Need help accepting need for big, hard cocks and hunky studs

[dr12]

Last summer, isabella valentine and files from this site almost drove me over the edge. I almost accepted my identity as a slutty, sissified cock faggot whore. I was entranced by the hot jocks I'd see across the street on campus. I'd fantasize about being embraced by their brawny and masculine arms, about laying my head against or licking their hot abs, about kneeling before them and worshipping their manhoods before leaning over a railing, desk, or my dorm window sill and taking it like a bitch in heat. I even bought a highly realistic, top-of-the-line dildo (cyberskin) to prepare for the real thing.
When I when to my campus mailroom to pick up the dildo, I felt like a naughty girl going out to get fucked. When I took it out of the packaging in my room, my whole body was trembling, all for the cock. I had trouble getting the head in my mouth, it was a thick monster. I pumped my hands up and down the shaft as I slowly bobbed my head and facefucked myself.I got so into it that I barely needed to touch myself to cum. When I did cum I scooped it all up and slathered it on the tip of the dildo (which I started to think of as "my boyfriend") and I swallowed all of it as I continued to suck my boyfriend off.
After losing my oral virginity to the cock, I spent my waking hours outside my room lustfully wishing to go back and surrender to the cock. I tried to fuck my pussy, but I couldn't, the cock was too big and I was too excited and trembled too much to get it inside me.
At the same time, I started wearing sexy panties and started looking at hormonal feminization to further seal my myself. Then, suddenly, I got scared and stopped everything. Afterward, I tried to go back into my nascent sissyhood, but it's like I have a mental block stopping this from happening. I can't listen or trance with the files the way I used to. Yet, I long to be used by strong, virile men and be a sissy slut.

What should I do to get me back on my knees, hopelessly desperate for big, thick cocks?

[kimbi]

You will,

Don't worry about a thing,

It's your place in life, your place in society, you have found it and it cannot be unfound. So relax and let it happen, it will happen whether you fight it or not, so why deny yourself ?

You are a cock sucking sissy slut.

Go and get another dildo, but this time get yourself a butt plug too, you deserve it for being naughty,

kimbi x