The forced gay success thread...

[jr987]

[quote="stephen292"] It is the opposite with men. I don't find them attractive but have sexual interest in them. i love gay porn and get an urge to suck and want my ass penetrated when i watch it. I'm not out to anyone i know, but i have my face visible on many gay dating sites. I talk with men online all the time but i just can't bring myself to meet them. I live in a remote village so it is hard to meet as most are so far away. Last year i did talk with a guy who lives in the same village and went to his place. His naked body was so good but i couldn't bring myself to suck him.

In some ways i regret listening to the file, in other ways I regret it wasn't more affective on me. While i find women attractive and i tell people i'm straight, i tend to think of myself as gay when i'm alone at home. I guess i just need to find a hypnotist to finish the transformation[/quote]

I wonder if it's just a matter of breaking out of your comfort zone and taking a cock in your mouth, even when you are reluctant--I mean, of course, in a situation like the one you describe. Maybe that would be the moment you turn the corner and realize that the file has had much more effect than you thought it had. I'm not saying I'm sure that would happen, but it would certainly be worth a shot! If you aren't going to date women, you'll definitely want to have sex with men and eventually have a boyfriend, I would think. Otherwise, it could be a lonely life... (I'm not saying anything you haven't thought of...)!

[stephen292]

[quote="jr987"]I wonder if it's just a matter of breaking out of your comfort zone and taking a cock in your mouth, even when you are reluctant--I mean, of course, in a situation like the one you describe. Maybe that would be the moment you turn the corner and realize that the file has had much more effect than you thought it had. I'm not saying I'm sure that would happen, but it would certainly be worth a shot! If you aren't going to date women, you'll definitely want to have sex with men and eventually have a boyfriend, I would think. Otherwise, it could be a lonely life... (I'm not saying anything you haven't thought of...)![/quote]
You could be right. It is strange, when i was straight, the first time i had sex with a woman the first thing i did was lick her pussy. Even then i found the tase disgusting but i would always do it so i don't know why i can't suck a cock when its something i really want to do. I do want a boyfriend but having a boyfriend doesn't feel right at the same time if that makes sense. And you are right, i do live a lonely life

[jr987]

[quote="stephen292"]
You could be right. It is strange, when i was straight, the first time i had sex with a woman the first thing i did was lick her pussy. Even then i found the tase disgusting but i would always do it so i don't know why i can't suck a cock when its something i really want to do. I do want a boyfriend but having a boyfriend doesn't feel right at the same time if that makes sense. And you are right, i do live a lonely life[/quote]

Ugh. I just wrote a long reply and it got blown out by the weird bugs of this platform. Trying again: Hey, thanks for this vulnerable reply. I can totally relate to what you are describing. I wonder what is going on that causes you to feel this way. I assume it could be a few things: 1. You are using the files for some purpose other than just to amplify something that already exists within you. I assume that most people use the files because they already know they have homosexual inclinations but want to feel that more deeply, more consistently, and with less static coming from attraction to women. I think the files can help with achieving the latter two, but attraction to women is hard to "kill" when you're either straight or bisexual. Some people on this site have said they've used the files because while they wanted to be with women, women don't seem to like them. This seems like a steeper hill to climb. 2. You could be dealing with internalized homophobia. Our culture has come a long way toward acceptance of differences in sexual orientation, but there are still huge areas of bias when it comes to men having sex with men. If your aversion to a man's penis in a real life encounter is accompanied by shame or some kind of sense of revulsion, you might well be dealing with that. 3. It could also be that you are not really inclined toward "hot sex" with a stranger, but that you crave intimacy. While you might not love the idea of actually sucking off a hot guy you just met, it's possible that you would find intimate lovemaking with a man to be a very beautiful thing.

I'm guessing that the part of you that says "having a boyfriend doesn't feel right" is having trouble with attraction. I get that, and I feel it too. What I find is that 99+% of men are not attractive to me. But when I am relaxed and just keeping myself open, every once in a while someone will break through the cracks and I'll think "oh, that guy's kind of hot." If I were single, I'd try to take those moments and see if they could deepen a little -- maybe not for sex (at the beginning), but just to see if there could be warmth and some affection between the two of us. It's possible that that kind of approach could lead to a more intimate sexual experience that would feel more natural. Anyway, my wish for you is freedom from loneliness, which sucks!

[stephen292]

Thanks for your reply. I'll try and address your points.
1- i started with the file as a bit of fun but always kind of liked the idea of being with a man and thought the file may help with that. Never really thought it would really effect my feelings to women.
2- even though i have worked with gay men, want to be with men, watch gay porn and met up with men, i think i do have some internal homophobia.
3- i never did sex with strangers with women, only if i had dated them whereas with men it has only been strangers. I think i do want intimacy but i would have had hookups with women if i could have bit doubt i would have enjoyed them.
4- i think the boyfriend not feeling right is partly due to attraction but could be that internal homophobia and how friends family would react too. I do sometimes see a man and think hes cute but never one on a dating site.
Loneliness is awful, i kind of expect to be alone forever now to be honest.

[stephen292]

Its also different on different days. There are days when i like the idea of being gay while the next day i could want to be straight again

[jr987]

[quote="stephen292"]Thanks for your reply. I'll try and address your points.
1- i started with the file as a bit of fun but always kind of liked the idea of being with a man and thought the file may help with that. Never really thought it would really effect my feelings to women.
2- even though i have worked with gay men, want to be with men, watch gay porn and met up with men, i think i do have some internal homophobia.
3- i never did sex with strangers with women, only if i had dated them whereas with men it has only been strangers. I think i do want intimacy but i would have had hookups with women if i could have bit doubt i would have enjoyed them.
4- i think the boyfriend not feeling right is partly due to attraction but could be that internal homophobia and how friends family would react too. I do sometimes see a man and think hes cute but never one on a dating site.
Loneliness is awful, i kind of expect to be alone forever now to be honest.[/quote]

All of this makes sense. Except the line about expecting to be alone forever! Don't settle for that if you don't want it... Curious about how old you are, if you're willing to share.

And yes, having it be different on different days makes sense to me. I imagine you have an internal erotic system oriented towards men (mainly) and an attraction system oriented mostly toward women, and that the two are regularly dueling. Both are true, I imagine. This is exactly my situation too.

I'm going offline for a bit -- traveling. Just wanted you to know that if I don't respond for a bit I'm not blowing off this interesting and important dialouge!

[ogman]

[quote="stephen292"]Its also different on different days. There are days when i like the idea of being gay while the next day i could want to be straight again[/quote]

I didn't realize that this could happen, but after researching, I found out that it's called sexual fluidity. According to Wikipedia : "Sexual fluidity is one or more changes in sexuality or sexual identity. Sexual orientation is stable for the vast majority of people, but some research indicates that some people may experience change in their sexual orientation, and this is more likely for women than men"

[stephen292]

[quote="jr987"]All of this makes sense. Except the line about expecting to be alone forever! Don't settle for that if you don't want it... Curious about how old you are, if you're willing to share.

And yes, having it be different on different days makes sense to me. I imagine you have an internal erotic system oriented towards men (mainly) and an attraction system oriented mostly toward women, and that the two are regularly dueling. Both are true, I imagine. This is exactly my situation too.

I'm going offline for a bit -- traveling. Just wanted you to know that if I don't respond for a bit I'm not blowing off this interesting and important dialouge![/quote]
I am 38 and the erotic and attraction dueling could be true. I know people have lives outside this forum so i won't think it rude if there wasn't a response. The sexual fluidity sounds interesting. Typical, i would be a man who gets affected by something thats more common in women

[jr987]

[quote="stephen292"][/quote]
I am 38 and the erotic and attraction dueling could be true. I know people have lives outside this forum so i won't think it rude if there wasn't a response. The sexual fluidity sounds interesting. Typical, i would be a man who gets affected by something thats more common in women[/quote]

You don't need to me to patronize you with this, but 38 seems very young to be resigned to loneliness!

FWIW, I've learned a lot about the way that the erotic and romantic drivers interact in my own life from having conversations about it with Chat GPT. It "understands" a lot of what seems to be going on with me, which sounds similar to what goes on with you. And yes, I too seem to have all the things about which the internet says "this seems to be much more prevalent in women than men." I sometimes think I would have made a great trans woman...

[stephen292]

well its been 5 or 6 years since i listened to the file and its left me neither straight or gay and its been 7 years since i had a relationship so i feel i can be resigned to loneliness regardless of how old i am. I don't mean to bring the mood down and hopefully this will get back to straight men being turned gay soon.

[jr987]

[quote="stephen292"]well its been 5 or 6 years since i listened to the file and its left me neither straight or gay and its been 7 years since i had a relationship so i feel i can be resigned to loneliness regardless of how old i am. I don't mean to bring the mood down and hopefully this will get back to straight men being turned gay soon.[/quote]

Oh, I see! If I read you right, you are offering a warning here...

[stephen292]

Maybe. I know its effective and most who post here seem to have success with the file and seem happy, but there are a few who it doesn't work on. I'm kind of in the middle in that it effected me but not enough to make me gay but too much to still be straight

[slasher543]

Hey guys. I’m gonna do a little challenge. So little background, I’m a porn addict and I contstanly look at women and it’s so hard to stop so I’m gonna do a challenge to listen to CFG for 10 days in a row. That’s it wish me luck. If you need a follow up just let me know.

[kcrunner]

Are you ready to go down that rabbit hole? If you do, there’s probably never any chance of coming back it’s going to grab you and convert you permanently. You will no longer be a straight guy with a very happy gay man.

[slasher543]

[quote="kcrunner"]Are you ready to go down that rabbit hole? If you do, there’s probably never any chance of coming back it’s going to grab you and convert you permanently. You will no longer be a straight guy with a very happy gay man.[/quote]


I think so. I’ve listened day and night for 2 days so far. A lot of urges and tendencies towards women are sexual. It’s hard to keep my eyes off women, and it’s honestly a distraction because it’s like a itch and it won’t go away until I looked at the girls chest or behind if that makes any sense. I’ve spend so long watching porn and other activities instead of using my time on ambitions or anything else useful. I’ve used this file before I just never actually stuck with it. But yes I haven’t actually noticed anything in the real world yet but I do feel a little bit different, as there is less desire to look up anything sexual. Obviously when I look at cock there is a an erection and arousal. Doesn’t say that when I look at straight porn I can’t get hard but there is a a small amount of less desire if that makes sense.

[dinozzam]

Hey.

So i did listen to this file as an experiment for like 2 months (this was in December 2025, January 2026) just to see if this was real. I did have a fun time, but stopped after those two months (I did feel the effects, like alot..), but i got bored of it. I also did listen to Dark Freya "cock makes your cock hard" while combining this files, which also worked as promised. Fast forward to the last couple of weeks, I've noticed i can only get semi hard, almost limp when having sex with my gf. Now I'm worried if this is some kind of after effects of the files?
Although i don't understand if this is some kind of post effects of the files...but that was my first thought now and also the reason why i came back to this site to ask this question.
Could this be the reason for my problem? Although i haven't listen to it since January?...

[slasher543]

I don’t have too much experience in this. But yes it could be the files very well. Another reasoning could be porn induced ED. When you had sex with her did you feel lowly or repulsed by her?

[dinozzam]

Not repulsed by any means. The porn might be a problem tho, the files made me addicted to gay porn, it has become the only porn i watch, even if i did quit the hypnosis like 5 months ago. Not that i thought this would matter in the bed tho.

[slasher543]

It could def be the porn if you’re actually into it. Porn can cause erectile dysfunction. Maybe try to stop watching porn and masturbation. See if you can perform.

[five_throws]

[quote="dinozzam"]Not repulsed by any means. The porn might be a problem tho, the files made me addicted to gay porn, it has become the only porn i watch, even if i did quit the hypnosis like 5 months ago. Not that i thought this would matter in the bed tho.[/quote]

It could be many things. How many times had you been with your gf before this started? You were seeing them over the whole last 5 months?

Could be porn induced ED. Especially, you said you got bored.

Could be fear that there had been some change in your performance.

Could be change in your arousal pattern.

Could be specific suggestions/lines of the script still on your mind. I think the correspondence between lines in the script and your shift towards exclusive gay porn and ED with your gf do both bear striking similarly to file suggestions. Usually, I would assume suggestions fade without repetition, but the gay porn may be reinforcing those thoughts somehow. (But then, Why bored of the file but not the gay porn?)

You could consider a file like deep clean by vive maybe or the emg curse removal file. If you notice a difference, maybe the file.

[justbubly]

I finally am seeing men as attractive and people I want to be with! This is huge! I am so happy. I have had sexual desires for men since my early teens but never been able to act on it because I never was able to see them as attractive. I am now in my mid 30's. I have realized that if I try to hate and shame this part of me away, it disrupts my entire being, even just the accepting I have sexual fantasies for them wasn't enough, thus I have been trying to embrace it especially so I can act on it because I have been dreaming of getting sexual with a man for so long despite being at odds with it. I also am not the kind of person that can just meet up with anyone for sex, so finding this attraction and desire is really important. Oddly enough it's also helped bring out this feminine side in me and help me embrace and love it. Today my insides got all gushy for a hot man I saw and it made me so happy. Yay
Edit - I also still find women very beautiful and attractive and desirable despite the file's suggestions about them, making me believe hypnosis can't change things about you, it can only help bring out things you want or that are suppressed.

[slasher543]

“making me believe hypnosis can't change things about you, it can only help bring out things you want or that are suppressed.”

That’s a really good point. I don’t think this file actually makes everybody gay just as you said brings out the stuff underneath it all. I been listening for like a week. I missed a few days and probably will just not listen, but it does affect me. I had temptations to go on Grindr and have some sex and it felt right to think about.

[dinozzam]

[quote="five_throws"][quote="dinozzam"]Not repulsed by any means. The porn might be a problem tho, the files made me addicted to gay porn, it has become the only porn i watch, even if i did quit the hypnosis like 5 months ago. Not that i thought this would matter in the bed tho.[/quote]

It could be many things. How many times had you been with your gf before this started? You were seeing them over the whole last 5 months?

Could be porn induced ED. Especially, you said you got bored.

Could be fear that there had been some change in your performance.

Could be change in your arousal pattern.

Could be specific suggestions/lines of the script still on your mind. I think the correspondence between lines in the script and your shift towards exclusive gay porn and ED with your gf do both bear striking similarly to file suggestions. Usually, I would assume suggestions fade without repetition, but the gay porn may be reinforcing those thoughts somehow. (But then, Why bored of the file but not the gay porn?)

You could consider a file like deep clean by vive maybe or the emg curse removal file. If you notice a difference, maybe the file.[/quote]

You are right, probably a combination of the file and arousal pattern, although i don't really want to give up on the gay porn... Maybe ill have a listen again on the file, but I must admit the ED got me worried to give it a listen again, because of the relationship. Also thoughts of being a bottom is a fantasy that's going on repeat lately.

[five_throws]

[quote="dinozzam"]

You are right, probably a combination of the file and arousal pattern, although i don't really want to give up on the gay porn... Maybe ill have a listen again on the file, but I must admit the ED got me worried to give it a listen again, because of the relationship. Also thoughts of being a bottom is a fantasy that's going on repeat lately.[/quote]

I think it's interesting that on the one hand, you want to prioritize your GF relationship, but on the other hand you seem to not want to cut back or eliminate the gay porn possibly causing porn induced ED. And if it's still some lingering effect from CFG, my suggestion was to try some 'forget all prior suggestions' removal files like Deep Clean or EMG's Curse Removal file... instead you were weighing listening to CFG again, which is the opposite of a removal file.

I think only you can decide what you want imho.

[dinozzam]

[quote="five_throws"][quote="dinozzam"]

You are right, probably a combination of the file and arousal pattern, although i don't really want to give up on the gay porn... Maybe ill have a listen again on the file, but I must admit the ED got me worried to give it a listen again, because of the relationship. Also thoughts of being a bottom is a fantasy that's going on repeat lately.[/quote]

I think it's interesting that on the one hand, you want to prioritize your GF relationship, but on the other hand you seem to not want to cut back or eliminate the gay porn possibly causing porn induced ED. And if it's still some lingering effect from CFG, my suggestion was to try some 'forget all prior suggestions' removal files like Deep Clean or EMG's Curse Removal file... instead you were weighing listening to CFG again, which is the opposite of a removal file.

I think only you can decide what you want imho.[/quote]

I think the rational me wants to quit and take care of my GF, but the horny side wants to keep going further down the rabbit hole. The problem was when the ED happened which kinda scared me. Now when im back at this site, i really do want to take a listen again to the file. Ill keep the removal files as a backup for later, thanks for the suggestions.

[hypnoslave85]

So it's finally Happened I've, finally gone all the way gay. I have met and fallen madly in love with a sexy masculine man the sex is amazing 100 times better than any straight sex I ever had. I no longer feel any sexaul attraction women, only big sexy masculine men do it for me now. I have come out to all my family and friends,. I am Gay now and I love being Gay. Its all thanks to CFG

[kcrunner]

Damn, congrats on finally going all the way gay, bro. Reading that got me so turned on. I love hearing about guys who get completely rewired like you did.
When did you finally know without any doubt that you were fully gay now? Was there a specific moment — maybe when you were on your knees with his cock in your mouth, or right after he came deep inside you — where it just hit you? How did your mind react when you realized you’re now a gay man? Did it feel like this huge, euphoric rush of surrender, like your old straight self was completely erased and replaced with pure craving for masculine cock? Were you excited, addicted, a little scared, or just overwhelmingly happy and in love?
I bet you walk around with a constant hard-on these days, leaking in your pants every time a hot, masculine guy walks by. What goes through your head when you think about your man’s thick, hard cock? Do you get obsessed with how it tastes, how it stretches your throat, or how perfectly it fills up your ass and makes you moan like a total slut? Is the sex really 100 times better? Tell me the dirty details — what makes you feel the most emotionally fulfilled now as a gay man? Is it the feeling of being owned, the deep intimacy, the way he makes you submit, or just knowing you belong to another man completely

[jr987]

[quote="hypnoslave85"]So it's finally Happened I've, finally gone all the way gay. I have met and fallen madly in love with a sexy masculine man the sex is amazing 100 times better than any straight sex I ever had. I no longer feel any sexaul attraction women, only big sexy masculine men do it for me now. I have come out to all my family and friends,. I am Gay now and I love being Gay. Its all thanks to CFG[/quote]

Wow, this is a remarkable development! I think we'd all like to hear about how you used CFG to get this result, and what other files you used in addition. There are others that I like even much more than CFG (like "It's OK to be Gay" and "Only Men Gay Conversion Therapy.") I sense powerful effects in my life, but certainly havent got fully to where you are. Maybe what I most wonder is this: do you believe that you were always completely homosexual underneath all the social expectation, etc., or do you believe that you were not gay before but that now you are?

[hypnoslave85]

I have been using cfg on and off for years along with other files like it's OK to be gay, brainwashed gay cock addict, goon yourself gay, curse gay inner mind, only men gay conversation therapy, heterosexuality eraser, curse stroke gay, to name a few. I was most definitely straight before, Cfg was the first gay file I listened to then It just spiralled from there, like many others who have listened to cfg I did not believe it would work and just listened for a laugh then found myself coming back to it repeatedly and found myself getting turned on by the idea of being turned gay against my will and started to look for other conversation files I was hooked.

I realised I had finally gone all the way gay, when Jack (my now boyfriend) came up to me in a bar and started flirting with me and I found myself flirting back after ignoring all the women who had tried to flirt with me, as soon as Jack came over I could not take my eyes off him, my mouth started watering, my pulse picked up after flirting for a while he asked if I wanted to dance I said yes we must have been on the dance floor for about 45 minutes before we went outside for some fresh air and to cool down a bit once outside I could not help myself I kissed him then led him to a dark and secluded corner in the carpark then dropped to My knees and gave him a blowjob till he came in my mouth it was soooo delicious I swallowed it all we them went back to his place where he took my anal virginity it felt right to submit to him he is just so manly I feel complete at last I love knowing I belong to another man I love it when he tells me bend over or to get on my knees he's just so dominant I can't help but submit to him.

[kcrunner]

Wow hypnoslave85, your post is exactly why I love this thread. Reading how you went from a straight guy laughing at CFG to spiraling through all those files (“It’s OK to Be Gay,” Brainwashed Gay Cock Addict, Heterosexuality Eraser, etc.) and then finally crossing that line with Jack is incredibly hot. That moment in the bar where you ignored every woman and felt yourself responding to him — mouth watering, pulse racing, flirting back — sounds like the ultimate breakthrough.
I’d love to hear way more explicit detail about the whole process if you’re comfortable sharing. What was happening in your mind and body during that first kiss, when you dropped to your knees in the carpark, and especially when he took your anal virginity? How did it feel emotionally when you realized “this is it — I’m fully gay now and it feels right”? The submission, the pleasure, the sense of finally belonging to a man… all of it.
And please tell us more about the hypnosis side too — which files or suggestions hit you the hardest and helped push you over the edge after years of on-and-off listening? What changed in your daily thoughts, your attractions, and your cock’s responses as the conversion took hold?
I’m hoping other guys in here who have gone through a similar journey will share their stories as well. Whether it took months or years, I’d love to read how gay conversion hypnosis finally turned you into the gay man you are now — the triggers that broke through, the moment it became permanent, and how your sex life and identity feel after fully surrendering. These detailed success stories are so motivating and helpful for everyone still working through it.
Thanks for posting this — seriously hot and inspiring. Looking forward to hearing more!

[justbubly]

So I'm on apps, and have had plenty of opportunity to get with a man. The attraction and desire is no longer the issue. I desperately want to however I get crippling anxiety and almost like lose body function when it's go time. Last night I was potentially going to drive to a guys place. When it was on and a reality, I like almost lost the ability to control my body in sense, almost as if I became a bit disconnected from it and it was freezing or shutting down but high with arousal and anxiety. It was really frustrating. He ended up cancelling and then things eased up but even today I'm a bit hazy? I don't know what to call it, with arousal and desire.. Does anyone have any advice on how to manage this? I've tried to connect with this part of me that fears it still, I think it fears loving it so much I lose all interest in women because of now I still admire and love them more then men even if they don't turn me on as much. It's strange. I don't think that's all it, and I realize there's usually a lot of excitement and anxiety when doing something we really want. Just frustrated I get so thrown off when it's go time. I think it would get in the way of me fully enjoying it and my partner.

Edit- A couple days later, and it's all gone and I can't help feel this is all just a fetish/kink and I'm really not into men at all.

[jr987]

[quote="justbubly"]Edit- A couple days later, and it's all gone and I can't help feel this is all just a fetish/kink and I'm really not into men at all.[/quote]

Hi Justbubly. I think the "conclusion" you've come to here is something we've all wondered about from time to time, and probably come to the same conclusion--only to be pulled back into our homoerotically inclined selves once the system resets. I've done a lot of reading and thinking on this (as I suspect many of us have), and I've come to see it this way: it is clear that my erotic engine, when it comes to fantasy, private desire, porn consumption, etc., is exclusively homosexual. It is also clear that, in the world, a different part of me emerges: one that thinks women are sexually attractive, and one that probably kind of thinks--at least unconsciously--that being gay would be a problem. I think it's possible that your crippling anxiety, as you describe it, may very well be arising from that unconscious self-directed homophobia. I have often wished, quite fervently, that my IRL self could line up with my private self and just be unqualifiedly homosexual; I would feel much less conflicted--the constant rock in my shoe that separates my erotic self from the rest of the self. (I imagine that's why lots of people listen to these things--trying to get it all lined up.) I doubt that this "problem" will ever be solved, but one thing that is clear to me is that my core homoerotic desire and my outer desire for women are going to have to come to coexist somehow, and I'm sure that (this is true for me, I'm not saying that it is therefore true of you!) this will not happen if I relegate my gay self to the category of a fetish or kink. I think my sexuality is damn complicated, and though I wish it wasn't I am trying hard to see all of it as real and legitimate. (Even as I continue to listen to all the "make me gay" hynosis I can find, because it feels so good....!)

[justbubly]

[quote="jr987"][quote="justbubly"]Edit- A couple days later, and it's all gone and I can't help feel this is all just a fetish/kink and I'm really not into men at all.[/quote]

Hi Justbubly. I think the "conclusion" you've come to here is something we've all wondered about from time to time, and probably come to the same conclusion--only to be pulled back into our homoerotically inclined selves once the system resets. I've done a lot of reading and thinking on this (as I suspect many of us have), and I've come to see it this way: it is clear that my erotic engine, when it comes to fantasy, private desire, porn consumption, etc., is exclusively homosexual. It is also clear that, in the world, a different part of me emerges: one that thinks women are sexually attractive, and one that probably kind of thinks--at least unconsciously--that being gay would be a problem. I think it's possible that your crippling anxiety, as you describe it, may very well be arising from that unconscious self-directed homophobia. I have often wished, quite fervently, that my IRL self could line up with my private self and just be unqualifiedly homosexual; I would feel much less conflicted--the constant rock in my shoe that separates my erotic self from the rest of the self. (I imagine that's why lots of people listen to these things--trying to get it all lined up.) I doubt that this "problem" will ever be solved, but one thing that is clear to me is that my core homoerotic desire and my outer desire for women are going to have to come to coexist somehow, and I'm sure that (this is true for me, I'm not saying that it is therefore true of you!) this will not happen if I relegate my gay self to the category of a fetish or kink. I think my sexuality is damn complicated, and though I wish it wasn't I am trying hard to see all of it as real and legitimate. (Even as I continue to listen to all the "make me gay" hynosis I can find, because it feels so good....!)[/quote]

I agree, I think for some it's like oh this helped with self actualization, I can follow who I am more easily and they're off to living their life. For others like myself it's like oh this is scary, sounds hot bc of that, it's almost a porn replacement or something and makes fantasy more intense because yes like you say, 'maybe it will finally align my irl self with my sexual fantasy/kink', but irl it doesn't feel congruent with what I actually desire which is why the somewhat derogatory phrases against women don't work with me. I'm sure I have some level of internalized homophobia but it's pretty low. I have gay/lesbian friends, frequent queer spaces, and it's pretty normal to me at this point in my life tbh. I'm not afraid of being seen with a man. I'm on dating apps, have been talking to a man who isn't ugly, maybe as attractive as a man can be to me, and I feel absolutely nothing. I've been trying to stay open and neutral with things to see if that attraction will come once I get to know him, but it hasn't at all. Maybe I'm bisexual with 95% into women and 5% into men, I'll still leave some room for possibility, but I feel like that 5% isn't even really realistic outside of fantasies in the bedroom. If a man were actually in my bedroom I don't think I would even like it and intimacy with him would feel off as much as it can turn me on in a fantasy setting. There's also a weird paradox where I can tell myself I'm into men, and it turns me on, when really I know that I'm not and it will build up this arousal until I release it. Like anxiety arousal or hocd or something.