by EJimbo » December 25th, 2012, 7:23 pm
Hey guys I am new to this site, sorry about this long article but it is a real problem to me and I seriously need help. Also I write things down in factual spurts that remind me of other parts of information I need to share as I progress, and then rearrange / reword it to fit the paragraphs and overall document. So if this seems a bit jumpy at times I'm sorry, but I have a lot to say and need to get it off my chest (and then I literally roll my eyes as I realise that I may have a full chest in the future if I carry on down this road). And the more I teach / inform, the more chance I have of a cure (or at least I hope).
Even though it wasn't through this site. I started watching "only" hypnosis videos that clearly stated that they were temporary, and gave a specific time limit to each of their effects.
I am a hetrosexual male and have never been attracted to guys in any way.
I used Feminise hypnosis with a clearly stated 1 hour only effect, just out of curiosity and to see how females feel and act first hand.
I watched it once on Thursday, Friday and Saturday and after each times' hour was up I felt more masculine and that I had returned to normal. The changes truly started to take effect on Sunday.
My plan was to personally experience the world through thier eyes (not as far as being one), and document each different attribute / personality that came with it, and get a better understanding of them.
My god how much I have learnt but at what cost?
Today is Tuesday 25th December and I am here writing this, the three days are in order and everything but I left the rest undated. Of course I celebrated Christmas and all, but I would never do anything is chore-like on such an important holiday if I wasn't in trouble!
On day 1 (Thursday):
Watched Feminisation Hypnosis
I stood there in a mans stance with my legs open as you do, and my legs kept automatically closing against my will by whichever leg had the least weight on it, to pull together with the other one and have its heel in the air with the tow still on the ground and my leg sort of bent.
I lay on my bed in a soldier to attention position (but horizontal) with my feet and legs parallel to each other, then against my will my legs pulled apart about the same amount they would be if I were standing as a bloke. I stayed there like that to see if anything else would occur and my legs automatically bent at the knees towards each other pulling unrealistically tight
I could still feel my balls and cock.
My adams apple also went in to what felt like half its size and I had to consciously focus on sounding like a man, or I would either whisper or talk VERY softly and affeminately.
On day 2 (Friday):
Watched Feminisation Hypnosis again
Pretty much the same as yesterday just with a few more random legs movements pulling together and pushing apart constantly which was annoyng and weird.
Also when I stood up like a man the previous day test-wise, both my legs pulled together, legs bent with both heels on the ground, and my feet staying in thier position, but with a slight tilt towards my centre.
It's harder to explain my upper region but my head was lashing back and my upper body and shoulder (Whichever side was highest at the time I think, or maybe just my right / random) rotated smoothly in a slow subtle movement.
My balls and cock felt kind of numb as if they were asleep.
The same happened to my adams apple again.
On day 3 (Saturday):
I watched the feminisation hypnosis once again like the past 2 days, but this time I kept my hand on the mouse to go back to hearing his double repeat of "you now have a vagina" 3 - 5 times, until I felt more like I actually had nothing in between my legs.
I also watched the part where he said "You now have breasts" a few times too which wasn't anywhere near as strong, but I definatly felt bulges to some degree.
Then I proceded to continue watching the rest of the video to the end so I got the awakening and 1 hour rule to turn me back, did I fuck up or lose a trance at the wrong point maybe before he said the 1 hour part I dunno!!!?
I dared to try the doggy position on all fours but fortunately nothing happened.
All the same until I turned over to try a new position, I sat on my bed and I was almost sitting on my legs but they bent round a little more and sat next to my thighs, so effectively I was sitting on my genitals to "some" degree.
As soon as I did this I uncontrollably had my whole upper back arch backwards and hips pushing my genitals pleasurably into the bed. I was forced to hump the bed for a while and this is when I realised that I didn't just have the (at least temporary) mind of a female, for that moment at least I had a horny one.
I sat there and grabbed a vitimin tube that was empty, and wondered what would happen if I pretended it was a penis. I thought about it and I started hyperventallating in pleasure while my eyes went back and forth, to and thro, the pleasure felt like someone had opened my skull and started massaging my brain, but probably better than that I can only guess as to a comparison.
With every lick that I was forced to make, the pleasure in my mind grew until it Imploded with pleasure and the feeling went down my neck, with me still forced to lick and suck without even thinking about it, and the pleasure in my mind starting over and over again. I had never felt this pleasure before and knew it was my female side.
Then I "had" to know because of curiosity, I know it's my own fault but it was a one off so I had to know if it was the same when I put the tube near my ass.
I imagined it to be a penis, added lube and went crazy over it, shoving it in and out of my ass, but I got no psyical pleasure from it, I was having mind orgasms. I had a little pain as with anything of this nature so it wasn't as good as the blowjob thank god and I never had a lust to do it again, a cock on the other hand is another matter which I'm sure my female mind would go mad over and love, but I have never, and plan never to do anything with another guys cock. That's a main male side of me that I am REALLY holding on to.
The previous days were following from listening to the hypnosis each day and the effects "mostly" ended after the time finished
I need to note that my voice changed back to normal after each hour so no worries there (at the moment at least).
Nowdays my lower back hurts pretty much constantly because I'm at the computer quite a lot and don't keep a feminine posture (I know it wouldn't hurt as much if I were the way I was).
I researched these forums and there was something somewhere saying how most of the things we do are second nature and not needed to be thoroughly thought out to do, so I HAD to constantly battle my subconscious mind to make sure that at work I walked right at all times, for example, but because I was so busy concentrating on that (Including my upper body), When someone looked at me (as they would since I work there with a uniform and they ask questions), I would get all conscious and shudder in fright. Often times I would just maintain an angry focus to restrict this issue.
Because of these changes, I have to consciously think of everything I do, how I say it, what I say, how I look to others and it's a right pain.
Some of what I could learn about females hasn't yet come to pass because I am resisting this change to fully take over me (resistance failing), but at this point in time hoping to hold out long enough to get a cure / answers from everyone who can help.
I hate having to act manly just to keep up appearances. This means that I want to naturally be the hetrosexual man that I was without this female dominance overpowering me.
I've learnt mostly why females are so cock hungry (because they have no choice and don't know any different from what they do / must, and if they had a sex change or go through the opposite of what I'm going through and understand both sides too),
The feeling of my genitals to this day is (trying the best I can to explain) the same as the sight of a semi-transparentness of let's say halo, he's totally invisible but the silhouette of him is barely seeable (especially when he moves), just not in sight but in feeling that I know it's there and can feel it, but barely feel the silhouette of it.
My balls do hang, but they also pull in towards my body REALLY tight and stay there sometimes, and when hanging just feel fairly dead but not 100%, This is scary.
I used to favour some videos with females in because I like them and found them sexy. But those same videos I instead see them as cute, and I can hear my female mind judging how to move and act myself from them.
Lots of people thought I was odd because of my mannerisms, I freaked some people out, but made some girls smile / blush I'm not sure but I think some were extra attracted to me and I had more confidence around them than I would usually, not much good with (practically) a clit myself to match though..
I saw a few items on each persons' shopping list (the products were infront of me) that made my eyes randomly jump out of my head "obviously" to anyone that saw me, items like cucumbers and such that are shaped like a cock in the first place. I have no control over this and its obviousness, the only thing that helps is if I'm thinking about something else constantly incase I see something.
I was having a tough time at work, trying to keep control of myself, and I had to go to the loo quickly because I was literally having an unwanted orgasm infront of customers. I BARELY managed to hide it (the only time I've been happy about an orgasm and not having a boner) and dashed upstairs. When up there I sat down for 5 mins and realised it was just a psycylogical thing and it went away... weird..
My dick is pretty much the same size at it has always been (probably because it's only been 6 days). I look at that now and realise that is actually quite a bit of time that has passed, but I didn't feel it because I have been constantly focused on this issue and counter-acting it. Time isn't slow anymore it just flies (even though I am certainly not having fun).
It felt like I had an ability to hypnotise people myself because I could feel I'd been hypnotised so much with different videos recently, my eyes kept pulsating as if I were on drugs or something, and I bet that's what people thought when they saw me.. or at least some people.
I picked up a tube of wrapping paper and did a sort of circus figure of 8 type thing infront and around my body. Even though it's just a silly little trick, I have never done this with as much power as the female concentrating mind gave me, it went hard and fast automatically, I can't explain it well enough I guess..
A sexy female colleague came VERY close to me today (can't be bothered to label dates, this text is too long lol), she may have been trying to turn me on and normally I promise I would have been squirming with a massive one in my pants, but I had no uncomfortableness with the situation which seemed to surprise her I think..
I felt my appetite lessen and got more full up faster. I also had diarreah, sorry for sharing this but it may be linked, to make my body more petite or something.
I cannot stress this enough, this is completely real I swear on my life and would absolutely say this with a gun to my head, and as a result of lying would get shot, this is because I am so truthful in everything I have said that I know the gun wouldn't go off.
It is hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been through feminisation before but, this gives you the ability to orgasm in my head.
I am constantly testing my condition and keep a track of things, The ability to orgasm in my head on cue has lessened.
I am totally fucking freaked out now and wish this experience to be over, and for me to return to my natural state of existence. This thing has gone too far and I want to end it before I get a constant feeling of needing cock over pussy because A) I can't get hard anymore and need it B) My female state of mind which I am trying to constantly fight to look normal and act normal, is craving cock in it's mouth and up it's ass (I almost said "her mouth" then but changed it to "it's mouth" because I need to stay psychically strong and know that I am still in control and it's not too late, the more against this I feel, the more I lose my fight in masculinity).
I have found myself failing occasionally with thoughts of "Oh god I am stuck as a woman now"...
I also find myself thinking about how I suddenly care more about my clothes, I was thinking of getting prepared for the next day and I thought "I think that would go nice with that", then "I should get rid of these boring clothes" and "I should get a dress, bra and panties" no fucking lie!!....
The weird thing is I don't fantasise how a cock would feel in me either orally or anally, and I think this is because I am originally a straight guy and don't initially have those fantacies, although the more this goes on the worse it'll get I guess.
Sure I was excited to get hypnotised to this, I even watched with consistent boners of the feminisation hypnosises. But I realise now that the interest was purely curiosity of how it would be and feel with how they move, talk, act and eventually orgasm. with 100% intent to pull out whenever I wanted, and have complete control like the 1 hour suggests, not to get roped into it with no escape
I did some research on these forums and saw that there is a straight / bi / gay part of being in everyone and can be changed through these hypnosis.
Days are happening too fast now, Christmas just appeared out of nowhere, and if it wasn't for this hypnosis problem, the amount of time it feels has passed it would be Saturday if that makes any sense).
I did loads of research as I said, and read there was a female takeover file that would mean a woman in your head would start at 10 years old and get a year older each week, eventually taking over your body and making you just a voice watching her live your life (and make you female). The reason I relate to this file is because, It seems even if I wanted to listen to it, I wouldn't need to because this has the exact same results without the companion
As I said earlier the male and female orgasm is completely different (and I can say that first hand). The male orgasm originates in the testicles where a constant amount of semen is being reduced, and because it is consistent, men have to jack off regularly to release this. It is quick and simple, you get a tingle in your balls and your cock uncontrollably sticks out, you then bash one out and can't go again (and find the idea temporarily repulsing) for whatever your male body recharge time is.
This explains why men are so basic, lazy, relaxed and straight-forward, because they don't need to be anything else.
Female-wise I cannot talk for everyone because everyone is different, and also I don't have maternal instincts or a female reproductive system. Also I'm sure another factor is they need someone to protect them because girls are weaker (no offense it's scientifically true) to guys and need to submit to them. Of course you get the occasional lesbian / dominant type, but they are usually this way because they know some men like being sissified / tortured of whatever, and take advantage of this, letting it get to thier heads and letting the power corrupt). The reason I'm not as weak is because I'm trying to hold it together.
The female orgasm is a sensation created by the mind, it is achieved through the necessary mind trickery of daydreams and fantacies (I started to explain why the fantacies start in the first place but removed it because it went off track a little, I copied it to another notepad if anyone wants me to paste it below). For reasons I recently removed, and flow through thier body taunting them to orgasm even though they can't so easily (Note: this extra orgasm taunting may be extra extra strong for me because I have orgasmed easily through my penis in the past week and know what I'm missing, plus all these fantacies of girls I constantly try and test whether they get me hard or not anymore because it's good to know, and that must boost arousal somewhat I think.
This mind trickery is a way of life for females so when they seem malicious, uncaring, bitchy for no reason it's because they live fantacies and concentrate on how they feel about everything all the time so they can orgasm (not an easy life). God knows what PMS / Pregnancy is like and fuck that for a game of cards. Also when they get turned on (which may be all the time I don't know (I only know I am (even without a boner 9 times out of 10 I must add) because of my situation), then they may have to fully and constantly focus thier minds to ignore those sensations and not orgasm in public or wherever.
I think that me still having a penis no matter how useless it is at the moment is also attributing to my female mind getting aroused, so there's 3 reasons I am aroused constantly.
So with these two different orgasmic sensations in mind, I am at a complete stalemate here:
All the time it seems the inner female orgasm is overtaking the male one, after everytime I cum, no matter how little (including over-excitement of anything), It causes further impotence. But because my dick is so fleeting now and it's rare I get a boner (which is very weak and still fairly flaccid), I jump all over it to relieve myself the old fashioned way before I can't do it this way anymore, but I can't because I know that this random curse has a hold over me. If I wanked or orgasmed then the curse would pull me deeper (It's happened before a few times). For example I was horny with a rare semi and I wanked myself off to get relief, but then I pulled back before orgasm because I remembered I can not wank because the female horniness inside will become stronger faster than it already is.
The reasons I still wank if I get too desperate (trying to resist as much as possible), instead of any other method is because wanking is the easiest way to achieve orgasm so I do that instead of torturing myself with female orgams no matter how great they may be (since I'm constantly aroused and need to get rid of as much as fast as I can).
My mind relates the two orgasm differences as soon as I release from wanking, it knows the female one is more pleasurable (Along with the fact that I just touched my junk and charged my female fantasy even more), and so I get turned on at least five times stronger (I swear) than a normal male boner since I just wanked has gone down and relaxed, all the while my female orgasm is RAGING proper hard and needs release itself.
This is impossible through wanking so I have a few options (and can mix and match obviously), I can stroke my (effectively) clit, shove things up my ass, or in my mouth PRETENDING they're penises (the pretence is an important thing because it's not about the physical desire or feel (At least not yet, maybe that's what my male side is saving me from), it's that as soon as I imagine I'm holding a cock when it could be anything I start uncontrollably jerking my wrist around it REALLY fast, inserting into my mouth to suck and lick which pushing it in and out, or shoving it up my ass in and out to pound myself into oblivion. I can't help it and my breathing suddenly turns into a panting with short breath inhales and outhales, along with the pleasure in my mind, my eyes zone start pacing left right up down, until they zone out as the orgasm in my mind erupts and goes down (the inside of) my neck. It's surreal.
As femininity undoubtly increases and masculinaty reduces, I get more worried that I would actually get sensation in my ass or mouth and enjoy that too, I fucking hope not, It's bad enough doing it just because I have to satisfy my mind.
Female orgasms are bloody hard if not impossible to achieve, they take a very long time to get going, and all the while my male orgasm "may" threaten to come back from all this erotic female activity with a vengeance. And though while ejaculated it will eventually shrivel away to nothing (I guess), I don't really want to A) Shrivel to nothing and boost the feminisation to a point of no return B) Get so turned on I constantly orgasm C) Shove things in any orifice of mine, I really don't like the idea and am turned off by it (even though when my female mind gets a hold of it she will FORCE me to shove it in my mouth / ass hard and repeatedly (It has happened a few times and I really don't get much out of it psyically (Male), but I do mentally (Female) D) Get in an endless loop of different orgasms forever (these will probably cause my boobs to grow too).
I really hope I don't grow boobs or sensations in them for that matter. That would just be embarrasing because they'd be obvious.
I'm not stupid though, If I try and counteract this hypnosis with another one then I may end up with an even more fucked up psyche than I have now and even more messed up in the long run, maybe by the two clashing all the time, and probably turning me gay one minute and straight the next.
Why would something that's "temporary" be permanent, and if it's because I did it three days in a row, there should be a warning about that. Also I am an "All things in moderation" type of guy, so I do what I believe is balanced and sensible, WHY!!!?
I am worried too that because the file was outside of this site on youtube, that there is no cure here or anywhere else? I hope there is..
The Other file I listened to around the same period (before I found this site):
Bimbo:
This video will transform the viewer into a stereotypical ditzy bimbo for 1 hour. Basically the viewer will become very air-headed and giggly. They'll also love new clothes and looking their best
This did make me fairly dumb, and a little giggly, but seemed to wear off, although maybe it hasn't and that would explain some feminine thoughts like "I should get a skirt, Panties and a bra", or maybe not.
I've been really moody as a result of all this too, so I understand the mood swings that women have for seemingly no reason
There are so many things that I can relate to how I used to think and how surprisingly different I think now. (Some of them I've already written).
Latest Update 26/12/2012 01:23
I know more about my genitals and sensations, I look at my usual hot porn pictures of women now and I feel sexually excited like I used to, but it's behing the balls so it literally doesn't matter how turned on I try and get or how hot the picture / video I can't get it up.
Then I look at pictures of (I won't say hot) men, and I get hard when I see thier penises, and now when I type and fantacise about them, this means that I can (at least for now) get hard by looking at a dick, and then wank over a hot woman if I don't take too much time inbetween. Shit!...
Although even men don't seem to turn me on right now so wtf is going on..
Please take this seriously, this is my life we are talking about and I need advice.