oxdude wrote:Alien, what you have done is work out an extremely practical, workable compromise between your fetish and your needs.
Me? I think I need to go further. I think that I need to talk with someone who understands my needs, wants, and desires, who can point me in the directions I need to go. That may be the psychiatrist that I heard is involved in the process. This may -- or may not -- involve gender reassignment surgery. It probably will, but that's not quite definite ... yet.
What I need right now is self-confidence. I love the women's clothes I have and wear them in my apartment but ... not outside (yet). The ones I wear can be mistaken as men's clothing at first glance; that is why androgynous is included in my description of sexual orientation/gender identity.
My current need is a file that gives me the willingness to wear the clothing I love -- and look wonderful in -- outside my apartment and the self-confidence to be able to ignore any snide comments I hear. I want a file that will boost my self-confidence enough that I will willingly ignore others' criticisms (and praise, for that matter). Others' opinions shouldn't matter in this. Surprisingly, they do ... at least right now. I want their opinions not to matter in this context. I'm not doing it to cross-dress. I'm doing this because these very feminine clothes feel much more comfortable than the male clothing I'm so accustomed to.
I know what you mean. I've wrestled with that in one form or another all my life. And always the result was uneasy compromise. Having my mom ask me if I'd shaved my eyebrows (I said I hadn't though I obviously had) and if I was gay. Taking hormones and hoping no one would notice. Oh, that worked out *really* well, LOL, I had long hair and with my feminized face even though I was dressed as a guy I was "ma'm'd" more often than not. Mostly, not really knowing what to do, how to fit in -- turning down overtures, including people I loved, because I was too naive to know how to interact with them sexually and too shy to raise the subject.
Then, when I listened to Curse Forced Gay, I struggled with that, remembered all the times some guy at work had gone on about faggots . . .
Well I don't have an easy answer and I still wrestle with this all the time -- what will they see at the doctor's office, that sort of thing. But, for what it's worth, I found that seeing a psychologist who specialized in this sort of thing and was herself bisexual helped, not so much because she changed me (she didn't) but because she had had experience with others in my situation. I was also able to rely on her e.g., when I told my family and friends that I was thinking of getting SRS, simply because I was able to pin it on *her* -- as in ----- says I'm a transsexual.
She was also encouraging in a practical way, assuring me that I'd find a partner, giving me advice on where to meet guys who might be interested, telling me that I'd pass -- though she also said that she has to tell some people that no, they shouldn't do it, because they *won't* pass and it will just be too difficult for them.
There are after all compromises we have to make and as you know I ended up compromising, though as you said my particular compromise likely wouldn't work for you.
Anyway, I agree that there's a need for such a file. It isn't an easy thing to change, we're social animals and so we feel strong pressure from the group. But, the way I look at it intellectually is that there are a lot of guys doing this, living as shemales or trans women, and while things are in practice very difficult for them owing to employment discrimination and the difficulty of finding solid partners they do manage, we accept them as who they are. So it is possible.
I've found that EMG's Freedom from Mental Bondage helps with this stuff, it's aimed more at the messages we learned when we were growing up (you're a boy, you can't dress as a girl, etc.) but that's important and there are some suggestions that help you in the here and now. I also did some work with hypnofiles that I made for myself. I was resistant to the suggestions but curiously I had enormous success with a suggestion that I'd like being called a faggot! Now I love it when someone goes on about faggots.
And, of course, real life experience can help. Something may sting the first time but once you realize you've survived it it's easier the next.
So I think it can be done but, as you say, the resources to do it hypnotically seem to be pretty scant. Maybe someone else here knows of some files that have been written specifically to bolster the self confidence of someone in transition?
And finally, there's the question of how far one really has to go. Suppose a woman had to dress up as a man for one reason or another -- a school play, say, or to drive out the British or rescue her boyfriend in an opera. Would she freak out over that? Your femininity is likely genetic and not something that can or should be hypnotized away -- but you could hypnotize yourself to see it as going out in drag.
Posted: April 27th, 2014, 9:03 pm