Do I really want any of this? Becoming ill from files

[duality99]

I've been into the whole forced feminization thing for a while now. Most of the time I can't go that deep because I have a reluctance to let go. Well last night I was listening to a file and went along with the suggestions more. I went a lot deeper than usual, but I think somewhere deep down in trance my subconscious started reacting.

I came out of trance with a bunch of nausea and a major headache. I'm convinced my mind didn't like what was in the file. And yet for the erotic thrill I went along with it. Today I feel like my whole body is trying to purge what I put in my head.

Anybody experience your mind rejecting suggestions like this?

I'd say the fantasy is definitely more enticing than the reality. But even then my mind isn't too fond of most of the suggestions.

[MayTong]

I haven't had this much rejection. but I do find my body pulls me out of trance a lot.

what I've started doing is changing my approach. I listen at night while focusing on light trancing and allowing myself to sleep instead of trying for a deep trance trance.

I let my mind go and fantasize about what I want to accomplish with the file. the changes you experience will be subtle and it gives your mind a chance to become accustomed to the ideas you are listening too.

If you surround yourself with the things you want to be like then you will in inevitably become what you want. You may want to consider having a mistress or master instead so you get the true forced feminization fantasy you want.

because a file is a file. nothing more there is no person driving your experience. If instead you had some one say "I want you to listen to curse Teeny Weeny for a week while you sleep." then it is a forced issue which you as a submissive would then do because you are being "forced" its all about choices in hypnosis.

I would say "You want to be feminized don't you... Why is that?? is it because You want to be a girl or is it because you need to submit to a more dominate person?"

In that you had a choice but both were to be feminized whether by force or because you choose. Then the subconscious will accept it. Right now your waking mind says I want this and your subconscious says I don't. You need to actively change your thoughts, and possibly your life, so that your subconscious doesn't reject it all.

oops that was longer than I wanted... Oh well hope this all makes sense to you. Try sleeping with it on repeat and fantasizing about it to help your subconscious or even look for a Dominant to help you along with the issue

Pm me or something if you have more questions

~Lexi

PS.
I've been researching hypnosis for quite a while. though I wish it would work as well for me as it has others I have been trying to figure out why it all works as well. This is only a little of what I've learned.

[Alien4420]

[quote="duality99"]I've been into the whole forced feminization thing for a while now. Most of the time I can't go that deep because I have a reluctance to let go. Well last night I was listening to a file and went along with the suggestions more. I went a lot deeper than usual, but I think somewhere deep down in trance my subconscious started reacting.

I came out of trance with a bunch of nausea and a major headache. I'm convinced my mind didn't like what was in the file. And yet for the erotic thrill I went along with it. Today I feel like my whole body is trying to purge what I put in my head.

Anybody experience your mind rejecting suggestions like this?

I'd say the fantasy is definitely more enticing than the reality. But even then my mind isn't too fond of most of the suggestions.[/quote]
I've never had those symptoms, and it's possible you just have some kind of bug -- I don't know how to tell. But yeah, I've certainly experienced conflict and resistance. One of the worst periods of my life was when I was trying to undo Curse Forced Gay with files like Curse Forced Straight and the two were fighting and I couldn't get off on anything. I really sweated to stop listening to Stroke Sissy. Right now, lots of conflict over Teeny Weenie -- I keep telling myself to stop before it's too late, and then find I listen anyway, or notice progress and get turned on and want to do it again.

Anyway, I think MayTong's post was great and I learned something from it myself. With all of the major change files I've listened to, I've found that my personal attitudes change and I start to want and accept the changes more. But of course that alsosucks you in. That's what happened to me with Forced Gay-- first a feminization file made me interested in cock, so I listened to Train Sex Men, and after I'd listened to that I wanted to listen to Forced Gay. My heart was literally pounding the first time I listened!

So I'd say --

1. If it's something you can't do in real life because forex you'd lose your marriage or your job, DON'T LISTEN. It isn't just the practical effect, it's that if you settle for a file that you really *can* do I think you'll get more out of it. For example, a file that makes you want to dress part time or gives you a trigger that makes you temporarily female. You can work that into your life whereas a file like Stroke Sissy that makes you dress full time isn't practical for many of us.

2. If it's just that the file would humiliate your or embarrass you, or that it conflicts with social taboos, I think you have basically two choices, changing yourself to be cool with it or changing yourself so you don't want it. And I think hypnosis is a good tool for both. It's a lot less threatening to change attitudes than it is to listen to a file that changes your behavior. So if you're hypnotized into not caring what others think about feminization and removing your own hangups, including rational ones like I'll lose some friends, you can then choose to listen to the fem files without resistance. Which you probably will since it turns you on. Or, alternatively, you can find a new turn-on that isn't as problematic for you.

Of course, if, as MayTong said, a big part of the turn on is being forced to do something you don't want, then the conflict itself is part of the turn-on. I know that that's the case for me. Being forced to do things that I don't want is a big turn on. So I go back and forth between forex wanting to be forced to shrink my penis and not wanting it, depending on whether I'm horny or not. And then whether the file wins or not seems to depend on how serious I think the consequences are. So in that case, I'd say let the struggle play out unless you're losing sleep over it -- it isn't worth it if it isn't fun.

[ProfessorPig]

i have definitely had some severe headaches from files with suggestions that i did not agree with and i have heard others on here talk about them as well. i have heard they are a natural defense mechanism to tell you that you are doing something you shouldn't be doing.

i find even if the effects of a file are something i desire headaches can occur from listening to a single file to frequently. my theory on that is if i hear a suggestion too often, like when i accidentally loop a file overnight, it builds up resentment and i start rejecting it.

[duality99]

[quote]I haven't had this much rejection. but I do find my body pulls me out of trance a lot.

what I've started doing is changing my approach. I listen at night while focusing on light trancing and allowing myself to sleep instead of trying for a deep trance trance.

I let my mind go and fantasize about what I want to accomplish with the file. the changes you experience will be subtle and it gives your mind a chance to become accustomed to the ideas you are listening too.

If you surround yourself with the things you want to be like then you will in inevitably become what you want. You may want to consider having a mistress or master instead so you get the true forced feminization fantasy you want.

because a file is a file. nothing more there is no person driving your experience. If instead you had some one say "I want you to listen to curse Teeny Weeny for a week while you sleep." then it is a forced issue which you as a submissive would then do because you are being "forced" its all about choices in hypnosis.

I would say "You want to be feminized don't you... Why is that?? is it because You want to be a girl or is it because you need to submit to a more dominate person?"

In that you had a choice but both were to be feminized whether by force or because you choose. Then the subconscious will accept it. Right now your waking mind says I want this and your subconscious says I don't. You need to actively change your thoughts, and possibly your life, so that your subconscious doesn't reject it all.

oops that was longer than I wanted... Oh well hope this all makes sense to you. Try sleeping with it on repeat and fantasizing about it to help your subconscious or even look for a Dominant to help you along with the issue

Pm me or something if you have more questions

~Lexi

PS.
I've been researching hypnosis for quite a while. though I wish it would work as well for me as it has others I have been trying to figure out why it all works as well. This is only a little of what I've learned.
[/quote]

I'll experiment some more. This fetish has always been confusing for me. On one hand being forced to do something is incredibly hot, on the other hand I don't really want it. But I'll listen to it again and see if the headaches were a fluke.

[quote]I've never had those symptoms, and it's possible you just have some kind of bug -- I don't know how to tell. But yeah, I've certainly experienced conflict and resistance. One of the worst periods of my life was when I was trying to undo Curse Forced Gay with files like Curse Forced Straight and the two were fighting and I couldn't get off on anything. I really sweated to stop listening to Stroke Sissy. Right now, lots of conflict over Teeny Weenie -- I keep telling myself to stop before it's too late, and then find I listen anyway, or notice progress and get turned on and want to do it again.

Anyway, I think MayTong's post was great and I learned something from it myself. With all of the major change files I've listened to, I've found that my personal attitudes change and I start to want and accept the changes more. But of course that alsosucks you in. That's what happened to me with Forced Gay-- first a feminization file made me interested in cock, so I listened to Train Sex Men, and after I'd listened to that I wanted to listen to Forced Gay. My heart was literally pounding the first time I listened!

So I'd say --

1. If it's something you can't do in real life because forex you'd lose your marriage or your job, DON'T LISTEN. It isn't just the practical effect, it's that if you settle for a file that you really *can* do I think you'll get more out of it. For example, a file that makes you want to dress part time or gives you a trigger that makes you temporarily female. You can work that into your life whereas a file like Stroke Sissy that makes you dress full time isn't practical for many of us.

2. If it's just that the file would humiliate your or embarrass you, or that it conflicts with social taboos, I think you have basically two choices, changing yourself to be cool with it or changing yourself so you don't want it. And I think hypnosis is a good tool for both. It's a lot less threatening to change attitudes than it is to listen to a file that changes your behavior. So if you're hypnotized into not caring what others think about feminization and removing your own hangups, including rational ones like I'll lose some friends, you can then choose to listen to the fem files without resistance. Which you probably will since it turns you on. Or, alternatively, you can find a new turn-on that isn't as problematic for you.

Of course, if, as MayTong said, a big part of the turn on is being forced to do something you don't want, then the conflict itself is part of the turn-on. I know that that's the case for me. Being forced to do things that I don't want is a big turn on. So I go back and forth between forex wanting to be forced to shrink my penis and not wanting it, depending on whether I'm horny or not. And then whether the file wins or not seems to depend on how serious I think the consequences are. So in that case, I'd say let the struggle play out unless you're losing sleep over it -- it isn't worth it if it isn't fun.[/quote]

That's me too. Being forced to do something I don't want is the turn on. It's what got me listening to curse stroke sissy. But nothing ever happened. I think I've read some of your posts about it and damn, it really got into your head. I wonder if I'm not as suggestible or some part deep down really doesn't want it.

Not sure if it was a bug. I'm feeling a lot better today. It could have been that the file was echoing things I had to do in my head and I didn't want to do them, so like two people tearing at the inside of my head. Which reminds me of a suggestion that mentioned the more I fought it the stronger it got. So if I fought it it would make it more apparent, but if I let go and allowed it the other part of me would hate that too. So I really had nowhere to go in my head I guess.

And as awful as that was I'm willing to experiment again haha. I gotta know.

[quote] have definitely had some severe headaches from files with suggestions that i did not agree with and i have heard others on here talk about them as well. i have heard they are a natural defense mechanism to tell you that you are doing something you shouldn't be doing.

i find even if the effects of a file are something i desire headaches can occur from listening to a single file to frequently. my theory on that is if i hear a suggestion too often, like when i accidentally loop a file overnight, it builds up resentment and i start rejecting it.[/quote]

Seems like that's what was going on. Oh well. If I get headaches again I'll quit. I feel like a junkie.

[Alien4420]

[quote="duality99"]

That's me too. Being forced to do something I don't want is the turn on. It's what got me listening to curse stroke sissy. But nothing ever happened. I think I've read some of your posts about it and damn, it really got into your head. I wonder if I'm not as suggestible or some part deep down really doesn't want it.

Not sure if it was a bug. I'm feeling a lot better today. It could have been that the file was echoing things I had to do in my head and I didn't want to do them, so like two people tearing at the inside of my head. Which reminds me of a suggestion that mentioned the more I fought it the stronger it got. So if I fought it it would make it more apparent, but if I let go and allowed it the other part of me would hate that too. So I really had nowhere to go in my head I guess.

And as awful as that was I'm willing to experiment again haha. I gotta know. [/quote]
I suspect that Stroke Sissy had such a powerful effect on me because I already had sissy tendencies. I had always been turned on by the idea of having a woman's body but not into acting fem or dressing. So I think Stroke Sissy was really in line with my desires, even though I was also getting off on being forced to change.

Whereas Forced Gay was more of a stretch, more about being forced to do something, so there was much more struggle. I still feel some of it, there's a part of me that still says "this is nuts, I should undo it" and another part that's amazingly turned on and loves the fact that I can't.

Well, at this point, I say surrender. I know I've been happiest when I did that. Being stuck at the midpoint where you're struggling with yourself but can't back out is no fun, but giving in is great. I was able to back out of Stroke Sissy because I had only listened a few times and had a really good practical reason to stop, but the more experience I have with this stuff the more I think it's best to go with the flow, you end up cool with the changes and loving them and can still get off on the knowledge that you were forced to change. If I weren't tied down by the practical baggage of middle age I'd go back to Stroke Sissy in a second, and more.

I wish there were a file that made you cooler with this, an acceptance file of some kind. It happens eventually but it would be nice if it happened as soon as you know you can't escape.

[duality99]

[quote="Alien442/\[url=(https?:\/\/[^\s\[]+):$uid\](.*?)\[\/url:$uid\]/i":a8a2654/\[url=(https?:\/\/[^\s\[]+):$uid\](.*?)\[\/url:$uid\]/i][quote="duality99":a8a2654/\[url=(https?:\/\/[^\s\[]+):$uid\](.*?)\[\/url:$uid\]/i]

That's me too. Being forced to do something I don't want is the turn on. It's what got me listening to curse stroke sissy. But nothing ever happened. I think I've read some of your posts about it and damn, it really got into your head. I wonder if I'm not as suggestible or some part deep down really doesn't want it.

Not sure if it was a bug. I'm feeling a lot better today. It could have been that the file was echoing things I had to do in my head and I didn't want to do them, so like two people tearing at the inside of my head. Which reminds me of a suggestion that mentioned the more I fought it the stronger it got. So if I fought it it would make it more apparent, but if I let go and allowed it the other part of me would hate that too. So I really had nowhere to go in my head I guess.

And as awful as that was I'm willing to experiment again haha. I gotta know. [/quote:a8a2654/\[url=(https?:\/\/[^\s\[]+):$uid\](.*?)\[\/url:$uid\]/i]
I suspect that Stroke Sissy had such a powerful effect on me because I already had sissy tendencies. I had always been turned on by the idea of having a woman's body but not into acting fem or dressing. So I think Stroke Sissy was really in line with my desires, even though I was also getting off on being forced to change.

Whereas Forced Gay was more of a stretch, more about being forced to do something, so there was much more struggle. I still feel some of it, there's a part of me that still says "this is nuts, I should undo it" and another part that's amazingly turned on and loves the fact that I can't.

Well, at this point, I say surrender. I know I've been happiest when I did that. Being stuck at the midpoint where you're struggling with yourself but can't back out is no fun, but giving in is great. I was able to back out of Stroke Sissy because I had only listened a few times and had a really good practical reason to stop, but the more experience I have with this stuff the more I think it's best to go with the flow, you end up cool with the changes and loving them and can still get off on the knowledge that you were forced to change. If I weren't tied down by the practical baggage of middle age I'd go back to Stroke Sissy in a second, and more.

I wish there were a file that made you cooler with this, an acceptance file of some kind. It happens eventually but it would be nice if it happened as soon as you know you can't escape.[/quote:a8a2654/\[url=(https?:\/\/[^\s\[]+):$uid\](.*?)\[\/url:$uid\]/i]

I guess I'll surrender and see what happens. Either I make a breakthrough or I decide it's just a fun fantasy. They always say hypnosis can't make you do anything you don't want to do. So in the end it is my choice I guess.

[danny1988]

Makes me wonder what file your listening to...

[Alien4420]

[quote="duality99":9e25/\[url=(https?:\/\/[^\s\[]+):$uid\](.*?)\[\/url:$uid\]/i/\[url=(https?:\/\/[^\s\[]+):$uid\](.*?)\[\/url:$uid\]/i/\[url=(https?:\/\/[^\s\[]+):$uid\](.*?)\[\/url:$uid\]/i1]They always say hypnosis can't make you do anything you don't want to do.[/quote:9e25/\[url=(https?:\/\/[^\s\[]+):$uid\](.*?)\[\/url:$uid\]/i/\[url=(https?:\/\/[^\s\[]+):$uid\](.*?)\[\/url:$uid\]/i/\[url=(https?:\/\/[^\s\[]+):$uid\](.*?)\[\/url:$uid\]/i1]

They're so full of shit. :-)

[gdrileyx]

Then I am full of shit, because hypnosis can't make you do anything you do not want to do. But it can take something you don't think you want to do, and make you give in to your desire to do it.

[Alien4420]

I don't know why people are so resistant to the idea of hypnosis. It's pretty easy to get someone to do what they don't want to do. One obvious way is to change what they want. Many of these files do that. Another is to mislead them. In some cases, even direct suggestion will work, as those who have been abused by rogue hypnotists can attest.

These techniques aren't just used by hypnotists, but by ad agencies, politicians, writers, priests -- pretty much everybody, in fact.

[duality99]

Well I gave it a shot and let go and surrendered. Funny thing happened. Once I let go of my resistance I no longer wanted any of the stuff from the file. I guess from now on I'm staying away from curse type files. Not that this stuff doesn't turn me on anymore, I guess I just realized I only like temporary stuff. The all consuming permanent changes stuff just doesn't sit well with me.

[Alien4420]

I think that makes sense. You'd come to like the changes after you'd listened to the file for a while, but if it's being forced to do something rather than the outcome that turns you on, you can achieve that with the temporary files without the long-term practical consequences.

Another strategy to consider might be choosing long-term files that make changes you really want but are too conflicted to go for. Choosing suggestions that won't have serious practical consequences like losing your marriage or your job, but that you'd otherwise be too embarrassed to do. That can actually be therapeutic.

[MayTong]

Considering every file here is self hypnosis it makes sense that they wont work for someone who is resisting out of a fetish. What you need is a mistress or master. Some one who is telling you to do things. Then your resistance isn't the files but the person giving you commands and orders.

But we all choose to allow these things to happen to us so if you only want to resist then it may not work at all.

[Alien4420]

In my admittedly limited experience, whether the file works depends on the individual -- how much resistance there is, how suggestible he is, whether those round him offer encouragement or discouragement, etc. The sexual desire to be forced to do something can itself be a powerful motivator that can work with the file to overcome resistance. Time can also be a powerful ally -- I find it works as Freud observed 100 years ago, with the resistance eventually breaking down if you keep pushing at it.

[Plaat]

Love the conversation here; aliens second to last post is what I've been doing all these years. I've been listening to the MsJ and Goddess Gracie library off and on for 3-4 years and have yet to act on them in a hard way, but I've felt less resistant to them of late and feel more passive after listening; but little else. I've got a gay friend that wants to fool around and despite all the cock sucking hypno and such I'm still turned off. I'd let him suck my cock though... very complicated feelings; but sex positive means being open to whats possible. All of this has taught me that much.
On that note; I only wish some neuro-science lab would run with investigating whats happening with our brains during the different levels of trance, and crossing that with gender identity. Too fringe for now unless all on this site step up to fund it. Wouldn't that be strange...

[Alien4420]

That would be a very interesting experiment.

I had an interesting experience with those cock sucking suggestions, BTW. Like you, I'd been listening to various feminization files, including a Mind Mistress CD that creates a fantasy in which you're a woman at a bar who ends up sucking off all the guys. Then I had a dream that I realized was about sucking cock. The moment I realized what it had been about (it was a bit repressed), I became powerfully intrigued by sucking cock. I've noticed this sequence before, going back to the awakening of my original sexuality in puberty -- the sexual desires making their way out of my subconscious into my dreams and daydreams, followed by real-world desire and experimentation. And that's what led me to try Train Sex Men, which in turn led me to Curse Forced Gay.

Anyway, I'm thinking that if you want to take this further, you could listen to one of the bi files without harm. Despite the fact that cocksucking was what got me to listen to the gay files, the cock sucking suggestions were among the ones I was most resistant to in Curse Forced Gay, and it took a few months of regular listening to CFG for the resistance to fade away.

[MayTong]

I too have been listening to some file sets off and on.. Usually in between quarters at school.

Anyways when I start to listening to the files I find I start dreaming about being a woman. And when I have those dreams I get really excited about doing it. Cause in the dreams I am a woman and in those dreams I feel right. Happy.

I get a peace I have only ever gotten a couple of other times out side of having woman dreams. And those fall on the more spiritual side of things than anything else.

One time I was pregnant with two kids in tow.. <3