Okay, so.. I'm starting this thread because I'm interested in not only the thoughts of people "like us" but humans in general.
Here are my thoughts... please post your own! I'm sincerely interested!
Well, I guess I'll start off by saying that I'm so happy I found this site, with all of its feminization files. Ever since I was little, I've not only wanted to be a girl (It's ALWAYS been a constant dream/wish of mine) but I felt like my spirit, or soul, was that of a female.
But somewhere along the line, my male ego was formed (painstakingly, I might add) Now, being a follower of the Buddhist philosophy, I understand the detrimental effects of the ego.. and I've always felt like the male ego is the most destructive.
But... I did form a male ego, out of what I thought was necessity. And even though I still wished to be a female, my ego did everything it could to hide it not only from my peers, but myself as well. This caused my child self to feel angry, disgusted, and alienated from its own body.
When I turned 18, I met a young girl who drew this "secret female self" out of me.. Now, it had always been there, trying to claw its way out of the prison-like ego I had put it in.. But somehow, this young girl contributed to the freeing of my true self. But, thats a different story..
So, for a while I toyed with the idea that I might in fact be a transgender individual... But still, my ego was there, holding back my true self... Soon after I turned 18, I started researching different beliefs and philosophies. To make a long story a little shorter, I ended up following the teachings of Buddha.
These teachings taught me a lot.. and surprisingly, what I got from my years of being a Christian helped to reinforce some of the philosophies of Buddhism. Again, another story. Anyway, basically, I learned of the "Illusion" that my ego had created in order to follow social norms.. everything I read made so much sense.. made me so happy that tears were brought to my eyes.
This all led to an interest in meditation, hypnosis, ancient knowledge, concept of Self, and other things that led me here... Now, by the time I found my first feminizing hypnosis file, I had already begun to clear all the walls I had created in order to "fit in" and I found that with each wall torn down, I became happier and more.. serene I guess.
So, one day while searching for something, a collection of files feel into my lap. Among them was a couple of files by Allison_in_love. (I had previously found a video by her on youtube) So I started listening to them...
So now here I am.. and what are the pros and cons?
Well... I feel so happy with my Self. Even though I am not really in a Female body, I feel as if it is slowly starting to form itself to my spirit.. I'm finally able to be free, even if as of now, only spiritually and mentally. I feel like I'm finally me, which is a great person... I feel full of so much Love and compassion, when I once felt full of hatred and hunger.
Even if I never have anything like SRS or HRT, I'll still know exactly who I am... which in all honesty, I still haven't got that one quite figured out. I guess right now, Inside I am this pure feminine spirit, full of so much Love. But, who am I supposed to appear to be to all those around me? Thats the only problem I have.
I just don't really know how I should project my Self out into society... Should I try and live as a woman? Or maybe I should just be something different all-together.. like a balance of both? Of one thing I am certain.. I feel this strong urge to spread as much love and compassion as possible.. and thats a Pro that out-weighs all other Cons.
-Serena <3