Is it wrong to want that?

[sicksecretary]

I have learned by now that I am not really a sick person. Yes, I like to do some things not everybody would be comfortable with, but as I have been told numerous times, it doesn't make me sick, it makes me kinky. So be it then.

Secondly I must warn you that I misled you by posting this in the "Success Stories" forum. Yes, I have posted here before, about the messy banana incident (the first one of many) and about the job interview that Master arranged for me in a different city where he made me realize my fantasy of wetting myself at, well, a job interview. Of course I applied there in a place I know nobody at a company I am not even remotely interested in working for and under a false name. It was an intense experience and it made me cry but looking back it was one of the biggest sexual thrills I have had.

The following description, however, is not a success story but I have not yet succeeded in making it happen. I am afraid it goes way too far so I guess it will not be a success story ever. That's how I misled you.

I have realized through a number of recent experiences that I seem to be uncovering another rather weird fetish. It appears as if I have a severe thing for getting fired due to indecent exposure, sexual harassment, indecency, you name it.

First I noticed how I secretly wanted to move more and more of my kinky little games to the office. I figured that maybe the prospect of getting caught might be a thrill, and that of course I'd always make sure that I wouldn't really get caught. Then, however, I did some things that were not safe and it wasn't because of my email slave safety file was failing. It was because I really wanted to do those things, go over the top and risk being found out.

Of course I know that what I'm finding myself doing should alarm me but for some reason, that makes it even more exciting. And it should be mentioned that I don't really need the money so I'm not dependent on my job. But still... isn't it kinda crazy to want such a thing?

I'm finding myself in more and more delicate situations at work including my dirty kinks, like masturbating under my desk, doing dirty IM chats, being hypnotized, even wetting myself and exposing myself.

I know I won't easily get fired as I'm doing a good job (I think) and so far I get along with everyone just fine. It's just weird that I want to risk all that in favor of some cheap sexual thrill?

I guess those thoughts have always been there. It's not hypnosis that made them up, but it's hypnosis that maybe brought them to my conscious mind. I can't say how this will end or how I want it to end. Right now the only thing I know for sure is that I like it so far. Very much, too much perhaps?

But, on the other hand... maybe there are way of exploring those fantasies in safe and sane ways.

If you think you might want to be part of that, you can try controlling me via Email. As I mentioned before, I am listening to email slave. My Email address is sicsec@hotmail.com.

Just please don't waste our time with bullshit or rudeness, as I have a trigger set that allows me to simply ignore emails that annoy me.
Everything else I will read and likely obey...

[Ladon]

I e-mailed the address you included, but received a bounced message, that said account not found.

[sicksecretary]

but it's the right one...

[Alien4420]

No, not "sick," but quite possibly self destructive. And my sense is that you should stay away from erotic hypnosis in this case, because it can erode the common sense that keeps you from going too far.

Not every hypnotist you meet online is going to have your best interests in mind. If you end up losing your job or as a registered sex offender, this will all stop being fun very fast.

[Anonymous-1710]

Speaking of safe sane ways I wonder if you might enjoy the secretary training series?

[sicksecretary]

I think you have all been making some very valid points. Of course I don't want to do something foolish, I think I was a little out of my mind.

That is why i stopped opening email slave messages (sorry if your efforts have been wasted).

Thing is, I don't think there is any way for me to lose my interest in this sort of thing altogether so yes, I have been listening to the secretary training files (of course) and many others, with varying results.

Unfortunately, some (like secretary training) have made me want to toy with my job even more, it's kind of tricky to avoid being too careless. I have for example tried the "enchantment" file from EMG, trying to make it so a certain pen makes me wet myself a little when I touch it, and it worked, but it was some little thrill I could allow myself without it being obvious. It was just a tiny little harmless spurt, a small wet spot in my crotch... I think I can handle it.

But I think I can handle it way better without having people screwing my mind with email slave messages ;-) That's why I quit with that file for now (still have thr trigger but not reading the messages).