I need some help

For discussions of Feminization, Cross Dressing, Male-Female transformation, etc.

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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 4th, 2021, 9:08 am

Had a great workout today. I am really in better shape mind, body, and spirit than at any point of my life. I want to do everything right for our baby. I’m not just saying it, I’m living it! It feels great! I was reflecting back to where I was to where I am and the contrast is scary. When I met Justin I was doing coke all day and night every day. I was sleeping with Mike more than Justin, and spending more time with Mike. Looking back all I thought of was coke and sex, and while Mike and I slept together pretty much every day it wasn’t a relationship it was a habit. Then new Mike was taking me down a worse path. Coke became heroin thankfully just twice. When you chase coke, it is your lover and no man can replace it. So sad looking back. I really realize where I was and happy to be where I am.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 4th, 2021, 9:47 am

So I had this idea for me and Nicole. We are going to trade places this weekend and blow Justin’s mind. Nicole is going to be me all weekend, and me her. We are ordering a blonde wig for her and I will style it just like mine. I will do her makeup and nails like mine, and we will dress in each other’s very slutty clothes. Colored contacts for her green eyes and my blue ones. Every detail. We are going to try and act like each other as best we can. Nicole is Justin’s pregnant wife this weekend! I am Justin’s girlfriend for the weekend and we will be going out Saturday. This should be so much fun. I am going to stuff my bra, when I wear one so I’m as big as Nicole:). This is going to be so much fun. Nicole said don’t get jealous because I am going to be his wife in every way. I said I won’t. I’m giving Nicole my engagement and wedding ring to wear. This is going to blow his mind! Should be so much fun!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 4th, 2021, 10:18 am

I forgot to mention I will be wearing a jet black wig styled like Nicole. It is going to take a lot of makeup because our skin tones are very different.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 4th, 2021, 4:03 pm

Lol Justin asked us what we are up to. Said he can tell when we are scheming something. We told him nothing, and not to mind us. He keeps trying to pick our brain. I hope all this stuff gets here early tomorrow. Supposed to arrive tomorrow. If we get it in time we can start tomorrow night. I think he is going to like this. It should be a lot of fun. Can’t wait to see Nicole as me. I’m going to make her look as close to me as close to me as I can and I’m gonna do everything to look like her. Can’t wait to see Justin’s reaction when we come out and Nicole tells him she is his wife now. Omg! Priceless!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 5th, 2021, 2:43 pm

Our stuff was delivered around 3. Nicole is becoming me as I write this and me her. Going to be fun. Justin knows something is up. He doesn’t know what though. Gonna be fun!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 5th, 2021, 8:48 pm

The look on Justin’s face when we came out was priceless. He said we even looked like each other. We told him Nicole was his wife for the weekend and I was his girlfriend. Nicole even stuck out her hand and said see as she has my rings on. So we started working on him, rubbing his crotch, kissing him. Nicole told him how happy she is that he married her. Justin went along with it. He made dinner for us so we couldn’t have sex yet. I asked him if he wanted to have sex with me or Amber first. He said both, I don’t want to pick. We said no. You have to pick the first time. So he gave Amber a kiss, who is really Nicole, put his arm around her and said well of course my wife. This was feeling weird, but he was loving it! After dinner we sat in the living room all making out, and he was really turned on by me and Amber because we were the opposite. I was getting turned on and so was Amber. They disappeared into the bedroom. I really felt like Nicole at this point but I knew my time was coming. I didn’t think being a blonde worked for Nicole at first but the more I saw her she is hot as a blonde too. I actually like my black hair, It is so different, and I can wear different makeup and lipstick. I think Justin likes it, he certainly looked at me that way. This night is going to last awhile. A lot of sex. Me and Amber - formerly Nicole are next. If I can pry Her and Justin apart.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 6th, 2021, 8:49 am

This is so crazy! It is such a turn on for all of us. Everyone is playing their role so well because we are all so into it. Last night Justin thanked me for carrying their baby for them because Amber, formerly Nicole can’t have children. Sleeping with Amber was like being with an entirely different woman! I love doing this, I love being the girlfriend instead of the wife. There is something sneaky about it, just so different. To hear Justin call Nicole By my name. I am so in love with both of them. Sex with the new Amber went to a whole different level, and making love to Justin calling me Nicole, so crazy hot! He was talking to me like he would talk to Nicole. He was so turned on sleeping with us as each other. I could stay being Nicole past the weekend, and she said the same to me, hot hot it is talking openly to me as Justin’s wife and wearing his ring. We are going out to dinner tonight and Amber will be Justin’s wife. I thought this would be fun, but so erotic and more fun than I could even imagine. I am the ultra slutty girlfriend and Amber is the ultra slutty wife. Justin loves when we dress slutty, and on top of that we are each other. It took me a bit to get used to looking like this, and seeing Nicole as me, but I actually am starting to feel good seeing myself like this. I could get used to this! Being Justin’s girlfriend, seems so much easier. I can see why Nicole likes this now. This is the best thing we ever did together. The perspective is so different. I can tell Justin loves it, he slipped right into the role of Nicole being his wife! I love this!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 6th, 2021, 8:58 am

I just stop and think how we went from a total disaster to this. What a timely wake up call for me. I could see myself being the girlfriend for quite awhile. I know it would probably get old at some point, but right now being the girlfriend instead of the wife is bringing out my inner slut. I don’t have a standard to live up to, I can be as slutty as I want. The sex as Justin’s girlfriend is so erotic, especially when he says I love you Nicole. Lots of sex and lovemaking going on here. Justin is making love to his wife right now. All I have to do is show Justin how slutty his girlfriend is and how much he loves his wife and let him see me making love to his wife!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 6th, 2021, 9:06 am

My mind is on a racetrack now. When I get done breast feeding, the slutty girlfriend is going to be fucking someone else, so they have some alone time with their baby. I’m going to need a break after all this. I can go out and have some of my own fun! Probably not any over night’s just sex. Then they will really feel like a couple with a baby, while I get a chance to just forget about life for awhile, and have a break!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 6th, 2021, 9:16 am

One nice thing I noticed is my bras are getting tight and my skin is itchy. My breasts are starting to grow:). I don’t notice it to the look, but how my bras feel is definitely tighter. I may get my DD/DDD all by themselves. I think after I’m done breast feeding they will go back to normal size although I have bee reading that sometimes they stay bigger. I can only hope! Then I will really be Nicole. I asked Justin now that he sees Nicole looking more like me if he liked seeing me with huge boobs? He kind of smiled and didn’t really answer which means Yes! One way or the other I’m finally going to get them done. Seeing Nicole as me and her huge boobs makes me want them even more! Walking around stuffed as Nicole and seeing myself with this size makes me want them even more!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 7th, 2021, 7:21 am

This is probably the best thing we have ever done together. It is almost like living in a movie. We are all playing different roles and the longer we do it the better we get at it. Justin tried to make me jealous with the way he comments about Nicole being his wife now. It actually works at times because he does it so seriously. Nicole talks to me like Justin is her husband asks me if I like her rings. I think this is fun for her. It is fun for me too. I like being the girlfriend instead of the wife. It is like nothing to worry about just have a lot of sex with Justin and Nicole who is now Amber. It is a very erotic feeling especially going out to eat. I made sure people around us got an ear and eyeful because I kissed him a few times and every time he held Nicole’s hand I made sure he held mine too.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 8th, 2021, 6:36 am

Things really changed yesterday. I started throwing up again and all of a sudden I’m craving ice cream like crazy. My boobs are getting bigger. I feel it and my bras aren’t fitting and I’m actually more comfortable in Nicole’s bras:). I may get my DD after all! I had to cancel my workout this morning as morning sickness is part of my day again. Not fun. Justin wanted to take me to the doctor but I refused. I’m pregnant. This is the ugly part of it, except my boobs:). Hope this doesn’t last long. Nothing pleasant about it. Despite all of this this past weekend was so much fun. We all said we want to do it again soon before I get too pregnant so to speak. My body is changing, a lot of things are changing. Most of them don’t feel good. A long way to go. Wednesday will be week 10 as they calculated. My due date is on or around September 30. I asked Justin again if he wanted a boy or a girl. He said he will be happy with a healthy baby and it doesn’t matter to him. I really don’t have a preference either I guess.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 8th, 2021, 2:53 pm

Nicole apologized to me today. She said she might have gone too far teasing me being Justin’s wife. I said omg you don’t have to apologize it was all for fun and I didn’t take offense to you or Justin. In fact, I enjoyed being the girlfriend. It’s a whole different perspective. Nicole said yes, it almost felt like I was Justin’s wife. It was kind of fun. I told her it seems like everyone enjoyed it, so we should do it again. I told her the way things are going I will be more like you because my boobs are growing fast. She said, see you don’t even need a boob job. I said if they stay big I will love it. I saw how Justin looked at your boobs as me. He won’t admit it but he would love me DD/DDD. I told her I’m so jealous of her perfect boobs, at least I have access to them. Good thing there is 2 because Justin loves them too he is always playing with them. Mine are getting sensitive so at least he has hers.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 10th, 2021, 8:26 pm

I had to ask Justin something today. I asked him if when he met me if he knew I was on coke if he still would have dated me? He said honestly, he would have tried to help me, but no, he wouldn’t have dated me. So I asked him if he regrets marrying me knowing all he knows now? He said yes. He added that he really fell hard for the person I was and he knew I could be and he is feeling all of that between us now. He said we always had a very strong love and he said he knew it could be this way. I thanked him for believing in me because most men would have been long gone. He is so excited and happy that I’m having his baby. He said it was a huge mistake trying to take two years out of our lives to do all this experimenting. He did say that despite it being a mistake in the end it may have brought us together. He also said it brought Nicole into our lives and she is such a perfect compliment to both of us. I told him I’m in such a different place right now mentally, physically, and emotionally. I let him know that I could live 10 lives and never meet anyone I love more. I know he will be an outstanding father. He has so much of his grandfather in him I feel like I know his grandfather. Justin is living the life he was taught, and doing it well. He will bring up our children the same way. I have no doubt about that. I asked him to tell me again what he wanted more a boy or a girl. He said it really doesn’t matter. He said what he will say is whatever the first one is he wants the 2nd one to be the opposite sex. We had always planned on 2 kids, just got started a little more than a year sooner. He asked if I missed my business and I said I think about it all the time. I loved what I did, I really loved it. When you make someone feel prettier, sexier, happy seeing the person in the mirror you give them confidence and life!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 12th, 2021, 2:36 pm

So Justin sat with me this morning and said he wanted to run something by me. He said if we have a boy would you be ok naming him after my grandfather? The name sure isn’t current but I understand why he wants to do that. I know how important he was to him, so I truly understand and told him I know how important he was to you and actually now me because I have the man he made into a special human being, so I agreed full heartedly. He was very pleased. He also said if it is a girl he wants to name her Nicole. I can also she where he is coming from there too. I said I like the idea but it could get confusing but I like the idea. He said before we even think of it we need to share that with Nicole. I agreed so we called Nicole in and she was a bit teary eyed and said it was such a nice gesture especially asking me about it. She said if we decided on that it would be very special to her. So we have names now!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 13th, 2021, 8:24 am

All is quiet here. Nicole and I contemplated being each other again this weekend because it was a lot of fun. We decided not to because we didn’t want to wear out the novelty. Maybe next weekend. I am going to start showing soon so I don’t know how sexy I will feel with a baby bump. I don’t like that part. I have always prided myself on looking as good as I can all the time because when your job is to make people look and more importantly feel good about themselves you have to look and feel good yourself. Some think it is vanity but when you fit a woman with a wig and cover the effects of radiation and chemo and see how happy you make them feel there is no vanity involved. I miss helping some of those people battling for their lives in some cases. Some recover others never do. It hurts because you become friends. Their best stop of the week for many was in my shop. I worked miracles for some of those people. Not because I was so good, but because I was good enough, and I truly cared. Time for this:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I5pF9fLod9s
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 13th, 2021, 10:25 am

Well I got my wish. I am officially a 34DD now:). I am borrowing a few of Nicole’s bras. She is going bra shopping with me today. I hope this continues, but a lot of times in the aftermath they don’t. Sometimes they do and that would be great. I’m actually in between D/DD but DD is a better fit. I don’t have the perfect shape Nicole has, but at least I have them. I have been obsessed with Nicole’s boobs since I met her.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 14th, 2021, 6:44 am

Justin made love to me this morning and he said my boobs are getting bigger. I asked him if they were as big as Nicole’s and he said pretty much. So I asked him if he thought they were too big and he said no they look great on me. This is the same guy that was begging me not to get DD/DDD implants lol. Once he saw Nicole that all changed! I finally look the size I want to be maybe a little bigger. I’ve always loved women’s breasts. When I first was able to touch and kiss Nicole’s boobs I just about had an orgasm. I love playing with them. She is the only woman I will ever have sex with. I’m really in love with her. She is also the only woman I would ever trust having sex with Justin and they have sex every day. I remember when I used to go to Mike’s house to do lines he always told me my boobs were amazing. I don’t know how it got started but as soon as I got there I would take my top off and just wear a bra the whole time. After we had sex I was topless until I left. He was always playing with them, sucking them, everything. He was obsessed with fucking my boobs. I loved all the attention he gave them. I kind of miss all that. I probably had sex with Mike a 1000 or more times. It was pretty much every day for a long time. I still get the urge to do coke from time to time. I wish That urge would go away because it makes me want it. If I wasn’t pregnant and was with new Mike having sex I would not be able to resist doing a line. I guess it just hasn’t been long enough yet. I would never do it pregnant no matter what that I am sure of. After I’m done? If it was today I’d be at new Mikes having sex and I’d do a couple lines not like before. I was doing lines the whole time I was awake. By the time I am no longer pregnant I’m sure that urge will have disappeared but now, yeah I’d love to be doing a couple lines and definitely sex. I’ll admit when I’m doing coke I become a sex addict. I love sex anyway but when I’m doing coke with a guy sex is mandatory! My sex drive now is much lower but still love it. I’m not sure why but I get totally turned on when I see Nicole and Justin having sex. Maybe because I love them both. It’s kind of like if they are in love Nicole will never leave and Justin will never want her to leave which is what I want because I love them both. Sounds a bit selfish but true.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 14th, 2021, 1:06 pm

Crazy day. I’m now the goodie two shoes. I walk into the bedroom and I glance over and Nicole has a pack of cigarettes in her hand and digging in her bag looking for something. She didn’t hear me come in. She looks at me and goes oh shit! Please don’t tell Justin. So she tells me every Sunday when she goes to her Mom’s she smokes. She said that she started again about a month ago. She just smokes when she goes out by herself. I said I know your mom smokes weed. Are you too? She hesitated and said yes. I said I love it you are sneaky just like me. I told her just let Justin know it isn’t the end of the world you are 26. I wish I could have a cigarette so bad and some weed and coke. She apologized because she is trying to help me. I said don’t worry about it, I’m jealous though. She said she has smoked weed every weekend for as long as she can remember and doesn’t want to stop. When she smokes weed she needs her cigarettes. She doesn’t have to tell me. When I was doing coke I had to have my cigarettes. I told her I wouldn’t say anything. Then she leaves and I’m snuggled up with Justin and he tells me again how he loves me dressing real slutty. Nicole too. He added that ever since he saw Aubrey fuck me it really turned him on. Even the video with Jackie. So I said do you want me to dress slutty or dress slutty and be slutty? He said he loves when I fuck around with another guy, but doesn’t like my choices. I put my hand inside his pants and he was hard. So I know it turns him on. I said I love to be sneaky and slutty, but right now I’m pregnant so I don’t really want to get started with someone and have to stop when I get close. So I said when I’m done, I know I will need some kind of diversion. Do you want me to have someone on the side. He said yes! Then he said he knows part of it is guilt because he sleeps with Nicole every day. He feels kind of guilty. I said I will become the slutty wife when this is over. Then I said but being slutty may include other things, so you can’t pick and choose who I am with, what I do with him, and if I spend the night with him, and anything I want to do when I am with him. He said I know. He said if any of the other stuff isn’t what I want to hear, just keep it to yourself. He said he even wants to do hypno to really enjoy it to the max. I said like now? He said maybe to try it out. As much as I’d love to, my sex drive just isn’t what it was before I got pregnant, and not the same as when I do coke. This is crazy first Nicole then Justin and now I’m the party pooper so to speak. Everything is upside down. I asked Justin why he loves me being a slut so much. He said just everything that has happened, maybe some residual hypno, and watching me fuck other guys and him having Nicole. He said when you put it all together, and he thinks about it, he gets really turned on by it. What a weird day. One thing for sure. Once I have our baby I will need time where I can do things other than care for a child day and night so Nicole and Justin can give me a break. Now I can’t wait to be cut loose and find someone really hot that loves sex. I’m not sure what Justin meant about the other things and don’t tell me, but I think he meant coke:). I hope he did, because if he wants slut, one thing that makes me a slut is coke:). I could become Mike’s coke whore again, but smarter this time. Just a few lines on the weekend not 20+ lines a day. Even Nicole did coke like that. I will be a user this time not an abuser. Justin will get his whore wife back, what he doesn’t know is best for us both. If and it’s a big if I do a little coke on the weekend after awhile I will tell him so he knows I’m not doing it at home just with my lover on weekends. I know he could handle that. I want to convince Nicole to tell Justin what she is doing now. Then when or if I do it I’ll just say you were ok with Nicole doing it. I feel like for the first time I will have control over them both!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 14th, 2021, 1:46 pm

Without knowing it Justin and Nicole just made my day! I have been kind of depressed being pregnant worried about my body and so many thing. We both dress to various degrees of slutty, but this is the first time Justin wants me to be a whore. I have whored my whole life for coke, and I love new sex so that would be easy for me. Justin said not to tell Nicole about this so now they both have a secret lol. I was always the one with secrets, and now I’m the one without them. I’m reflecting on all the secrets I had, until I made such a stupid mistake taking a video of lines of coke in the background. I brought up Jackie to have sex with because I knew he did coke. Then Aubrey. That was a surprise. I didn’t know he did coke. I kept going to his house telling Justin I need to keep having sex with him to get him comfortable. It was really to do lines. Ultimately the same with Glenn. Then new Mike. So now they have secrets. So when I’m ready, I will have my own little secrets:). I wish it was today! My secret may be new Mike. Let him know I’m having an affair and things he doesn’t need to know about:). But right now isn’t where my mind is likely to be 6+ months from now. Just a dream.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 23rd, 2021, 6:18 am

I have not been doing well lately. Morning sickness and nausea have been daily the past week and I just haven’t felt that great. The one thing I love are my boobs. They are easily DD now and seem to still be growing. I’m as big as Nicole now:). I’ve not been very sexual this week. Justin and Nicole are having a lot more sex. I’m a little jealous because she had more or less taken over in the bedroom, and I can see they have gotten much closer. I worry about it on one hand, but on the other hand it takes a lot of the pressure off me to have to have sex which for now I have little appetite for. Tomorrow I go for my 12 week check up. My first visit here at home. My workouts have been interrupted by my nausea but I’m still getting through them most days. Justin is turning into a rock. He is working out hard as is Nicole. She didn’t look bad ever but now she is stunning! Her body was already tight and curvy now she is incredible! That’s another reason I am jealous. I think Justin will want her more than me. My body will soon not look the same. I’m not showing yet but soon I will be. I shouldn’t be jealous though. Justin has been great to me in all ways through these first 3 months. He has been very affectionate with little sex. I can see and have no doubts he will be a great father, and he is a fantastic husband. He is always asking what he can do for me, as is Nicole. She is an amazing woman. I can’t imagine her not being here. She is a strong part of our family and always will be. It was never our intention to have her here, it happened so naturally which I guess is why it works so well. Yeah, we get jealous of each other from time to time but we are extremely close and talk a lot. We all have moments but they don’t last long, because the love is mutual across the board. It’s something I never thought was in the cards in my life, but now I would never want it to be any other way.
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Re: I need some help

Postby grover27 » March 23rd, 2021, 12:53 pm

I know it's easier said than done, but don't be worried about Justin. Guys can be superficial but you are his wife and I have no doubt that he will always love you more than you could ever know. Husbands like Justin don't just give up on their wives b/c they get out of shape from having a baby. My wife was the sexiest to me when she was pregnant. You guys have a secure thing there. The only thing that can ruin it is distrust, dishonesty, and irrational behavior. Have faith in your man and in yourself and you will fine. The morning sickness will pass soon too. Keep it up!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 30th, 2021, 6:43 am

Thanks Grover. I just have a lot of insecurities projecting myself a few months from now. The morning sickness is not as constant lately but still a pain some mornings. I’m not very sexual right now so having Nicole around is a plus, but I still worry about it even though there is no evidence I should. The reality is Justin is giving me all the attention I need as he has been great. Everything changed the day he knew he was the father. He is so excited and I see it in his eyes. I have no doubt he will be a great father. He is a great husband as well. My boobs seem to grow daily. I went from wearing Nicole’s bras that were a bit loose to them being just right to now I am starting to feel them getting a bit tight. I seem to be getting my wish. 34DDD. They are so noticeable now because I have gained just 2 pounds and I’m not showing yet. Justin said I look like I’m going to fall over lol. Nicole and I seldom wear any tops at home, usually a bra or nothing. The problem is Nicole and Justin want to play with them but most of the time they are a bit sore and sensitive. Had my first GYNO visit since we left Mayo. Everything appears to be progressing normally. The workouts have been a challenge, but I get through most of them. Nicole had an incredible body to begin with but now she is a hard body, with huge boobs. When we go out to eat with Justin we get very dolled up and wear borderline sexy slurry clothes. You would not believe how many times we have been asked if we are someone famous. It’s kind of flattering yet a bit annoying at the same time. It makes me feel good in the sense that I still stand out in a crowd. Not sure how much longer that will last, so I will enjoy the attention now. I did notice as soon as Nicole gets back from her Mom’s Justin is in bed with her within an hour. I should also say if I go out, and come home he is in bed with me within an hour. I meant to ask him about that. Just something I noticed. Hopefully it is because he loves us so much he misses us when we are gone. I kind of feel that way when Nicole or Justin have been out awhile.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » March 31st, 2021, 12:23 pm

Nicole usually goes to her Mom’s every Sunday and this is Easter. We wanted to do something together so she agreed to see her Mom on Saturday. She also wants to go there on Easter but not until dinner time. Justin said he has Easter booked for brunch and wants us to go home and all make love together. He said he will be hiding Easter eggs in the house and yard for Nicole and I to find. He said there will be 12 of them but he wants it to be equal so the first one to find 6 gets the grand prize and the other person gets to find 6 as well. He wouldn’t say what the grand prize will be but he knows both of us will love it! Each egg has a prize as well. There will be a note in each teasing at what the prize is, but not specific. He said some are untimely prizes, some are tangible prizes and some are valuable. After each found egg all three of us get to see what it is before we can start looking again. He said there are 2 gag eggs which have lousy prizes just for fun. A few are dares in order to collect your prize. If you refuse the dare the other person has an option to do the dare or no one wins it. He said the bigger the dare the better the prize. We are excited because it sounds like fun and I can see he put a lot of thought into it. He should know me and Nicole by now. He knows we will do any dare unless it is totally off the wall. That probably means a couple outrageous dares. Can’t wait to see what they are! We have both been seducing him for hints but he won’t budge. Nicole and I have to go out for 1 hour when we get home so he can do everything. We are scheming something to do for him. We have a few ideas but haven’t settled on anything yet. I love all his creativity to make something fun. My life right now is totally amazing. I’m so in love with Justin and Nicole, and we all feel that way. I just got myself all horny and I’m going to seduce Nicole right now.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » April 7th, 2021, 8:45 pm

We had a great Easter. The hunt that Justin planned was really fun. I know we are very fortunate to live a lifestyle that most don’t live. Justin is really aware of that and helps people all the time. I don’t want to get into what we got from him while finding our 6 each. It just isn’t fair. All I will say is we were both blown away. I will say that we each got one that directed us to give it away to a family in the community anonymously. We did it through the help of the police department. Honestly it was the best part of our day. I am really very fortunate that Justin is my husband. He is a very gifted man, and I have no doubt he will be the father his grandfather thought him to be. He has already shown that since I met him. It is never about him. Ok I sang my praises but so justified! Nicole and I talk baby a lot. She is genuinely excited. She caught me off guard and asked me if she could just for a few seconds experience what breastfeeding is like even though she won’t actually be supplying anything for the baby, she just wants to feel the experience because she doesn’t ever expect she will feel the real thing. I told her I would have no issue with allowing her that experience. I can tell she was uncomfortable asking me that. I’m glad she was able to because it shows me how comfortable we are with each other. It’s unlike any experience I have ever had with a woman, and one I will never have again with any other woman. I really truly love her. Sometimes I can’t even believe I’m in a relationship with a woman and my husband is too. I really love it though. It’s just like all the ingredients just came together. So lucky! My morning sickness isn’t completely gone but it is much less frequent. We are all getting hard bodies and in very good shape. Remember me struggling to do a half mile? I do 4 miles everyday now! I’m outside of the morning sickness I feel better than ever and have so much more strength and stamina. Overall things are great between all of us!
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Re: I need some help

Postby stupidme » April 8th, 2021, 3:58 pm

so good to hear the update! I'm sure the 3 of you together will make great parents, of course that will take a lot of hard work but that will make the rewards even better.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » April 9th, 2021, 11:47 am

Thanks stupidme. My clothes are getting tight and when I look at myself I feel like I am starting to show but Nicole and Justin say they don’t see it. Maybe just being patronizing, I think I can see something and clothes fit has changed a bit. My boobs I love! I got them for free at least now. I was reading sometimes they stay and sometimes they go. I hope they stay! Just a bit sore though. I have prepared my body and am hopeful I don’t get stretch marks. Things are quiet, calm, and good here. It has been really comforting to go through this process with both Justin and Nicole. I’m blessed! Really blessed!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » April 13th, 2021, 7:48 pm

Things have been quiet here which is a good thing. We all continue to thrive in a way I could have never imagined not very long ago. Engender me and Nicole go out all together we get looks from people a lot. Not really a lot, all the time. Sometimes and I’m not sure if it is the boobs, heels, sexy clothes, or who knows what else. People think we are famous or Hollywood or something and actually ask. You can see they are talking about you almost all the time trying to figure us out. They see the rings or maybe they don’t and wonder who is with who? It used to be fun but it has kind of gotten annoying, but it’s ok. People will be people. We do look different than most and Justin was asked once who are the beautiful women he is supplying security for? He just laughed. Justin has gotten big. Not big like ridiculous just a real hard body. Things are great here after all the craziness we went through. We have all found a great place together. I feel like I should write a look because few have what we have. It’s truly amazing!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » April 27th, 2021, 6:12 am

I know it has been awhile since I last posted here. I guess it is because everything is going well. I am visibly showing now and I am having trouble accepting my body. I have never seen myself look like this before and it is hard to accept. I will say that Justin and Nicole are really good at telling me this is the sexiest I will ever look. It is just hard for me to wrap around. One good thing my morning sickness is completely gone and everything seems to be progressing nicely. I have become addicted to popsicles! I never really liked them but now I can’t seem to get enough of them, kinda weird. I have not been very sexual for awhile. It is kind of a good thing Nicole is here. She has sex with Justin everyday now. You would think that would worry me but it doesn’t. It has been part of my life now for a long time. Nicole acts no differently and I love her, so it just works. It certainly keeps Justin from straying which I don’t think he would do anyway. He even asked me if at anytime I feel bad feelings or insecurities about him and Nicole he would immediately stop. He is always sensitive as to how I feel, Nicole as well. That’s about it for now. Hope everyone is doing well. One thing for sure is all 3 of us continue workouts and we are all in great physical condition. Nicole has a body to die for now. She always did, but she has tightened up her curves and her huge boobs look even bigger. I love playing with them, and she loves me playing with them. If we are out of the house together, I don’t care if it is male or female all eyes go directly to her. She has let her silky soft black hair grow and it is amazing on her.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » April 30th, 2021, 6:11 am

Since my due date is September 30 I am now 4 months pregnant. My life has changed so much it is crazy! I went from needing sex multiple times a day and doing 20+ lines a day, and smoking cigarettes, to being completely straight, and having sex more like 3-4 times a week. I got my huge boobs but I am starting to show a little, and my boobs don’t look as great, but I am hoping once I am done breastfeeding they stay. One way or the other I think I will have them done so they are perky and perfect like Nicole. She has the best pair of boobs I have ever seen. I have to have those. When I met Justin I thought I was in good shape. I know now that isn’t true. I am in the best shape I have ever been in. Nicole said the same about herself. She always had a pretty tight body but now she is incredible. I do get jealous at times because I don’t look quite like that anymore. For someone that spent their entire adult life to this point needing to have the Barbie doll image and look, this hurts! I know it is temporary but a long way to go and it is going to get worse. I know I have matured over the last 4 months. I also know that an untimely pregnancy may have saved me from me. My whole day was consumed by doing lines with someone and having sex with them. I can’t say I don’t miss it. The urge never seems to go away. It isn’t something I will give in to because I am responsible for another life now more than even my own life. I can say since I learned I was pregnant I have done everything right and will continue to do so. Justin has been as good and understanding to me as I could ever hope for. If I have an urge for some type of food, he runs to the store and gets it, as does Nicole. She is my rock! It’s hard for anyone reading this to understand. Here she is sleeping with my husband every day more than I do, and I love her. She loves me, and we all love each other. Maybe this can’t last forever, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t. It appears we are defying the odds, and we all talk openly with each other and all 3 of us. Don’t ask me why, it just works. I can’t imagine a life without Nicole and Justin. I love both of them so much. Kissing Nicole feels like a first kiss every time. I’m happy and content about us all.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 1st, 2021, 6:45 am

So last night I went out. I don’t know what got into me but I drove to new Mike’s house. I saw his car so I went up the driveway. I just had to find out something. If I could go there and have sex and do no coke. I promised myself if I was failing to resist I would just leave. Needless to say he was shocked to see me. I went inside he gave me a big kiss. We talked about what has been going on since my last time here. I told him I was off coke, and he said How amazing that was, but he was really glad to here it. He is still doing lines all the time. I asked him to do one in front of me. He did. I wanted to do one so bad I was going into a sweat just seeing it there. I resisted. He lit a cigarette and I asked him to go outside because I’m pregnant and he did. We had sex. He told me my tits as he said, are so big. He wanted to suck and play with them but they are somewhat tender so I asked him to be gentle. I guess I needed to hear someone else tell me I am still beautiful. I also wanted to be in a situation where coke was right in front of my nose and not do any. I succeeded somewhat. I say somewhat because if I wasn’t pregnant, I would have done some without hesitating. It tells me I’m still a work in progress when it comes to that. I got home and took a shower and went to sleep with Justin and told him. He was alarmed at first, and then I told him I passed, and did not do any. He said the part of me not feeling beautiful is not real. I think he was both surprised and relieved. I won’t be going back. I found out what I needed to know. I feel better about myself that Mike carried on how good I looked. He even noticed my body is really toned now, but mostly he was amazed at my tits in his words. That made me feel good because now I want them to stay big or I will get them bigger. Either way I am going to need some help to get them looking perfect like Nicole. I feel better now that I did that. I feel better still I told Justin. I thank Nicole for that. She has taught me to always be honest with her and Justin, and I have, no matter how hard it is.
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Re: I need some help

Postby grover27 » May 3rd, 2021, 8:43 am

Amber,
After all of your progress, I find this last posting to be highly disturbing. I'm not a therapist but as an outside observer, it seems like you continue to have self-destructive behavior and self-esteem issues. When I first read your message my first reaction was "Fuck this girl!" But I have softened and really want you to consider finding a therapist to talk all of this through. You are really lucky to have the financial means to pay for therapy and I think a good therapist/counselor/whatever feels right for you will be the best thing you can do for yourself at this point. I don't want you to fail and I have concerns that without therapy you are going to fuck up this amazing life sooner or later. Please seek help. There's no shame in getting to know yourself better and facing your demons head on.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 8th, 2021, 7:29 am

Grover while I respect and appreciate your input and concerns, I’m living a completely different life here than most. My best friend and sexual partner is also having sex with my husband. I am fine with that. I have a green light to sleep with whoever I chose including how often and when. Second, have you ever been pregnant? Maybe there are some natural born women following this that have. It isn’t the best mental, physical, or emotional time. Hormones are raging and changing, and for someone that made a living looking a certain way, and now looks in the mirror and sees something that isn’t that way anymore is rather daunting. Justin and Nicole are great in that regard. They reinforce it all the time, and I am great full for that. I needed to learn a few things about myself. I put myself in front of coke and didn’t touch it. Do you know how many miles from where I used to be that is? Yes, I had sex. Yes, I told Justin, yes he had concerns that I was in front of coke, yes I explained to him why I did it. I hid nothing, and I didn’t have to tell him. That alone is different than several months ago. There are no issues here, there is a lot of communication going on, so many things you don’t know about. Those things are all good things. We have grown together, and will always be a work in progress. I feel better, not worse, for having done what I did. I couldn’t have done that 4 months ago with the same outcome. I know I have been on your hit list for a long time. I think emotionally you want a certain outcome for me Justin, and Nicole, and maybe in time that will be perfect for you, maybe not. I have the courage to put my life under the microscope. It isn’t always sunlight and perfection. I don’t live in Camelot, but I also know that the life I am living is full of so many blessings. I also ache for those that don’t have basic life essentials. I don’t just ache for those people. Justin, Nicole, and I volunteer, donate food, and money, and a lot of other things. Justin always follows the rule of life right from the Bible...to whom so much is given, much is expected. We try to give out in every way we can, and Justin is responsible for our attitudes in that regard. It is the best feeling in the world to help others , and we are blessed that we can, not just monetarily but physical time. I’m not beating you up here, I’ve been put on the defensive and trying to expand the scope that nobody knows about. I love being pregnant because I have a great husband and a woman who is always there for me. I just don’t like the hormonal changes, and the look. Let’s just respect the space we all live in, because within that space there is so much harmony, and we all know we are just human with flaws. We all have them.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 15th, 2021, 7:20 am

Tonight should be fun. I am already dressed up as Nicole and her me. Nicole actually looks good as a blonde, but in reality she would look good no matter what. I find myself a bit jealous now that my body is changing. The one good thing, my boobs are bigger than hers now:). They just aren’t as perky as hers unless I support them. Justin loves when we do this, so this night is for him. He has really given me a lot of support as has Nicole knowing I’m not used to my body looking like this, although I’m not showing a lot yet. I actually like my look as Nicole, but it takes a lot of makeup and hair styling, but I love to do that anyway. Her nails are longer than mine, and I didn’t take the time to extend mine, because they take awhile to get used to. Nicole is already turning me on just looking at her. I think we will be in bed soon! I haven’t been that sexual lately but the optics here have me feeling really horny like usual. I always wonder if after all this is over if I will have the super charged need for sex? Maybe that was just the coke talking. I know when I was doing it regularly with Mike sex always happened. I’m glad in one way those days are over but in another way it was so awesome. Doing lines and having sex was amazing! I don’t regret it. The amount of sex I had was off the charts.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 21st, 2021, 6:45 am

So Nicole and I got into a conversation about hypno. She has never tried it before, and was curious if it would work on her. We started going back to Justin who really gets overcome by it, and we started talking about getting Justin hypnotized for something fun, but none of our ideas really hit the mark. We brought him into the conversation. He was hesitant but said if it was something where no one gets hurt and not over the top, he might consider it. So while we have thought about a lot of things we haven’t seemed to come up with anything that seems really fun and good. So I want to throw this out there. Since this is a hypno site I figured people have tried a lot of things, and please present your ideas here! Nicole said she would try it if it was something she was comfortable with. Hope to hear from you on this. Thanks!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 21st, 2021, 12:11 pm

Justin and I made love this morning. Nicole had some things to do so we took advantage of our time together. He asked me if I thought after I finished breast feeding if I would ever think about doing coke again. I was honest with him and said some days I wake up still and would love to be doing a line, and other days no. I don’t really have an answer, but I think if I ever did it again it would not be like before when I had to have it all the time no matter what. If I ever did it at all it would be very recreational not a lifestyle. He said he hopes I never do, and if I ever did in the house with the baby around there would be a huge issue. I agreed with him on that. He told me if I decided to do it recreationally he didn’t even want to know about it. So I asked him out of all the hypno he tried was there a favorite one? He didn’t even have to think about it. He said when he was under hypno to have me moving in with someone else and having an affair with me. I was surprised about his answer. He said the desire to have me knowing I wasn’t his anymore and then making love to me was the best sex he ever had. It was like getting away with sleeping with your own wife! I reminded him how he pushed me away so hard that I was permanently going to be with Glenn because I fell hard for him. He said I know that part wasn’t very good. If there was a way to control that part, he would do it again in an instant, he still thinks about it. Having a baby though would make that a whole lot harder because the baby would be with me. He said I was right, but I know I would love it. I did admit to him I also loved that. I felt like I had all the power and control. I told him he knows that part of my personality where I love being able to get away with anything I want. He said in a way that made it better for him, because he knew that I could do whatever I wanted and he was helplessly in need of having an affair with me that he had no desire and was afraid to not let me get away with anything I wanted. He knew I was doing coke constantly and he didn’t dare interfere out of fear I would stop having an affair with him. He wanted me getting away with everything because it protected our affair. We just made a discovery that we both actually loved that hypno! We stumbled into the perfect hypno without realizing deep down we both loved it. We agreed he was going to do that again but flag him being so strong forcing me away. I’m going to start sleeping with new-Mike again. I will spend nights with him, and I will start falling for him, and I will have full control, so after I have the baby, I will move in with him, at least partially and have an affair with Justin. I will leave the baby with Justin and Nicole at times so I can do coke with Mike, and Justin won’t interfere. I’m not going to use it like before but getting my coke back is giving me chills! We are both going to love this! I will lay the ground work now for it! Justin should be begging me to have an affair with him soon!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 21st, 2021, 12:39 pm

I have been so bummed out lately, but this is such a pick me up. I never knew he loved this so much. He never knew how much I love having full control and getting away with anything I want. I was feeling so depressed about my body and look, but now I can prepare for what comes next. I will make sure Justin knows he is slowly losing me and he will have the affair he is desperate for. By the time I can partially move in with Mike, I will be able to do anything I want:). Just thinking about it gives me chills. Mike is the perfect guy too! In a lot of ways he is just like old Mike, except one huge difference. Justin will love it. I won’t tell him it’s Mike I am moving in with because he will worry, but once he starts having an affair with him, I will tell him it is Mike. He will know I’m doing coke again but he will be helpless to interfere because he will be desperate to continue having an affair with his wife. I will soon have everything I had before and more. He will have Nicole this time, so me moving in with Mike while he and Nicole watch the baby is perfect! My entire outlook has changed now. This is as good as I have felt since getting pregnant. I’m going to pay Mike a visit tomorrow and Justin should be on his way to what he wants! I will make sure he gets it. He will be having an affair with his part time wife. I will make sure he knows that me and Mike are together permanently when the time comes
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 21st, 2021, 3:28 pm

I should clarify myself here before Grover throws me under the bus again lol. I’m not saying I will for sure be doing coke again. It is just a very good feeling knowing that if I want to I can now. Justin will love that I am with someone, and while I could move in with Mike, I want Justin more involved so it is unlikely. I can spend three or four nights at a time living with Mike, and let Nicole and Justin have the baby for one or two of them. I’m sure we will work it out so Justin knows I am with Mike, and he is my affair. I will let him know I sleep with Mike more than him, so he knows he is an affair for me. I will make this work no matter what. If I have to totally move in with Mike, I will! I know the more I become Mike’s the more Justin will love it, and the more freedom to do whatever I want I will have. It’s the hottest thing in the world to see him needing me with someone else! I promise he will love it!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 22nd, 2021, 8:20 am

I just read this:

recent review, however, of scientific studies on the effects of cocaine use during pregnancy claims there is “no convincing evidence” that prenatal cocaine exposure is associated with negative developmental effects in children 6 years and younger.

Poverty, not Cocaine To Blame

In fact, the researchers from Boston University’s schools of medicine and public health report many of the developmental problems commonly attributed to cocaine (problems with growth, language, mental ability, motor skills, behavior)

This is great news. If I limit my use to rare, I will be fine. Spending the night with Mike tonight:). Justin has already started. I told him I am going to spend the night with someone tonight. I also let him know that I will be building a relationship with him and after I have the baby I will be moving in with him part time. All I had to do is see his bulge and I know how happy this will make him. My research makes me want this more than him. I already feel the power rush and control rush. Leaving for Mike’s at 4. I’m getting chills knowing I can have a few lines. I will be ultra careful though. I can’t wait.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 22nd, 2021, 8:40 am

Now that I feel my sense of control which I love I told Justin if he ever mentions anything about coke that will be it. I don’t want him asking me. He said he already told me he doesn’t want to know, as long as he can have an affair with him. This is so perfect! I haven’t felt this good about myself in 5 months. I am going to give him everything he desires, because in doing so I have full control and get anything I want. This is so awesome. I can’t wait until tonight. I will remind Justin that someone else will be making love to me all night! I will make sure he gets everything he wants, because that ensures I get everything I want. We both win which makes it so perfect. I will put my entire focus onto making Justin desperate for an affair with me. He doesn’t even need the hypno because that’s what he wants anyway. The hypno just multiples that need times 10, and will give me all the power. I bet he will want be sleeping with Mike every weekend:). And I will do whatever it takes!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 22nd, 2021, 8:48 am

Also more good news

Pregnant moms using cocaine has less effect on infants than previously thought, says research
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 22nd, 2021, 11:03 am

I couldn’t take it. I left for Mike’s already. I’m dying to do a line. I just stopped at the store to get cigarettes. I have never done a line without my cigarettes! Will be doing a line in about 20 minutes. So excited!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 22nd, 2021, 11:55 am

OMG! I was literally shaking so bad knowing I was going to do a line! I feel so good right now. I did just a half size line. That is the longest I have gone without my lines since I was about 15. I’m never doing that ever again. I’m also having my first cigarette in months. What a feeling. Hard to even describe how happy I feel right now. All this does for me is make me completely focused on making sure Justin ultimately has such a great affair with me that he will love when I move out. I told Mike I want to move in and he was excited too. He said he would hire a live in nanny so we don’t have to worry about being able to do lines and I could see Justin with the baby all week while he is at work! Omg! This seems like a dream! I have my coke and cigarettes back, and I promise I will never quit them again. I will make sure Justin loves me moving out. I will make our affair so good he will never be able to give it up. The hypno will ensure that and so will I. So horny right now. Time to make love to my soon to be new man!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 22nd, 2021, 12:02 pm

Mike has to pop in the shower really quick. I am feeling as good as I have ever felt. I’m finally going to move in with someone that loves coke as much as I do, boy do I realize that now. I have to make sure Justin loves this arrangement so much he can’t think of anything else. Nicole will become his wife so to speak. I will have everything I have been trying to have for so long. My sex drive is high again. I’m dying to get in bed with Mike. We will be so in love by the time I have this baby it will be a relief to move in with him. I will be the coke whore he always dreamed of but permanent!
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 22nd, 2021, 1:28 pm

Mike told me he finally tried heroin and loved it, but he is not doing it often because he doesn’t want to get hooked. He asked me if I would do it with him after I have the baby. I said of course, I loved it! Wow, I’m so not used to doing lines anymore, and just a half line is still making me feel amazing. All we are doing is talking and kissing. I told Mike there is no way I am going through this again. I will never ever give up coke again, I love it so much. I’m also glad I have my cigarettes as well. I missed them so much! Doing coke makes you smoke a lot! I will never quit them doing coke, besides I love to smoke anyway I started when I was 12 so I have pretty much always smoked. Mike says we are the perfect couple and I agree. I have to move in with him. I know I’m going to get back to doing a lot of coke and smoking again and will have to shield it from him, but at the same time it is none of his business since I will be Mike’s and he will love it. That’s the best part of it all.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 22nd, 2021, 1:59 pm

I just text Justin to tease him. I told him this time I really will be moving in with my new man. I want to make sure it is what you really want, because once I do, I will never leave him, that’s a promise:). I am doing this for you because I love you so much. Our affair once started will be permanent. His response was. Omg Amber I love you that much too. Yes, I want it to be permanent. A lifetime affair with you! Please tell me your not kidding. I told him I promise I am not kidding it is going to happen for us!

Omg this is so awesome! I showed Mike, he is elated, he told me I’m the most beautiful and sexy women he ever met. He also said he loves doing lines with me.
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 22nd, 2021, 2:18 pm

I am getting this deja by feeling but in a nice way. New Mike is so much like old Mike but better looking and 1 huge difference. I am ultimately going to be with him. It’s a relief because I know now I will always do coke. Just having a half line and I realize how much I need and love it. We are going to be spending every weekend together until I have the baby. Then I can breath a sigh of relief and get back into doing coke the way I always have before. This is going to be amazing.
wmxx
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 22nd, 2021, 3:42 pm

I just did the 2nd half of my first line. Now I know why I love it so much, and I already promised myself I will never quit again. Not going through that ever again. Once I’m fully moved in here after the baby I will be able to get back to the level I was before. I was so happy then. I’m on my 5th cigarette. I really didn’t want to have too many or I will be hooked again but it is impossible not to smoke a lot when you do coke at least for me. I’m glad I have them back though, I started when I was 12 and really love it. I can see though I’m going to get hooked again really fast the way I am going and will have to hide them from Justin and Nicole. I’m good at that:). I’m not going to quit if I get hooked, I’m not going through that ever again. Basically from now on I smoke. Period.
wmxx
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 22nd, 2021, 8:19 pm

I just did my 3rd half line so only did 1.5 total. We made love again and we have been literally talking and planning all day. I’m going to love living with him. I can do whatever I want which isn’t so much the case now. It won’t be long before I have full control. The plan is I will be staying with Mike every weekend from now on. I will also spend 3 other nights with him and leave in the morning when he goes to work and be with Justin and Nicole Monday-Thru Friday all day, but only 2 nights. Mike said if I need coke he will make sure I have it for those days, and I may not need it now but I’m sure it won’t be long I will. The hardest part is going to be not being able to have a cigarette. I really don’t want to be hooked right now, but the way I am smoking now, I know I will be. Nicole smokes again, and she smokes weed. I don’t want her to know I am too and get lectured. Nicole and Justin go out without me sometimes, and I go out without them to so at least I will have some opportunities. I will be working on Justin and taunting him and teasing him that soon he will be having an affair with me. I think ultimately Nicole is going to take advantage and try to be Justin’s wife. That actually bothers me some, we will see. Once I have my baby, we will have a live in Nanny here. Now that I will be doing coke again I am not going to breast feed. That means as soon as I move in with Mike, I will be working my way up to doing as many lines as him which is probably more than I was doing before. You can’t even imagine how much I want that. Now that I feel so good doing it, I’m never stopping again, I absolutely missed it more than I realized. I am so grateful for Mike. He understands all that and told me I will have all I need. We talked about each of our heroine experiences. He shot me up twice. I thought that was almost romantic, him shooting me up so I would feel so good. I love it but I am scared of getting hooked on it. He said he would make sure he shot me up only on special occasions. I will definitely do it again, I loved it! I grew up on drugs, and they have always helped me through. If not for coke I don’t know how I could get by what I have been through. I’m rediscovering that again, so I’ve already promised myself I will never be without it again! I have the perfect man right now! I can’t wait til I can go full throttle again, that’s when I am the best me.
wmxx
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Re: I need some help

Postby wmxx » May 23rd, 2021, 5:34 am

My honey is so sweet. He had my half line waiting for me when I came out into the kitchen, along with my coffee and cigarettes. I have to admit seeing that line there got me needing it so bad. I can’t even explain it but being back on coke feels so good. I was going to try not to have a cigarette until mid morning, but after doing that line I had to have one. I can’t fight it, I smoke again. After not smoking for 5 months I get a buzz from it. Better yet the high I get from the coke is so much better and lasts so much longer and feels sooooo good! There is nothing that feels better. I’m so glad I’m doing it again. I don’t think I will need them but I told Mike I wanted to take 2 lines home tomorrow morning just in case. I will be back here for dinner and stay over tomorrow night so if I can make it through the day I will have it when I get here:). Mike is giving me a key and security code, so I can be here when he comes home from work. I take that to mean I officially live here now which is so nice. I guess if I really need a line during the day I could just come here now. Soon I’m sure I will be doing that a lot. As my use goes up I can just stay here while he is at work and do all the lines I need:). I don’t know why but I love thinking of myself as a coke whore. It really has been my life. My sex drive is back, seems like I’m horny all the time again.
wmxx
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