Just thought I'd add my bit to the discusson about wanting to be feminized. I wish it in the worst way...but not the way most people think of it. You see, I was born with indeterminate genitalia and the doctors took their best guess and decided I should be male. So they fortified me with male hormones and helped me physically grow to have a natural and healthy male semblance. Only thing is, what's inside---my psyche---is female. Ooops!
They say men are from mars and women are from venus, and I guess that makes me someone from a different galaxy all together. You see, I innately perceive and know the world from a female perspective, yet I was trained and socialized to see it the male way (and, trust me, guys,there is a huge differecne; gals, I'm not telling you anythign you didn't already grow up to know!). It took years before I realized that the two genders were mystified by each other; and when I finally came to grasp it all I finally understood how different I was from everyone.
Eventually I sought out therapists and doctors and tried to right what had gone wrong so long ago, but, wouldn't you know it, my body could not tolerate female hormones (in fact, an embolism developed and I almost died) because the damage had been done and those male hormones and steroids and other enhancements had locked me in to my physical (male) shell permanently. Apparently what's been done cannot be undone. So this is the rest of my life. I am as female as any other woman out there (except, of course, that my female private parts are invisible and intangible to me) despite the fact I appear to be as male as any guy out there (except, of course, for the fact that my male private parts are totally alien to me).
I know there a lot of you out there who get a kick out of fantasizing about being female (and I hope you have success with that) or even wish to make it real (and I so envy you that it can even be a possiblity), and if there is another like me, I'd be surprised, but I jusut wanted to share what it's really like when the gender line is blurred and some of the consequences it entails. I happened upon this forum, and felt I needed to have my say. (If you did,) Thanks for listening.
OOPs, They Got My Gender Wrong!
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OOPs, They Got My Gender Wrong!
by Barbie » April 26th, 2006, 9:31 pm
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by CuriousG » April 28th, 2006, 3:58 pm
Can you say more about these differences between the genders?
I'll admit, my sole interest in feminization is sexual, but your story sounds so interesting, I'd love to hear more about your experience.
Also, out of curiousity, are you attracted primarily to men, women, or more or less to both?[/b]
I'll admit, my sole interest in feminization is sexual, but your story sounds so interesting, I'd love to hear more about your experience.
Also, out of curiousity, are you attracted primarily to men, women, or more or less to both?[/b]
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In Reply (To Birchwood) (Curious G) I Say....
by Barbie » April 29th, 2006, 8:03 pm
Frist, Birchwood....Thanks for the kind thoughts. As for the individual you knew from work, yes, it is a long, hard, extremely painful and difficult road (physically, emotionally, and, maybe worst of all, socially). She needs all the love and support acceptance and encouragment she can get. I don't know if she still works there or has moved on, but, if she is still there maybe you can give her a smile. Believe me, it helps!
Now then, Curious G, what would you like to know? You do know that the brains of males and females process input differently, don't you? You should also understand that females see a totally diffeent color-range spectrum than males do (case in point, try seeing the blue in a lady's red nail polish; or tell at a glance whether a fabric is dark navy blue or merely black). Women can smell fresh flowers from across the room; guys practially have to stick their nose in to them. Guys rarely notice the odors comming from the refrigerator; gals most definitely do. Granted, some of this mayy be augmented by imprinting or "training," but there's a physiological component that is at work here as well.
Probably the most significant difference between males and females (at least in my estimation), though, results from the fact they went through their physical maturations differently. You see, for guys, there's really not a lot of adolescent physical changes to go through (growth spurt, voice change, facial hair, pimples...and that's about it). Gals get their entire foundation pulled out from under them as not only their body, but their entire emotional make-up goes through an unpredictable roller coaster of a ride. And, for the next several decades, that's what it will be like every month or so. They have no choice but to accept change and adapt to it. It's part of nature's way of helping prepare them to be able to nurture later on in life. They connect to nature (and all of its variety) at a very young age and learn that change is normal.
Guys, however, remain fairly constant...and for them...change is often deemed unnatural. They get their strentgh and confidence from things being constant and stable. Gals get their strength and confidence from dealing with the ever-changing and impermanent. Gals grow up knowing that little (in the way of the physical or emotional) is within their control. Guys grow up thnking otherwise, hence they come ot think of themselves as strong and in control --- which is how (for them) it has always been.
Both sexes/genders go through vastly different processes on their way to adulthood...and, as result, each is mystfiied by how the other operates later in life.
So, I say to all the feminizing fantasists (and fetishists) out there, there is lots more to being female than merely the outer trappings. And, contrary to what a lot of folks like to espouse, it's not about being humiliated, humbled, or docile either. If you want to play at make-believe, then go to it, and have at it to your heart's (and other body parts') delight. If, however, you want to be "real," then stand tall, be strong, and take pride in being a female! (Genitalia notwithstanding).
Hope that addresses at leats some of your curiousity, G, about the inherent differences between males and females; as for the other part ---
either by nature or upbringing I am asexual. It may be partly because psychosexually I am "cross-wired," or it may be just something I was born with (or without, depending on how one looks at these things). My sex drive is nil; Perhaps you've heard the famous psychological standard, "99% of the people in the world masterbate...and the other 1% lie about it." Well, I'd like a recount, doctor. Statistiaclly insignificant though I may be, I am living proof that that 1% isn't all made up of liars.
Guys don't interest me...heck, I see a naked one in the mirror every morning. Gals that get drawn to my male semblance really don't thrill me either. I'm not gay, or a lesbian, or a heterosexual. As I understand it, bisexuals are atrracted to either sex, so I'm not one of them either. I have often wondered that if I could have gone through the sexual re-assignemnt process (and synchronized myself physically and sexually as female), then would I have been atrracted to men? I honestly do not know. That's the best answer I can give you, G.
Let me know if you (or anyone else) has any other questions. Though I tend to ramble and wallow in wordiness, I'd like to think I do answer what is aksed.
Now then, Curious G, what would you like to know? You do know that the brains of males and females process input differently, don't you? You should also understand that females see a totally diffeent color-range spectrum than males do (case in point, try seeing the blue in a lady's red nail polish; or tell at a glance whether a fabric is dark navy blue or merely black). Women can smell fresh flowers from across the room; guys practially have to stick their nose in to them. Guys rarely notice the odors comming from the refrigerator; gals most definitely do. Granted, some of this mayy be augmented by imprinting or "training," but there's a physiological component that is at work here as well.
Probably the most significant difference between males and females (at least in my estimation), though, results from the fact they went through their physical maturations differently. You see, for guys, there's really not a lot of adolescent physical changes to go through (growth spurt, voice change, facial hair, pimples...and that's about it). Gals get their entire foundation pulled out from under them as not only their body, but their entire emotional make-up goes through an unpredictable roller coaster of a ride. And, for the next several decades, that's what it will be like every month or so. They have no choice but to accept change and adapt to it. It's part of nature's way of helping prepare them to be able to nurture later on in life. They connect to nature (and all of its variety) at a very young age and learn that change is normal.
Guys, however, remain fairly constant...and for them...change is often deemed unnatural. They get their strentgh and confidence from things being constant and stable. Gals get their strength and confidence from dealing with the ever-changing and impermanent. Gals grow up knowing that little (in the way of the physical or emotional) is within their control. Guys grow up thnking otherwise, hence they come ot think of themselves as strong and in control --- which is how (for them) it has always been.
Both sexes/genders go through vastly different processes on their way to adulthood...and, as result, each is mystfiied by how the other operates later in life.
So, I say to all the feminizing fantasists (and fetishists) out there, there is lots more to being female than merely the outer trappings. And, contrary to what a lot of folks like to espouse, it's not about being humiliated, humbled, or docile either. If you want to play at make-believe, then go to it, and have at it to your heart's (and other body parts') delight. If, however, you want to be "real," then stand tall, be strong, and take pride in being a female! (Genitalia notwithstanding).
Hope that addresses at leats some of your curiousity, G, about the inherent differences between males and females; as for the other part ---
either by nature or upbringing I am asexual. It may be partly because psychosexually I am "cross-wired," or it may be just something I was born with (or without, depending on how one looks at these things). My sex drive is nil; Perhaps you've heard the famous psychological standard, "99% of the people in the world masterbate...and the other 1% lie about it." Well, I'd like a recount, doctor. Statistiaclly insignificant though I may be, I am living proof that that 1% isn't all made up of liars.
Guys don't interest me...heck, I see a naked one in the mirror every morning. Gals that get drawn to my male semblance really don't thrill me either. I'm not gay, or a lesbian, or a heterosexual. As I understand it, bisexuals are atrracted to either sex, so I'm not one of them either. I have often wondered that if I could have gone through the sexual re-assignemnt process (and synchronized myself physically and sexually as female), then would I have been atrracted to men? I honestly do not know. That's the best answer I can give you, G.
Let me know if you (or anyone else) has any other questions. Though I tend to ramble and wallow in wordiness, I'd like to think I do answer what is aksed.
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by ClaireKitty » May 13th, 2006, 1:43 am
if nothing else barbie I thought you should know you're not alone in this
just wanted you to know :)
just wanted you to know :)
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by Catherine » May 13th, 2006, 8:10 am
Hi everyone!
Thanks for the great information you've shared Barbie. I love seeing someone post such well worded and helpful things.
I'm an MTF TS who is taking that "realistic" approach and I have tried to use some of the files on here to try and help with some of those icky male socialization skills I had to try to learn growing up as I transition from a "male" to where I have always felt like I belonged, being a female. You pointed out some great things there...I have always noticed those subtle color changes and all of those other little details in the world that most other men seem not to notice. There were so many things about my emotions and my feelings and how I percieved things that was so different from the men around me. I knew from very early on before I even really knew that much about it, that I was supposed to be a girl and not a guy. It scared me for many years and I fought like crazy to hide it, but you cannot hide yourself from yourself forever. It was extremely painful for many years and I have so many things I wish I could go back and change now. I used to go everywhere and wish I was out there as one of the girls but not being able to then and it made me feel awful. I missed out on so many experiences growing up as a girl, but at least I now have a future ahead of me....I'm living life instead of wishing I could live life.
Catherine
Thanks for the great information you've shared Barbie. I love seeing someone post such well worded and helpful things.
I'm an MTF TS who is taking that "realistic" approach and I have tried to use some of the files on here to try and help with some of those icky male socialization skills I had to try to learn growing up as I transition from a "male" to where I have always felt like I belonged, being a female. You pointed out some great things there...I have always noticed those subtle color changes and all of those other little details in the world that most other men seem not to notice. There were so many things about my emotions and my feelings and how I percieved things that was so different from the men around me. I knew from very early on before I even really knew that much about it, that I was supposed to be a girl and not a guy. It scared me for many years and I fought like crazy to hide it, but you cannot hide yourself from yourself forever. It was extremely painful for many years and I have so many things I wish I could go back and change now. I used to go everywhere and wish I was out there as one of the girls but not being able to then and it made me feel awful. I missed out on so many experiences growing up as a girl, but at least I now have a future ahead of me....I'm living life instead of wishing I could live life.
Catherine
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And Thanks, Too
by Barbie » May 13th, 2006, 2:59 pm
Dear pfil....Thanks for the smile. Can't say it brightened my day, but it warmed my heart...and that's much better. Here's a virtual smile and hug back at cha!
Hey, ClaireKitty.....Good to know I'm not alone...hope you're not, either. I've got two eyes...some fairly literate fingers....and a big warmed by-pfli heart (in case you ever need any of them). I'm sure others, too, will chime in (everybody's welcome!).
Catherine, you've got my support and wellest-wishes. You (and I) know how hard it all is...even the simplest seems difficult, doesn't it...but we keep at it because that is just who and what we are. Glad you made it through all the confusion, misunderstandings, and, especially the omnipresent "what is wrong with me?" phases in your journey. Can't say it's all downhill from here, but at least you can see how far you've come. When we do look back, though, we do get in to a bit of a funk regretting what we did and didn't do. Fu-get-about-it. It's over and it's done and it's just useless baggage from here on in. We did (or didn't) do what we (did) or (didn't) do at the time because that was all we could do. We had our reasons and that's what we based our decisions to act (or inact) upon. Sure, now we know a lot more, but back then we didn't. Coulda-s, woulda-s, and shoulda-s are great words (and concepts) but they don't quite make it in actuality. We just do the best we can at any given time and trust that we know what we're doing. And, at worst, we learn from our mistakes.
Don't know if this will help you or not, but I like to look at the world around me and see what lessons are there. One of my favorites is: "Nature can be delayed or diverted, but never denied." We can build dams and divert rivers, but eventually, the waters will flow where they are destined to go. We can pave over the land and build our cities, but ultimately, the plants reclaim it. You and I were born naturally as females (despite how it may appear), and, sooner or later, that inner nature had to claim its rightful place (despite all the "man"-made efforts and attempts to deny it).
For the longest time, both you and I, Catherine (and who knows how many others out there as well) merely went through the motions of living without really knowing how it felt to be alive. It was a yucky thing to go through, but maybe it served its purpose...because now that we know the difference; we don't take life for granted, do we? We live everyday acutely aware of its richness.
Go to it, girl! Go embrace that future and be all that you can be!
Hey, ClaireKitty.....Good to know I'm not alone...hope you're not, either. I've got two eyes...some fairly literate fingers....and a big warmed by-pfli heart (in case you ever need any of them). I'm sure others, too, will chime in (everybody's welcome!).
Catherine, you've got my support and wellest-wishes. You (and I) know how hard it all is...even the simplest seems difficult, doesn't it...but we keep at it because that is just who and what we are. Glad you made it through all the confusion, misunderstandings, and, especially the omnipresent "what is wrong with me?" phases in your journey. Can't say it's all downhill from here, but at least you can see how far you've come. When we do look back, though, we do get in to a bit of a funk regretting what we did and didn't do. Fu-get-about-it. It's over and it's done and it's just useless baggage from here on in. We did (or didn't) do what we (did) or (didn't) do at the time because that was all we could do. We had our reasons and that's what we based our decisions to act (or inact) upon. Sure, now we know a lot more, but back then we didn't. Coulda-s, woulda-s, and shoulda-s are great words (and concepts) but they don't quite make it in actuality. We just do the best we can at any given time and trust that we know what we're doing. And, at worst, we learn from our mistakes.
Don't know if this will help you or not, but I like to look at the world around me and see what lessons are there. One of my favorites is: "Nature can be delayed or diverted, but never denied." We can build dams and divert rivers, but eventually, the waters will flow where they are destined to go. We can pave over the land and build our cities, but ultimately, the plants reclaim it. You and I were born naturally as females (despite how it may appear), and, sooner or later, that inner nature had to claim its rightful place (despite all the "man"-made efforts and attempts to deny it).
For the longest time, both you and I, Catherine (and who knows how many others out there as well) merely went through the motions of living without really knowing how it felt to be alive. It was a yucky thing to go through, but maybe it served its purpose...because now that we know the difference; we don't take life for granted, do we? We live everyday acutely aware of its richness.
Go to it, girl! Go embrace that future and be all that you can be!
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by Catherine » May 14th, 2006, 8:00 am
Thank you Barbie! That is most appreciated and I am behind each and every one of my brothers and sisters as well, you most definitely included. And yes, you are right...sometimes even the simplest things are now very complex. Things you would never think of having to do have to be done to make it all work. There were times I nearly didn't make it through all of the questions and all of the pain, but thankfully I had wonderful friends there loving and supporting me.
You are very right and although occasionally I see something that makes me think about something I wish I'd done, the things I did do and didn't do have helped to shape who I am now and who I know now and I don't think I'd want to go back and change that. It would most likely mean that some of the dear friends I have now I wouldn't have and I love my friends too much to change the effects we've had on each other's lives and what we'll do for each other in the future.
That is so very true....I really think there are a lot of lessons in the world around us.
Oh no, we definitely don't! There are days where I get down sometimes, but I always bounce back. I have been able to change to a career I always dreamed of when Catherine came out and at this point I could never go back. We have to keep moving forward, we have to keep spreading the word with others and helping them as well. I am so thankful I got all of the help that I did and I in turn love helping people myself now. I am so thankful for people like you Barbie who are out there sharing kind words and smiles and hugs, thank you! Because of people like you, I get to live my life now instead of watching it pass me by.
Catherine
You are very right and although occasionally I see something that makes me think about something I wish I'd done, the things I did do and didn't do have helped to shape who I am now and who I know now and I don't think I'd want to go back and change that. It would most likely mean that some of the dear friends I have now I wouldn't have and I love my friends too much to change the effects we've had on each other's lives and what we'll do for each other in the future.
That is so very true....I really think there are a lot of lessons in the world around us.
Oh no, we definitely don't! There are days where I get down sometimes, but I always bounce back. I have been able to change to a career I always dreamed of when Catherine came out and at this point I could never go back. We have to keep moving forward, we have to keep spreading the word with others and helping them as well. I am so thankful I got all of the help that I did and I in turn love helping people myself now. I am so thankful for people like you Barbie who are out there sharing kind words and smiles and hugs, thank you! Because of people like you, I get to live my life now instead of watching it pass me by.
Catherine
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Good For You!
by Barbie » May 14th, 2006, 12:00 pm
You deserve every bit of it.
And, Catherine, may you enjoy every cherished minute of the life that you make for yourself as you move forward accompanied by such wonderful love and support.
And, Catherine, may you enjoy every cherished minute of the life that you make for yourself as you move forward accompanied by such wonderful love and support.
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Thank you for writing about this
by robbyn » February 2nd, 2007, 3:26 pm
Dear Barbie,
From the moment I started reading I felt that you were female--then when you mentioned seeing a male body in the mirror I thought, "wow, that MUST be strange..." I found your post because I put "asexual" in the search engine here on this site. I had once come across another post by someone asexual (or maybe it was another post by you?).
Often I feel that I am asexual. I have some bit of a sex drive, sometimes more than others. Mostly not. I have a thyroid condition that pretty much zapped my sex drive. I never had much in the first place, though. I always felt a little--just a little--different from others but that was just life for me.
I do find being hypnotized exciting, maybe even sexually stimulating. (But then, I think there are other issues/reasons why I enjoy hypnosis.) Recently I got a private message from someone who was extremely surprised that I don't really enjoy orgasms (through hypnosis--or otherwise). If I have them at all--my medication these days is making me have them occasionally even though they are something I'm not used to. I can't always say I enjoy such tension.
I wish I could write more right now, but I hope to write more to you at another point in time. Your post was interesting, informative, touching, and even a generous thing to do.
Wishing you peace and happiness,
Robbyn
From the moment I started reading I felt that you were female--then when you mentioned seeing a male body in the mirror I thought, "wow, that MUST be strange..." I found your post because I put "asexual" in the search engine here on this site. I had once come across another post by someone asexual (or maybe it was another post by you?).
Often I feel that I am asexual. I have some bit of a sex drive, sometimes more than others. Mostly not. I have a thyroid condition that pretty much zapped my sex drive. I never had much in the first place, though. I always felt a little--just a little--different from others but that was just life for me.
I do find being hypnotized exciting, maybe even sexually stimulating. (But then, I think there are other issues/reasons why I enjoy hypnosis.) Recently I got a private message from someone who was extremely surprised that I don't really enjoy orgasms (through hypnosis--or otherwise). If I have them at all--my medication these days is making me have them occasionally even though they are something I'm not used to. I can't always say I enjoy such tension.
I wish I could write more right now, but I hope to write more to you at another point in time. Your post was interesting, informative, touching, and even a generous thing to do.
Wishing you peace and happiness,
Robbyn
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by Luperci » February 16th, 2007, 2:35 am
To Barbie...
I can not say that I feel your pain, I can only honestly say that I empathise with you and hope that you can eventually find the peace that you seek. Life has at times been very hard for me and there are times that I wish that things had not happend or that they had happened differently.
To Catherine...
Being a MTF myself (just recently started), I can agree with you that yess the road is long anh hard and trying. There are things that are to this day still eluding my understanding. I fear that this will be a constant companion of mine for a long time and that I will come to understand it. Myself I have known since about 7 or 8 that there was something that was not quite right about me. Unfortunately my parents were both what I call bakwards hillbillies and this was something that was just NOT brought up. I learned most if not all of the ways that you can hide things from not only the outside world but also yourself. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I have ended up for some reason revisiting those feelings after I left my parents houshold and have only recently come to accept that I was born with the wrong sex. This caused and is still causing me some grief and stress, but each day as I progress to the true body that I should have been born with I do look at the pain that has happened in my life in the past and draw stregth from it to further propell me on my journey.
I have always been in tune with nature and the ever changing world that we live in. For some odd reason change has never frightened me the way it should a typical male. It almost seems to give me a point from which to look to steer from if you will.
I am happy to answer any questions and will email if you wish to keep it private.
I can not say that I feel your pain, I can only honestly say that I empathise with you and hope that you can eventually find the peace that you seek. Life has at times been very hard for me and there are times that I wish that things had not happend or that they had happened differently.
To Catherine...
Being a MTF myself (just recently started), I can agree with you that yess the road is long anh hard and trying. There are things that are to this day still eluding my understanding. I fear that this will be a constant companion of mine for a long time and that I will come to understand it. Myself I have known since about 7 or 8 that there was something that was not quite right about me. Unfortunately my parents were both what I call bakwards hillbillies and this was something that was just NOT brought up. I learned most if not all of the ways that you can hide things from not only the outside world but also yourself. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I have ended up for some reason revisiting those feelings after I left my parents houshold and have only recently come to accept that I was born with the wrong sex. This caused and is still causing me some grief and stress, but each day as I progress to the true body that I should have been born with I do look at the pain that has happened in my life in the past and draw stregth from it to further propell me on my journey.
I have always been in tune with nature and the ever changing world that we live in. For some odd reason change has never frightened me the way it should a typical male. It almost seems to give me a point from which to look to steer from if you will.
I am happy to answer any questions and will email if you wish to keep it private.
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by Tealparadise » July 23rd, 2007, 12:28 pm
I don't know if this will make you feel any better or not, but I thought I would mention that one of my psych professors said that more and more hospitals and doctors are postponing the gender assignment of unspecified babies due to situations exactly like the one you've described! Hopefully with greater knowledage and acceptance, all indeterminate babies will be given enough time to choose for themselves which route to take.
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by loony28 » July 23rd, 2007, 2:11 pm
Tealparadise wrote:I don't know if this will make you feel any better or not, but I thought I would mention that one of my psych professors said that more and more hospitals and doctors are postponing the gender assignment of unspecified babies due to situations exactly like the one you've described! Hopefully with greater knowledage and acceptance, all indeterminate babies will be given enough time to choose for themselves which route to take.
Well that's great for them but what about the ones who are clearly born male or female but their souls don't line up with the right gender? Take me for example. I'm in a male body but I know that my soul is female. What's more I wasn't born into the body I'm in now. Now before anybody tells me that I should go down the road of having a sex change if I truelly believe this, that's not for me. For one I don't have the money for it and for another to me it's just a shallow imitation. I know there will be those that say it's better than nothing but it's my opinion. I've recently started listening to Curse body on an 18 year old girl and I do believe that it will work or rather is working. It will take a while for the transformation just like with MTF or FTM sex changes. This file might help you Barbie, you never know. Oh and just for the record I do masterbate but I don't really get any satisfaction out of it, it's more like a chore to me. I haven't even dated or had sex in the last 7 years. And yes when I did date and have sex it was with women but they didn't last long and it wasn't that great.
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milky
by newoman » July 25th, 2007, 3:20 pm
hi; :D
i have been listing to the milky file for about 4 months now,and added something along with the file on my screen called subliminal blaster pro it has messages pop up on the screen very fast only for your sub concious to see.you can also add your own which i did, along with pictures of women lactating so this has caused the program to work faster.
i now feel my breast have enlarged some and have more feelings to them, my nipples are more sensative any time i touch them they grow very hard. :lol:
i have been listing to the milky file for about 4 months now,and added something along with the file on my screen called subliminal blaster pro it has messages pop up on the screen very fast only for your sub concious to see.you can also add your own which i did, along with pictures of women lactating so this has caused the program to work faster.
i now feel my breast have enlarged some and have more feelings to them, my nipples are more sensative any time i touch them they grow very hard. :lol:
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by PrincessMelissa » July 26th, 2007, 12:56 pm
Well that's great for them but what about the ones who are clearly born male or female but their souls don't line up with the right gender? Take me for example. I'm in a male body but I know that my soul is female. What's more I wasn't born into the body I'm in now. Now before anybody tells me that I should go down the road of having a sex change if I truelly believe this, that's not for me. For one I don't have the money for it and for another to me it's just a shallow imitation. I know there will be those that say it's better than nothing but it's my opinion.
I feel the same way. Besides, with me being married and having a week-old daughter, I can't really go back now and change, you know?
I'll tell my story later, as it'll probably make me feel better.
- PrincessMelissa
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- Joined: October 18th, 2005, 12:00 am
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