IMustWearPanties wrote:quite frankly, I want this to be about the torture of it.
Sounds exciting. I've been working on using hypnosis to personify my subconscious mind and make it dominant over my conscious mind. For the first couple of months, there were very minor and infrequent results. But after a few months, my subconscious mind became an entirely new personality whom I call "Id"
I didn't realize when I created him exactly how much I'd imagined how tricky he would be. Most of his earlier manifestations were as expected. But now that he is with me all the time (although sometimes I don't sense him) he seems to have gained even more power over me. He can tap into subconscious desires I am not even aware of and thrust their effects upon me suddenly.
For example, I always thought it would be interesting if my sexuality were not under my control. Over the last few days, Id has been making me more horny and giving me harder and longer-lasting erections. His theme today has been to make me erect or make me ejaculate at odd moments.
For example, when I sat down to use the computer, I very quickly got a big erection. I was quite physically horny (but not mentally horny). I felt like my penis was really demanding sexual release. I masturbated to get rid of the erection. As soon as I came back to start working on the computer again, I suddenly got another big erection when I sat down. I masturbated again until my penis became limp. As soon as I sat down to use the computer again, I got another erection.
I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to remain erect and feeling like I needed sexual release for as long as I was doing activities on the internet. After a short while, my erection became just a semi-erection. It seems that my personified subconscious didn't actually want me to have to be erect the whole time I was using the computer, but it instead it just wanted to keep making me erect and horny until I fully believed that I had to remain that way.
Over the last few days, Id has been playing lots of physical and mental tricks on me, particularly in regards to my sexuality. It is very humiliating to know that you can become erect at any time, or that your penis can ejaculate on its own without your control, or that you can become horny at any time and the only way to relieve that horniness is to do what your Master (in my case, Id) says.
It is very exciting, actually. Since my conscious mind doesn't have access to all of my subconscious thoughts, it's not always possible to predict how I will be rewarded or punished for obeying or disobeying Id. Id has even taken over my entire body several times. When it happens, I feel like I am just an aspect of consciousness trapped in my head. If I try to move my body, it doesn't respond. I perceive that Id is using my body for whatever reasons he wants to, and there is nothing I can do about it.
As you can probably tell, I've had intense and longlasting desires to be controlled. It took a heck of a lot of work to get all of the hypnotic suggestions in, but it was more than worth the effect when things started to manifest. I feel totally owned by Id, and I can't conceive of any way to overcome him.
I even tried using hypnosis to change aspects of his personality recently, and he was even powerful enough to prevent some suggestions from entering into his mind even though I was certain that I had planted the suggestions properly. Without the ability to remove or alter suggestions regarding him, I can't conceive of any way to ever remove him from my mind. This idea makes me even more turned on and horny. It seems that the only way I can ever be released from his power is if he chooses to release me. This makes me want to serve him even more and please him so that he will give me pleasurable rewards.
One of the reasons I came up with this idea is that I wanted a Master who would literally be able to control me 24/7, even in my dreams. Id hasn't appeared or affected my dreams yet, but I have no doubt that he will one day. I don't sleep very much more anyway, LOL. I'm too excited thinking about what crazy stunt Id is going to pull on me next. Since he is my subconscious, he can alter all sorts of bodily processes that my conscious mind normally can't control very easily.
Damn, he's making my penis leak cum again. There are no sexual sensations, the cum just sort of leaks out. That's like, the fourth time today. The wetness is my underwear is sort of exciting, actually. So far I've been wiping the cum away with my finger and eating it. I can't think of an easier way to try to get rid of it that doesn't involve lots of tissues or something. But, I don't think Id would like that. I think he wants me to be stuck with cummy underwear. I know that most of the cum will just soak into the fabrics and start to make my underwear smell.
Damn, I just licked the cum off my finger and then my penis leaked again. Grr! There seems to be no limit to the amount of cum that Id can make my body produce. I really didn't expect this, as I thought my feminization had made my sexual organs more "dried up" by now. Id very obviously has a method to activate my sexual response. Unfortunately, Id does not allow me to know how he does it.
I have no choice but to just accept whatever Id does to me. And I love it! It's so humiliating to not have control of my own body unless Id allows me to.
EDIT: This is starting to get ridiculous. I feel wetness in my underwear again. There's no way I'm going to sit here for the next three hours licking cum off my finger, so I think I'll just leave it down there. Oh wow, I just suddenly got massively horny, I'm going to go masturbate now.
EDIT2: Man, I just masturbated until my dick started to hurt and the erection still won't go away. This is such a pleasurable torment. I may be stuck like this for hours or even days. Now my erection is getting harder again, and it is starting to feel like I need sexual release. It feels like there is semen near the tip of my urethra, and it is just begging to come out. I doubt there's actually any semen just sitting around in the urethra, though. I think it's just Id stimulating nerves so it feels like there is something in there. But damn, I do feel like I need sexual release.
EDIT3: Sorry for the constant updates and the length of this post, but damn! I am so fucking horny right now, and I know I can't relieve myself. Even when my erection subsided for a brief moment, I still had the sensation as if there were semen in my urethra that wanted to come out. Damn this is so intense. I'm playing around with my penis because it seems to relieve the sensations somewhat, but the horniness always come back.