Why ... and how

[Larrymat]

I ask myself why I want to be incontinent. I have listened to some files and feel unsure if I am reacting or not. Yet I'm trying desperately to write (my work, I'm a writer) today, and I cannot get this out of my head. I ant to listen to EMG, or Saranoga, encouraging me to go this direction that I want. But I complicate my life by asking myself why. Wetbabypeepants has been helpful on this, and I hesitated to make this post. But I felt the need to reach out as I try to understand myself (a scary propostion LOL married, but gay, submissive, 24/7 diapers - how does all this make sense?). I don't think I've ever been "out," or "in a trance" yet I close my eyes and listen. My mind does wander elsewhere, but then I squirm at phrase and thoughts I'm offered. Is this potential goal in my mind more now that I have listened? Trying to work, haven't listened today - yet. Maybe this is what I am and I resist it even as I want it? Why and how? I apologize for rambling like this and hope nobody takes offense that I used up all this space. Thanks!

[ranmafan]

totally off topic but what do you write? I aspire to be a writer and have written some short stories in the past, contemplating going to college for it, got a few book ideas! ^^

[Larrymat]

LOL no problem. I have written four, and am now writing, my fifth non-fiction book about pro wrestling. I used io be a promoter and television announcer back in the territorial days and still do "indy" shows today. How's that for a diaper lover? :) who is fascinated by what the mind can do and finding that naughty, unusual path. As to writing - only one way to get better. Write. Try out every idea you have.

[sarnoga]

I ask myself why I want to be incontinent.

Do you really ask, or is it one part of you yelling for answers while the other part is screaming out the answers and the real problem is the lack of communication.

Face it, you want to be incontinent because for you, nothing can match the thrill of wearing a diaper. Maybe having to wear a diaper to keep from wetting your pants and wetting your bed. Or even knowing you are turning yourself into a pants pisser and bedwetter who has to wear a diaper, and wearing a diaper allows you to spend the day at a certain hightened level of sexual arousal, even while engaged in other activities and right in the presence of others. You're busy playing innocent infront of them and getting an extra charge from knowing your diaper is arousing you, peeing in your diaper is arousing you, and that later that night you will be wrapped in a diaper pissing in your sleep like a child and they don't even know. There is just something about secretly giving up control and wearing a diaper that excites you. A desire to lose control of the entire area that you cover with a diaper while at the same time covering that area with a diaper to somewhat hide the extent of your loss of control, maybe wishing that the diaper is necessary but you not only uncontrollably wet in your diaper but perhaps have spontainious orgasms from time to time and uncontrollably cum in your diaper.

You would probably find it very hot to suddenly be cumming without control into your diaper while in a room with other people. Of course the fantasy or reality of that would be much improved by knowing your diaper is going to safely and securely keep your involuntary indiscretion just barely outside the notice of others.

Or then again... maybe not.

Perhaps you want to be incontinent because you are hoping someone will notice, exert thier will over you, shame you by putting you into a diaper like the naughty boy you are. After all, it takes a very naughty boy to be pissing his pants at your age. I wouldn't be surprised if they have to continually scold you to get you to keep your hand out of your diaper and to get you to quit playing with your pecker. Maybe they will force you to have an orgasm under more controlled conditions so you wont spend so much time playing with yourself. Or maybe they have given up trying to keep you from playing with yourself and put you into a diaper as a desperate measure and a final attempt to contain the mess of you would otherwise make from constantly playing with yourself. ....

Or maybe not.

Perhaps it is no more than a subconcious desire to return to a simpler better time when you had less resoponsibilities and knew there was someone just around the corner who would take care of you the minute you got in too deep or got overwhelmed. Someone wise enough to know that with boys like you it is wise to take preventative measures in advance of the inevitable accidents you are going to have by waiting to use the toilet until it is too late to get there without having an accident.

No wait... its none of those.. err. ahhh all of those.

But then again, it could just be unexplainable.

Regards, Sarnoga.

[Duckypin]

Yes, Sarnoga, once again you offer and insightful and helpful response to the fundamental question. I think I can say yes to each of the possibilities and a big yes to it just is! Thanks

[Larrymat]

Thanks so much for the replies, in particular Sarnoga who hit some direct targets. I am appreciative of the response, the time and thinking spent. Each of Sarnoga's situations struck home in some form, making me squirm....and that's squirm in all i ts definitions. Top to bottom, there's understanding. It goes without saying I'll be working with Sarnoga's files. Maybe it's just acceptance. And somehow, all of that blended together ends up in a massive psychological orgasm that feels so good and demonstrates itself every time I wet my diaper. Mo oh my. And thank you.

[brownbobby]

A file that helped the listener achieve "complete" incontinence, including their orgasms and cum, sounds absolutely incredible. The idea of having to wear diapers to contain "everything" is one of the most enticing ideas I've ever read. Have you created such a file before, Sarnoga, sir? If you haven't, sir, this one would be very interested to see you address this area, if you were interested, sir. If it would be even half as good as your other files, sir, it would be incredible.

[Larrymat]

After a few days of no privacy, no time to listen to file -- although always in diaper, a a bit of wetting -- had time tonight and listened to Diaper Depend #1. Dozed off even for a bit during. And tonight...TWICE...I felt sudden urge to go and before I could take five steps toward the bathroom, I was peeing my diaper. Sarnoga's file? Something buried deep within? I don't know. But when I have time in a few weeks...a few days alone constantly...I'll be listening constantly to a couple files, Sarnoga and EMG. How far, if at all, will it take me?

[Larrymat]

I promise to stop writing and start listening. My last rant here and now...and it always comes back to the why. Why? Do I want to be incontinent? Why do all of us? Why do I want to lose control to thius mysterious voice and personality? Sarnoga - your post moved me. Is it sexual, emotiona, psychological....or Who gives a damn? Should I just let it happen? I feel the tickle, the twitch in my diaper the urge as I write. And I'll stop. I hope to see what others think -- and, more importamtly maybe - feel! Thank you one and all.

[Larrymat]

now figure this...life got busy around here, my wife was around too much, I didn't listen to any files. Still was diapered though. And I thought...well, maybe I was forcing it and nothing happened anyway. But now, more time and moment to breathe and when I fell like I have to go, if I don't get to the toilet immediately I feel the leaking starting in my diaper. and again, my mind is back back....she'll be gone for five days soon. I'll be all alone. I fear..or do I want...what I know I might do?

[Larrymat]

Thank you, bubba. I so appreciate that. I'm here today and wanting to be incontinent so much but almost afraid of it. Yes, when my wife is gone, I'll be listening to Sarnoga again and again and again. I know that's a .... what? a commitment. Is that what it is? Am I taking a step from which I won't return? Do I want that? Oh, I think I do. So close, can almost touch it, feel it taste it. The encouragement is what I need I think. Oh, thank you.

[Larrymat]

Following is a current update for those who might have thoughts, interest, whatever ... this all has happened in past 30 hours

wife left thurs 5:30 a.m. I had sucked water listened to sleep wet file wet diaper once...little later twice while back in bed sort of dozing but not really asleep third wet i drank more water took off diaper laid nude in bed on sheet protector and it just started leaking soon i was lying in a pool of piss in diaper all day urge incontinence and i never tried to stop it soaked three diapers, including one when i left adult thtr about 10 pm blavck shortds so they didnt notice that i was leaking, actually pee running down my legs as i went out their entry

before i slept in hiouse naked wanted to see felt like had to go put it off sudden urge and i didnt get six feet before i was squirting pee on floor and down my legs all the way to the toilet

is that incontinent??

last night got up to pee on urge since mom in law coming to dump commode if i need it damn told her dont need it tomorrow in diaper now and without question letting what happens, happen

sorry for long post also for no punbctuation, caps just wanted to get it all out

[Ladon]

I'd say you're well on your way. I truly wish I could get that kind of results, but I think either I'm not really getting into trance, or my mind doesn't want/understand the suggestions I'm trying to give.