It worked

[werepuppy]

I used the email slave file with my Master years ago. I not tried it in a long time. But I wrote on here for somebody to command me.

Its embarassing what happened, but I've been told I have to write if it works.

Someone commanded me this morning to put on my wolfsuit, big fur thing. Even after years I couldn't say no. I just had to do it. I put on the fursuit. As soon as I put it on, its like being a real animal. I'm completely covered, with the fur and a couple layers underneath.

I fastened the last zip, and straight away got another command. I didn't see it in one of the emails. But I suddenly knew I needed to wee. I wanted to run to the bathroom, but I just didn't have the choice. I was so helpless, there's nothing I could do about it. I had been ordered to lift a leg like a real wolf, and do a wee on the couch. I tried to fight it all the way downstairs, but there was nothing I could do, I wasn't allowed to disobey. Was lucky my dad wasn't home.

My knickers are soaked, and the inside of the suit sticky too. And I couldn't get out of the suit to clean it. At least there wasn't much on the floor, a few minutes with towels and a half hour to dry would leave no sign. I thought it'd take an hour to for the suit to dry, and about right. Clothes still all damp, but I could cope. Then my bladder feels like it'll be full soon. I wondered for moment if I'm allowed to open my suit, or if I got to wait until I can take the suit off.

Answered straight away. I felt the command, not really like a voice in my head, more like suddenly knowing what's going to happen. "Squat. Wee on the rug. Now!" I managed to not go, no idea how, held it until until I got to the bathroom. When I needed to go again, at 2, I put every bit of will into not going over to lift my leg in the corner by the TV. I resisted it, but that just meant I stayed sitting on th futon, and wet myself there.

At 4, my alarm clock went off. I've got half an hour to get out of my dripping fursuit, find somewhere to hide it away, get clean clothes and tidy myself up before Becca comes round to watch Umineko. I can blame Lysander for the puddle on the carpet, so I hope I'll be OK.

Can't believe how good it felt though. I really wanted to resist, and the first time I couldnn;t. Felt like i had no control, like I was a naughty dog, but at the same time its only what's natural. So confusing, so many feelings. And it felt really, really good.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I hope some day I get another email that makes me feel like that.

[cumslutsissy]

That is the hottest story...id love to watch you pee like an animal.

[werepuppy]

Its not hot, that's sick. You should try washing a full size fursuit and doing all the carpet shampoo.

I don't get it at all, I don't want to do it, but I want somebody to mak me do it. And I don't want to wan that, but I can't help it. I feel like a freak.

Gotto be impressed by ou guys though, I said I want wolf because I'm too scared to say the real thing, and it only takes you a day to force me post my secretest shamefull fantasy, and make it almost come true.

[cumslutsissy]

werepuppy made me piss all over my furniture...i cant stop

[cumslutsissy]

After the hour i stopped peeing and cumming from peeing...i had to scrub my floors and furniture and even rent a rug scrubber cause i peed a lot. Email slave works...and well

[werepuppy]

Another one worked for me. I decided I'm not going to rad emails until dad goes to work today, so I watch breakfast TV, lie around until 9, go to the doctor, then see if I got any email commands when I get back.

But feels like I still got commands in my head from email yesterday. If I'm not allowed to remember reaing them, they just pop up like a voice in my head when the time comes. Not like a voice though, more like the words are suddenly there and I have to do them.

First surprise this morning when I get dressed, open my drawer and I know I must do forget to wear knickers. But I'm going to wear jeans anyway today, something I can put on quickly after madness yesterday, so I don't mind. Then as I straighten my tshirt, I got another one: whenever I finish getting dressed, I got to do a wee. It makes me feel so much a freak, and I hate the feling of soaking wet jeans against my skin, but I can't change until I email and tell him how it feels. And somhow, through all the shame and the hot, wet feeling, its making me really horny. Rubbing myself through my jeans with one hand while I typed. As soon as I'd sent the email I slammed my laptop closed, don't want to see my inbox, and dropped my pants. Pushed my wii remote inside me, first thing that I found, and it only took a few seconds. Then at last I can change out of my jeans.

And I got another order, too. I find I'm putting on my high school uniform. I've grown a bit since then. The pleated burgundy mini-skirt I'd shortened so that the guys get a quick flash of my knickers when I went up stairs. Now, it seems like its another inch shorter. Maybe I got taller, or my bum got bigger or something.

The shirt is too tight too. I fastened a button in the middle, so my nipples stand out like marbles, and fold up the bottom. Thought it might look good, so I ear the collar off one of my cosplays, too. An inch strip of black fake leather, with lace round the edges, and a chunky chain (from the pet shop) on the front. Nobody to swing it today, so I just tie the handle on my belt.

Then while I'm tying it, that command comes back. Its monday and its the moment I finished getting dressed, so I have to do a wee in my pants. I should have been quicker, if I hadn't spent ages looking for my old school socks in the back of the wardrobe, I wouldn't have been able to go. Even though I had 2 coffee with breakfast, I didn't really need to and it took a minute of trying before I felt the hot wee running down my legs and another little puddle on the bedroom floor.

At least I wasn't wearing underwearor trousers this time, so the only thing got wet was my knee-high socks. Maybe nobody might notice that, but I already knew I couldn't get changed until after the doctor.

I looked in the mirror and saw how much a slut I look. Thinking of going out like that, and how helples I am to do a wee like that, got me all hot again, so I quickly grab my rubber duckie (the only vibe I take with me when I visit dad, he always looks in my bag) and finish myself off.

Then I must do tell you everything an email command made me do. And I'm going to be late *blushes and run off, trying to be cute in the school clothes*

[werepuppy]

I got another email this time, when I was in bed last night. I had to put on my schoolgirl uniform, and every thing made me twice as horny. By the time I had socks, skirt, shirt and tie, I really wishing I could not forget my underwear. I put my jacket on too, and it felt wonderful but then I was monday still and the moment I was dressed, so I peed all on my skirt and my bed. I sent an email saying how horny I was and saying I like dressing like a slut, but I feel so degrading and writing that email is like I lie to myself, because I really hate dressing like a slutty schoolgirl I wish highschool never happened.

Then after I email him I'm just getting hotter and hotter and I can't help but get my vibrator and finish myself under the soaked duvet and I feel so helpless and even though I hate it, I orgasmd so hard, but I'm already tired after a lot of emails and I just fal asleep before I can finish writing this imediately.

[werepuppy]

I got another email, it was really fun and different, but he says I can't post it here, but I still feel I've got to.

Also I got someone testing something about one-line commands. I must do feel my obedience to His commands get stronger every time I obey, and any time I resist I must know it use up some of my resistence and makes me weaker. He asked is that OK last night and I said yes, so can't wait to see how I could feel any more obedient.

This morning I had a command to tell Him when I was awake and got my laptop. I sent him a PM, and straight away got another email:
'You must do this. Pee now', a bit boring but didn't feel too bad. Then at 8:30 another email, I got the urge to open it so strong I hardly had time to wonder what it would be. It said 'You must do this. Pee now.'

Maybe I feel this is getting a bit samey, everybody saying the same things except a really nice guy who try to make my fantasy happen, and a guy who keeps telling me to dress like a slut after I said I really hate it.

Oh, just got email. I think it got stronger somehow. 'Pee now' again, but I let go before I knew what it said, didn't get a time to think.

Edit: Just got back from lunch at 1 oclock and found another email from the same guy. I'd decided an hour ago that the next one, I'd just delete. But somehow the thought never occurred to me. I opened the email, and the wee was already streaming out onto the towels. I read the email, and I got a little variation at least. This time

Pee uncontrollably now

as you find yourself less and less able to resist, you should be finding yourself feeling more childlike, too. Let me know. You have until midnight to decide if you want to keep doing this, or have me do something to really humiliate you and make you know how helpless you are

Well, I could feel childlike alright. The last couple of times, it felt like I was having an accident, it just happened. I don't want to analyse myself so much why, but that's a hundred times better than everyone else who's made me do that and made it feel like an order too powerful for me to disobey. And I feel like its something I can't help, I don't need to blame myself. Childlike, and innocent, and just a little bit naughty. Its perfect. If he'd shown enough smartness to hypnosis me himself, trick me into listening to him long enough, instead of usingthe email slave, it would be 100% my idea fantasy.

So much good stuff happening. Had fun yesterday too, with HypnoStudent, who did trick me, and gave me a trigger to take away my ... erm ... self control, if you get my drift. Wrapped it all up in a fantasy scene that seemed so real. That was wonderful, I want to test the trigger and see if anyone can use it, but I can't remember the words.

[Flow123]

hypnostudent is fun

[werepuppy]

Yes. I just wish I had a log for that session, so I could enjoy it again.

hypnostudent is fun

[demigraff]

Some nice, well written descriptions there. A lot better than the one line responses I get from 90% of email slave users. (people, please be considerate. If someone's taken the time to write a careful set of instructions to surprise and excite you at every turn, then "please describe the experience, and how you felt" should not be answered with "good", "hot" or "I'm very horney")

I know she's posting all her experiences here because someone said she must, and I'm very grateful to that person. Its not often we get a good sampling of how a subject feels in such detail.

In response to one of my messages this morning, she tells me she's in a little distress, because she must publish what's happened to her, but one guy has decided he wants the record of his suggestions to keep to himself. He's told her she isn't allowed to post this here. And, given the amount of time she spent writing this one up (and the discomfort she was in at the time), she at least wants it to be seen by the public. So I grabbed this copy off the outgoing mailspool while it was still within reach (among other things, I run a small webmail service. I bought the name werepuppy.co.uk for one of my friends years ago, so I can in theory get at all mail to/from this particular subject - at this point it should be worth noting that my friend I bought the domain for has the username Werepuppy on a lot of sites, but not here. If you typo her email address, your mail will get to my friend and one-time (theraputic) subject who is no longer interested in this stuff. If you see Werepuppy anywhere else on the internet, it is not this email slave.)

Anyway, long rambling introduction over...
The command was to remember an event from her childhood, and to write about it and send it to him. I'm not sure whether this is a real even or not, his instruction wasn't quite clear, but if it really happened I'm sure she changed it somewhat to meet his requirements.

I was really nervous, didn't know if I was making the biggest mistake of
my life. I'd been growing my hair out as long as I could remember, but now
a couple of jerks at school started pulling my hair, like little kids, and
the ginger jokes wer more annoying than I could live with. I went to Head
Masters, the big hairdresser in the village, and said could I have it
dyed. Not just because of lamer bullies, I know how to fuck those guys up,
but its a good excuse to tell dad I want a change. A dye would cost more
than a week's allowance, so this way is easier too, just look a bit
downcast and tell him that mean kids are picking on me for being ginger.

Then the big blow. My hair's too long, comes to my knees, and they can't
dye so much there. I said do they know anywhere that can, and they said
only Franks, I'd have to go to Lancaster or Preston, and it would be
really expensive. Like I care about that. But this stylist woman, kind of
cute but too smiley, says let her have a look at me. I look at her too,
only fair. she got a little smile that never seems to go away, people like
that either don't know about the real world, or have figured out how to
put on a good show. I couldn't really tell, then. Her hair was red; not
the rich red-orange I had, but really dark burgundy shade. Is there such a
colour as navy red?

"What were you wanting dearie?" I explained I'm getting stick for my
colour, and I want it dyed violet so I'll be cool. Dad interrupts, says
its black or blonde. I could make him do what I want, but not sure I could
do it without having to cry, and figure its just not worth the hassle. "Or
blonde, yeah."

Then this stylist, Dawn I think, says she can imagine something that would
really suit me, she thinks just straight-down one color is too plain, and
doesn't suit the shape of my face. Uses all these words like feathered and
complementary, and sounds like she knows what she's talking about. Says
she thinks I'd look better with a shorter style, and please let her show
me. She goes on about what she thinks, holding up her hands to say
lengths, but I can't imagine it.

Well, she seems pretty smart, and she knows what she means, and I can't be
arsed going all the way to Lancaster. I say OK.

I'm sat in the chair for like 3 hours. First I'm excited, can't wait to
see the new, even more sexy me. Then as she gets the scissors and I see
long chunks of hair hit the floor, I start to get nervous. I didn't know
if I was making the biggest mistake of my life. More hair piles up, I
didn't realise I had so much. Is she going to leave me bald? Then she's
rinsing, and dyeing, and gods know what. I started to panic a little
wondering what'd happen to all my carefully crafted social circles, and
all the groups I have to kep in line, if I couldn't look cute and sexy and
in control. A little panic, I think maybe I felt a single tear running
down to the tip of my nose, even though I didn't want to. Such a big
change, I knew it was an important one.

Then finall, she says done. My hair's only down to my shoulder bladder
now, and blonde. Most of its almost white, but by my ears there's a couple
of creamy coloured streaks on the inside. You'd not see them lying against
my face, but the hair there is more fluffy, and it kind of swishes out and
catches your eye as soon as I turn my head. Its cut like a diagonal,
longer on the left than the right, and on the right side the fringe is
kind of scooped away so it goes behind my ear, shows off my studs. I stood
up and saw it with the light from outside shining behind me, and the face
in the mirror looks like I've got some kind of halo, fluffed up enough to
catch the light. I never thought untidy styling could look so good, but
here it gave me the kind of carefree confident look I guess.

I couldn't remember any time I'd been so worried about something, and here
it was turned out better than I ever hoped. I think in the circumstances
I'll be forgiven a squeeeel as I bounced on my heels, so excited. All the
helpless waiting, and knowing I'd have to trust in this Dawn girl, finally
the stress broke and it was such a great relief. I was so excited, don't
know how it happened, I'll always say maybe I bounced a bit too suddenly
after a couple of hours stuck in a chair, but as I smiled at dad I felt a
hot, wet patch on my thigh, and realised I was starting to piss myself.
And as great as it was, I just didn't care. I felt good, and I just
flounced out towards home, leaving dad to settle the bill as usual, ready
to show my new face to the world.

Yeah, maybe its a little embarassing, but somehow I wasn't really bothered
by the tiny note of discomfort, the thin steam of pee running over my
inner thighs and pooling on the chair. I reached for a towel with one
hand, carefully cleaned myself up as the other scrolled through my emails,
finding the smallest suggestion to let me recover an old memory.

[werepuppy]

Well, I'm nervous. I'm meeting a guy off this site for the first time.

On friday, I told myself it wouldn't happen. When we started chatting on messenger, I said its a coincidence being so close, but I'm not interested in anything RL. He joked about it a few times, offhand comments but nothing serious.

Then today he says he'll be in town around 8. I said no, I'm still nervous, if I make a date like that I could no longer deny to myself that it was my choice. He suggested he could kidnap me. Give some suggestion to ensure we'd be in the same place at the same time while I'm walking my dad's dogs.

I got to the Fox Cub, half exhausted from the speed Hector's running. I got a drink and stood outside the pub, like I always do, letting the dumb mutt get a little exercise round the place. Then it came to me, here I was waiting for a man I know nothing about who can make me do whatever he wants. I'm just terrified, came inside the pub and can't stop shaking. He knows what I'm wearing, he knows I should be here, I have no idea if he'll spot me in the corner by the window. So I'm internetting on my iphone, trying to share some of the panic, and reading again and again to silly bits of alleged humour etched on the wine shelves.

I'm supposed to be outside.
I don't want to let someone down again.
I shouldn't even be here.
Its dangerous; its supposed to be
I don't know what I want
Somebody tell me?

[uw_onsterfelijk]

Hypnosis should follow the same guide lines as any other BDSM activity.

Safe, Sane and Consensual. ONLY when you know someone well enough should you venture outside of those RULES.

If you told him to stop, and he didn't stop... not only that, he used "special" instructions to get what he wants YOU SHOULD NOT MEET/TRANCE with him.

On the other hand though, if you sincerely "want" all of that in a secretive "I don't want any this" manner... well, have fun?!

All the best,
- Dan

[werepuppy]

I don't really think he did anything wrong as such. I think he knew pretty early that my big thing is being surprised or tricked. With something like that, it can be hard to see the difference between limits and invitations, and me being too embarrassed to say is a big problem. The only reason I was worried by anything he did was when he gave me suggestions that I am tempted or curious about something, which makes me uncomfortable because it makes it hard to define "me". He's a good guy, and he did stop that as soon as I told him it bothered me (which was about the same time I noticed him doing it).

The meeting, I really regret not having the courage to go through with it. One more reason to like feeling helpless its the only way I can get what I want without chickening at the last minute. If only I'd managed to be oblivious until he showed up :(

Hypnosis should follow the same guide lines as any other BDSM activity.

Safe, Sane and Consensual. ONLY when you know someone well enough should you venture outside of those RULES.

If you told him to stop, and he didn't stop... not only that, he used "special" instructions to get what he wants YOU SHOULD NOT MEET/TRANCE with him.

On the other hand though, if you sincerely "want" all of that in a secretive "I don't want any this" manner... well, have fun?!

All the best,
- Dan

[uw_onsterfelijk]

It is difficult to give you good advice, because good advice will ultimately diminish YOUR fantasy. Reason being, it is tough to have a "Safe, Sane and Consensual" mindset while at the same time having a "Tricked, Forced and Surprised" scenario also.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the allure of that "feeling" you long for... alot of us do. But to actively seek it out with relative strangers in RL well... that is most definitely placing alot of trust, as well as your personal well being, in someone you know pretty much nothing about.

If you could at least take some precautions that would be nice. Let someone you know know what you are doing... get the phone number of the other person(verified) and give it to a friend, set a time you should be home by etc etc. :idea: Something :idea:

Anyhoo... PLEASE BE SAFE and all the best,
- Dan

[werepuppy]

I had a lot of fun yesterday. 3 people wanted to play on google talk, unfortunately all at the same time.

Here's one I found particularly fun. I'd got an email-slave email a bit earlier, so I'm about to find out what was in it. Among other things, my friend thought it wasn't really fair that somebody had given me a command to forget to wear underwear every day. At the start of this file, I was naked, and had just said so, but now I wasn't in too many chats this is the first time we could do anything about it.

Also, there's a suggestion that anything in [ suare brackets ] I must obey, or see or feel, but I don't remember reading the text. So I'm just copypastaing them hoping there's nothing too revealing.

~withheld~: strokes your foot gently and giggles well I do try to be
gentile, but trust me when I say the evil is there, just being forced to
work for good ;)

how about if I go on and ask the favor though before it slips my brain
meats, and you get around to it when you can/want to

me: *nods*

~withheld~: well you mentioned then in one of your posts, but the foot
fetishist in me would like for you to put on knee socks.

me: OK, I'll see if I got a clean pair

~withheld~: thanky, but like I said, only when you want to of course

me: When I can go without receiving a new message long enough to stand up,
that is

Ah, thank gods for messenger crashes

~withheld~: hm?

Sent at 1:03 AM on Thursday

me: He just went offline

~withheld~: ah, going for the socks now?

Sent at 1:06 AM on Thursday

me: Yeah

Sent at 1:08 AM on Thursday

~withheld~: tell me when you're back dear

Sent at 1:11 AM on Thursday

~withheld~: oh, curious question, when I say things like 'hurry back' or
'be safe' do you find yourself obeying them as well?

me: No, that's weird

I didn't even notice

~withheld~: got the socks on now?

Sent at 1:15 AM on Thursday

~withheld~: still with me?

Sent at 1:18 AM on Thursday

me: *nods*

Finding it a bit hard to focus

~withheld~: why's that?

me: Too many chats?

I keep not noticing who' said something

~withheld~: oh

what color socks did you put on?

Sent at 1:21 AM on Thursday

me: White

~withheld~: smiles [you find yourself able to focus on my box a bit more
than everyone else's, glance at yourself and tell me everything you're
wearing if you understand and obey]

Sent at 1:23 AM on Thursday

me: Long white socks, and tiny pink "Little Miss Naughty" knickers ^_^

~withheld~: when did you put on panties?

me: When I went to get the socks

~withheld~: how old are you dear?

me: 25

~withheld~: and how old do you think you are right now?

me: I don't understand

~withheld~: how old do you feel?

me: Young, hot nd ready for action

~withheld~: if you had to put an age on how old you feel?

me: I dunno. About 18?

Sent at 1:31 AM on Thursday

~withheld~: and what do you think of clothes and make-up?

Sent at 1:32 AM on Thursday

me: The clothes maketh the man

Or the girl

Whatever, there's some serious makething going on

~withheld~: makething?

me: yeah

Oh wow, if you put -ing on the end of maketh, it looks the same as make thing

~withheld~: giggles so what are your favorite things?

me: Its like a completely different word with the same letters in it

Sent at 1:35 AM on Thursday

~withheld~: giggles so what are your favorite things/interests?

me: I don't know

~withheld~: dear, can you slip the socks off now, though keep them close?

me: s

yes

~withheld~: alright, do that for me

Sent at 1:38 AM on Thursday

~withheld~: now dear, do you have somehing to drink?

Sent at 1:39 AM on Thursday

me: yeeeesss Iiiiiiiiii havvvvvvvvveeeeee aaaaaa bbbboootlee ooooooooff
wwwater on my box

~withheld~: err, why typing like that?

Sent at 1:42 AM on Thursday

me: *blink* blame the computer

~withheld~: ah, alright, do you have your pendant on now?

me: No, its in my purse

~withheld~: ah, can you put it on for me?

me: OK

~withheld~: tell me when your back and it's on

me: Got it

~withheld~: alright, on now dear?

me: yes

~withheld~: do you feel better now that it's on? [you take an extra big
drink of water and tell me what happens]

me: ^_^ Yep, feeling fine

A bit thirsty, though

~withheld~: well you should tank a drink of water then, silly.

Sent at 1:51 AM on Thursday

me: I am. Water only comes out of this bottle slowly

When I'm thirsty I sometimes gulp too much too fast

So I gots a baby bottle to make me sip slowly

(and its kinda cute, too)

~withheld~: ah

oh, and how old do you feel now dear?

me: About 13 maybe

Its the cute knickers that does it :)

~withheld~: I think it's something else, but I'm not going to tell you
what. Hop up in my lap dear?

me: Okies *big grin*

Sent at 1:57 AM on Thursday

~withheld~: smiles [you still feel thirsty so you decide to eitherr take
the top of the bottle off or get a real glass and take a big drink,
telling me what happens]

Sent at 1:58 AM on Thursday

me: OK

Sent at 1:59 AM on Thursday

me: The screw on this thing is fiddly, I cant get it off

~withheld~: hm?

me: Ahh, I got it everywhere now

right back

Sent at 2:02 AM on Thursday

~withheld~: giggles

poor dear, it seems you can't win.

Sent at 2:05 AM on Thursday

me: I got a bottle now with water :)

Well ... half a bottle, anyway

~withheld~: ah

me: and apparently half a laptopful

~withheld~: oh dear x.x that's not good

me: Memo to self, don't gesture with the bottle

*giggles*

~withheld~: giggles [now you take an extra big drink and tell me what happens]

Sent at 2:08 AM on Thursday

me: I'm all thumbs today, spilled it down my front again

maybe its magnetic water or something

or magic water

~withheld~: pets your hair and sighs softly what am I going to do with you?
starts dabbing you dry put the lid back on the bottle [if you physically
could wet yourself right now, wiggle your toes at me]

me: doesn't want to stay in the bottle

Its not my fault, honest *big innocent grin, and wiggles little pink toes
to enhance the vision of cuten innocentness*

Its the magic water

Sent at 2:11 AM on Thursday

~withheld~: mhmm, I see [you don't even realize it at first, but you wet
yourself then you feel the warmth and enjoy it for a bit, only when it
gets cold and uncomfy do you realize what you did, hug me if you
understand and obey]

me: It is, really *hugs*

~withheld~: so how you feeling dear?

me: Good

Full of water

Sent at 2:14 AM on Thursday

me: an sleepy

~withheld~: oh?

me: Veryvry tired

~withheld~: all nice and comfy?

me: But that's good

Yes :)

I got a big comfy bed

an curl up in the middle like a lil' princess

~withheld~: aww

so all warm and nice?

me: Aww, wet bed tho

Spilled water everywere

~withheld~: cutie, can you take the pendant off for me now?

me: Okies

*blushing* Oh :)

Tankyou

~withheld~: purrs [you realize fully everything you did and felt]

me: *struggles with the clasp a bit and takes the pendant off*

*lazy grin*

~withheld~: so for future reference, the pendant makes you childlike and
innocent, and knee high socks make you bimbo-ish and 16, both with a lot
of 'if you need to function' clauses

me: Mmm ... that guy on the forum earlier was moaning about subs not
giving feedback on what happened and how it felt

But I'm pretty sure you know what happened without me needing to explain

That OK?

~withheld~: yep

kisses your cheek I did ask a lot of questions to find out though

but I would have known either way

I just like juicy details ;)

me: :)

That was fun

~withheld~: so hopefully you enjoyed both games

me: Yeah ... the bimbo thing was weird, though

~withheld~: why's that?

me: I don't know

it felt like everything I said or did, I was acting

but I didn't know who I was acting as, or who the real me was

~withheld~: did you enjoy it?

me: like I'm just going through the motions, following a script

It was a new experience. Not sure if I'd care to repeat it

But yeah, it was a lot of fun

~withheld~: and yeah, that was my workaround to keep it so you could
control of yourself if you needed to. Basically in your mind it's just a
role that your eally throw yourself into, kind of like method acting?

me: As the childlike one, it seemed like that was really me

~withheld~: and if you needed to be you, you could of course, fall out of
the role.

me: looking out on the world through different eyes

as the bimbo ... its like "this is what I got to say, lets get the scene
over with"

~withheld~: basically I did the knee high one so if somebody made you dress
up like slutty schoolgirl, at least it'd make it tolerable, and probaby
help get whoever did it off since well, you'd be like the schoolgirl
they're probably imagining....

me: Maybe I can imagine to some degree how the bimbo acts, but its so
alien I can't even guess at how it feels to be that person

~withheld~: =^-^=

I'm sure when your less tired and mentally worn out, your imaginationw il
run with it ;)

me: Could be

~withheld~: you obviously have a very good imagination.

me: Am I allowed to add this session to my posts on the forum? I think
there's at least one person who's enjoying following my exploits, don't
want to disappoint

~withheld~: it was me just trying to make a game you hate fun, hopefully I
succeeded at least a little?

me: Thankyou very, very much. It was wonderful

[werepuppy]

Yesterday I was getting the train home after visiting my dad.

I have to send an email describing my day every evening, so I think maybe I should post it here too. Please let me know if you enjoy the story or if you think this is annoying or if there is somewhere better to write it.

This is the story of my yesterday. I must write another one today, and I think it will be interesting.

This morning i only barely got time to check my email before I have to go
out. I had my clothes I picked out last night already hanging up, casual
grey pants and a white blouse, just designed for comfort on the train.
Everything else I got packed up already, so I can be straight out of the
door. I knew I must choose from 2 outfits, so I opened my wardrobe and got
the first thing I saw, some kind of deformed party dress that I'd
obviously been years too old for when I got it. Sure as hell not something
I'd wear now, but its all elasticated so it might actually still fit on
me. Then Daddy shows up and demands I got 2 minutes to get dressed, he's
already switched the internet thing off, so I can't even email you.

I wanted to pick the plain outfit today, but as soon as I put on my
pendant I changed my mind. The frilly dress would make me pretty, and the
past few days should have told me I don't need to have so much respect for
normalcy. So I squeeze into the dress, can't fasten all the zips, but
that's OK, and grab a pair of long white school socks so it isn't obvious
how small it is on me. The skirt is all lace and brocade, like some kind
of fairy, but what should have been a full skirt doesn't even come to my
knees.

I guess I'll have to wait until some other day to find out what the
disadvantage of choosing the 'normal' clothes would be. Is it just that
I'd have to look normal, and wouldn't get to feel so young? Or is there
some other command I can't see until it hits me? I look forward to finding
out, at any rate.

The journey up was a lot of fun. I found I was giggling all the way,
squeeing in delight whenever the train juddered over a bump (or whtever it
is that makes the carriage shake). Even sitting at Crewe for an hour
wasn't too bad, I could just count how many different trains I saw then
try to draw all of them. Unfortunately, as my sketchpad shows, I'm not
that good at drawing when I'm dressed as a little girl, and I'm also quite
unable to tell the difference between different types of trains. Except
the ones that say "VEgAn" on the side in big shaky red letters.

After I got home this evening, I removed the pendant and found that I'm
all grown up again. I'm not sure why, I thought I'm supposed to feel like
the clothes I'm wearing anyway. Maybe when I got the command for the
pendant ring, she said I go back to my real age wen I take it off or
something.

Anyway, it was like 5 when Jenn and Jess turn up outside the flat. Looks
like I forgot to tell them I might not be here. We watched 27 Dresses and
4 Weddings and a Funeral, had a lot of laughs and got a bit drunk all. I
made Sainsburys cheesy nachos for dinner, hadn't planned for them being
round tonight. I left the email slave CD in my laptop, and accidentaly let
them find out its there, and I told them its a lot of fun and its like a
game, and we all listened together. I don't think it worked, Jenny
interrupted wants to watch some film she brought called Hairy Knuckles,
but we didn't really have time. But maybe they'll be interested enough to
try again, I'll try to give them copies of the CD tomorrow.

I think there's something gone wrong while I wasn't here, I got the
internet for a while, and then it went away, and I can't get back on. I
have to try every explorer page like 5 times before it works.

[werepuppy]

As usual today, I must send an email telling ulf about my day. I'm posting it here in case anyboy else wants to keep up with my progress. Thanks for the positive feedback :)

Hi,
I stayed up way too late last night, woke up with both alarms screeching, so the first one had been going at least 5 minutes. I quickly fliked on my laptop, but there was only one email and I wasn't allowed to read what it said.

I was in a hurry to pick out some clothes then, and just had time to shove some bread in the toaster for breakfast. I put out two outfits, both kind of tasteless. I have a pale yellow blouse, nearly white, and a slightly casual battleship grey jacket and trousers, as well as smart shoes with 1 inch heels and a little rose brooch. That's about as casual as I think I can go without pissing off the boss.

And I had a fur waistcoat, along with cycle shorts and a tight
black-and-pink pinstripe tshirt, there's no way anybody at work would be happy with that, and it looks tacky as hell, but I don't know if they'd actually say anything. But not with cat accessories, that would be too much.

In the end I picked out the smart casual one. I know I've got a command to act appropriately if I wear the weird outfit any day, and I got no idea what that would mean for those clothes. But I'm also quite sure that if I wear the normal ones, something else will happen. Well, they say curiosity killed the cat. How does that apply to a were-bitch?

Got to the office on the bus, still wondering what I was going to do. I don't think this suggestion changed me for real, but I'm a whole lot more nervous. Then the boss tells me I've got to sort out the invoice system. There's a load of stuff needs doing today, someone made some mistakes and
I got to go through matching customer files up with their contact
addresses again. Nearly done now, but I so wish I was still on leave
today. They'd just have kept it til I got back though.

I got to say, the normal clothes did something I never expected (or maybe its another command I don't remember). It made my bladder an erogenus zone, so every time I feel the need to wee, it feels as good as if somebody's stroking my clit. I'm only working for half an hour, an hour and I can hardly concentrate until I go, and sometimes weeing makes me orgasm too. I hope nobody noticed just how often I was taking bathroom breaks.

I didn't get my lunch until after 2, by which time I was starved. Jenny came too, so I could have a little chat. I think she had a normal lunch break already, so was just keeping me company in the butty shop so she could get out of some work. I gave her a copy of the email slave CD, she said she might find it a bit interesting. She's the life of the party, so she probably knows some friends who'd try something like that for a laugh.

Afternoon, and I'm calling up customers that I couldn't find the addresses for. Another nightmare shift, but I think I got everything back in line by the end of the day. I was too knackered to walk back, and I'd left my bike at home, so I decided to take the bus. Just as I got on, I felt the breathless tingle that said my bladder was full. Or at least, full enough to notice; no doubt I could make this last at least a couple of hours as it got more intense, if I hadn't been at work and needed my concentration. I laughed a little at the feeling, smiling broadly. It got a bit more intense, and I closed my eyes, letting myself absorb the feeling in my whole body, head rolling back and toes curling.

If I was looking forward to this every day, then no amount of hell at work would ever bother me. But still, it was an awful relief to be out of that place. And then I realised the downside, I'd just relieved myself without even noticing. Well, if I was lucky the bus driver wouldn't notice. I was blushing terribly, though, feeling so hot and my heart racing. And these days, blushing just seems to make me grin like an idiot, and my heart's racing with excitement as I wonder who saw me wet myself.

There, I said it without being forced to. It took a while, but I did it. Weird, but after a lifetime of wanting to feel somebody make me wee in my pants, and nearly a week of doing it several times every day, I finally plucked up the courage to say it: I wet myself.

Once I was home, I quickly put my laptop on and checked email. I was surprised not to see any new commands there, so I went to prepare dinner. It was while I was lifting the pie out of the oven that I looked down and saw I had 4 breasts. I know now it was just what someone had commanded me to see, but for a while it was an interesting anomaly. I didn't even wonder how, or why. I just emailed a friend to let him know.

Then I heard from somebody on Google Talk, she feels she can't play with me any more. I'd promised myself I wasn't going to get involved with anyone, wasn't going to let myself be disappointed any more. If I never finish a session expecting more, then every time I play its as much surprise as the first time somebody sends me an mail command, and I'll never be disappointed if they don't take me again. But ... I was still disappointed. For somebody who can make me feel comfortable as a child, and play without having to involve sex in everything, maybe I should have changed my mind and tried to let her into my heart. I wanted to say that I could change, that I can deal with growing to adore somebody now, but I don't know if I could.

I sent an email to Angel asking for a copy of her email, and read it. If I'd read it in its original context, I'd probably be a happier little girl. I was starting to feel all melancholy now, so I picked up my pendant as something to make me feel good. That worked, as soon as I put it on I was cheerful again, although I ended up getting chicken and asparagus pie all down the front of my shirt. That pendant does seem to make me feel a little clumsier than usual. As I put it on, I noticed I'd got 6 nipples, but I din't think to question that either. I was too hungry to ask him why right them.

After dinner I installed a gmail, so I can get logs of what I talk about on google talk. But it changed my address, I can't chat using the other one any more, so I think some of my hypno-friends don't recognise me.

I'm going to bed now, its been a long day and draining in a lot of ways. And with everything else, I think I really do need to think again about what I'm looking for out of life.

[werepuppy]

I've done a lot of things this week, and had a lot done to me. Its all been fun. But now I'm not so sure what I want.

Its this pendant that makes me think. Every time I put it on, I'm becoming a little girl. and I love the feeling. A lot of things I was excited by, a lot of things felt good. But this is the only one where I feel like I want it to keep on happening, and I'd be upset if I lost this little game.

The person who gave me this command sent me another email yesterday, and I didn't see it because its outside my rules, would make me think about her when she's not there, and want another session.

I asked Angel if he could read it to me, tell me what it says. Maybe those things are outside what I call limits, but I might not really have such a problem with them. Your suggestions make me happy, and there's things you've done I already was looking forward to feel again.

I don't know if I can ask to play again. But I know there's nothing in this email that would hurt me. So I told my guardian Angel to let that email arrive anyway, I can feel one more set of happy commands to fill the time until I'm mature enough to play again.

I hope

Is that a good idea? Reading an email slave hypnofile after I would have rejected it?

editing, just got a email

Go and copy this email to your post on 'It worked' and let everybody know what you MUST DO. You know all your fans can read this, so you don't need to remember what I'm telling you. As you copy out this email, every word will make it sink stronger in your brain.

The next time somebody you trust, who has given you commands before, makes you wee, you will take a dump instead. You won't know that I interfered, and won't believe it. Once you are cleaned up and dressed again, then you will remember this email and you will wee straight away

[werepuppy]

And my email for what happened today. I'd rather write everything up nicely if anybody's nterested but I took so long to do this, I'm too tired and I can't stop shaking right now, I don't feel so good. So here's the email I sent Wulf again.

What happened today

This morning was nice. Waking up in bed, feeling all comfortable and innocent. Its saturday, I don't need to work, and don't need to do anything really. Well, until I took the pendant off and started coming up with crazy plans. See, one of my first thoughts was I wonder if Jenny listned to that CD yet. Did I tell you I gave her a copy yesterday? I should of done. I was thinking maybe I should email her. Something like "You will tell me if you listened to the CD", half jokey, to start off with. Make it seem like fun.

Then when I got up, I flicked on the laptop to see if she's written me. You're online, and we chat for a bit. I'm being a very giggly little girl, doing silly things like making a big jam smiley in my porridge. Its great being able to be so excited and proud of such little things. Wulf told me to take off my pendant while I ate, which is probably good, because I seem to spill things a lot when I'm being little. But just for a few minutes, I was still kinda comfortable, and I put it back on staight away. Soon after breakfast, I was still sitting at the kitchen table, and you made me wee. It was embarrassing, humiliating, all the usual things. But now it seems a bit different, its like I'm really a little girl, so it doesn't matter any more. Best of both worlds, I guess, the thrill of misbehaving without any guilt.

After that I went off shopping. The outfit took a bit of deciding on, but I eventually settled for carrying on with my pyjamas and see if anybody notices. I tied a scarf thing around my waist, and added some orange ears (on a headband) and tail (4', foam rubber core, clip on). I wondered if anybody would notice this wasn't real clothes ... I doubt it, its rough silk fabric and it kind of matches my pink handbag. I thought I should try and get some nappies so I'm not in so much trouble whenever somebody emails me and makes me wee on myself. But in the end I was too embarrassed to look. The pharmacy in Keele has a big selection of absorbent pants but I wasn't sure what's best out of all those types, and I don't want to ask when there's other people around, and there always is. I wondered a bit about something more in theme with the little-kid dresses. I'm pretty small, wondering if big size baby nappies might actually be big enough. I'm definately too embarrassed to ask about that. So I did the rest of the grocery shopping and went home. Got myself a dummy, though :) If being little is so much fun, I might as well find out just how young I can enjoy being. Had a thought while I was out, though; yesterday I think we agreed not to play any more because somebody I like wasn't ready to deal with my whole "not hoping for another try" thing. She'd sent me an email that said I'd be obsessed with her among other things, when it got rejected (by Angel, before it got to me) she'd been a bit upset I think.

When I got home, I asked Angel to tell me what's in that email. And I thought about it, and realised there's nothing really bad there, just stuff I'm not reay to deal with. But she gave me so much fun, the pendant and the being little and everything. And more than anything else, she never tried to make me feel helpless or weak. That can be excitig, but I think for the person who made me feel comfortable and safe and protected, I might actually not mind knowing that what I feel now will continue. But to just never have rad an entire email, most of it designed to make me happy, just isn't fair. I asked Angel to send it to me, let it through anyway. He said my in-head safeties would throw it out, so I asked him to get it past those. It was half an hour later the email got here at last, it'd taken like a whole day, and 10 minutes later I didn't remember any of what was in it. Mybe that sounds like a dramatic gesture, trying to show I'm serious or something. But I really didn't think of it like that. I just thought I wanted to read all she'd written for me, I owed her that much at least, even if she never knows. I'm still watching Otogi Jushi Akazukin while I make some lunch. I put together a massive salad bowl, and put out a variety of salami, chorizo, tongue, spam, fried spam, couple of boiled eggs left from a midnight snack, pickles, and all sorts. But every time I sit down to eat, I remember something else that kind of buffet needs. You know how it is.

Then, just when I put the pickles down and buttered some bread, I had an idea. An idea to see if Jenn is listening to this CD, without being too risky she'll find out hat I'm into. I sent my first email slave email: "Come shopping with me after work. It'll be fun, you'll enjoy it. You won't think I'm weird because of what I want." I figure if it works, I can get her to help me buy the stuff I'm ashamed about. She's a real ladette, brash and direct, so if anyone asks anything they'll just assume its a practical joke. And if I tell her I need the nappies because somebody used my email slave to make me dress like a baby, she'll laugh like hell, but only take the piss like she would for somebody who got pissed and puked on their pants. I can take some ribbing if its just a joke. While I was sending that I got another email, but I can't remember what it says. All my fans know, so I don't need to I know I had to post it on the forum, but every time I go back to read it it just gets stronger and I still don't know. I went back to the kitchen, sat down, and noticed a flashing thing on my laptop. Somebody sent me a message. I wondered whether to just leave it, or say "I'm on lunch, back soon". Of course if its somebody who had hypnosis over me, once I'd looked at that message I might not be able to go have lunch. But still, got to be polite. I went into the lounge, stopped for a moment to enjoy the feel of the thick carpet under my feet, pushing up around my toes. Its lovely, something I really miss at dad's house. Clicked on the messenger and its Her. Angel must of told her I read that email, and she wants to play again.

She talked about stroking my feet, and it turned me on so much. I don't know what She said but it felt like everything She typed, She was doing for real, and every touch was driving me wild, and then I was touching Her feet too and I was so horny I couldn't help myself, rubbing myself off through the silky fabric of my pyjamas and suddenly I had to ask permission to cum. She made me feel so good, but it was so humiliating, and I don't know if I want it or not. It seemed like it lasted forever, but it was all over too quick, and Jenn came round to help me shop. I don't know if she listened to the CD or not, but she said she did and she wasn't too shocked by me. I said somebody on the email slave had told me to dress up like a baby, and she thought it was kind of funny. She said that the XL size pull-ups will fit me, and then she got me a balloon that somebody was giving out to advertise something or other, I'm not sure really, I was already wearing my pendant ring by then, and just enjoyed being pulled round all the shops holding a balloon and looking at all the bright colours. Jenn put a ribbon in my hair and laughed at how cute I look as a baby, and then we went to the arcade and I ended up buying a load of frilly dresses and really cute clothes, I should have thought more about what I can afford but it was just like I was a real little kid, mummy mking all the decisions while I just tried things on and everything was a blur.

When I got back I started writing this email, but it already took me more than 4 hours, I haven't got a minute without somebody trying to talk to me or the council phoning about some problem with my taxes or something. Then somebody asked for photos, well, didn't ask but made me think she was going to. I said I didn't want to and She was like do I just want to be pushed, and I was getting scared. I didn't know what to write, bcause I knew if she just told me to send Her pictures I would, and if I did that then I wouldn't be talking to the person I thought I knew. I just panicked and pulled the plug. I know she probably wouldn't have made me, but she could so easily, and I'm scared. I should put Google back on and tak again, but I don't kno what I should say. I'm just too weak.

So ... day of ups and downs. I know there's more that happened that I should post, but I can't remember it now. I feel so shaken up.

[werepuppy]

And my email for what happened today. I'd rather write everything up nicely if anybody's nterested but I took so long to do this, I'm too tired and I can't stop shaking right now, I don't feel so good. So here's the email I sent Wulf again.

What happened today

This morning was nice. Waking up in bed, feeling all comfortable and innocent. Its saturday, I don't need to work, and don't need to do anything really. Well, until I took the pendant off and started coming up with crazy plans. See, one of my first thoughts was I wonder if Jenny listned to that CD yet. Did I tell you I gave her a copy yesterday? I should of done. I was thinking maybe I should email her. Something like "You will tell me if you listened to the CD", half jokey, to start off with. Make it seem like fun.

Then when I got up, I flicked on the laptop to see if she's written me. You're online, and we chat for a bit. I'm being a very giggly little girl, doing silly things like making a big jam smiley in my porridge. Its great being able to be so excited and proud of such little things. Wulf told me to take off my pendant while I ate, which is probably good, because I seem to spill things a lot when I'm being little. But just for a few minutes, I was still kinda comfortable, and I put it back on staight away. Soon after breakfast, I was still sitting at the kitchen table, and you made me wee. It was embarrassing, humiliating, all the usual things. But now it seems a bit different, its like I'm really a little girl, so it doesn't matter any more. Best of both worlds, I guess, the thrill of misbehaving without any guilt.

After that I went off shopping. The outfit took a bit of deciding on, but I eventually settled for carrying on with my pyjamas and see if anybody notices. I tied a scarf thing around my waist, and added some orange ears (on a headband) and tail (4', foam rubber core, clip on). I wondered if anybody would notice this wasn't real clothes ... I doubt it, its rough silk fabric and it kind of matches my pink handbag. I thought I should try and get some nappies so I'm not in so much trouble whenever somebody emails me and makes me wee on myself. But in the end I was too embarrassed to look. The pharmacy in Keele has a big selection of absorbent pants but I wasn't sure what's best out of all those types, and I don't want to ask when there's other people around, and there always is. I wondered a bit about something more in theme with the little-kid dresses. I'm pretty small, wondering if big size baby nappies might actually be big enough. I'm definately too embarrassed to ask about that. So I did the rest of the grocery shopping and went home. Got myself a dummy, though :) If being little is so much fun, I might as well find out just how young I can enjoy being. Had a thought while I was out, though; yesterday I think we agreed not to play any more because somebody I like wasn't ready to deal with my whole "not hoping for another try" thing. She'd sent me an email that said I'd be obsessed with her among other things, when it got rejected (by Angel, before it got to me) she'd been a bit upset I think.

When I got home, I asked Angel to tell me what's in that email. And I thought about it, and realised there's nothing really bad there, just stuff I'm not reay to deal with. But she gave me so much fun, the pendant and the being little and everything. And more than anything else, she never tried to make me feel helpless or weak. That can be excitig, but I think for the person who made me feel comfortable and safe and protected, I might actually not mind knowing that what I feel now will continue. But to just never have rad an entire email, most of it designed to make me happy, just isn't fair. I asked Angel to send it to me, let it through anyway. He said my in-head safeties would throw it out, so I asked him to get it past those. It was half an hour later the email got here at last, it'd taken like a whole day, and 10 minutes later I didn't remember any of what was in it. Mybe that sounds like a dramatic gesture, trying to show I'm serious or something. But I really didn't think of it like that. I just thought I wanted to read all she'd written for me, I owed her that much at least, even if she never knows. I'm still watching Otogi Jushi Akazukin while I make some lunch. I put together a massive salad bowl, and put out a variety of salami, chorizo, tongue, spam, fried spam, couple of boiled eggs left from a midnight snack, pickles, and all sorts. But every time I sit down to eat, I remember something else that kind of buffet needs. You know how it is.

Then, just when I put the pickles down and buttered some bread, I had an idea. An idea to see if Jenn is listening to this CD, without being too risky she'll find out hat I'm into. I sent my first email slave email: "Come shopping with me after work. It'll be fun, you'll enjoy it. You won't think I'm weird because of what I want." I figure if it works, I can get her to help me buy the stuff I'm ashamed about. She's a real ladette, brash and direct, so if anyone asks anything they'll just assume its a practical joke. And if I tell her I need the nappies because somebody used my email slave to make me dress like a baby, she'll laugh like hell, but only take the piss like she would for somebody who got pissed and puked on their pants. I can take some ribbing if its just a joke. While I was sending that I got another email, but I can't remember what it says. All my fans know, so I don't need to I know I had to post it on the forum, but every time I go back to read it it just gets stronger and I still don't know. I went back to the kitchen, sat down, and noticed a flashing thing on my laptop. Somebody sent me a message. I wondered whether to just leave it, or say "I'm on lunch, back soon". Of course if its somebody who had hypnosis over me, once I'd looked at that message I might not be able to go have lunch. But still, got to be polite. I went into the lounge, stopped for a moment to enjoy the feel of the thick carpet under my feet, pushing up around my toes. Its lovely, something I really miss at dad's house. Clicked on the messenger and its Her. Angel must of told her I read that email, and she wants to play again.

She talked about stroking my feet, and it turned me on so much. I don't know what She said but it felt like everything She typed, She was doing for real, and every touch was driving me wild, and then I was touching Her feet too and I was so horny I couldn't help myself, rubbing myself off through the silky fabric of my pyjamas and suddenly I had to ask permission to cum. She made me feel so good, but it was so humiliating, and I don't know if I want it or not. It seemed like it lasted forever, but it was all over too quick, and Jenn came round to help me shop. I don't know if she listened to the CD or not, but she said she did and she wasn't too shocked by me. I said somebody on the email slave had told me to dress up like a baby, and she thought it was kind of funny. She said that the XL size pull-ups will fit me, and then she got me a balloon that somebody was giving out to advertise something or other, I'm not sure really, I was already wearing my pendant ring by then, and just enjoyed being pulled round all the shops holding a balloon and looking at all the bright colours. Jenn put a ribbon in my hair and laughed at how cute I look as a baby, and then we went to the arcade and I ended up buying a load of frilly dresses and really cute clothes, I should have thought more about what I can afford but it was just like I was a real little kid, mummy mking all the decisions while I just tried things on and everything was a blur.

When I got back I started writing this email, but it already took me more than 4 hours, I haven't got a minute without somebody trying to talk to me or the council phoning about some problem with my taxes or something. Then somebody asked for photos, well, didn't ask but made me think she was going to. I said I didn't want to and She was like do I just want to be pushed, and I was getting scared. I didn't know what to write, bcause I knew if she just told me to send Her pictures I would, and if I did that then I wouldn't be talking to the person I thought I knew. I just panicked and pulled the plug. I know she probably wouldn't have made me, but she could so easily, and I'm scared. I should put Google back on and tak again, but I don't kno what I should say. I'm just too weak.

So ... day of ups and downs. I know there's more that happened that I should post, but I can't remember it now. I feel so shaken up.

[werepuppy]

Spent the morning trying to clear out my head, removing any too-aggressive suggestions and blocking ways people might try to take advantage. Most importantly, making sure I can't be made to give Jenn's email address out to anyone else who'll try to make her into a non-consensual slave or give her a fetish she never asked for.

The afternoon was good, just resting and feeling all childlike and protected.

But I don't think I can keep doing this. Every time somebody finds a way to make me happy, I find a way to screw it up. People are doing such wonderful exciting things to me and I can't figure out how to enjoy it. You gave me exactly what I wanted more than anything in the world, and I loved you, and then you made it better and I don't know how to feel. I'm just some sick freak who doesn't deserve so much kindness.

Andrew sent me an option, and I really have to think about it now.

Thankyou

[werepuppy]

Must rite how I felt today, even though no new commands. At least this command helps me get it out.

I can't cope with this feeling. I've been sitting in the kitchen all day, wetting myself uncontrollably, realising just how helpless and worthless I am. I can't even wear the absorbent clothes I bought the other day, because then I'm not allowed to clean myself up. This afternoon it seems hopeless, I gave up with the mop now. Only need it again in an hour. I know I must do what I am told, and I must enjoy those instructions, and I can't. I tried everything I can think of and I can't find any way to feel good about this feeling, and its like tearing me in half that I can't obey when you told me to love your commands. I can't even tell anybody how it feels to be so helpless like that, not allowed to ask for it to stop. So last night, and today, there's nothing I can do about it.

Angel sent me a message, if I can't cope I can listen to this file, deprogramall, and I don't have to feel bad about it. I don't want to let everybody down who did so many nice things but I just can't cope with being so helpless, I don't know why I'm allowd to do this but I think I can, so I'm starting listening now. Hopefully I can go to work in the morning.

[demigraff]

Just in case anyone was following this thread but hasn't noticed the move ... this little Werepuppy listened to Deprogramall 3 times, then went straight back to a daily dose of email slave.

Since the restart, she has stopped posting in this forum, and started posting a journal instead. The address is [url]http://www.warpmymind.com/modules.php?name=Journal&file=search&bywhat=aid&exact=1&forwhat=werepuppy[/url].

Also note that she's got a standing instruction to post the results of all emails to the journal. You don't need to spend half of every email telling her to post. Also, all suggestions will wear off within 3 days (or sooner), except ones that make her do a series of different things. (She likes surprises, so has little interest in a file that makes her experience or do something constantly or every day.)