I need some help

by **wmxx** » January 17th, 2021, 12:23 pm

I feel like I’m getting back to normal finally. Doing my lines, having an affair with Jeff just like Mike. This is when I am my happiest. We have done 6 lines so far, so I can do 11 more:)))! So nice having my coke back. I don’t know how I went without it. I am starting to realize I won’t go without it ever again. I just love it too much, especially with my new sex partner Jeff. Time for line 7, and more sex. This is the way it should be.

by **wmxx** » January 17th, 2021, 2:06 pm

Justin text me and asked if I was coming home tonight or tomorrow and I sad I’m spending the night with Jeff, I will be home in the morning. He said ok good, I get to sleep with Nicole tonight. I’m like wtf, is he starting to want Nicole now, or is he just trying to make me jealous. Now I’m wondering what’s going on there. This has got me thinking. Is Nicole taking him from me? She better not be. Now I’m thinking maybe I should leave here tonight? Something’s going on? I’m too high to think about this. Right now I’m not going to let anything bother me. I have my coke and Jeff and I’m happy. The best part is I can do coke when I go home too:). I will start my stockpile this week. When it gets close to 17 weeks, I’m going to go to Glenn’s and sleep with him, and ask him for an exchange. Sex for a clean drug test from his friend. I will have plenty of coke, and I can do all the lines I want:))). If I can’t quit, and if I have all this saved coke, there is no way I am quitting. Glenn wasn’t right about a lot but he was right about one thing. Justin and Nicole were going to take my coke and cigarettes away from me. They tried, but look who won. I have my coke and cigarettes back, and a perfect plan to keep them:)). Time to celebrate my plan with a line. I love coke so much, it is the best thing ever invented, especially when you have a fuck buddy like Mike and new Mike lol

by **wmxx** » January 17th, 2021, 2:35 pm

We just did a line. Jeff takes my hand and says I have to show you something. He opens his safe takes out a locked box. He opens it and says this is the heroin. I’m like OMG. He said I’ve been dying to try this. He said do you want to try it with me next week? You’d be the perfect person to do it with! I said I’d love to do it with you, but only if you shoot me up. I couldn’t give myself a needle. He said I would love to shoot you up, then I’ll shoot myself up and we will have sex if we can lol. He said don’t do any coke for about 4 hrs before you come over and I will shoot you up as soon as you get here. I asked him how much that is. He said it is 2 full injections, but we are only going to do 1/2 so we will have enough to shoot up again, but not for a couple of weeks because this can get you hooked really fast. I said what if it is as good as they say it is? He laughed and said I can get more, we just have to be careful with it. I said if it is that good I’d definitely keep doing it, he said me too

by **wmxx** » January 17th, 2021, 3:03 pm

I have nicknamed him Mike now. Mike was going to shoot me up so now Jeff is Mike. I can’t wait to try it now, I have been wanting this for so long. I know Mike has too, so it is the right time for us both. Except no coke for 4 hours is not going to be easy, by then I will be totally hooked again. That’s when I really love coke. Satisfying that craving feels so good. It’s like craving a cigarette only 100 times better.

by **stupidme** » January 17th, 2021, 3:53 pm

this is really stupid, I'm pretty sure it's the drugs talking, if you get a clear head beg justin to put you in a rehab facility

by **wmxx** » January 17th, 2021, 7:30 pm

I’m never going to rehab. Why give up something I love? My new Mike agrees with me. Just did line 11. So won’t even use all 17, Justin will be proud of me. I’m doing good and feeling great.

by **wmxx** » January 18th, 2021, 6:15 am

Nothing is better than waking up to a line to start your day and having sex. I feel so much better now that I am doing coke again. The best part is I can go home and not have to hide it. I feel free again, except in time I will have to appear to be using less, but I won’t be:). I will use it just like I did for 6 months and Justin never knew. It’s better that way. I don’t see me going through that again, not using that. I feel awful and crave it constantly. I only did 14 lines yesterday! So the way I see it is I am owed 3 lines, so I can do 20 today if I want to. Time to go home as Mike leaves for work in about 15 minutes. I do miss Justin and Nicole. I will do a line in my car when I get home so I am nice and high and horny and make love to Justin. It’s going to be a great day.

by **wmxx** » January 18th, 2021, 7:30 am

So I get home and Justin isn’t here. Nicole said he had to meet the realtor at our old house as he is putting it on the market hopefully today or tomorrow. I asked Nicole to come out to the pool deck because I needed a cigarette. She immediately asked me if she could have one, she was dying for one. I gave her one. She said you look really high. I said I just did a line in my car before I walked in. She told me she almost left this weekend, but Justin talked her out of it. I said what happened? She said she is both disappointed and jealous I’m smoking again and doing coke. She said she really misses her weed, and yet I get to do coke. She said she had gotten high every weekend for as long as she can remember. She said right now she is feeling like she even wants to do a line. I told her I have plenty, and I would give her a line so she feels better. She said thanks but she better not. She told me she better make good on this, because Justin told her if she doesn’t quit in 17 weeks, and refuses to go for rehab he is done. I looked at her and said did he really say that? She said yes. He hates to see you do this to yourself. You have to realize how much he adores you, he told me he loves me, and how I am a soothing voice for him but he will never love a woman like he loves you ever again. It pains him knowing you are using coke again. He is however very hopeful that after 17 weeks you will finally be free and stay clean. He doesn’t want to see you in rehab for 60 days, and I hope you don’t take it that far. I was crying listening to this and as high as I am I’m starting to realize now, I really do have to succeed. I love Justin so much, this hurts me a lot. Sometimes coke is so wonderful you forget about everything else. I gave Nicole a hug and thanked her for sharing that with me. She went on to tell me it doesn’t end with Justin, I love you both so much it hurts me just as bad, I want you to succeed, but you have to do it for yourself, not us! She asked me if I understood that? I said yes, I think so. She said do you realize what the 3 of us has built here? It all happened so naturally. It is so beautiful what we have. I will never be a threat to you and Justin, you know that, I love you and him too much to ever do that. I’m happier than any point in my life right now, don’t take that away from me or Justin, and most of all yourself. You will never quit fucking your coke supplier, it will only get worse. I know right now you may be too high to absorb all this, but really seriously think hard about your future. Is it rehab, and a broken marriage from a man that is as perfect a man you will ever meet that loves you for all the right reasons. She got up crying and left me here by myself. I’m to high to think about this right now, it is opening my eyes a lot. I appreciate Nicole. She doesn’t mix words she gets right to the point. I have to have a serious talk with Justin. He has to know he will get the true Amber back in 17 weeks or less. I have to fix this, as painful as it might be. Nicole moved my emotions big time, even though I’m really high right now.

by **wmxx** » January 18th, 2021, 11:44 am

I just did a line and made love to Justin and then we had a long talk. I think he feels better about things and where they are heading. I do too! I told him I am high right now, but it also makes you talk and open up so I did. I started when he 1st asked me out at the gym. I said their has been one thing in common with everything. Meeting him, 1st date, having sex with Jackie, and Aubrey, having sex on video with Jackie for him, having sex in front of him with Aubrey, meeting his friends, my work, moving in with him. That sweet girl that everyone knew me as, your friends loving me. That one thing was I was doing 20 lines of coke per day. I functioned entirely normal because I was happy always in a good mood, and you loved me. Then you found out. I didn’t change, the situation changed. I’m not saying it was right, but if you never knew things were perfect. I understand I have to quit, and if I can’t I will get help. This is just 17 weeks. I will be off for good because I know it effects you and I don’t want that. I told him I love him more than ever. He said he can’t love another woman as much as me. He said there are some trust issues now. This is my chance to earn it all back. If I can’t then I need to be helped. He doesn’t want me doing coke now, but he promised and will keep it, you have to keep your promise, and we will have an amazing life together. It is up to you now. I said I take on that responsibility. There was more but that is the main point. I feel relieved. I can still do my coke for the time being, but I have to get my shit together. I’m still going to try heroine Friday with Mike. I have been dying to try it and this looks like my last chance. It is a one time thing, maybe twice if it is that good because Mike has enough for that, but that will be it. I have done 5 lines so far. He asked me how many lines I did this weekend, and I said 7 Saturday and 14 yesterday. He said well that’s a good sign your not doing as much. I said yes I’m trying to see if I can do less. I’m so looking forward to Mike shooting me up, although I’m scared too.

by **wmxx** » January 18th, 2021, 2:09 pm

I have started texting Mike again, the original Mike lol. I told I’m finally trying heroine on Friday. He said you go girl! He added don’t do more than half a dose, and after you do don’t do anymore for at least 3 weeks. If you do you can get yourself really hooked and that will not be good. He said I will absolutely love it because I know you. I asked him what it feels like. He said it’s different for everyone. It isn’t this strung out high you hear about. It will act fast if you shoot it. You will get an initial euphoria that is amazing! You love coke this is way better! Then for 2-4 hrs you will feel almost like you are jello and really mellow. Initially you may actually feel like you are floating. That sounds so good. I definitely have to do it. I won’t get another chance. I just did my 7th line. Nicole bought cigarettes, I feel bad because I made it hard on her.

by **wmxx** » January 18th, 2021, 2:40 pm

You do a lot of talking and thinking when you do coke. I’m thinking of what I said to Justin, everything was fine until he found out. So the key to me doing coke if I can’t quit is never letting him find out. I need a backup plan, just in case. I put an ad in for someone specifically that does the drug testing. My ad says I will exchange sex for clean drug tests. I don’t think I will get any responses but you never know. I’m afraid to get Glenn involved again. He might burn me, but he is backup 2. I’m really going to try hard to ease my way down and quit. I’m not going to rehab so if I can’t quit I have to have a backup plan for 1 year. Then I can do coke and he will never know like before. Stupid video camera busted me. That was so stupid, and worse it was my coke and I made the lines for me and Jackie otherwise I’d be doing my 20 lines a day and I would still be with new Mike doing lines and not have to worry about it. Anyway I do hope none of this matters. By now I would be at least 10-11 lines into my day so I am consciously doing less. If when I get down to 10 lines a day or fewer, I know I will probably start doing huge lines, I know this isn’t going to be easy, but I have to do this. I love Justin too much to jeopardize my life with him. I need to cuddle up and make love to him again. My sex drive is totally back.

by **stupidme** » January 18th, 2021, 3:38 pm

yep, you don't deserve justin

by **wmxx** » January 18th, 2021, 5:42 pm

Awwwe... Sorry you feel that way. I do deserve Justin, and he knows it. He loves me and I love him. He knows I will be all his in 17 weeks and totally clean. For now I have my coke and I will enjoy it, and I am. Mike text me when he got home and he said he loved our weekend together, and next weekend will be even better, and he asked me if I had any second thoughts about him shooting me up. I said no, I’ve been dying to try that, finally going to do it, can’t wait til Friday. You are really going to be Mike now:).

by **wmxx** » January 18th, 2021, 5:48 pm

He also told me it was the best sex he ever had and will gladly be my Mike! I thanked him for all the coke, and told him the sex was great. He couldn’t leave my boobs alone he said they were perfect, but I told him they are too small. I told him what I was going to get and he said you will be so hot it will be crazy!

by **wmxx** » January 18th, 2021, 6:39 pm

I just did only my 10th line. I am doing very good. The nicest part is my coke stockpile is going to be started, because at this rate I will have a lot left. Multiply that by 17 weeks and I will have enough to last me awhile if I can’t quit, and if I have all this extra coke around, it should be put to good use:)). I was shocked I got 4 responses too my sex for clean drug test, but they were all bullsh** responses. That probably won’t work but it was worth a try. I have to plan to succeed but also plan if I fail. If I fail I need all the coke I can possibly save, and a clean test. I will have a lot of coke, it is the other part that will be tricky. If I find someone to cover a bad test, I will never give up coke:). I will be doing it home just like before and no one will know but me. That would be so unreal! Never having to worry about my coke again.

by **wmxx** » January 18th, 2021, 6:54 pm

I’m dreaming but I’m so high right now, not used to it yet, but soon I will be. My dream scenario is finding a guy I can fuck that gives me a clean drug test. Tell Justin I’m done with new Mike and then pretend to have found another guy that I start spending weekends with, but I’m really at Mike’s house having an affair with Mike and doing lines all weekend with him. It will be just like before!!! Only this time I won’t get caught. I will have all the coke I want and a continuous affair like I did with real Mike, just like old times. I will be doing so much coke, I will be undetectable because I can handle it when I’m doing 20 or more lines a day. If I can’t find anyone in the next 17 weeks I’m screwed and I will have no choice but to quit:(.

by **wmxx** » January 18th, 2021, 8:45 pm

I just did another line, and now I’m getting my coke mind back. I will do anything to keep my coke now. I am really getting back into it now. I’m not going through that anymore. I’m not giving up Mike either, he understands me just like my original Mike did. He told me over the weekend, Coke is going to be my new husband, and he is right. I love coke so much and having it back and feeling so good again is not going away anymore. Nicole likes coke she is careful with it though. I got her smoking again and she is missing her weed. I will let her see me doing lines, and I will ask her if she wants one like I did today. She will say yes because she loves it and not having weed, she will start doing lines with me. Then I will always have cover because she did it too, even if it is just once, but she will see me and want it. As soon as I took her out to the pool deck and she saw me light a cigarette she immediately asked me for one. I will get her to do lines. Even if it is just occasionally. You can’t hide weed but you can hide coke. She did 3 lines with me before so I know she will do it. I’m on a mission to find someone that can get me a clean test and I will never have to worry again, I will be having an affair, have all the coke I want and love Justin just like before. That’s when me and Justin were the happiest when I was doing coke and having an affair, and he didn’t know it. That’s how we work the best he just doesn’t realize it. He will be happy again with me, I will be his princess and Mike’s coke whore, and Nicole will not be able to say anything. I won’t even tell her what I am doing. This is just to hold her until I find someone to give me a clean test. My coke will alw a us win

by **stupidme** » January 19th, 2021, 6:10 am

I sincerely hope that Justin figures out what's going on and let's you get your sanemind back because this is absolutely horrible to watch. You throwing away both his and Nicole's trust, becoming what looks like the worst version of what you are losing yourself too drugs and men who don't really care about who you are just that you are good in bed and can be controlled by your drug addiction. Numbing yourself too reality until it is too late to realize that you may essentially be killing yourself slowly

by **wmxx** » January 19th, 2021, 7:40 am

I have always been controlled by men. Now I’m in control. I was talking to original Mike about shooting up. He said one thing that I probably will experience is how intimate it becomes when you are shot up by someone. Something about him putting that needle in you and you feel better than you have ever felt in your life. You are going to become extremely close to him after he does this, and get deeply emotionally involved, probably more than you are with Justin, so be aware that he may become your man, especially if he shoots you up again. Be aware of this. He said he doesn’t know if it is psychological or what, and whatever type of relationship I have with him is going to leap very high. That is why he didn’t shoot me up because he knew how much I loved Justin. Wow, Mike isn’t exactly my type, but I value Mike’s opinions he knows. It seems strange but I can see why. It looks like if I do this I am going to become very close to Mike and him me. That will be interesting. It almost makes me want to do it more to feel that closeness. Now I really have to have him shoot me up. I have to talk to Mike more about this. It is rather fascinating to me.

by **wmxx** » January 19th, 2021, 8:32 am

I just did another line and the wheels are really spinning now. I asked Mike do you really think if he shoots me up I will become that close to him? Closer than Justin? I don’t see how that is possible? He said I have seen it and it isn’t a guarantee by any stretch but you are going to become very very intimately close to him. I know how much you love Justin, but I also know how emotional you are. I don’t have odds but personally knowing you, how much you love coke, it is a reasonable probability. If you like it, and you will, and if he shoots you up again, and he will, if I were a betting man, knowing he will feed you coke anytime you want it, I would say better than 50-50 you will become more emotionally attached to him than Justin. I find that hard to understand, but now what? My coke mind which is most important says, that is what I want. To fall deeply in love with Mike and never have my coke threatened again. That would be incredible. No more worries. Now I want that to happen, I want him to shoot me up more than ever. He isn’t exactly my type, but if my emotions wrap around him, I would really love that. My coke would become permanently secure. Now I have to make that come true, Friday is not going to come fast enough. Mike is usually right. I can’t see myself with Mike but I hope him shooting me up changes that. Then everything is secure. My coke will always win:)

by **wmxx** » January 19th, 2021, 8:57 am

This really has my mind spinning. I love Justin so much, and what if Mike is right, and he usually is, I am going to really get close to new Mike, and my feelings, especially since he will likely shoot me up again, may become so strong I will have to be with him. The only part of that I love is I will never have to go without coke ever again, it is my most stressful feeling, fighting to keep my coke every day. I have to remember that, because it is my highest priority. Never having that stress ever again is sooooo much what I want after feeling what it is like to lose my coke. I really have no choice, I am absolutely certain I want Mike to shoot me up and feel what Mike is talking about. I win both ways. I love Mike and move in with him, and I will feel so free. This is going to be so awesome! It solves all my problems:). Coke is so good at creative thinking. I love it.

by **wmxx** » January 19th, 2021, 9:31 am

I started texting new Mike. I explained to him what Mike said, and he said he heard about something similar. Then he said are you concerned about that? I said no, it would actually feel really nice if that happened to us:). He said for sure, but if we become that close, would you act on those feelings? I said describe act? He said would you be with me, you know as a couple? I said one of the reasons I want you to shoot me up now is to experience that with you:), and yes I would be with you if we get really close in an intimate loving way, but I’m scared you may not want that? He said are you kidding me? You are drop dead gorgeous and love coke as much as I do. You are my dream woman! I would take you anytime you want to be with me. I said awwww you are so sweet. I said if that happens I will be all yours why would I want to fight that kind of bond. He said I’m so relieved to hear you say that. We will find out Friday when I shoot you up. I hope we discover that! I said me too. I wish it was Friday already! He said how about I take a personal day Friday, can you come Thursday around 4? I am dying to do this with you! OMG yes! I will be there Thursday at 4!!! Thank you Mike! I can see how this becomes intimate, you shooting me up then shooting yourself ip, and both making each other feel better than ever before! He said I have a feeling we are going to soon be permanently attached, and you will never have to worry about coke again, ever, and every few weeks I will shoot you up! I feel like I’m dreaming Mike! I love how you think. He said sometimes things are just meant to be! I said I know. So I am shooting up Thursday now! OMG I am wet just thinking about it. I can’t wait now! I’m finally after all these years of wanting to shoot heroin my new honey is going to shoot me up. I’m finally hooked on coke again, I feel the hard cravings again. There is nothing like knowing you just do another line and everything feels so much better! It ducks when you can’t make it feel better, so I hope me and Mike get really close, I will never worry about not having coke ever again. When you get hooked that priority is number 1 over everything! I’m so excited now.

by **wmxx** » January 19th, 2021, 9:49 am

This is so much like when I was having affair on Justin before. I was sleeping with Mike more than Justin. Now I am having an affair with new Mike and sleeping with him more than Justin:). This is going to be a very coke filled 4 days. I’m back hooked again, so my usage is going up, and I will keep up with Mike now:).

by **wmxx** » January 19th, 2021, 10:02 am

Mike is getting nervous. He said he needs to know something before he shoots me up. He asked me to promise him if we end up together, that no matter what I will never ask him to quit coke. He said he tried once and can’t function without it. I said I promise, but you have to promise me you will never take my coke away. He said of course not, I promise I’d never do that to you. I need this to happen so bad now.

by **wmxx** » January 19th, 2021, 11:40 am

Mike just text me and said he is so excited, he wanted to know if I could come over Tomm at 4 if he took another day off? I said OMG! YES! He said all I can think of now is shooting you up and bonding together. I said me too. I keep visualizing you shooting me up and getting so close to you. I want to feel both! He said perfect! Tommorow we will both finally be on heroin together. I can’t wait. I let Justin know I’m having a long weekend with Mike. He said just stay aware and track your lines. I said I will, but I plan on doing a lot. I will make it look like we are quitting together and doing under the limit:). I will be at least Tomm because I’m finally doing heroin. This is a dream come true for me. I think I’m going to get very close to Mike

by **wmxx** » January 19th, 2021, 1:12 pm

Justin went to pick up some weight flooring for the workout room. I said to Nicole come out and have a cigarette with me. So I took out my coke and made 2 lines. I did mine, and got up and said that is yours if you want to do one and have sex, I said I have to use the bathroom first. I came back and the other line was gone! She came over and started kissing me, and we went to bed. She said your such a bad influence on me, but I love it. I said don’t you feel better now? She said yes, and thank you. I actually needed that. I told her I was going to be at Jeff’s from Tomm til Monday morning. She asked me if I had feelings for him. I said no he is not really my type. I just hate doing coke alone, and we have a lot of sex. I told her I was going to put some coke in her bag, so if she felt the urge there is plenty there. She said thanks but I likely won’t do it. Just here and there for me. Mike text me while I was having sex with Nicole. He said I hate to keep asking you questions but if we bond really hard after I shoot you up, and we end up together, I want to know if you will still be seeing Justin, because that would be hard on me. I said let’s see what happens. If it goes that way, and we do heroin again, which obviously we will if it is that good, we will get really close, and yes, I will leave him, and be with you permanently:). He said I was hoping to hear that. He said he is so excited to shoot me up now, he can hardly think. I said you and me both, I can’t wait for you to shoot me up now. I’m sure I’m going to be all yours in a short time. My friend Mike said if You shoot me up multiple times I will end up with you, and that is exactly what I want now. I always wanted a man I could do lots of coke with and have tons of sex with:). He said if I ever had 100 women in front of me and one was you, I’d pick you every time. Just about 24 hrs and a needle will be inside you! Ummmm... can’t wait!

by **wmxx** » January 19th, 2021, 2:07 pm

Mike text me back. I just had to go in the bathroom and do a line. All I can think about is tomorrow. I wish that was today! Do you know how long I’ve waited for the right woman to do this with? You are so beautiful and so into coke like I am, and open minded enough to do heroin with me. I said you are special to me. I have wanted to do this for so long! You are a perfect match for me:). If Mike is right, and he almost always is, I’m pretty sure we have a very long future together:))))!!!! He replied I know we will, I can already feel it! Not happening soon enough, please don’t change your mind! I said OMG I promise I will be there, and you will shoot me up, you have my word! Justin should have never found out I do coke, he ruined everything. Now that I’m back to normal and hooked on coke, no one is taking it away from me ever again. It soon will be me and Mike. I know after this weekend, I will totally be his. It’s my only choice, because I’m not quitting coke ever again, and certainly not going to rehab. If Justin wants me, I would rather be with him, but only if I can have my coke, but it will be too late once that needle goes in me, I will be committed to Mike and that will be that. I’m so tired of fighting for my coke. That fight is over, Justin blew it!

by **wmxx** » January 19th, 2021, 2:50 pm

I talk to much when I start doing a lot of coke. Somewhere somehow Justin and me seemed to crash. I think it wasn’t the coke it was Nicole. Don’t get me wrong, I totally love Nicole, I’m glad I’m a lot of ways she lives with us. Maybe I am just paranoid but I think Justin loves Nicole at least as much as me, if not more. Honestly no kidding aside, yesI am secretly jealous of Nicole for that reason. It is part of the reason I need my coke more than ever. He sleeps with her at least as much as me, maybe more. It makes me want a man that just loves me for who I am baggage and all. It used to be that way between me and Justin. I’m hurting emotionally right now. It might seem like I don’t love him. Far from the truth, I adore the man, but I feel so 2 Nd now, it really hurts. We run and he raves how well Nicole is doing. Nicole comes home after caving in on smoking and doing weed, and it’s ok Nicole we all have weak moments. I have a weak moment and he talks rehab. Nicole makes dinner from scratch he raves how good it is, I make it he never says anything. I can go on and on, but I’m sticking a needle in me because I love him so much, and he completely hits me all the time Nicole, Nicole, Nicole! It has completely killed me emotionally. We were so close and so tight, I don’t even think he realizes it. I’m crying so hard right now, I fucking love him so much! He is just driving me away! We should be happy, but he loves me in words and Nicole in actions. I’m sure he is glad I am gone for 5 days, so he can make love to Nicole over and over. We have sex once or twice a day now, used to be 3,4 or 5 times with great feelings. Now it seems like he uses me just to get his cock off. Yes, I am angry, and someone said I don’t deserve Justin, well maybe if he made me feel like his princess, He would deserve me, but know, he is totally wrapped in Nicole. I’m even ok with that, I love Nicole, but don’t forget about me! That fucking sucks!!! Sorry I am really upset right now. I’m going to leave him and he has no idea why! Let him shove his cock inside Nicole from now on. He also compliments her big tits, after telling me I don’t need those, what the f***! Sorry for the harsh language but I am so hurt by Justin he literally pushed me away! He didn’t wake up in time, and now I’m gone, and yeah I know the road I’m on is full of pot holes, but I don’t care anymore! I’ll drug myself silly and it will get me. I know that, but without Justin, I don’t really care what happens to me. He must be blind! This doesn’t have to happen. But it did! I’m not blameless. I need a lot of attention because I’m insecure, and he pressed all those insecurity buttons all at once. He hates me now, and he is part of the reason why he does, and I’m another part of that. Somewhere we lost each other, we had it all, a love so deep, it was better than anything. Oh well... life goes on. Tomorrow he will become a blur because I will be medicated from now on.

by **Tiger99Playtoy** » January 19th, 2021, 5:32 pm

Amber this is for you:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails
*********************+*************************
This is a high bar to clear, it takes a lot of work. I believe in unconditional love, I also know as a human I am not capable of it. What I am capable of is trying. Nothing at the highest level of achieving such as a love like this is given. If it is worth it, there is a lot of work involved. I am committed completely to work as hard as I can to achieve this with you. I love you that much!--- Justin

.....
Hey Amber, Justin loves you and is a very giving and caring man. Nicole loves you too. Why are you treating Justin, Nicole, and Amber as if you hate them?? (Nope not a typo, think about first) Don't walk to rehab, run, and stay as long as it takes, or you can kiss all three of you goodbye. Justin probably gave up on reading and writing in here, because his attempts to stop your self-destruction have failed.... repeatedly. You can't just slowly stop coke, now can you? You are playing games with "stockpiling up the coke" for later. IF you want control over yourself, then say goodbye "Jeff" or "Mike" or whatever you want to call him. He just wants easy sex and doesn't care about your well-being.
Remember the term "coke whore"... Is this what you have become again???

You have a long road to recovery before you can be the better person that you know you can be.
You are in control of your recovery OR Self-destruction, No One else counts in this personal discussion with yourself

Please wake up and don't blow us off.

"WHO are you, who, who?" by the WHO.

by **wmxx** » January 19th, 2021, 5:57 pm

It doesn’t matter anymore. After 4 pm tomorrow everything will be forgotten. I will begin a new highly medicated life with Mike

by **wmxx** » January 19th, 2021, 9:06 pm

Mike text me and said he was doing some research on how often you can do heroin and still remain a recreational user, and not fall into habitual use. He was reading an abstract study that said once a week is what there usage is. He told me if it as good as everyone says we could do it every week! I said I have already decided if It really is that good I definitely will use it going forward, can you get more if that is how it feels? He said yes, it is actually pretty cheap! I said that’s great! Right about now I don’t care anymore, I need to use it, I’m absolutely certain I want it now. He said after reading about it he is too. He said just think by tomorrow at this time you will have experienced it! I said I know, I’m so ready now. Remember what you asked me before? About leaving and becoming all yours? He said yes. I said once you shoot me up I’m yours! I will have moved on. He said do you really mean that? I said yes, And I want to get up to your level of coke, so we can both always do our lines together. I’m not holding back anymore. Once I do heroin I will have to be with you, so I hope you want me. He said want you? I can’t think of anything I want more! Well you have me now I’m all yours! I realize it’s over with Justin as soon as he shoots me up. Sad ending but true.

by **wmxx** » January 19th, 2021, 9:26 pm

I just wanted to let everyone know I am probably done posting here as the whole purpose of this was to chronicle Our journey together. Since our relationship ends tomorrow at 4pm there really isn’t any reason for me to continue to post this journey anymore, it has reached the end of the road. I hope someday Justin comes back and reads the rest of our story. If I’m fact you do Justin, I want you to know yes I screwed up multiple times, and near the end I felt your love for me was no longer what it once was, and Nicole became your favored woman. I love you so much it hurts! It hurts so much I’m making sure I won’t feel that pain anymore, I will be well medicated every waking hour. I hope you and Nicole do well together, I truly mean that, I love Nicole, please let her know that. As far as anyone left here, thanks for chiming I’m at times, you helped me a great deal, even though it seemed like some of you turned on me at the end, which I can understand. Maybe I will come back one last time and share my heroine experience, maybe not, who knows. With that I say goodbye, and wish everyone that reads this an experience in life that Justin and I once had. He is and always will be the man of my dreams. I just couldn’t live up to his princess expectations of his. I love you Justin!

by **wmxx** » January 20th, 2021, 10:59 am

Just did my final line until Mike shoots me up. I’m so looking forward to it. If original Mike is right, it will be the most intimate feeling I have ever felt. Mike making me feel the highest euphoria ever. I will be with him forever soon. He has been texting me all morning. I told him as soon as he puts the needle in me, I am his. I’m permanently moving in with him today! He is really excited. He told me I will never have to worry about my coke anymore, I can have all I want. Finally I no longer have to worry ever again. I’m falling for him. He understands just like me how much better we feel doing coke. If all goes well we will get a weekly treat of heroin too!

by **wmxx** » January 20th, 2021, 1:13 pm

I’m dying for a line it is so hard not to do one. Mike said the same thing. He said to try to get to his house right at 4 so we can shoot up right away. He understands what it feels like not having coke. I can’t wait for him to shoot me up, less than 2 hours and I will be all his.

by **wmxx** » January 20th, 2021, 2:18 pm

I am on my way. Have to stop and get cigarettes, and I’m dressed so slutty, I have 6” heels on a tight skirt and tons of cleavage. Mike loves the slutty look. I love being slutty so a good match. I have my brick red pouty lips and my nails are blood red and long which they always are. Will be in my new home soon, and the next time I post here I will finally be on heroin with my new man I can’t wait for him to shoot me up I’m literally sweating I need a line so bad!

by **wmxx** » January 20th, 2021, 2:51 pm

OMG I just pulled in. I’m going to be doing heroin in about 5 minutes. I’m dying to get high. He is coming out.

by **wmxx** » January 20th, 2021, 4:09 pm

That is the most amazing feeling I ever felt in my life! I didn’t think my body could feel those sensations. It lasted about 20-30 minutes, I think. So so so so amazingly euphoric. Now I’m feeling so safe and so very mellow. I’m so happy that Mike was the one to shoot me up, it really is so intimate, it’s hard to explain, but he was the one to make me feel so good. I love Mike we are so close now. I don’t even remember feeling the needle going in me. We both agreed we will be doing heroin together every week now. That feeling is beyond explaining. I feel so safe with him. I thanked him for shooting me up, it is so special that he is the one that gave this too me. I’m home now and feel so peaceful, so comfortable, so mellow. Safe and warm and finally with a man that loves me doing heroin with him. I love my new man he is perfect for me. He told me he wants to be the person to ever shoot me up. I want that too. Just thinking he did this for us is so special. It’s not like I thought being all strung out, it is an amazing peacefulness so mellow. I just want to enjoy this with him forever. I have a new love, Mike. So happy now.

by **wmxx** » January 20th, 2021, 6:30 pm

Still really mellow. This a really nice high. I think I may have dosed off for awhile, just so relaxed. We can start doing lines again soon. I’m really starting to feel that need very strong. Mike is dying for a line. He wants me to keep a log about us, he thinks that is cool. So I guess I will be posting. He was blown away by how good heroin feels, and I agree. He sad he is going to get more on his way home from work Monday, which is great:). I told him how much I love him, and that we are a couple now. He said I love you Amber, you are so perfect for me, like a dream.

by **wmxx** » January 20th, 2021, 9:39 pm

Today has been a great day. Sitting here doing lines with my new honey! The only bad thing about heroin is I can’t do coke for like 4 hours before. I was literally dying for a line. I was sweating. Mike said the same thing, he was getting really edgy. The best part of being with Mike is he appreciates how much I love coke. He will never take it away from me, and he knows I will never try to take it away from him. After all this having to quit stuff almost made me crazy, I can finally do a line anytime I want to. We were talking tonight, and I asked him if he had any sexual fantasies, and he said yes, a knockout gorgeous blonde that loves coke and sex as much as me, that I can shoot up every week. I said awww your so sweet, I love you so much. I said really you must have something. He said I do but it is not a very common one and you would probably never do it. I said don’t be so sure I would do just about anything if it made you happy. He said I love really sexy slutty women. I have a fantasy of going out to a club with her. We take separate cars. I walk in about 15 minutes later, and see you sitting with a guy, then dancing, and grinding him, a wet kiss at the end. Then I watch you leave with him knowing your going to fuck him or have sex with him. I said OMG, you wouldn’t get jealous? He said no, I’d be so turned on. I’d go home and all I would be thinking about as you fucking him. You come home we do a line and tell me what you did. I said you would really like that? I said that’s hot, I would do that for you. He said seriously? I’d probably come with you just telling me! He said either that or you being an escort. Knowing you might end your date with him fucking you! I said, wow at one time I actually really thought of being an escort, I almost did it. He said holy shit, I’d love you being an escort! That would make me so hot hearing about your night! I said I think I would be good at it. He said you are so hot you’d make a fortune, it would help buy a lot of coke. I said I know, I would consider that but I want my weekends with you. He said just Monday thru Thursday. I said you know, I could do that job, I love dolling up and going out. He said you’d make a killing especially if you picked your spots and had sex. That’s the other bonus I love sex! You really would be ok if I do that? Ok? I’d love it! I’m really thinking about this now, I think I’d love to try it. He’s putting out a line for me, so sweet! I love him so much. Time for us to have sex.

by **wmxx** » January 21st, 2021, 6:33 am

Nothing like waking up with a line waiting for me and my coffee and cigarettes, with someone you love. The best part is not having to count how much coke you do, this is the way it used to be when I went to work and Amy had my line waiting for me. I am a princess now. Mike really got me thinking about being an escort. I looked at some locals on the internet. Some of these women get 2 to 3 hundred an hour! I told him I want to try it, and asked him if he really was ok with me doing it. He said he would love me being an escort, that would be so hot! I said what if I had to have sex with them. He said that would be so hot! It is like getting paid to just go out on a date! I asked him if he would take a picture of me after I take a shower with him and get dolled up. This will give me something to do. He suggested I interview with a professional escort service and work with them first and get some experience in how they screen the men, safety and STD screening. He is probably right. I’m going to start making some calls today and see if I can get hired. I’m kind of curious how they deal with having sex because most say no sex, but I love sex, for the right guy I would have sex, then I know they are going to come back. This could be awesome.

by **wmxx** » January 21st, 2021, 7:58 am

We are both sitting here doing lines and he said the problem with heroin is it is too good. I don’t know about you but I sit here wanting to shoot up again. I said I know I’m thinking the exact same thing. I love heroin. He said as much as we want to shoot up we can’t. We have to use it as a treat once a week. I said couldn’t we just shoot up today and then not until next week? He said believe me there is nothing I would like more, but we really can’t go there. I asked him would you shoot me up? He said do you really want me to? I said yes, I really love heroin so much that was the most amazing feeling in the world. He said I hate to say no to you but you could start getting in trouble. I said yeah I better not. Too bad. One thing for sure, everyone is right heroin is amazing. He uses more coke than me, so I am on my 4th line already. I love it, The more I do the better I feel. It’s so nice knowing from now on I will be constantly high all day, just like old times, that is when I am the happiest. The truth is when I flushed the coke and Justin thought I quit, I wasn’t stupid enough to flush it all, far from it. I was doing lines everyday:). It was such a battle, but I always have coke, even when we moved here original Mike gave me a bag full to take. I was doing coke since we moved here. I was almost out when Glen saved me. I have never quit coke, I can’t even imagine it. Just yesterday going 4 hours without it because I was doing heroin, I almost lost it. Same with my cigarettes, Justin thought I quit, even Nicole. I never quit I just snuck them when Justin and Nicole went out, or I would go to the park and smoke. Finally so glad that is over, I can have all I want now. Justin doesn’t even know I left him yet. I’m cringing that I have to go back there and get all my stuff Monday, I need more clothes especially if I become an escort, which I really want to be now. I can’t believe Mike’s fantasy fits me so well. I will absolutely be having an affair for him:) my ad is back up, I am going to surprise him and tell him I’m having an affair, after I fuck someone a few times when he is at work:). He will love it and no hypno, he wants me to! I love having sneaky affairs anyway, now he wants me to! I love Mike so much he is so perfect for me.

by **wmxx** » January 21st, 2021, 8:46 am

I stopped doing lines. I talked Mike into shooting me up with just half of what we did yesterday, but he said he wasn’t going to shoot up because if he gets too far into this his job could become a problem. I said ok. He will shoot me up after lunch:). I love heroin I’m even suffering not doing coke for 4 hours and it is so hard. I’m going to text Justin tonight and let him know we are over for good.

by **wmxx** » January 21st, 2021, 8:49 am

I’m really not feeling well today, kind of sick to my stomach, I’m hoping it is because I need heroine. It will feel better.

by **wmxx** » January 21st, 2021, 10:27 am

This is almost impossible watching him doing lines and not being able to have any, but I’m wanting to do heroin, that feeling is indescribable

by **wmxx** » January 21st, 2021, 10:40 am

He just told me he already has the needles done, so instead of trying to transfer and divide anything, I’m going to have to do as much as yesterday. I said that’s what I wanted anyway. He said if you do it, there is a pretty good chance your going to start needing it, you realize that? I said I want to start using it, is is sooooooo good. He told me, he wants me to start doing it, do you know how close we will get? The intimacy of me shooting you up, isn’t tha a great feeling? I said yes, I love that your the one making me feel that way. I told him he needs to get more because I love it. He said he will make a call and see if he can get some. There is still enough for tomorrow. I love heroine even more than my coke, but right now I’m dying for a line, but that will go away as soon as he shoots me up. I should have had him shot me up as soon as I got up. I will make sure I do heroine from now on when I get up, it is the most amazing drug ever! Not even close. I definitely love it:)

by **wmxx** » January 21st, 2021, 11:09 am

He told me he loves to see me so happy, and always wants to be the one that makes me feel that way. He loves me enough to know how I love being high, and is looking out for my happiness first, I love him so much. He just so understands loving to live high all the time, because he does too. I’m so lucky we are together now. I’ve never been this happy! He is my dream man.

by **wmxx** » January 21st, 2021, 11:20 am

This is what I love about Mike. He really cares about me. He said it looks like you want to be on heroin now, and I see you needing coke so bad I will shoot you up at 12:30 instead of 1 so you don’t have to suffer. Tomorrow he said I will shoot you up right when you wake up, so you don’t have to wait. I will go get more, because you will probably soon need me to shoot you up later in the afternoon soon. I told him I love him so much, and I want to make love to him and then shoot me up. He is sooo sweet and thoughtful!

by **wmxx** » January 21st, 2021, 12:32 pm

That is such an indescribable feeling, and to think this is how I’m going to feel everyday now is so wonderful. I love Mike so much. He makes me feel so good, and he loves me so much. I told him he makes me so happy, I’m going to fuck someone for him tomorrow. That night we all went to the club, Me and Nicole got so many phone numbers outside having our cigarettes. One guy was smoking hot and I text him. Twice when I told Justin I was shopping, I was having an affair with him. I’m calling him today and I will fuck him for Mike! I am also going to be an escort. I love the idea, and I want to do it for him. He makes me so happy. I would probably never had a chance to do heroin if not for him, and I love him so much for understanding that I want to do it everyday now. He told me it makes him so happy to see me so happy. I’m totally in love with this man. I know being an escort, I will go out of my way to make sex a given so he knows I’m fucking other men for him, but for me too. I always loved being slutty, and I want to be his whore now. I’m living my own biggest fantasy now doing heroine, becoming an escort, and a slutty whore, because I love sex so much. Now I have the perfect man, who fits what I have always wanted. I feel like I won the lottery! I am so mellow right now. I’m so so so happy I am on heroine now, and my honey is so happy for me, and loves to shoot me up. He is a total doll! He

by **wmxx** » January 21st, 2021, 1:01 pm

He is so thoughtful and caring for me. He told me he never shot himself up yesterday . He wanted to stay straight in case I had a bad reaction. He wants us to get into business together. He will build a website and I will be featured as the escort. I said that would be so awesome! He said in turn He will shoot me up as I needed my heroine. He said make sure you have sex with all your clients, and I will ask them when they call what they want you to wear. I will rent an apartment you can use for sex. You will bring us 300.00 an hour. So if I book you 5 times a week at 4 hours average we will make 6k a week plus tips. I said wow that is a lot of money! He said yes we will be rich. You will have your heroin and I will have my coke. With tips you will bring in over 400k a year. OMG! I didn’t realize I could make that much just going on dates, and he will love me having sex. Heck, I will love all the sex, and I love going out all dolled up! This seems like a dream! I love him so much. He is exactly the kind of man I always fantasized about. I love my new life, it is exactly what I always wanted. I’m texting Justin tonight, and I will let him know we are very done, and tell him how awesome a man I have now, that makes me so happy. I’m telling him I’m on heroine too, and I’m now an escort, because Mike loves me and understands me more than he ever did.

by **wmxx** » January 21st, 2021, 1:27 pm

This is so nice, I feel so safe and so good, it is hard to believe just putting a needle in you can make you feel like this. It is definitely how I am going to feel from now on. Mike is building a website as I speak. He is going to do a lot of advertising. He said it should be up and running as soon as tomorrow, and I may be going on a date. This is so what I want. I’ve just never been able to have sex with one man, I always have affairs, so this is going to really work out well, especially if he gets into me sleeping with someone different every night! I can’t wait to do that, I love sex. I get to dress all different ways, I’m going to love that. I can be sexy sophisticated, or a real slut, I’m comfortable either way. It will be interesting meeting all these men. Especially having them fuck me. I told him blow jobs too, if that’s what they want, I love sucking on a mans cock!! Yummy! All have to submit STD tests up to date, and wear a condom. I hate that part, but I think that is needed. Kissing allowed to I love to kiss! I’m so mellow I’m not craving coke like usual but when this starts going away, I will start doing lines again. Now I have coke and heroin to enjoy thanks to my Mike! I always thought original Mike was amazing, but my new Mike I absolutely love! This is my last relationship for sure, he is so considerate caring and loving