A personal confession/story

[Ophidia]

I'm not sure quite how to compose this as its a bit hard to think right now. At least in regards to planning anything complicated out. So I'll start by giving backround for context.

I am male in the real world, admittedly not the manliest male. Okay well pretty far from it, but don't pester me for pictures because that's besides the point of this post. I have dabbled very extensively in hypnosis since I was probably too young to rightfully be doing that. Currently, I am thirty years old, I never hit that 'late bloomer' growth spurt. I don't think I ever will (despite my mother STILL telling me I'll grow into the clothes she gets for me every christmas that are way too big. This is a trend in my life, old folks still treating me like I'm a teenager.) I'm not short but on what most would consider the unhealthily petite side for a male, prompting everyone and their mother to try fattening me up given half the chance.


Let me state very clearly, I do not have an eating disorder. I eat just as much, usually more than any of my friends who are a good 30-100lbs or more heavier than me. Where this gets strange is I have tit fat. Noticeable glands in there, as well as ass/thigh fat and a bit of belly pudge. (Which luckily pass for nice pecs in a tight shirt I guess?) My lifestyle swings between very athletic and sedentary, due to the field I work in. Yet my weight doesn't swing around too much, I'll lose around 4-6lbs when I get really active again. Put it back on pretty quick in my off time usually. My sexuality, from 16-30, has undergone a bit of evolution. From straight and a little bicurious to pansexual, bordering on asexual at times.


Listening to hypnosis files, ever since I can remember, has been a way for me to explore various aspects of myself. Including my femininity. To the point I considered gender reassignment for a short time. After making a few friends whom later became transgendered, or were currently undergoing HRT, I realized while I certainly do have very feminine aspects, its at the end of the day mostly just a fetish for me. Likely from growing up with two much older sisters that use to like (surprise) forcing me to dress like a girl when I was very young and mild jealousy of them getting so much attention from everyone over me when I got older and was expected to be a manly man man. (Do all the heavy lifting and chores around the house, work a manual labor job in the summer, you know how it is.)


Feminization is something I always came back to, even after weeks or months of going without, probably starting around 16 years old. I had my taste of being a testosterone fueled asskicking machine for a while, its a rush, a power trip, getting in fights with the other boys and seeing them driven before you, to hear the lamentations of their women. (Exaggerating a bit, but funnily enough that was the lightest I'd ever been, 126lbs. Amazing what some strike training can do.) It wasn't me though. It was just what everyone seemed to expect me to be. (Both sides of my family think Popeye the sailor is the pinnacle of manhood. Beat up the bad guys, get the girl. All the while I'm imagining myself as the girl in a princess peach outfit.) That's a horrible stereotype though on both accounts, but I won't go on a tangent on tasteless gender stereotypes. At least outside the context of fetishism.


What I mean to say is, none of that never, ever, made me feel nearly as good and sexy as being feminine. As I got older, I became a bit of an extremophile with it. Progressing from simple genderswap files, to 'forget you were ever male' brainwashing stuff. Onto sissification and bimbofication when that wasn't enough in recent years. Even going so far as to make my own spliced mixes to do to me exactly what I wanted. (All the while keeping it secret from friends and lovers alike. The only one I told about it was a hypnodom, who turned out to be a fucking crazy asshole but I won't get into that either.) Like a drug I kept going back to, often without very much in the way of actual, lasting results besides occasional cross dressing and total body hair removal. Or so I thought.


It occurred to me, maybe my slightly stunted growth was due to the hypnosis over years. Rather than just starting smoking around 16 and doing myriads of other drugs. I'm an adventurous person who often craves sensation and novelty, it never became an addiction. (Except for nicotine. The rest I gave up when I grew out of that phase in my early twenties.) I could be wrong and it was the drugs, of course. But I'm not a doctor or a psychologist, I have no idea. Nor am I really unhappy about the way I look. I know how to find people that find my type attractive and don't think there's any real reason to change. (Aside from a tendency to get bikini bumps, but I'm mostly sicillian with big hair follicles.)


Yet, I do want to change. Why would I listen to these files if I didn't? Or does the idea just turn me on that much? It absolutely does! Many of you here probably have the same exact fantasies as me. It kind of made me always want to post on here, get my story out, but I keep busy and just never seemed to have the time or patience to do it until now. What really pushed me over the edge was doing something I probably should not have done. I went and listened to Blink's Good Girl and Calimore/Hellion0's curse bimbo, back to back. Skipping the first part of that challenge entirely. Four sessions so far since yesterday an hour each.


Prior to this, I was using my own bimbo/sissy mix, occasionally attaining a spontaneous hands free orgasm from it due to subliminals I laced it with, no vibes required. (With the KO punch of bits of stroke sissy thrown in there.) Only to get the usual non-permanent effects I'm sure everyone here is familiar with. After that first session with those two files, I just completely fell in line.

I'm STILL daydreaming of giant cocks spewing hundred dollar bills all over me while I hump a stripper pole in nothing but sky high platform heels, skirting the verge of creaming myself over the idea of using all that green to get absurdly large silicone butt implants, saline tits and huge collagen lips, so I can rub them all over some studs muscle car while washing it. I know all I have to do is give it a break for a while and I'll 'normalize,' but the warning about possibly not being able to remove it just turns me on even more and makes it even worse.

It was a really powerful combination, I was, still am to a degree, a cock and money obsessed tartlet. I'm not sure I can stop before it gets too real, but I'm not scared. Just really, really horny. The fact I even put this up here is probably testament to my eroded inhibition. Either that or someone snuck subliminals in there to post about it?

TL;DR
Life story.
I may have to buy eight inch platforms and adopt a stripper name.

I saw the post about the challenge, but it seems old and derelict, that and I'm male so I posted it here rather than necroing that post. Take it as you will, I won't try to convince anyone this isn't a rambling wall of bullshit. At the very least this is just praise of the effectiveness of the collaboration with so much 'cool story bro' tacked on.

[Mollycuddle]

Cool story Sis, lol

[iamli3]

first world problems is all i see here.....

[makemeyourgirl]

That sounds like a lot of fun. Since this is my fetish, it's probably a bad idea to listen to my advice, but if you're certain that it's not going to go away, why not go all in? If you do, tell me so I can listen along with you.

[makemeyourgirl]

This sounds really hot. My advice is probably bad, because this is my fetish, but I'd just dive straight in if I was sure that the conditioning couldn't be reversed. If you choose to go deeper, do you mind keeping us updated? I'd love to listen alongside and see who can go deeper.

[Ophidia]

Been a while since I revisited this website. Things took a kind of dark turn, but here's an update I guess.

I stopped listening suddenly, despite how much I clearly enjoyed it. I started having orgasms just from listening, usually towards the end of the last file. It wasn't every session at first, but started happening with greater and greater frequency. Not only was having to do laundry more often inconvenient, but I started a new job and didn't want it to interfere.

I ended up getting laid off. Mind you, I don't feel it was due to the hypnosis habit, even though part of me wanted to blame it. It wasn't exactly 'thinking' sort of work. Usually I like to daydream to pass the time at those kinds of jobs, but I noticed thoughts weren't really running through my head. My eyes would just sort of unfocus, going vacant like when I'm entering trance. If I wasn't somehow keeping my hands busy, I'd just space out to this warm arousal that always seemed to sneak up on me in my chest and groin, making my hair stand on end.

I never really noticed it before since I keep busy at home. The only time I'm not really doing anything is when I'm sleeping or listening to files. Fantasy use to play a big part in my sexuality, but now its much more indiscriminate, more like a switch. Almost any kind of attention sexual in nature flips it on, even the sort that would weird me out and make me less inclined to interact with a person under normal circumstances. Once its on, its insatiable, no amount of orgasms helps, only taking a while to cool down and do other things.

On another certain website, I received a message from a fellow interested in s/m who was quite attractive about the same time I started working again. They weren't interested in feminization or the whole bimbo thing, but wanted a very skinny male to stuff with food, fatten up and turn into a 'pet piggy.' Which does fall into the spectrum of things I find arousing, but I was never inclined to do it for real before for obvious reasons, even when people I was attracted to encouraged me to do so. There was no such hesitation this time.

I was instantly smitten with an urge to please them and all I really had to do was eat. So I did. I used beer to stretch my stomach out, then ate until my stomach hurt at least once a week. His praise made me feel amazing when I showed him pictures of my progress. I'd even get on all fours and eat off a plate without my hands, grunting and snorting at his direction. I started to realize though, I wasn't really enjoying it for the sake of it. I couldn't just do that and get off to it. It was because it pleased him and he told me to do it.

I didn't gain very much weight, four pounds that didn't really stick. I realized not only could I not afford to eat the massive amounts of food it would take to really fatten me up, but that I had lost control. It scared me a little bit how easily and without complaint I fell into being used for the sexual satisfaction of a total stranger, just because I thought he was pretty hot. Even without listening to the file at all I was still feeling the effects for quite a while, whether I realized it consciously or not. I gave up on that short kinky adventure and things seem to be returning to normal. I'm starting to daydream again and getting back into more healthy and creative endeavors.

Except for my sex drive, that's still completely fucked. If I don't masturbate at least once a day, my body makes it happen whether I like it or not while I'm asleep.