by mondaytuesday » December 22nd, 2012, 1:51 pm
I found myself feeling so unsettled yesterday. Irritated. I went and got some diapers and baby powder.
Powder and stuff. Baby Oil was the stuff. Johnson and Johnson Baby Powder for Baby. The white smooth clean bottle was so familiar.
I got home. Paci, at two maximum absorbency diapers. When they came on, instant calm and slower, but focused. Pleasure. Less than a minute, the warmth and the tingle.
Later outside, my happiness under jeans so I could be outside. Started releasing on my porch. It was ok and made me feel even better. Yesterday was the first time that I wasn't ultra aware and trying to force myself to fight my body clamping back. No making myself do it. But doing it as natural as ever.
Before bed, more clean thick paced diaper, long ritual of being changed.
Got a teddy bear out from childhood, paci in and slept like a baby.
And now that you've mention it, I bet I did go in my sleep some last night. Of course, I did. I had to change myself. But I just now realized that it was it out of the normal. Wow. Whoa.