Been gone for a while done some thinking and stuff...

[orva]

Hi,

I was never too active here and my first stay wasn't long lived. I got scared by the power of hypnosis and I still am to some extent. But I think hypnosis finally helped me knock some things loose in my brain. I've had transgendered inclinations since I was young and for the past four months I have been battling them with my mind. I am going to seek therapy to see where I stand but I think I might be transsexual.

Now my first stay here I really concentrated on the curse files, FeminizationCD, HormoneChange, and CurseFemButtGrowth. The addictive elements of these are really effective and the largest reason I was scared away. With one listen to DeprogramAll I broke the addiction. It was getting bad, to the point where my normal functioning was crippled. I'd like to know if there are softer versions of these files maybe without the addictive aspects. Like if I could have hormone change and fembuttgrowth without the addiction part I'd be totally cool.

Also, what are some files really meant to help TS come to terms with it? I know that alision in love has some files meant for this I have even listed to one of them on occasion. Are there other files/users with files meant for the same thing? I would like to keep the suggestions soft, i.e. I want my thoughts not to be forcefully transformed but rather more guided if that makes sense. I think hypnosis could help in this but due to my financial situation I cannot afford anything aside from free. :(

I would really appreciate some honest help.
-Orva

[sarnoga]

Hey there Orva,

I have not recorded any files like you describe. At one time I might have been able to point you at a file if there was one, but there are so many files here now that I couldn't possibly hope to remember everything that is here. I can barely keep track of my own files.

You may be interested to know that EMG has recently updated the site and it is much easier now to search for what you are looking for.

While it is not what you said you are looking for, you just might enjoy my file, Sarnoga - The Furniture Shop . It is one of my oldest files, recorded and posted almost 4 years ago. I am sure there are many things about it that I would do differently if I were to redo the file today, but still I consider it a pretty good file and it has no curses or anything addictive in it. I can't imagine it doing anything but improving your situation and perhaps your outlook on things.

If you decide to try it and end up enjoying it I would be interested in hearing about it if you felt like writing anything about it.

Regards,

Sarnoga.

[orva]

Howdy Sarnoga!

Thanks for pointing this file out to me. I have listened to it twice so far. Well, kind of. The first time was a screening where I skipped past the induction to see what the meat said, lol. It was for the most part good, where I did have issue was the part about forgetting all bad experiences/feelings because I really think that some of that should no be forgotten but rather worked through. Because of that I was real cautious about listening and trancing with it.

I ended up in a catch-22, I kept thinking how wonderful and affirming it could be if I listened and ended up picturing my ideal childhood as a female. I realized that was something I wanted and I wouldn't know if I would have it until after I listened, so I caved in. Now this might be tainted with conscious thoughts, but SHOULDN'T it be if my conscious and subconscious are acting in agreement? The big concern though is that my trance usually feels halfway as in my conscious mind still functions just limited and not at the forefront. But to an extent I think I did imagine a female childhood and it gave me a nice warm feeling... might also have something to do with wrapping myself up in a blanket. :roll:

Anyway, it really hit when I got to the part with suggestions like, "Imagine a childhood free of worry and concern" I started getting flashed where my mind would visualize a young girl in a sundress, mostly from the outside but I believe once from her perspective as well. Part of me really wants to give it another listen and is eager to see if I can get more of that but part of me is still cautious as well and afraid of becoming dependent on hypnosis. Hehehehe, I'm completely conflicted about EVERYTHING!

Now for the merits of the file. The analogy in it was done very nicely. Worked great on me as I have been finding my mind working with a heightened sense of analogy lately. I got pretty deep at one point and it was pleasant but my mind was definitely lashing out when the suggestions about forgetting bad things came. Quite obvious that it doesn't think simply forgetting them is the way to go and I haven't but rather I have gained (or have increased) my ability to look at them subjectively I guess?

[Liann]

...I've had transgendered inclinations since I was young and for the past four months I have been battling them with my mind. I am going to seek therapy to see where I stand but I think I might be transsexual. Now my first stay here I really concentrated on the curse files, FeminizationCD, HormoneChange, and CurseFemButtGrowth. The addictive elements of these are really effective and the largest reason I was scared away. With one listen to DeprogramAll I broke the addiction. It was getting bad, to the point where my normal functioning was crippled. I'd like to know if there are softer versions of these files maybe without the addictive aspects. Like if I could have hormone change and fembuttgrowth without the addiction part I'd be totally cool. Also, what are some files really meant to help TS come to terms with it? ... Are there other files/users with files meant for the same thing? I would like to keep the suggestions soft, i.e. I want my thoughts not to be forcefully transformed but rather more guided if that makes sense. I think hypnosis could help in this but due to my financial situation I cannot afford anything aside from free. -Orva

You say a lot of things showing that Hollywood Movies and TV have formed a false image of hypnosis which you are subscribing to, not to mention your false conceptions of gender identity.

All hypnosis is voluntary. The subject does all the work, the hypnotist is only the guide that the subject hires to create the illusion that power has been transferred from the subject into the voice of the hypnotist.

You choose the files after reading the description. You play along with the premise, and you listen to the file that you have chosen based on the description that it will do what it says it will do. Then you complain that the file is doing what it says that it will do, when it is you doing all of the doing which you asked the file to do when you chose it and voluntarily listened to it.

Now, you are asking for files which WILL NOT DO what they say that they will do because you don't want what the description says will happen if you do listen to them.

Look girly, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. The hard way involves you having a lifetime of gender disphoria, increasing misery, suicidal thoughts and maybe suicidal acts, and you spend your life as a conflicted mediocre man among a sea of mediocrity of men, never accomplishing much, and never achieving very much.

The easy way is you accept your gender identity formed by hormone brainwash in your first year of life which has hardwired your brain permanently, irrevocably, unchangeably into feminized brain wiring. The female thought patterns can be seen plainly on MRI brain scans -- it's real, true, and it's who you have been since around birth.

Accept who you are. If you can accept who you are then you can dispose of the conflict. That frees up about half of your energy now used suppressing yourself. You still may never accomplish much or achieve much, but at least you have a chance without that dead weight of loyalty to a gender that you don't belong to. You could end up being something special instead of mediocre.

There are infinite gradations among people an even identical twins have different fingerprints. It would be folly to diagnose you by remote and describe a mental, physical and emotional programme to alleviate your distress.

The reasons that hypnosis files require you to listen over and over is because they are so weak. It takes a lot of listening to sink in past resistant ingrained habits and imprinted behaviors.

Using positive affirmative language is the technique of hypnosis. It's like the cartoon of a hypnotist with spirals for eyes saying "You are under my complete control. You must obey all of my commands."

You are the ONLY hypnotist. You choose to obey the commands. You choose the commands. You choose to listen.

So girly, explain yourself. Why did you seek out files to give you commands to get girly? What did you think would happen if you downloaded those files, girly? What were you expecting might happen if you listened to them, girly? And what did you think would happen if you played them over and over as they said they would make you do?

Girly, who do you think that you are kidding?

You were the hypnotist, the only possible hypnotist. And your own hand reached for the download mouse click long before the first file played. It was your own hands that loaded the MP3 into the player and clicked play.

Nobody else did that and nobody else was there making you, and you had not heard one word of the hypnosis file yet when you were obeying this feminization command sequence.

You were already ordering yourself to listen to the feminization hypnosis before the first file played. You were already forcing yourself to lock yourself into a feminization goal.


Here's a very important lesson, girly. All estrodiol (estrogen) is made from testosterone, by the enzyme aromatase. Both men and women make both hormones and both make them the same way. Women make more aromatase then men.

Hormones are famous for their morphic power, they change the shapes of the bodies. But unnoticed and even more important, they have an effect on behavior. Estrogen was the first sex hormone discovered, and it was named for ESTRUS, the mating frenzy. Lab workers could see pretty clearly that the female sex hormone, estrogen, when injected into lab animals, induced sex frenzy, the classic mating rituals and behaviors of reproduction.

Without testosterone there would be no sex urges, no sex drive, no mating, no reproduction of humans. Both males and females need enough testosterone to get horny.

But without estrogen there also would be no human race, because estrogen enforces the female sexual response, and many of the female attractant behaviors.

When you say you want HormoneChange without addiction, it's nonsense. Estrogen brings addiction to female behaviors. It's an addictive drug, one so powerful that women crave it when menopause dries up their natural supply.

It is such a powerful drug that women with more of it measured in their blood stream are noticed by men and women alike and are rated "more beautiful" by men and by women alike. An estrogen-soaked woman stands out in a crowd of other women.

How powerful is this drug? One drop of estrodiol diluted into enough water to fill 600 tank cars of a train 11 miles long is the normal dilution in adult female human blood. Prescription doses are metered out in PICOGRAMS or trillionths of a gram.

So girly, you want the hormone, but not it's addiction. You want what it does but not what it makes you do.

All you really want is conflict. Never-ending fruitless conflict.

Your brainwash of loyalty to a gender that rejects you and doesn't want you, is in conflict with brainwiring of a gender which owns you.

You don't need the softer side of hypnosis. You need ... (Censored by author).

[orva]

:cry:
Geez Liann, tough love much? At least that's how I think I was meant to take it. And if it was thanks.

So girly, you want the hormone, but not it's addiction. You want what it does but not what it makes you do.

No no no. I really do long for all the effects of the hormones and getting addicted to THEM is something I am NOT AFRAID OF and would welcome. What scared me away from the curses was not their effects, quite the opposite I listened to DeprogramAll and found that it only really took away the addiction to the files.

And that is what scared me about the files is the power of the addiction to them not their effects. I think I will go back to them at some point but right now I am not ready yet. The power of the addiction was so that I HAD to cave in to function, how would that help me get through a work day?

I am real glad about one thing appears I was mistaken about FemButtGrowth being a curse! That was like one of my super favorites!

All you really want is conflict. Never-ending fruitless conflict.

Nope! Who would want that? It is a pitiable state!

Your brainwash of loyalty to a gender that rejects you and doesn't want you, is in conflict with brainwiring of a gender which owns you.

I find truth in this. I think why I want to go slow is that realizing these things is a hard pill to swallow. I don't know of anyone who has been like, "I'm transgendered, OMG YAY! THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST THING EVA!" It comes with a lot of irrational doubt and fear but I can't miss place any of the emotions onto hypnosis. The doubt and fear are from my gender issues, not from hypnosis to try to help them, as you reminded me...

All hypnosis is voluntary. The subject does all the work, the hypnotist is only the guide that the subject hires to create the illusion that power has been transferred from the subject into the voice of the hypnotist.

You choose the files after reading the description. You play along with the premise, and you listen to the file that you have chosen based on the description that it will do what it says it will do. Then you complain that the file is doing what it says that it will do, when it is you doing all of the doing which you asked the file to do when you chose it and voluntarily listened to it.

which is completely true. How could it be any other way? My initial curiosity and want to listen are genuine. But you must understand I am as a terrified child, irrational and fearful of everything. I will start again because I think hypnosis is a powerful tool for this, but it will be slow at first.

-Orva

[sarnoga]

Howdy Sarnoga!

Thanks for pointing this file out to me. I have listened to it twice so far. Well, kind of. The first time was a screening where I skipped past the induction to see what the meat said, lol. It was for the most part good, where I did have issue was the part about forgetting all bad experiences/feelings because I really think that some of that should no be forgotten but rather worked through. Because of that I was real cautious about listening and trancing with it.

Its been awhile since I recorded or listened to the file. As I recall though, I tried to make it so that, while you would forget the bad experience you would retain all the good things you gained by having it.

I ended up in a catch-22, I kept thinking how wonderful and affirming it could be if I listened and ended up picturing my ideal childhood as a female. I realized that was something I wanted and I wouldn't know if I would have it until after I listened, so I caved in. Now this might be tainted with conscious thoughts, but SHOULDN'T it be if my conscious and subconscious are acting in agreement? The big concern though is that my trance usually feels halfway as in my conscious mind still functions just limited and not at the forefront. But to an extent I think I did imagine a female childhood and it gave me a nice warm feeling... might also have something to do with wrapping myself up in a blanket. :roll:

Anyway, it really hit when I got to the part with suggestions like, "Imagine a childhood free of worry and concern" I started getting flashed where my mind would visualize a young girl in a sundress, mostly from the outside but I believe once from her perspective as well. Part of me really wants to give it another listen and is eager to see if I can get more of that but part of me is still cautious as well and afraid of becoming dependent on hypnosis. Hehehehe, I'm completely conflicted about EVERYTHING!

Now for the merits of the file. The analogy in it was done very nicely. Worked great on me as I have been finding my mind working with a heightened sense of analogy lately. I got pretty deep at one point and it was pleasant but my mind was definitely lashing out when the suggestions about forgetting bad things came. Quite obvious that it doesn't think simply forgetting them is the way to go and I haven't but rather I have gained (or have increased) my ability to look at them subjectively I guess?

I'm glad you tried the file. Thanks for letting me know about your experiences with it. If you listen to it a bit more I think you might find that the small part you object to is not as bad as you thought. Especially given that you only lose the bad parts.

Regards,

Sarnoga

[orva]

i think you should find out more about what you truely desire and what you are in the first place. e.g. if you are transsexual, crossdresser or androgynous. it is hard to tell from your first post and would require some knowledge about your person to make an exact guess. then you can move on with the help of hypnosis or other helping hands.

Thanks, you are completely correct.
I went to a support group today and it has left me with some clarity though I still am not certain where this road will take me. I am certain that it is not about clothing, it is deeply rooted with my body.

I am sorry if my first post is not as enlightening as it could be. I have been intensely thinking about this for a while now and at that point (and to an extent sill now) just could not flush out all the details of my existence again.

Sarnoga, I have listened to the file a second time but I got nothing, a void. I have matured to know that it has nothing to do with the file, though. At this stage my mind is embattled with itself, as a two headed serpent. One head being the conscious and the other being the subconscious. So I should expect conflicting results with hypnosis.

I think I might try the hormone change ones, specifically TrainHormonChange and FemButtGrowth. I'm going to shy away from Curse files for the moment as well as files specifically meant for TS because I'm still not certain I fit there exactly but I know I want my body to be feminine.

Also, what would be a good way to replace the name in the Bree series? I have the Audacity program but haven't played with it much. I ask because if I start it down the line I think it will be a whole lot more effective if I could replace Bree with Orva.

[Liann]

:cry:
Geez Liann, tough love much? At least that's how I think I was meant to take it. And if it was thanks.

...My initial curiosity and want to listen are genuine. But you must understand I am as a terrified child, irrational and fearful of everything. I will start again because I think hypnosis is a powerful tool for this, but it will be slow at first.

-Orva

Gender Street has two sides: a male side and a female side. In between is a raceway with giant Mac Trucks barreling through at 100 miles per hour. Prancing slowly and stopping partway like a deer frozen in the headlights is not a good strategy. You get on your high heels and make a dash for it when the time comes.

Being halfway not only makes YOU look bad, but makes everybody at a similar stage to you look bad around you.

It's better for everybody that you be a god-awful fugly bag-over-the-head ten-foot-pole-touching woman, then some weird guy dressed in his sister's castoffs. Ask Biff Wallop, the professional sneerer at sissies here on this forum, he will tell you that's true.

There's a lot of people who don't know squat about gender identity passing out advice on the internet. There's no less of them in groups you might attend in person. They can present themselves as something of expert advisers quite convincingly. There's also some who will say anything they can con you into believing, either that they have a a frozen bank account in Nigeria from which they want to transfer millions to you, or that they can help you cure/indulge your deviant urges, or anything else which you are gullible about.

I laid it all out the first time, and you need to read it again, this time without the ego defenses. That ego is due for the scrapyard soon anyway, so quit defending it, cupcake. It is so 5 minutes ago.

The internet links you into terabytes of up to the minute data. You need a functioning mind more than functioning advisors. Looking up estrogen (estrodiol) is something that the writers of most of these files haven't begun to do yet, or you either, so it's the lame leading the lame in the world of the lamers.

Humans have two sexes. It's called dimorphism. Nothing in nature produces a sex stimulus from high-heels and fishnet thigh-highs. The push to differentiate the differences ("Viva la difference!") produces the high-heels and the boner response to it. These are cultural cues, not biological differences.

You haven't been able to locate one single person before who has laid out that basic fact of nature in one paragraph of five sentences.

The truth is obvious: nothing in the estrogen/estrodiol molecule cares one bit about high-heels or thigh-highs, nor anything in the testosterone molecule necessarily causes an erection from seeing them.

You need to learn the dimorphic game, and which side you are best suited to playing, and how to be your best at the side that owns you.

NOBODY EVER GETS TO PICK THEIR GENDER. Your gender is always picked for you by forces more powerful than you can control. All you can ever do is accept what you are and play the game as best that you can.

Yeah, you are a terrified lil girl, waaa, wah, waaah. Look girlygirl, it takes a really big set of balls to wear a miniskirt and heels to the mall. Most guys would rather jump on a live grenade than do that. All women are terrified lil girls at heart -- you ever actually PAID ATTENTION to women's advertising???

CONFIDENCE is what they are selling with tampon and deodorants and chewing gum, and in-style clothes -- it gives CONFIDENCE, something women spend billions trying to buy.

So nobody is ever supposed to say true things to you because you are a bawling lil girl inside? Screw that!

Your "normal functioning was crippled" because it never was normal functioning. You were looking for a cure for "normal functioning" when you found the hypnofiles. The need was there before the files were there. You need to go back to the original reply and read it again.

You read the files description. You read what it said it was going to do. You downloaded it because something in you knew that you wanted exactly that thing that it said it would do.

It started changing you, as it promised you that it would, which brought you to the abrupt recognition that becoming who you wanted to become would destroy who you used to be, and that would be disruptive of "normal functioning".

What was "normal" was the dis-ease, and what would cure the ill-ease would disrupt "normality".

Your problem is that you made a career of being dis-eased, ill-at-ease, and your very life-support is structured to keep you dis-eased and unable to fix it. You don't need hypnofiles -- you need better career advisors.

Your eternal conflict has pitted your income stream in opposition to your integration of your personality. Interestingly, your inner self is a battered woman bullied by her breadwinner.

How can I say this? Your admissions said pretty much that. Aren't we supposed to listen? If you say something, aren't your words supposed to matter?

You admit that you can't listen as much as you WANT to listen, because it would disrupt normal functioning. Surely that doesn't mean that your normal half-hour spent watching a TV re-run would be disrupted by listening to a file with earphones for a half-hour a day? Missing an old Seinfeld is not disruption of "normal functioning". Whatever it is that you are not doing because you are listening to some files has got to be pretty significant, right?

[CycoMelody]

Orva, I am a TS woman. I understand the confusion and I have done enough research into this area that I tend to teach my therapist how to deal with it. I am not bragging in the least and Whatever Deity knows that If there were a way to prevent myself from having ever been born male I would take it. Sadly there isn't that way. You have a choice to make pure and simple. Can you live and function as a male being content to cross dress on occasion? Is this all purely sexual or is this deeper? If it is deeper, are you prepared to give up everything to be yourself? I am not being melodramatic. For me, it was a difficult decision, one I tried to figure out for a long while. It was deeper for me. The very struggle took me to a place where I very nearly killed myself because of how frustrated I was. Hopefully this will keep you from coming anywhere near that mark. Seriously, its the worst possible place and most likely as lonely as you can get. You will not see me speaking in a condescending manner to you. I am speaking of what I know and because I don't want to see anyone become a statistic. Better then half of all Transsexuals end up being suicides. This is NOT something to take lightly and while Hypnosis is great for helping you out on the journey it can't make the decision for you. Only you can. This is not an easy road at all. It does cost you everything. At least with being a CD you can explain things away a bit easier. When you have a set of boobs hanging on your chest, things become a bit more tricky. I lost some of my family when I came to terms with myself and chose to start hormones and get off the Testosterone train to board the Estrogen one. I can talk to most of my family but if I talk about transitioning I am looked down on and condemned to hell. But this is my choice. I chose to be myself rather then what those around me want me to be. What do you want to be? If you can safely say when you wake up first thing in the morning that you are happy with just dressing, I would suggest sticking to cross dressing. Clothing, make up, and breast forms are much cheaper then hormones and surgery. First and foremost though. Don't ask on a fetish hypnosis forum about it! Get to a therapist and speak with them. A good Gender Therapist will be able to give you some insight that 1) you haven't considered and 2) you can't get from people who have never met you. This is a decision you are going to have to make and it is one that WILL change your life forever. Again, not being melodramatic. I am dead serious. A lot of things you used to do are out the door when you start estrogen and the changes kick in. IE. Someone knocks on the door at 3 AM. You can't exactly answer the door topless and expect to not get locked up for for indecent exposure. Mannerisms, vocal-isms, and nearly every other feminism you can think of is going to need sorted out and worked on if you want to be accepted as a female. I am not trying to discourage you. I AM hoping to give you more information on what you are going to have to deal with. Rest Assured, this decision is going to affect every one around you even though it is your choice.

Melody

[Liann]

Orva, I am a TS woman. I understand the confusion and I have done enough research into this area that I tend to teach my therapist how to deal with it. ... For me, it was a difficult decision, one I tried to figure out for a long while. It was deeper for me. The very struggle took me to a place where I very nearly killed myself because of how frustrated I was. Hopefully this will keep you from coming anywhere near that mark. Seriously, its the worst possible place and most likely as lonely as you can get. You will not see me speaking in a condescending manner to you. I am speaking of what I know and because I don't want to see anyone become a statistic. Better then half of all Transsexuals end up being suicides. This is NOT something to take lightly and while Hypnosis is great for helping you out on the journey it can't make the decision for you. Only you can. This is not an easy road at all. It does cost you everything. ... First and foremost though. Don't ask on a fetish hypnosis forum about it! Get to a therapist and speak with them. A good Gender Therapist will be able to give you some insight that 1) you haven't considered and 2) you can't get from people who have never met you. This is a decision you are going to have to make and it is one that WILL change your life forever. Again, not being melodramatic. I am dead serious. A lot of things you used to do are out the door when you start estrogen and the changes kick in. IE. Someone knocks on the door at 3 AM. You can't exactly answer the door topless and expect to not get locked up for for indecent exposure. Mannerisms, vocal-isms, and nearly every other feminism you can think of is going to need sorted out and worked on if you want to be accepted as a female. I am not trying to discourage you. I AM hoping to give you more information on what you are going to have to deal with. Rest Assured, this decision is going to affect every one around you even though it is your choice.

Melody

Actually, finding "A good Gender Therapist" is probably a bit harder than you realize -- in fact in some entire countries there may not even be one.

Also, suicide occurs among maladjusted people who try to fit square pegs into round holes, or vice versa. There is nothing about the transgendered state itself which favors suicide. I seriously doubt that half TGs attempt suicide, since the condition is far more widespread than commonly believed. As many as one-per-fifty adult males would get surgery for a sex change if it was affordable and not socially stigmatized. That's 2% of the male population, or 1% of the adult population total. There's hardly a suicide rate of 1% of the adult males, let alone from this singular cause.

There are fine gradations, which you mention yourself, of part-time private cross-dressing, to full-on bodily feminization including vaginaplasty, means that the threat of suicidal tendencies would never approach 50%. The word "HYSTERIA" comes from the greek word for womb, because it denotes the feminine tendency to engage in high drama queen behaviors. Let's not get hysterical and embarrass ourselves with hyperbolic inflated statistics.

It turns out that lots of Americans cannot locate the USA on a globe without name labels printed on it. You can be an American and be pretty ignorant. The same goes for TGs -- one can be a pretty ignorant transgender. Being TG does not confer expertise unearned. Didn't you say it yourself, that you have to school the college graduate therapists "experts"? So even being a college graduate does not mean that you are knowledgeable enough to diagnose and help somebody with a fairly common discomforting condition. Especially one bred in a strong taliban religion brainwashing would make a terrible therapist even if they got straight As throughout their schooling.

If all that wasn't enough, there is every stripe of predator on the internet and in the real world, trying to get your identity and PIN numbers, looking for any vulnerability or blackmail they can find. I sometimes wonder what prison cell for what crimes committed are these guys who post the "Email Slaves Wanted" spam threads over and over -- what are they going to use these fools for?

I not only agree that a general purpose "fetish hypnosis forum" as you call it, is not ideal for discussions, but community of interest websites which specialize on this are all "fetish forums" if you ask Biff Wallop or the 37% redneck population who is stubborn about DADT repeal.

Your chances of meeting a taliban evangelical therapist is higher than finding good advice on a specialty website. I think that squeezing the FEMINIZATION forum between the BEDWETTERS/DIAPERED crowd and the FURRY FREAK BROTHERS gives the impression that Feminization is not taken very seriously here.

In fact, I put my own money down, bought a domain name and paid a host server company and opened my own FEMINZATION website with hypnofiles and forums. It only serves that interest group, so it is less likely to attract people who don't like that sort of thing.

I think a girl could get some good advice over there, if she asked.

The website is new, less than two weeks old, and has only a small population so far. Maybe it is too soon, since most girls seem tongue-tied and haven't posted their first post yet. But keep it in mind, as it may develop nicely into a nice place to drop by on a regular basis.

Ta Ta for now, Liann.

[orva]

There is a lot of truth in what you say Liann. I disagree on some minor details; I know some androgen that are perfectly fine so I don't really see gender as binary. But there was one thing that jumped out:

Your eternal conflict has pitted your income stream in opposition to your integration of your personality. Interestingly, your inner self is a battered woman bullied by her breadwinner.

Its harsh but I think you are right in this. One of the big things that has been bugging me is that I don't fit with the sterotype of the transsexual that ALWAYS knew what was going on. I am very much one of the TS that over time had the 'OH SHIT!' realization and over the past few weeks I've realized that is okay.

I have been beating myself up because to an extent I have internalized the male socialization that I have been force fed. Hell it is clear now that is the reason why I sought out hypnosis in the first place, to help me lift that internalization!

Last night I got back on the wagon of physical feminization. I shaved off my body hair, well as much as I could... that takes a lot of work! Now I have a bare chest and legs. I'm back in panties and I'm sporting painted toenails. I also start hypnosis again. I listened to Alice Feminization 1 and it was very nice because there are suggestions to help let go of a male ego. I am also going to play her reinforcement subliminal when I am doing things around my apartment. I have been doing that for about an hour now as I paint my toes and write this post.

I've poisoned myself for so long with society's medication that in order to know the extent of my femininity I need to cure that poison. Like an addict I have been relapsing and I can't guarantee that won't happen again but I am really going to try and define myself this new year!

I also appreciate your input Melody. It isn't on a personal level because I have yet to tell anyone/start with transitioning but I do have a knowledge of the real extent of the change and the drama it would cause. I've been off of here and on Laura's Playground (a support website for the whole trans spectrum) for about two months now. There I read of the anguish of TS and TG who lose their spouses or suffer emotional and mental abuse at their hands. I've seen users I know do things like lapse back to drug use and even nearly committing the unthinkable. I suffer no illusion that this pathway will be filled with puppy dogs, roses and sunshine, in fact I know it will be the opposite.

I do agree with this:

Don't ask on a fetish hypnosis forum about it! Get to a therapist and speak with them. A good Gender Therapist will be able to give you some insight that 1) you haven't considered and 2) you can't get from people who have never met you. This is a decision you are going to have to make and it is one that WILL change your life forever.

I am going to go and seek therapy. There are a few therapist near my new neighborhood that ARE good. They are exhalted highly by the local trans community and one of them basically paved the way for TG/TS gender therapy in my state. She's been at it for nearly twice as long as I have been able to have TG inclinations. 8O I still need some outside input to know 100% that my goal is what I truly need and there are also some other things, things from my past that I need help to examine.

I was never expecting this site to replace that, rather if your car is broken you take it to a mechanic right? I had some concerns about hypnosis so I asked about them in a form meant for hypnosis. I don't find that unreasonable at all. I am going to continue using hypnosis but using it in the correct way, as a tool to help me with these questions and help me realize my goals. I really enjoy the messages in Alison's files because they offer positive reinforcement that being feminine is NOT something to be ashamed about.

I think I kind of derailed myself with my short flirtation with 'sissy' files and that mentality. I never really got heavy into it but to sissies it is important that they are degraded because of their expression of femininity. I do not want that, it is not me. I want to be able to freely embrace my feelings without the stupid guilt/shame/derogation that society imparts onto those who think/feel as I do. I have no desire to be a sissy or a bimbo... I am actually kind of shooting for the opposite. I'd really like to be that smart, sexy, independent girl who is also a thrill in the sack and who just so happens to have a penis. ;)

I do have one question about hypnosis though. Until now I haven't really done anything with subliminals. I have a good handle on files that you are supposed to trance and go under to and know how to use them but what is a good/effective way to use subliminal files? Is it good to just have them play in the background as I do things around my apartment? Or is there some other special method I need to employ?

PS. Liann your site seems good. I was to tired last night to really poke around for a long time but I read some of the rules and I really like how it is meant completely for feminization and the encouragement of people to feminize themselves as they choose to. Whereas here the feminization is highly saturated with sissy files as well, that doesn't seem to be as prevalent on your site.

[Liann]

There is a lot of truth in what you say Liann. ... Its harsh but I think you are right in this. ...

PS. Liann your site seems good. I was too tired last night to really poke around for a long time but I read some of the rules and I really like how it is meant completely for feminization and the encouragement of people to feminize themselves as they choose to. Whereas here the feminization is highly saturated with sissy files as well, that doesn't seem to be as prevalent on your site.

There is no good place to discuss fine points here on WMM. Go over to www.HypnoGirlsNation.com/fantasy. and post in GIRL TALK.

The history of homosexuality was to lump all non-mainstream behaviors and desires together. Men who like men and were "bottoms", or submissives, were encouraged to be effeminate, talk-walk-act effeminate. CDs-TVs-TGs were all lumped together as drag queens and female impersonators. Even people inside the community bought into the imposed social roles.

The www.HypnoGirlsNation.com/fantasy/ website is singularly focused on bringing out the Woman Inside. Naturally this has nothing to do with drag queens and Female Impersonators who are women-outside-but-men-inside. It has nothing to do with heterosexuals who enjoy some cross-dressing (either privately or public, perhaps with a side-order of humiliation of getting caught). It has nothing to do with FTM.

Sissy is an ambiguous word which might be used for TGs or CDs. A guy acting like his sister is a sissy, no doubt about it, but WHY is the guy wearing panties? Does he want heterosex so much that wearing panties gets him erotically charged to want to "get in their panties", or does he want to get into her panties because he recognized he belongs there?

I don't use the word too much because there are better ways to say what I am saying without adding to the confusion.

Last night I got back on the wagon of physical feminization. I shaved off my body hair, well as much as I could... that takes a lot of work! Now I have a bare chest and legs. I'm back in panties and I'm sporting painted toenails. I also start hypnosis again.

Yes, well, while you are at it, trim up those eyebrows, girl. Your tomboy days are over.