Project Transformation

[VeryGnawty]

Finally...my file is somewhat presentable. I apologize in advance for the funny formatting. I had to retrieve this from my old mail account.

This project is for those who want serious feminization changes. It is geared more towards the physical aspect (I am assuming prior experience with the mental aspect, i.e. transgenderism). This project is suitable for those who want feminization, but don't like EMG's files, or those who would like to use a more self-directed approach to feminization. I actually discovered this method on accident three years ago. Don't ask me how. I probably won't tell you. And no, I don't have pictures.

The following is a modified version of the letter sent to my original confederate in this project. Just ignore any parts that don't pertain to you. Also, the dietary information is majorly outdated (I'm working on it).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sense that we have a lot in common. I, too, denied
my femininity for a long time. I would occasionally
cross-dress. But that would not suffice. I'm
pangendered, with a very strong feminine side. In
denying my true essence, I had created my own prison.

*Know* that the mind may mark the flesh. In *knowing*
this, I became free. You say that you think your
breasts have grown in size recently. I do not doubt
the possibility, as you have come to *know* more of
yourself. Belief shapes our universe. Knowledge is
power. When you used to try to be masculine, you
became more masculine. Your brain sent certain
signals to your body, which would encourage
masculinity and discourage femininity. When you try
to be feminine, the opposite happens. The *knowing*
of this is power.

The science isn't as important. But it can be usefull
for other reasons. It's nice to know the chemistry
and biology behind things. Then, better choices can
be made.

First of all, you should be as healthy as possible
(physically and mentally). The ability for your body
to grow is dependent upon your nutrition. Eat a well
balanced diet, and get plenty of fiber and
carbohydrates. Eat wheat bread instead of white
bread. I have found wheat bread to be a good source
of nutrients. It can replace "junk food" as a snack.
Or you can make a sandwich, whatever. Also, vitamins
(particularly B complex) have a lot to do with cell
growth. I suppose you could take a multi-vitamin, but
I would suggest eating enriched cereal or other foods.
Your body doesn't absorb the nutrients as well in
concentrated pills. I have also heard that certain
foods, mainly soy products and vegetables (especially
legumes) contain compounds similar to estrogens. I
have not tested this. The estrogens produced in the
body are much more potent anyway.

Now, things to AVOID. I have found that candy or
other snacks don't provide much energy. They are high
in sugar (which is not a good source of energy). I
would suggest eating bread or vegetables as an
alternative. Caffeine, in particular, seems very bad.
I have read on the internet that it is an endocrine
disruptor. It binds to estrogen (preventing estrogen
from doing it's job). I have not verified this. But
it is a drug. It creates "highs" and "lows" which
prevent one from concentrating to their full
potential. Avoid caffeinated foods/beverages at all
costs. I would suggest drinking milk, juice, or
water. I drink nothing but water. I have found that
after I stopped drinking carbonated beverages, my
overall health and my ability to feel "feminine" was
greatly increased. Obviously, stay away from alcohol
or other mind-altering substances. And NO SMOKING.
This should be obvious, but I can't tell you how many
people smoke thinking it will cure their problems
(whatever problems those may be). The Nicotine in
cigarettes is an endocrine disruptor. This is
scientifically proven. It will ruin your overall
health, and your body's ability to maintain it's
hormone balance (which is why smokers get a "buzz").
Everything that you think or feel is caused by
hormones. Nobody knows how many hormones are in the
human body. Hormones are how the brain tells the body
what to do.

Following the above steps should make a difference in
itself. I used to eat very poorly (I was suicidal so
I didn't care about my health). I noticed a MAJOR
difference after changing my diet. Wheat bread, in
particular, seems to make a big difference. For about
a month I ate almost nothing but wheat bread. That's
because at start, I thought I would "lose" the "magic"
that allowed me to become/feel more feminine, and
wheat bread seemed to help keep it because (at the
time) it was much healthier than the other foods that
I ate. Also, eating white meat instead of red meat
seems to help. Depending on what you eat now, and how
much you change your diet, you could lose weight.
When you lose weight, you may lose some fat in your
breasts, and they may become smaller. I didn't notice
this when I lost weight, because I was already very
skinny and I had a very flat chest. Flatter than
anyone else I knew, in fact. But if you do lose
weight, expect to lose some breast volume. Don't let
it discourage you. If you can get your breasts to
grow, you will eventually make up for lost volume (and
they will be more proportional given your reduced
weight).

Phew! Now that we have that long-winded section out
of the way, on to the next part. If you desire to
follow my path, it will take more than the steps
mentioned in the previous paragraphs. Those are just
facts. Anybody can memorize facts. True wisdom does
not come from facts, but from the soul. I don't
*know* your current religion. But if you desire to
follow my path, it will be a spiritual journey. The
mind is like a parachute: it only works when it is
open. God will not punish you for being yourself,
contrary to popular belief. And if your God DOES
punish you for being yourself, you need to change
gods!! My path is very similar to that of many
Eastern religions. In other words, my religion
focuses on Enlightenment. Most Western religions
focus on Salvation.

To jump-start this hormone conversion, I did much
meditation. I was rather new to meditation, but it is
easy to do. I usually lie down when I meditate,
although I will occasionally use the traditional full
lotus or Indian style sitting positions. Many people
meditate for many reasons. I meditate to increase the
*knowing* of myself.

Tantra may also help, but you sound like you are at
the level where you should not need it. But it can be
helpfull because Tantra specifically focuses on the
balance between Yin (female energy) and Yang (male
energy). A true Tantra master will not appear to be
specifically male or female, because the ultimate goal
of Tantra is to become androgynous, which is a divine
quality in many religions.

When I meditate, I am "telling" my body to become more
feminine. I am utilizing a mind-body connection that
(before I started meditating) I didn't know I had.
The actual process is rather easy. It just takes a
large amount of will and focus. Both of those
qualities can be learned, if you do not have them
already. Keep in mind that meditation can be done
anywhere at any time. But if you are just starting,
find a place where you are free from distractions.

Since I had denied my feminine side, I bring it forth
during meditation. You must *know* your feminine
essence. I assume this is already *known* to you.
Most people that I associate with find that they
"feel" more feminine by crossdressing, or some other
activity. It is this "feeling" which you must come to
*know.* This "feeling" is created by certain
hormones. But this "feeling" can also be used to
create certain hormones. It's a synergistic process.

First, you must come to *know* this feeling. You want
to *know* it well enough that you can invoke this
feeling without crossdressing, or behaving in any
particular way. I would suggest stages. These are
roughly the same stages that I followed.

1. Find a good place to meditate. Explore your
feminine feeling. You want to be able to increase
this feeling at will. It may be confusing at first.
Don't be afraid if you start to feel female.
Crossdress if you need to, or if you feel it helps.

2. Be able to do step 1 without crossdressing or some
other behavior. You should be able to feel feminine,
and control this feeling using only your mind.

3. Now that you are comfortable meditating in a
secure environment, try something more distracting.
Meditate during activities which involve minimal
physical activity. Meditate while reading a book,
watching a movie, or while on the internet. Depending
on how feminine you feel at the time, you may find
that you "experience" a movie or book in a different
way.

4. This is the step that I'm at. Once you are
comfortable with step 3, try meditating in more
distracting situations. Perhaps at noisy family
gatherings, or during activities which require more
motor skills. The goal is to eventually be able to
meditate at any place and any time. Just make sure
that you are also focused on what you are doing.


Of course, I'm not saying that you can't still
crossdress. But you should be able to invoke your
feminine side without having to crossdress. Also, if
you are one of the types who can't sit still very
long, you could try methods other than traditional
meditation. You could put on some music that you like
and meditate while dancing. It doesn't matter how you
establish a mind-body connection, as long as you do.
You eventually want your feminine side to "overpower"
your masculine side, in a sense.

The real key to meditation is patience and focus. In
reality, you are not "trying" to become more feminine
as much as "letting" yourself become more feminine.
If you try to "force" yourself to be feminine, it will
be the same as when you tried to "force" yourself to
be masculine. You must stop "trying" to be feminine,
and just be feminine. You must practice, but
effortlessly, as a leaf falls from a tree.

*Know* that this path is not for the weak of heart.
When you increase the *knowing* of yourself, you may
find that you are more feminine than you thought. You
cannot let anyone convince you that your path is not
true, even your wife. Pleasing others is not what is
important. Enlightenment is important. If your wife
thinks you are becoming too feminine, or you are
taking things too far, you must have the courage to
stand up for yourself. If you do not have
self-confidence, then you do not truly *know*
yourself. I don't know how much you have told your
wife. I gather from your message that she does not
know you want to have bigger breasts. *Know* that you
must eventually tell her. If you do not feel
comfortable doing so, wait until you have the self
confidence to do so. When you come to *know*
yourself, and your mind is not divided, you will have
no fear. You can never tell exactly how someone may
react. She may be fine with crossdressing, but if you
actually begin to physically look more like a female,
she may not be fine with that.

One thing I forgot to mention. Besides using the
"feminine" feeling to change your overall hormones,
you can also focus on particular body parts. You
could focus specifically on your breasts and "will"
them to grow.

Of course, if you actually do get aromatization to
work, many things may change besides your breasts.
Estrogens cause many effects. Unfortunately, I did
not keep a journal or log of changes during the
process, so I will list everything I can remember...

1. Skin and hair become less oily.

2. Skin becomes softer (and possibly more pale in
color).

3. Body and facial hair may regrow slower (if you
shave) and may become lighter (when it regrows).

4. If you have acne, it may disappear or be reduced.
This is one of the more variable side effects. If you
have an acne problem, this will probably be the first
difference you will notice. I had an annoying acne
problem. It is mostly gone now.

5. You may lose muscle mass (especially if you are
very muscular). I never exercised anyway, so I didn’t
notice a difference.

6. Possible fat redistribution. More fat may collect
in the breasts and in the lower abdomen and hip area.
More likely if you are young. I'm 20, and my fat has
redistributed for a somewhat more female appearance.
My hips are slightly wider and there is less "bulge"
in my stomach. But I'm skinny and wear loose clothes,
so nobody has noticed but me. This is my favorite
achievement (but not the most important). Of course,
having wider hips does have it's disadvantages.

7. I noticed that after a couple of months, my chest
was breaking out with irritating red blotches of skin.
I have no idea what this is called, but I think it
was a result of estrogens. It may have been caused by
something else. I think I was trying too hard and
moving too fast (i.e. my estrogen concentration was
too high).

8. Head hair may become healthier, and a receding
hairline may stop receding. This is because less
testosterone is converted to dihydrotestosterone
(DHT). DHT interferes with hair growth. I didn't
have a receding hairline, but my hair is healthier.

9. Your blood may not clot as quickly. Estrogen
thins the blood. Of course, the only way to test this
is to cut yourself, which I don't recommend. But if
you do cut yourself, it may take longer for the blood
to clot, so don't freak out like I did. One day I cut
myself and it took about 15 seconds longer than normal
for the blood to clot. I freaked out and spent the
next 6 hours (with no break) researching to find out
why. I found out that estrogens thin the blood. It
was at this point when I first started believing that
my hormones had actually changed. This was several
weeks after I first started meditating.

10. You may smell different. Your body odor is
determined by many things, and "sex hormones" is one
of them. Diet also plays a large role in body odor.
This is very variable. If you are able to concentrate
very hard, and change your hormones very quickly, you
will notice a major change in the way you smell. This
could happen in a matter of minutes. But if you do,
someone else may notice. In the beginning, I was
moving along so quickly that my body odor became quite
powerfull from the extra hormones. It would mix with
my deodorant, and create a very unpleasant smell. I
stopped wearing deodorant. I don't care what people
say, I like the way I smell! It's natural, and I'm a
very naturalistic type person. Besides, I smell more
like a girl (and how cool is that?).

11. Fingernails and toenails may become softer. This
is the only effect I haven't found any reference to on
the internet, but I include it because I noticed it.
It may be caused by something else (i.e. change in
diet).

12. Breasts may grow. They may become sore or itchy.
The amount of pain that you can endure is up to you.
But if you are sore, at least you know it's working.
If it becomes too uncomfortable, you can always slow
down. Remember, there's no rush. No matter how high
you can make your estrogen concentration, growth is
still dependent on other factors such as cell growth
potential and genetics. I usually meditate before
falling asleep, because the body grows most during
sleep. And when I’m asleep, I can’t feel any soreness
(haha). Besides, I get better rest when I fall asleep
with the happy femme feeling (as opposed to the
grouchy guy feeling).

13. This is perhaps the most important part. If
there is any side effect to estrogen that you may not
like, it is probably this. When you convert androgens
to estrogens, there are less androgens available.
This affects sexual function. You may or may not
experience a decrease in libido. Erections may become
smaller and softer, and ejaculation may be less
intense. This is highly dependent on the amount of
testosterone available. If you go slowly, there won't
be much of a difference. If you try to keep your
estrogen concentration as high as possible at all
times, you may notice a major difference. Of course,
you can still become aroused whenever you want to,
because sex is mostly a mental process. You may also
notice a decrease in spontaneous erections (but most
guys hate these anyway). The penis may also become
more sensitive (I have no idea why this happens). Of
course, I wanted all of this to happen anyway, because
I never masturbated in a male sense. If you want to
know more about my sexuality, just ask. The
explanation is rather lengthy, and this message is
already too long. Also, you could meditate to produce
extra hormones, and convert the extra hormones to
estrogens (and potentially still have the same
testosterone level). Whatever. The basic idea is
that you don’t want to overexert yourself.

Of course, you probably don't want all of these
characteristics (and there are many that I don't
know). Many of these changes are reversible. Some
are not. For instance, once breasts grow, the tissue
cannot be “deconstructed.” At least, not to my knowledge. So if you grow breasts,
and then decide you don’t want them, you are stuck
with them :P

The extent to which you will change is determined by
health and genetics. It’s very individual. If you
feel that you are pushing yourself too far, you
probably are. Remember, the point is not to "force"
your body to change, it's to "let" your body change.
You must find your own balance between masculine and
feminine qualities. I cannot tell you what your
balance is. But the more you concentrate on your mind
and body, the better you will understand yourself.
That alone is worth meditating for.

Of course, I cannot guarantee that any of this will
actually work. This is all based on personal
experience on my part. Every human being is
different. What works for me may not work for others.
I don’t claim to be a genius on biology. But if you
want breasts, then you are in the same boat as me.
People like us have limited choices. My path is a
very safe choice, but by no means is it an easy
choice. If you can come to control your own hormones,
then I appreciate your strength. Most people I know
don’t have the will, dedication, or courage for such
an endeavor. This is not a journey to be undertaken
lightly. If you want an easy solution, talk to a
surgeon. My path is a gauntlet. First you must gain
control of your own mind, if you are to be able to
control your body in a meaningful way.

[davelowe1977]

Fuck my old boots! What a monster post!

Very interesting though.

[VeryGnawty]

Also, I'm going to try falling asleep to the SuggestiveFeminization file and see if it makes any difference. Actually, that gives me an idea...

EDIT: Well, that worked out nicely. I'm not sure if the file itself helps, or if it's just the EMG "Ben Stein effect" but it was much easier to meditate while listening to the file.

[Patrickmahan]

Hm.. any idea if this will change your voice too?

[asdf]

I agree with your diet (except for the wheat bread). I eat mostly organic fruits and vegetables and drink mineral water or herbal teas. A good diet is important for more than just feminization.

[VeryGnawty]

Yeah, I'm actually thinking about switching to a mostly fruit and vegetable diet. I just haven't quite decided how to implement it. I'm really finnicky when it comes to fruits. And yes, I am aware that that advice about the wheat bread is outdated. My success at the time must have been due to something completely unrelated to bread, as further experimentation has clearly shown. Actually, I don't really eat any bread at all now, except for Ezekiel Bread. But I don't really eat that much either. I'm not too fond of grains.

Hm.. any idea if this will change your voice too?

Assuming you want your voice to sound more female, then you don't actually need to change your voice. You only need to change how you use your voice. You need to speak with a different pitch, resonance, and most often, inflection (in most cultures). The easiest way to do this using my methods is to practice. Think about how you want your female voice to sound. Then, sing along to your favorite songs trying to emulate how you envision your voice to be. It's worked somewhat for me, but I've put most of my efforts into....other changes. Give it a try. There are also some tutorials on various transgender websites about voice training, but I've never tried those techniques.