Advice please...Bad experience

[BeauDesordre]

Hello, A Dom I have started dating as put me under several times and all the those experiences were great. Tonight I didn't have such a great time. I don't remember much details so please bear with me. All I remember is being asked to say I want to obey. Then he said something like you want me to rape you dont you? That might not be exact word for word. However I do remember this....He then told me to say "I want you to rape me" and my reaction was profound and I said stop Im done. I wanted to leave, I didnt want to speak with him. I was just upset and wanted to get the hell out of dodge. Background: We have discussed rape fantasy's and I do desire playing out a mild version of one. I don't know what to make of any of this....his request for me to say it nor my reaction or my feelings now?

[sleepyjosh]

If you have discussed rape fantasies with this Dom, and indicated that you would like to play out some version of one, then it's hard to call his behavior abusive. Perhaps he mishandled the situation, but it seems like he was working on fulfilling what he believed was your fantasy, albeit in a cludgy and inexpert way.

Under the circumstances, and assuming you are otherwise comfortable with this Dom, i'd suggest discussing the situation with him. Tell him basically what you told us, let him know that he may have been too aggressive. See if he's willing to take it more slowly, and (this is the critical part) make your own judgement about his sincerity.

Based on what you have said, this may just be a case of miscommunication or mixed messages, from either or both of you. You may be able to recover the situation, and work more carefully toward some version of your fantasy. However, a lot depends on your assessment of your Dom. Trust your insticts; if they tell you this is not the right guy, get out.

[sfhole2stretch]

This sounds to me like a case of "be careful what you ask for". The trouble most likely is that while your conscious mind thinks a rape fantasy might be fun your subconscious is overriding the notion with fight/flight reaction.

I agree with the post above that if you asked for this and had discussed it previously with this Dom it's difficult to call his attempt to take you there abusive. His method can be argued. Perhaps he went too fast.

I would recommend rather than running away you at least do yourself and the Dom a favor by sitting down to discuss your reaction. It will help him understand what went wrong and just might help you work through your own resistance.

[Endo]

I understand this is the Hypno BDSM area, but I personally believe that those two should not mix. 'Tist and Client, with clear cut requests from the Client.

I also believe that there are some things that 'nosis can't do as well as you can do it yourself. If your subconscious doesn't like this idea, then take a little time to get used to the idea, fantasize about it, etc., then ask him to try again. OR, you could just surprise him, and say it yourself.

Of course, it's all consensual, so it's more like tied-up rough sex.

[BeauDesordre]

Well, I had only just shared with him that I had a rape fantasy two days prior and it was very brief convo at that where he shared he had the same type of fantasy. I have indicated that I would like to play out my fantasy one day but we barely scratched the service on this topic. Perhaps he shocked me more than anything? I know that I'm really naive when it comes to hypno but I had no idea that this would be brought up. Ultimately its apparent to me that trust played a part in my reaction. He is not inexperienced with hypno. I do/did believe he had my best interests in mind. I just dont know enough about hypno to know where he was going with the fantasy or what the desired outcome would be had I not reacted negatively. Does that make sense? I am going to address this with him. Thank you for your input and advice.

[BeauDesordre]

Let me be clear that I did not ask for this under hypno.:-/

[Nate80]

my $0.03:

As others have said, it sounds very much like a badly handled attempt to try and explore a shared fantasy.

Talk it through with him, see what you can find out about his approach.

It's entirely possible a statement to the effect of:
"I'd like to explore your rape fantasy with you, is that ok? (gets ok) You'll be safe through all of it and it will only seem like you're being raped to only your conscious mind. if you say (safeword) at any point, we will stop immediately and you'll wake up, coming out of the scene immediately and feel safe, calm and relaxed. otherwise, your conscious mind will experience feelings appropriate to the scene, but in such a way as to explore and enjoy the experience, secretly knowing on a deeper level that it is really consensual and you are perfectly safe.
After the scene is finished, you will remember all of it, including your feelings, but at the same time knowing it was all pretend"

Will be enough to assure your mind that it is just roleplay and that he wants you to know on a deeper level it is consensual and will stop at any time if needed.