Becoming the whore that I am

by **foobaa2** » March 23rd, 2008, 4:11 pm

This all started with a little bit of curiosity a couple of years back. I was stoned and stumbled across adult.hypnoticwishes.com one night and started mastubating to an image of a shemale version of Gillian Anderson. The caption alongside the image talked about wanting to become her. I watched, I masturbated and came, closed my browser window and thought nothing more of it.

A month or so later I was stoned, alone and horny. Surfing the web I found this site, signed up for membership and started listening to TrigFemaleForm. I'm never really certain that I went into trance, but I started to listen to it more and more often. Then I started listening to cursestrokesissy, it really got into my head and I often found myself repeating my girly name "Samantha" whilst masturbating. After a week or so, I upped the stakes again and bought the Cross Dressing files when they were on sale. After only a couple of days I found myself corsetted, wearing stockings and high heels masturbating whilst repeating "Samantha".
I just freaked out, took the cloths off as quickly as possible and threw them away. Then I locked myself out of my account here (by changing my password to some random characters, using notepad and "copy and paste").
This was a real panic moment as I began realising that I didn't think there were any limits to the changes that would take place if I didn't stop immediately.
I forced myself not to listen and it lasted for a good few months. I went travelling, stopped smoking pot and got myself a girlfriend. I was happy and didn't ever think about being a shemale.

My girlfriend and I split up after a few months and I once again fell into the habit of getting really stoned late at night and sitting up surfing the internet for free porn.

I once again stumbled into warpmymind and signed up under a new name. A few weeks of cursestrokesissy and I was back to my old ways. I used to wait until everyone had gone home from work. I would lock all of the doors, close all the blinds and dress completely as a woman. I would do my make-up and take pride in my work. I spent an entire weekend locked in the office dressed a a girl, in a perpetual state of arousal. Every time got a little more serious, and again I found my conviction to the cause become more and more absolute.

The most depraved act I remember from my office was dressing completely (tight corset, sexy lingerie, make-up, nails, stockings, 4 inch heels, styled hair and a business suit on top), inserting a 7inch rubber dildo in my ass, tying myself sat down on a chair (so not to escape the dildo). Inserting my headphones with cursestrokesissy on repeat, setting my computer to repeat a subviewer preset for 6 hours and handcuffing my hands behind my back and the chair. I had a release mechanism for release after six hours.

After six hours I was so spaced out, I was chanting Samantha outloud and desperately horny. I uncuffed myself and came harder than I ever have into a glass. I then drank and loved every drop of my cum.

In a way I was lucky, the company went into liquidation and I could no longer stay in the office for these acts as the office was no longer ours. I had to look for a job, life became really complcated and I just didn't have the time or energy to continue my pursuits.

Then six months ago, I got a new job. The best paid job I have ever had. I was bought new computer equipment for both my home and my office and was set up doing research assignments in my chosen subject of Group Dynamics. A lot of this work led me to field assignments, so I spent a lot of lonely evenings in hotel rooms across the UK. I needed a way to occupy my time, but I also needed something to relax my mind. So I turned back to hypnosis. And staight back to being a wannabe shemale slut.
I bought more cloths, more dildo's and more shoes. I got my nipples and ears pierced. Now when I tie myself I can tie strings between my nipples and the heels on my shoes, so any effort to escape before time is felt in my nipples:-)

Every night for the last three months (for which time I have been working from home) I have downloaded a couple of subviewer files, combined them, dressed in my slutiest cloths and then got really stoned whilst watching my presets. Once I have finished smoking my three joints I continue to watch my files whilst masturbating to completion. As soon as I cum I swallow it all and then feel horribly degraded and humiliated. I remove my cloths immediately, delete my subviewer files and go to sleep. For a while I would throw the cloths away, but I would just end up buying panties, bras, stockings and makeup every other day and it was costing a fortune. So now I pack them up, make my futile effort to never do this again by deleting the files and then wait until the innevitable happens the next day.

I get home from work now, smoke a joint and as soon as I am stoned I begin downloading and combing my files and the whole thing starts again.

Now, I'm desperately horny sat on my friends sofa pretending to be working, but instead I am telling you my "success" story.
It is succesful, so succesful that I cannot seem to break the spell, I find myself finding newer ways to make myself more girlish without taking the steps into hormones. I find myself dreaming of sucking cock as my mouth waters. And to top it off my method of relaxation after work has become my trigger for being this shemale whore. I know that if this continues I will be out sucking cock while dressed like a slut within a matter of weeks, I crave for someone to fuck my ass.

I can only see two possibilities now:

1.) I will stop smoking pot all togther. Go back to being "normal" and never some here again. Bearing in mind that I have a ten year pot habit this may be difficult.

2.) Become a perpetualy stoned, sexy shemale with massive boobs and a desperate need to be filled in all ways. This seems like the far more likely outcome.

I'm scared really, when I'm not stoned I am disgusted with myself and I when I am stoned I am completely focussed on being a shemale slut.

Read into this what you will, this is an honest account of the last couple of years of my life. It frightens me that now I am almost proud to be this slut like creature.

All I'm saying is be careful what you wish for, or accidently stumble into when you are stoned.

Samantha

by **asdfghjk** » March 23rd, 2008, 5:19 pm

After that most recent discussion, I was expecting Bel Air.

I was disappointed.

by **Henrique** » March 23rd, 2008, 5:36 pm

Bob? It is you?

asdfghjk wrote:After that most recent discussion, I was expecting Bel Air.

I was disappointed.

I tought the same.

Why can't you see that becoming a stoned shemale is better? Sex, drugs and Rock'n'Roll. Be fucked by a black man while stoned listening to the Stones. Then tell us everything!
Oh, (wo)man... I would love to be in your position!!

by **SDoll** » March 23rd, 2008, 7:30 pm

Henrique wrote:
asdfghjk wrote:After that most recent discussion, I was expecting Bel Air.

I was disappointed.

I tought the same.

Why can't you see that becoming a stoned shemale is better? Sex, drugs and Rock'n'Roll. Be fucked by a black man while stoned listening to the Stones. Then tell us everything!
Oh, (wo)man... I would love to be in your position!!

Same on both counts. After reading half way through I went to the bottom to make sure.

by **Mino** » March 24th, 2008, 9:23 am

You can always buy the removal files.

by **sissyjaime** » March 24th, 2008, 1:59 pm

how is it smoking pot with other people? I know that smoking pot gets me really self conscious and I feel really girly and gay and sometimes feel like everyone can notice, so I quit smoking pot... I used to love getting stoned by myself and dress up and browse the net looking at shemales and dreaming of being fucked... haven't done that in awhile, but there was nothing better than that! nothing brings out the slutty girl in me like pot does, so I know exactly how you feel. Pot makes me feel 100 times more femme

by **SomePerson** » March 24th, 2008, 9:16 pm

by **VeryGnawty** » March 25th, 2008, 1:58 am

You have a very powerful imagination, bro. Screw society and smoke more pot, take hormones and become a real shemale.

I'd hit it 8)

by **SDoll** » March 25th, 2008, 6:35 pm

VeryGnawty wrote:You have a very powerful imagination, bro. Screw society and smoke more pot, take hormones and become a real shemale.

I'd hit it 8)

With 5 crow bars? :wink:

by **Hurrr** » March 25th, 2008, 9:46 pm

cd_sara wrote:
VeryGnawty wrote:You have a very powerful imagination, bro. Screw society and smoke more pot, take hormones and become a real shemale.

I'd hit it 8)

With 5 crow bars? :wink:

Moar like the fist of an angry god.

by **VeryGnawty** » March 25th, 2008, 10:45 pm

Hurrr wrote:
Moar like the fist of an angry god.

God stopped smiting people long ago. Now it's all about love.

by **foobaa2** » March 29th, 2008, 5:53 am

Things had got both better and worse since my first post, depending on your or my point of view.

When I say they have got worse, I am more adicted than ever before. I've spent at least 8 hours dressed everyday this week. And at least three hours each day listening to and watching my files.
So in the eyes of my Male persona things have got worse.

In the eyes of Samantha (my female persona) things have got soo much better. Everyday have been a horny dazed dream, just waiting to get home, get stoned and get dressed.
My nipples are soo sensitive, I'm sure my breasts are slightly swollen. I manage to lace my corset tighter and tighter each day.
My ass aches to be used more and more.
I've waxed my legs, chest and bikini line, I really am becoming a shemale.

Now I'm trying to devise a training plan to help loose some weight and shape my body into a girlish figure.

If anyone has any adivice/websites that can help with a shemale fitness plan please let me know.

The only thing left to do now is find some real cock to use me. South West UK, anyone?

by **SDoll** » March 29th, 2008, 6:15 pm

foobaa2 wrote:
Now I'm trying to devise a training plan to help loose some weight and shape my body into a girlish figure.

If anyone has any adivice/websites that can help with a shemale fitness plan please let me know.

The only thing left to do now is find some real cock to use me. South West UK, anyone?

http://www.warpmymind.com/modules.php?name=Files&file=index&op=PlayFile&ftype=1&fid=182 Diet

http://www.warpmymind.com/modules.php?name=Files&file=index&op=PlayFile&ftype=1&fid=1578 Figure

by **foobaa2** » April 15th, 2008, 2:47 am

I haven't logged in for a couple of weeks.
I know now that this whole thing was a strange disaster waiting to happen.

A sudden realisaion that I want to have children in the future and be a succesful "normal" person, bought me crashing back to reality.

I haven't smoked any pot for a couple of weeks and all of my "normal" urges have returned. I know longer want to be a shemale, I want to find a beautiful girl and be the man that I am.

I am hoping that in my case that this is an end to my transformation phase, I could really see myself going quite insane if I carried on.

All in all, I'm glad that I embarked upon this course of action, but am more glad that I found a way out, before it was too late.

To you all I wish you good luck, but hope that I will not be back.

by **dsfargeg** » April 21st, 2008, 4:39 pm

Oh god why

by **sissyjaime** » May 10th, 2008, 3:57 am

I really do hope you come back :) I enjoyed chatting with you on yahoo messenger... We were very similar, I have gone through my times where I think I'm at the brink of becoming the complete sissy girl I want to be, then completely stop listening to the files and stop dressing for months at a time, but I always come back. At the moment, I think I've reached that brink again and have already taken further than I ever have. I finally started to go out and buy female clothes in public... I started at Walmart, late at night when no one was there and I just bought a few things... some panties and a waist cincher. Now just this week I took the big step and went to Maurice's, a womans clothing store, and bought a few beautiful trendy outfits. I claimed they were for my girlfriends birthday and even asked for boxes to wrap them in. I think that helped a lot...

The next day I went to another womens clothing store and shopped around for awhile and ended up buying two sexy, fashionable tops. The woman at the register said "We don't see too many men in here..." Again, I just played it cool, telling her it was for my gf's b-day, asking for a box and gift receipt... As soon as I was done there I went to ANOTHER store and shopped around and bought some more amazing clothes, the lady there seemed very suspicious because I spent so much time looking through everything and I said "yeah, I'm not too good at this whole shopping for my gf thing."

Then finally, yesterday, I went to a specialty costume/lingerie shop and browsed for a 15 minutes or so and picked out a sexy pink and black corset and a pink geisha costume! The lady at the counter said "I think these colors will look good on you." I was pretty flustered, but played it cool, jokingly saying "oh yeah? you think so?" then laughingly said "naw, it's for my GF... but kind of for me, if you know what I mean ;)" I consider myself a smooth talker, so I think she might have bought it, but who knows?

The funny thing is, I don't really care anymore... buying clothes is a breeze for me now. I've come to the point where I don't ccare if they believe me or not, as long as I get my sexy girlie clothes! hehehe

Although, I think I'm getting addicted to shopping lol! Now I know why women like it so much!

I feel that with every day I am becoming more of a sissy whore, more and more of a girl... I sleep in lingerie at night and dress EVERY chance I get now(which is hard being in college and living with 4 other roommates in a house). I really hope that I continue at the rate I am going... who knows what could happen next????

by **l3ishop** » May 22nd, 2008, 5:06 pm

I know what you mean about the clothing shopping, guys. Though I think I have it somewhat easier than you. My gf has been very supportiveof this whole thing, and both of us are part of the goth subcultre. A while ago a fetish-themed party happened in one of the clubs and we went cross-dressed. Also, I've owned my own under-bust corset for a few years now, custom-made. The alternative communities -some of them, anyway- are much more open about that.

It feels good to be able to go out in public with knee-length boots, fishnet-hold ups, a tight PVC skirt and corset with a shoulder-baring top. I don't know if I'm a smooth talker when it comes to the underwear shopping, but I think the store ladies take nervousness as par for the course. :)

by **sabrinaselentra** » May 22nd, 2008, 11:21 pm

Have a little fun go shopping. Get the stuff you love. Life is short and your only young once. For more feminization stuff. I have just created a brand new website, whispernymph.com and right now everything is free. How long can it last. well not forever, and neither does life grab and enjoy it, its precious.

by **dorasexyexplora** » September 9th, 2009, 9:26 pm

Yeah, I feel you man, I've been kind of going on and off with feminization. I've thrown/burned away my clothes, high heels, make-up, buttplugs, and dildoes about 4 times now, everything together must have cost at least a grand. To top it all off, I have a mistress who I can visit whenever I want that really enjoys feminizing and fucking me. I used to curl up in the shower and cum in my mouth weekly, I'd feel humilated and horrible about it every time but I kept doing it :roll: . I bought an 8" dildo and I used to use anal-Eze so I could really fuck myself deep to the point where I would bleed a little without feeling discomfort, very bad idea, thankfully everything healed 100%. After I cummed, I would feel retarded and disgusted at myself, and my anus would hurt for weeks :( .

The thing is, I can only be aroused and enjoy feminizing myself if I'm sexually deprived (aka no masturbating), for about a week. Once I orgasm, I feel a strong desire to take everything off, throw it in a closet, and delete everything off my computer.

I came to the conclusion that at the very core, I really don't want to be a woman. I noticed that my desire to feminize and crossdress really fires up into overdrive whenever I get extremely lonely and don't have a girlfriend, so in a way, this is my way of filling that "void" in my life through this fetish. I've tested and tried feminizing all the way with pills and whanot, experimenting with bi-sex, etc. nothing ever worked in the long run, my mind/body simply rejects it all after orgasm.

For now, I've scaled to just wearing lace panties, playing with a small buttplug inside me, and using pink fluffy handcuffs on myself while watching subviewer. I no longer feel humiliated or degraded after doing this, plus the clean-up is easy. For me(and I'm sure for quite a few others as well) it's just purely a sexual fetish, not a lifestyle worth pursuing.

by **Alien4420** » September 10th, 2009, 1:51 pm

Does anyone know what it's like, living full time when it's just a sexual thing? My story is a lot like Foobaa's, I used to get off sometimes on the idea of having sex as a woman so I started listening to fem files a few years ago and they left me wanting to be a shemale, now Stroke Sissy is making me want to go 24/7. But it's a purely sexual thing, I'm not TS.

I managed to stop listening to Stroke Sissy a couple of days ago but when I start to masturbate I start to say my girl name and all the desire comes back. And I'm wondering what it's like for someone like me to go full time, I've read that it can be hard to get guys since gay guys want men and bi guys just look to t-girls for sex, plus I'm middle aged, petite and could be passable but hardly the 20-year-old sex bombs you see on porn sites . . .

Becoming the whore that I am

Becoming the whore that I am

a little nudge

Who is online