The 'My Story' Thread

[maverika]

So after seeing Goddess Gracie's thread on the Success Forum, and recently seeing Paula423's post, I realised we still didn't have a "here is my story" thread. I thought it might be nice to have a single thread where we can all share a bit about ourselves, give advice(and warnings!) to others, and also we can identify points of commonality. I listened a Sarnoga file, where he mentioned a 'first' experience around the age of 8, I was shocked! Thats probably about the age I had my experience!!! Was it the same for others? Is this a key stage in gender-confusion, crossdressing or discovering the other sex? Well the only way to tell is to tell others about yourself and then get others to share back!

My Story:

I've always known since about the age of 8 that i'm a little...off-center. A skinny kid, shy, not really liking 'boys' stuff so much, preferring books and television. Now recently, i've tried to backtrack and find where it all started, I remembered wearing panties and womens clothes around the ages of 12-15 from my mums closet, sisters drawers.

But that wasn't the beginning.

I had to dredge this up from my head, but i used to experiment with light bondage between the age of 7-11(and on-off for years after) and what pray tell caused this? Initiated the desire to be bound and submissive? Don't laugh... Penelope Pitstop. Yes, Hanna-Barbera's hapless heroine, who has had more time in captivity in her sexy pink leather clothes and white leather boots than some zoo animals. Something about her rather weak struggling, her southern twang "Haylp! Haylp!" the fact she was always in a distinctly feminine pose, even when tied-up. I found myself experimenting with trapping both legs and arms in my pyjamas, both down one leg or sleeve, restraining, but tight on my skin. Too young to understand the feelings, but knowing that some sort of feeling(that a young boy can't understand) was there. But, I can assure you, no midget fetish!(The Ant-hill Mob, who rescue her every 5 seconds).

In my mid teens, I discovered masturbation, and..a lingerie fetish! If shes in something sexy, that'll do it, more so than nudes.

I've also achieved the holy grail for a lot of people on here, I've been out in public....dressed as a 'sexy' girl, make-up, fake boobs, etc.
I did this in my early 20's(i'm 30-something-or-other-now!) I think this is why certain files(curse stroke sissy) aren't too effective, i've already achieved the long-term aim of some of these files(to turn someone into a regular or accepting public sissy/bimbo/crossdresser) ergo, there's no compulsion since this isn't a destination I have any desire to visit again.

I have a GF and... shes fine with me wearing panties! She actually bought me some for my birthday! LOL! I have no problems with buying ladies clothes from shops, usually it is just underwear, before xmas i purchased some panties and two strappy vests for sleeping in. I have two cover stories if I need them, but nobody ever asks. Ever.

I'm not really interested in full Sissyfication, my interests are crossdressing, Bimbofication, and fetish fun(wearing panties/womens clothes during sex, light bondage) I quite like the idea of being hypnotised into an airheaded giggly floozy in a tiny skirt, thong and...err...sorry got carried away!

Now, the question of the Cock *Dun Dun Dunnnnnn!*.... I've had men chat me up before, most gay men can tell i'm straight. But, I don't find men attractive, even though I do enjoy watching cum shots, still haven't quite figured out why I find it so arousing though.

Two things I really am interested in are:
I want to smell like a girl - a year or so ago, i found a small pink sweater in a charity shop, upon getting it home and examining it, i gave it a sniff, to see if it needed a wash, and it smelled of girl! I immediately buried my head in it, and since then, i've wanted to smell like a girl. Also, i'm interested to know? If you take, female hormones, do you smell like a girl? Do TG smell like girls? Do you emit female pheromones?

I want sexy legs - I have a leg fetish. I love sexy legs, my head i'll swivel if I see them, I will drool, I will fixate. I have a number of jpg which are used as 'visualisation' files(loop in a slideshow, modify in a preset etc) and the legs are always one of the key factors.

Anyway, short term goals, lose some weight, reinforce my sissy name for commands(from cursestrokesissy), files for sexy/bimboness/reinforcing xdressing.

That's me, if you can point me to any panty files, bimbo files...

My current playlist is :

Sarnoga - learning to listen(induction)
Aural sedation(induction, i alt between the two, using this more currently)
*secret custom file* (this is a reinforcement file, see my other thread when its active!)
Eternal sissy happiness
Bimbo blessing 2
LMS panties
curse stroke sissy(currently skipping this file as it seems less effective with the prior files)

I also recommend , Good Girl School - Clean Panties.
This is a nice submission file! :)

My set-up is a laptop with a pair of medium range sony headphones, I use 2-3 VLC windows, usually, playlist, deepener(overlapped) and the last is for sissy-bimbo/sexy trainers(silent normally). Aaaaaand sometimes I dress up while listening/watching!

This is actually a bit overly longer than I planned, but i'm feeling a bit more coherent now too. Questions always welcome.

M

[maverika]

Forgot to say, post as long or as short as you want! Even just one paragraph is cool, it's all about the sharing! ;)

[kslava]

Well in the following post below, I tried to put my whole story. I realized I wanted to be a girl at 7, and was mostly into hypnosis around ages 21-24, when it helped me finally ease out of just being out into actually transitioning. Since then, it has only been here or there for getting a quick orgasm or relaxation. See the post below.

But one thing I wanted to reply back to you (maverika) about was the smell. Yes, when you get on hormones, your smell changes. That was one of the earliest things I noticed and one of the happiest. One day I went to do my laundry, and my dirty clothes no longer smelled of guy smell. They smelled of girl smell, my smell! It was a small victory, but a wonderful one for me about 8 years ago.

[kslava]

Life Story

Okay, so I realized when I was 7, I wanted to be a girl. For 6 years, I kept it to myself and was a somewhat quiet child, who got teased by others, but for no specific reasons. I had some temper issues, so people would tease me to see if I would either cry (in my earlier years) or get angry (by the time I was around 13). Either way, kids being as evil as they can be found they could get a rise out of me, and as isolated as I was without a clique of friends, I made an easy target.

At age 13, I first heard the word transsexual. I immediately got online (a brand new thing at the time), and searched for the term. A lot of porn came up, with very little helpful information. But even then the COGIATI was around with helpful suggestions in addition to the test. Most adults would not talk to me, since I was well under age, so I found other transyouth groups online (Yahoo Groups). By age 15, I attempted to come out to my mom, but took it back the same day claiming it was "just a phase." We never spoke of it again for 4 years.

From 15-19, I binged and purged with clothing. Most of the clothing I had initially gotten from the clothes mission across the street, which we had the key to since my dad was the pastor of the church. But then I had purged that batch when I was 17, and we lived in a new town and new church that didn't have a mission. Throughout years 13-19, there was significant thoughts of killing myself, which would return during grad school around ages 22-24 (getting better once I started to transition).

From 18-22, my college years, I was very busy with school. However, I spent most of my limited free time blogging. I had a journal from age 17-23 that was a public website for the whole world to see. I networked a lot with other transyouth or slightly older trans people through the internet.

At age 19, I came out for good this time, however college was such a small conservative town and college was so distracting that I didn't transition until grad school. I began appearing slightly more and more feminine throughout undergrad, but never fully transitioned and was known by my male name almost exclusively in undergrad.

In grad school in the big city, now age 22, I started going by a neutral name that was the shortened version of my female name. My first year of grad school was rough, and the winter even more so. All alone in a massive city, a small fish in a big pond, I was totally out of my element and the winter of 2003-2004 was the darkest time of my life. Living on a 7th story building didn't help my thought processes. But the polar bears at the local zoo helped. We played on either side of the viewing glass, and they got me through that winter.

At age 23, my second year of grad school, I became much more active in an LGBT group (though it was with lots of undergrads), I started hormones, and in the second semester, I went full time, got a name change, and even got contacts. Luckily, this blue state allows gender change on the license, so now I can renew in any state (like my current state) with F on the license.

I graduated as a full time woman, but still needing to get used to it a lot more. I started working at a Borders bookstore and generally just hung around the city for another 3 years. The high point was finding a community of creative people who were open and accepting to everyone. That's when I really got to start spreading my wings socially and beginning to act like a human being again, only this time as a woman. Now I've been out of the city for 5 years and holding down a nice job in the rural midwest where the people around me accept me fully (at least my boss and friends, not sure about the weird locals, heh... but I think they're used to me now).


Hypnosis C.V.

I remember first starting back in 2003. I think I played around a bit on here, then I moved to an IRC chat. I got heavily involved in a few IRC channels and some of the locals there got to know me well. I would periodically show up once every 4-8 months from then through about 2007. I had been on MzSharleneTranceRealm (a forum associated with an IRC chat more than anything), played around with Mind Mistress files (still some of the best out there, but outrageously high priced), and of course listened to a few EMG files here (Slave Trigger, TrainWoman, TrigWoman, TrigFreeze, and maybe others I can't remember anymore). It's been years since I listened to any of those or even had them triggered on chat.

I had a really nice guy in IRC chat once trance me with failsafes. Those have stayed with me more than anything, most of all probably because I really truly want those. Basically, I can't get properly hypnotized without my conscious desire to do so, and I can back out any time I wish. This has been quite useful.

One of my most favorite hypnotists I've encountered over the years was Lady Jenifahr of the now non-existent sleepformenow.co.uk Her voice is great, and on occasion I'll still listen to her files. Most other people's files I delete when I don't use them for a while. I keep a very small list. Not only is Lady Jenifahr's voice wonderful, but she has a sensibility and respect for those she's hypnotizing that I don't hear in a lot of other people's files.

For instance, while I found Catgirl's files really effective, you could hear that it was a man's anima (look up Carl Jung's animus and anima) running the thing. Same thing with Goddess Gracie (which I just listened to tonight for the first time). Even if these are genuinely women running this, there is a man behind it.

Speaking of which, my two biggest cautionary tales would be for two of the most effective hypnotists I've been enamored with and then had to back out of: Mr Daniel and Allison In Love. Both of them are incredibly powerful, especially in my perception Allison. Allison's files, I had to stop, because not only were they seriously drawing me in, but they began to cross spiritual boundaries that are highly taboo. She literally talks about souls and being a real Goddess and such. I flat out told her in a message once, before she disappeared from the web, that this was highly irresponsible and she doesn't have any idea what she's dealing with. Mr Daniel on the other hand, knows exactly what he's dealing with, and the occult Moloch symbolism in his owl imagery is blatant proof of it. I couldn't suggest bigger heaps of caution in regards to anyone more than him. He's very effective at what he does, and what he does is lure people into his circle to abuse them at his Will.

This all being said, this is an opinion and should not be taken as defamation, slander, or other such nonsense. I have the highest intentions for the good of all here, and you make your own decisions about people. But if I were you, I would just steer clear.

Lately these days, I'm more direct about my needs and satisfying them. We all need a good orgasm here and there, and these days that comes in the form of bimbo files, primarily short ones that are not about any permanence (PrettyGetter is great for some of these, like the Bimbo Slave Mantra, Bimbo Washing, or Slutty Sissy Bimbo Washing). I use these a couple times a month (libido is low for an MTF 9 years after transition). There's an issue with the term bimbo, though, because it seems to denote both mindlessness AND craving cock. I'm not so big on the craving cock thing, as I like my slant to bisexuality (and I'm not a big oral person for either gender). For me, it is the kinkiness of the mindlessness that turns me on. In fact that is probably one of the things that drew me to hypnosis in the first place. I'm a very heady intellectual person, and it's great to just let go and stop all that chatter in my head. To have someone kind of take over -- just briefly enough for getting off, nothing permanent -- makes it feel kinky and erotic.

Overall I'm also starting to move away from the erotic files. In fact, the bimbo files might be a latent desire to focus on mindlessness, which many zen meditations could probably do through guided meditation recordings. In a similar vein, I've moved away from the "motivational" stuff like the feminization transformation files I used back around 2003-2007, and instead I'm moving in a lighter less erotic direction. A couple examples are Cheetu Jaisinghani's Youtube videos or Lucille Sorella's "Unleash Your Inner Woman." (free if you give the email and you can unsubscribe from her newsletter right after you get the file). These focus more on relaxation and empowerment. I feel they really help to reinforce me against insecurities, frustration, and just general daily grind stuff. And they also have that feminine reinforcement which is nice. There are a few others that I've found on Youtube, but I can't remember their names, and they've since been deleted (wishing I had them back, because they were quite relaxing).

Where I'd really like to go is just into feminine empowerment, the zen art of "no mind", and an occasional erotic thrill from a short harmless file focusing mainly on just the mindplay of control (again Lady Jenifahr is great with this). I'm really now just trying to develop my ideal self -- as I Will it -- and that is as a gentle and powerful woman, graceful, wise, and intelligent. I've passed through the decades long Chapel Perilous of identity crisis. Now is the time for me to become my Highest Self.

[Blackjaz]

My story seem kinda strange to a lot of people. My story started when I watch Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde - Transformation Scenes when I was in middle school. However, that made me wonder a lot as a kid, but not as much. However, fast forward to 2006, I found a gif where a guy was transform into girl and that pretty much blew up my mind and I became very curious and obsessive to find more about the Fetish. Once that happen, I end up on this site and started to listen Curse Stroke Sissy. After two weeks, I end up cross dressing and ending up stopping after awhile, because I didn't want to be found out and I had heavy Guilt for doing it, just like masturbation.
After stopping, I still wanted to feed my hungry and end up dreaming and fantasize how I turn into a women and how I would act.



Today, I been listening to MSJ and Goddess Graces and I don't know what if this is all Fantasy or something more, but I try not to think too hard about it. However, I stop for awhile and now I am having linger moments where I really want to listen to bimbo stuff of Goddess Graces. The thing is I am not really a sissy, from what I believe, though at times I want to jump on the ship and just become one, however I have a strong Attraction to women and men aren't my way of having sex with. Even though, if I was a girl I would then.

PS: Hypnosis really hasn't affect me, because I lose interest after awhile, but then I come back to it. I also listen to these files laying down 100% percent of the time. I also have the evny Bug...Everytime I see someone affected by a file, I want it too.


I guess that kind summary up my story:
Current listening : Mindmaster Retrain Bladder...thinking about listening to bimbo bliss again (Was listening to Curse Female Takver and I think it affect me in some ways.)

[maverika]

Well in the following post below, I tried to put my whole story. I realized I wanted to be a girl at 7, and was mostly into hypnosis around ages 21-24, when it helped me finally ease out of just being out into actually transitioning. Since then, it has only been here or there for getting a quick orgasm or relaxation. See the post below.

But one thing I wanted to reply back to you (maverika) about was the smell. Yes, when you get on hormones, your smell changes. That was one of the earliest things I noticed and one of the happiest. One day I went to do my laundry, and my dirty clothes no longer smelled of guy smell. They smelled of girl smell, my smell! It was a small victory, but a wonderful one for me about 8 years ago.

So. Kewl. I just wish when took my panties off they smelled like..girrrrrrrl!
Blackjaz, Kslava thank you, this is what i'm talking about! :)

I wanted to recount one thing, which i omitted, not delibrately, and its a bit odd. I'm not white, not really in any racial group, very mixxed background. But i've been sitting here reading stuff today and recalled one more thing, until about the age of 11-12(from at least 7), i used to dream i was someone else. Until that age, i never really had a dream with 'myself' as i am, until then. Now i know that may be about issues of self confidence or identity, but i do seem to remember now dreaming i was Penelope at least once or...thrice. I thought i'd share that, anyone else out there gone through a phase/period of not 'being' yourself?



Mx

[Blackjaz]

I can't really say I felt that way at all. However, My dreams are never the full image of my real self. Also, can say at an early stage, the idea being caught at sleepover Girls only was make me end up in drag and make up. I guess in away I can only related by that with people who may think they might have sissy within.


The Journey Cont

[kslava]

I wanted to recount one thing, which i omitted, not delibrately, and its a bit odd. I'm not white, not really in any racial group, very mixxed background. But i've been sitting here reading stuff today and recalled one more thing, until about the age of 11-12(from at least 7), i used to dream i was someone else. Until that age, i never really had a dream with 'myself' as i am, until then. Now i know that may be about issues of self confidence or identity, but i do seem to remember now dreaming i was Penelope at least once or...thrice. I thought i'd share that, anyone else out there gone through a phase/period of not 'being' yourself?
Mx

Most of my dream experiences were from first person perspective, so I didn't often really consider myself or my body. However, there were several times throughout the years where I would be different. The closer I got to transition, the more often I would have dream here and there where I was female. The earliest I remember was when I was 8, and I was dressed like this woman (below), but in white (same outfit exactly, just all white), very 80s chic.



Later, on there would be more and more dreams where I was female, but others would be male. After I transitioned, most were female, but many were still male. That has now decreased over time. So it's been a gradual change over 30 years or so. Now, as a woman, I only dream that I'm a boy as much as I dreamed I was a woman when I was a boy. Another fascinating thing is that I have never dreamed I was a little girl or a man. Only a boy or a woman. It's as if my dream realms have always been conscious what the future held for me.

And just for a little tease, here's the basics of a dream I had once. It was when I was in 8th grade and most heavily attempting to pretend I wasn't who I was. I was center position for football (American football for any English folks out there). I dreamed of a hot and sweaty sexual encounter with the quarterback (who in the game always has his hands underneath my butt to receive the football). It was quite possibly one of the only sexual dreams I've ever had. We were both older, like 18-22 or so and I was a woman. :) [/img]