'The Flame-born.'

[ShadowSabre]

I am something of a writer, and I recently wrote a short vignette and posted it to the stories section. It is getting a 5 rating so far, but I've yet to get any comments. My writing isn't perfect, and I want to improve it. But to do that I need to know how to improve, what I can do better. Knowing what I'm doing right would also be quite helpful.

If you would like to help me become better at writing, [url=http://warpmymind.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=290&mode=&order=0&thold=0]the story's here.[/url]