Feminization or not?

[Garota]

Hey

I´m a little confused concerning feminization. On the one hand, I´ve always been satisfied how I am, on the other hand, I wish to be a woman since childhood (I´m 22). The problem is that I don´t know if I should really continue listening to these files (I listened a few times to SFW an CSS, but now I´ve been "clean" for 3 months). In fact, I have a very muscular body because I´ve been working out for 4 years, although I always wished to be more feminine, and I´m afraid that I might become such a muscular female, at least during transition.
I really don´t know whether I should go for the feminization or whether I should continue to ignore this desire.
Hope you can help me.

Greetz

[Cade]

Its all your decision. there are pros and cons do doing either one.

try weighing them to see which is better and which you think would make you happier in life.

Other than that we cannot make the decision for you (i mean.. unless you're telling us to choose for you, then that's another story ;) )

[davelowe1977]

Other than that we cannot make the decision for you (i mean.. unless you're telling us to choose for you, then that's another story ;) )

I suggest that you do more research on the web into the issue - maybe contact some people who have similar feelings or who have chosen a route to go down. How are they getting along?

Cade - you tease! ;)

[Kenn]

Don't take appearance into consideration. Muscle mass will go down if you quit working those muscles; granted it won't happen instantly but it'll be quick enough. No matter how masculine you look, there are ways of getting around that and still look feminine.

All that matters is if it is something you really want. If you truely wish to have a feminine body, or a completely female boby, then go for it. It's ok to be curious about it, just don't get into the curses or strongly worded files unless you're sure it's what you want.

[User517]

I'd say that the biggest thing you should be concerned about, as far as passing goes, is what kind of body frame you have, and how deep your natural speaking voice is. Although voice can be worked on over time, if you have a particularly large frame, broad shoulders, even with surgery, there probably isn't much to make it work. Having a wide chest, while not only making any breast growth seem odd, also tends to make finding normal clothing harder unless you're willing to do it yourself or visit specialty shops.

As far as happiness goes, that's really something you're going to have to sit down and figure out for yourself. Depending on how far in your looking to go, it can make it much harder to find work, living spaces, or even be accepted in many parts of the world. Although communities do exist to help you, they can often be rather politicized depending on area, and how you define yourself.

You really need to ask yourself where you want to be in 5, 10, 20 years. What it is about feminization that makes you interested? Is it the clothes? The act of submitting? Doing thoughts/behavior which is taboo? The thought of seeing yourself as someone else? And how all of this might affect where you want to be. Once you start down this road, it can often be hard to stop, and nearly impossible to go back. This is not to suggest that it is necessarily a bad thing, or unwanted by some, just that it is usually a one-way trip.

I would do a bit more research on things before really making any decision. At 22, most people don't really know who they are yet, so hasty decisions are not encouraged.

[MacGyver]

i have to agree with user, do some research first. when i was younger i was made fun of all the time, not just because the scale said i was heavy but imagine if you will someone who is 38 inches around the waist and yet in mens jeans has to wear size 50 because of the size of his thighs. yeah, alot of people would just assume i was a gay or something because i had more of a feminine figure, the reason i had that was because of riding a bicycle around 100 miles a day and at speeds of around 45-50 mph.

now, my muscles never stuck out no matter how big they got, which is really weird for a guy like me who has a large frame.

also know that if you grow breasts larger than a B cup, they could become very hard to hide. a samll waist is easy to hide as long as your shoulders are about as wide as your hips, if you currently wear your shirts tucked in, you will need to wear your shirts outside your pants, which is the way i got people to stop noticing the fact my waist was nearl 14 inches smaller than my hips.

i am out of shape since the knee injury 10 years or so ago but plan to regain the shape i had, and by the time that happens, my co-workers will accept it this time as i done told them my plans and how i used to look due to the power of my leg muscles.

now, if you are the type that looks ripped, you will need to change your excercise regime from building muscle to keeping toned rather than ripped. you may also wish to use the curse gurlish figure as that file is designed to work on feminine shape rather than muscles.

but please, do the research, spend some tiem thinking about it before you just jump in head first, think of the outcome and what could happen. myself, i have thought about it for around 20 years and come to the conclusion that what i want is the feminine shape and if boobs, then no bigger than a B cup so i can hide them in every day life, and since i was like 15, i would not take off my shirt to get into the water so, i would not really be making any lifestyle changes.

i aint sayin to take as long as me before deciding but, atleast take some time to think about first, then start off and make it a slow change. if you change too fast, people are going to notice and your life may become a living hell. for me, the femme shape is so i will be able to crossdress for halloween and the occasional free beer on ladies night. something like keeping the hair off ya legs, yeah, that one is addictive but, noone really notices as i have never had much hair on my body to begin with.

[Garota]

thanks for all of your answers so far, some of them helped me quite a lot, but I still don´t really know what to do, I think I´m going to wait again for a little whileand hope to find a solution :)

@User517: the problem is that I have very broad shoulders... :)

[User517]

@User517: the problem is that I have very broad shoulders... :)

Then the next step is asking yourself how much of an impact you really want this to have in your life, and what you think will make you happy. The sad truth behind any transition period is that there will be times where you will be at serious odds between how you want to look, and how your body can be changed. For some, hormones are enough, for others they need rather extensive and expensive plastic surgery. There is no magic wand to bring about this change. Although some physical and chemical things can be done with hypnosis, hypnosis is mostly about adjusting your own self perceptions so that you might be more accepting of those conflicts, or to open you to ideas you weren't too interested in initially, or in the case of some files around here, give suggestions which encourage certain desires and motivations.

My advice is the same, you should really do some soul searching and figure out just what it is that makes you tick. Once you know why it is that you have this desire, and what particular aspect you're fixated on, you can probably find other, less dramatic ways of working with it. I had a boss once, was a rather outspoken, well mannered and confident person, but had painted his toenails. It's not a big thing, and not something that would even be noticed unless you caught him with his socks off, but it was his thing. I'm not too sure if there was anything significant behind this. But, it was probably just what he needed to feel a bit more complete, or more engaged with life.

[Brianne]

The fact that your even seriously asking shows that you have a real underlying desire to explore your femininity. You should do it! The worst thing you can do is tell yourself to ignore it and just be a man. You may end up getting married to a women who knows nothing of your desires. You may think that marriage will make your desires go away. What will really happen is that after your married they will come back creating a lot of stress and confusion in your marriage. While you have the freedom to do so follow your heart. I don't mean hormones or anything serious, just explore and see where it takes you. Having broad shoulders is not going to change who you really are inside. There are female fashions that can hide a large frame. Life is just too short to try and conform for someone else. Trust me on this.

[User517]

The fact that your even seriously asking shows that you have a real underlying desire to explore your femininity. You should do it! The worst thing you can do is tell yourself to ignore it and just be a man. You may end up getting married to a women who knows nothing of your desires. You may think that marriage will make your desires go away. What will really happen is that after your married they will come back creating a lot of stress and confusion in your marriage. While you have the freedom to do so follow your heart. I don't mean hormones or anything serious, just explore and see where it takes you. Having broad shoulders is not going to change who you really are inside. There are female fashions that can hide a large frame. Life is just too short to try and conform for someone else. Trust me on this.

Or you could discover that what you are feeling is merely how some other desire is being expressed, understand what this aspect is, and accept it as simply part of who you are without needing to go into anything too drastic or life changing. The impulse does not matter, but instead how strong it is, and what specific things it is driving. The problem with the mentality of it being something that should be embraced in all cases, or that not embracing it to its fullest will only lead to more problems is that it still ends up trapping some people in a cycle of being at odds between the person they're being told that they should be, and who they really feel that they are. During highschool and college I had a friend who was transgender, or atleast thought themself to be. As part of trying to support him, and show that I was still a friend, I had joined him in going to one of those group sessions where they discuss how their feelings are all natural, and were something that was always part of them, and all that. Even though I am quite comfortable living as a man, and have grown to like some aspects of my manliness, most of their initial impression of me was as someone who was lying to themself, and making excuses, who really had felt that they were born in the wrong body, instead of simply wanting to support my friend in his transition. In the few years that followed my friend continued going through various ups and downs in the process, often calling me in the middle of the night in tears of frustration. Went though a few attempts to purge their wardrobe, was even suicidal for awhile. Eventually s/he moved out west, and we've lost contact over the years, so don't really know what ever happened. Last I heard, they were living with some friends they made there, and were contemplating a name change.

Just because someone goes part way in something out of curiosity, and isn't immediately freaked out by it, or totally disgusted by the idea doesn't necessarily mean that it is something that they should change their whole life to fit around. You should try to differentiate words of support from words of direction or encouragement. And really decide for yourself what you think is best. Some thoughts of wanting to be a girl, or feeling not like a boy, are actually quite common once children start developing concepts of gender differences, and try to identify which one they are. The same things may continue to happen throughout a person's life. That may not mean that they are living a lie, or are in denial of some part of themselves, but may merely be some confusion between who they want to be and who others are telling them to be.

I guess the real center of the issue is what you want to believe about the self. Is it something static, which is decided by birth, and which we are forever at odds with in trying to project those innate aspects into our life, or is it something mutable, which changes as we grow, reflecting those various aspects which we are most exposed, or have a greater affinity with? Are we born as a certain gender, or do we gain that identity as we age? Likewise, is gender something absolute and innate, or is it something more flexible and primarily just a social construct to divide the sexes? How one answers these questions affects how they define a person as being merely confused, metro-sexual, feminine, transvestite, gay, transgender, and so on.

Regardless, the point is that the concept of "living a lie" works both ways. In both cases it is some group of people trying to tell you how you should be so that it fits within their ideals of what is right or wrong, instead of letting you define it yourself. Yes, you could dive right in, and be rather happy, you could also let those minor aspects come forth as part of who you are, instead of making them define who you are, and still be mostly happy. You could even come to the realization that these feelings are just a bit of confusion, sort through them, and never have any of this come up again, while leading a life which is no more conflicted than otherwise. Or you could be miserable, confused, and inadequate no matter what you do.

No disrespect to anyone who may think otherwise. This is merely what I believe after being exposed to what I have over the years. Going through such a life changing process takes a great deal of personal strength, courage, and commitment. I'm not trying to suggest that anything you did was wrong, only that there may be other solutions to be considered before going down that road.