by rugbyjockca » August 2nd, 2015, 11:56 am
I'll say I'm a success story, even though I think there's a part of me that will always feel like I'm just starting, like there's more "jocking" left to do. For one thing, building muscle is a lifelong effort: I want to be a roided-out huge-ass musclehead...the guys who are built like I want to be have been lifting for 10-15 years or more. With that in mind, it helps keep me humble.
So, here's the biggest change in my life: I stopped waiting for the right time.
Here's the secret about life: there are ALWAYS reasons to stop. Always. You get sick, you break up with your partner, you start dating someone, work lays you off, you start a new job, yopu have school, you don't have school, you're too weak, you aren't weak enough, you're depressed, you aren't depressed and are kind of okay with things right now, your family is bugging you, your family doesn't support you, your shoulder hurts, the weather is bad, the AC is off, the gym is too expensive, a trainer is too expensive, you're anxious about working out in front of people......
Here's the secret of hypnosis and mind control: no one will MAKE you into a jock. You have to make yourself into a jock.
So, if you're lucky, at some point in your life you will DECIDE that the excuses aren't enough and that it is more important for you to be a jock than ANYTHING else.
When this happens, the excuses, like magic, disappear.
*
So, 4 years ago this last October, I had my "fuck it, I'm doing this, I'm going all in" moment. I quit drinking and started going to the gym. That moment was a terrible one, one of the lowest moments of my life. I realised that if I felt any worse than I did then, I would kill myself.
Since then, my life has changed in the following ways:
- I have been to the gym consistently (3 or more times a week) for almost 4 years straight. My longest breaks have been no longer than a week, because of vacations or illness that was slightly more serious than a cold. Even on vacations, I bring a resistance band and/or use a hotel gym to at least get some kind of a workout.
-I have had a personal trainer for 3 years. I pay for this. It is my biggest expense next to rent. I live at or below the poverty line, so when people say they cannot afford a trainer, what they are saying to me is that the excuses are more important to them. I live with a roommate, I do not go out much, I have a food budget, I do not have cable, I do not spend on luxuries, I survive on less because my jock goals are more important than anything else and I am clear-eyed about that. If you SAY you want to be a jock but you spend your money and time doing not-jock things, you are either deceiving yourself or others.
-I quit my desk job and have been working as a personal trainer myself for 1.5 years.
-I can deadlift 450lbs. This is triple what I deadlifted 3 years ago.
-I play rugby as often as possible. If you live in a city of any size there are guaranteed sports meant for amateurs and adults. Maybe not your first choice, but joining a softball league makes you more of a jock than NOT joining a softball league.
-4 years ago I was 270lbs and over 50% body fat, wearing size 46-48 pants and probably heading into size-50 soon. My lowest weight since was 215lbs, and now I am 240lbs wearing size 36 pants. I could probably wear a smaller waist, but my legs are too big, so most pants are tight in the thighs but I need a belt for the waist. I'm about 20%bf right now. This means I went from being about 135lbs lean mass (meaning mass that was not fat) to about 180-190lbs lean mass. So, I lost a LOT of fat and gained about 50lbs of muscle over 4 years. <-- I just did the math typing this and am kind of amazed at myself for this. Holy shit. Okay, anyway.......
-I wear tank tops as often as possible. If anyone I know gets married, I'm going to have to buy a collared shirt. oops.
-I'm HAPPY. I struggle with depression and anxiety, and that hasn't changed, but my good days are much, much better than my good days used to be.
-Mentally....I'm a huge fan of the getting dumber bit. Obviously I'm not a complete lunk head cause I just typed all of this. BUT there's been changes on this front, too...mostly when I remind myself to not take it so seriously. So, mental changes that have come with time:
-I'm a better hypnosis subject. With the right tist I can go under pretty easily. Because I know what I want, I am able to tell pretty quickly if a tist and I will work well together, and I think we both find our sessions more enjoyable. I can definitely feel dumb, slow, stupid, dense, mindless, and empty-headed when I am worked by an expert at making boys feel like that.
-Thanks to some special skype tists and files like ViVe's and Major Pixel, I'm a lot less of a bookworm and newsie. I still get interested a lot more than I'd like in world events, but the last couple of years I've noticed that when I'm talking with someone who knows more about politics or whatever than I do, I lose interest REALLY fast. I start to tune them out. I want my politics and social justice stuff to be sound-bite sized. If |I get into a debate, I'm lazy with my sourcing and really just want to say my opinion and get out. This is the longest thing I've posted ANYWHERE in a long time, and I had to really focus to write all this, because there have to be better things I can do with my time.
-For me, the trick with being and feeling dumber is just letting myself relax and not worry about it. It's okay to be bored, it's okay to change the subject, it's okay to just smile and let someone else do the talking. And honestly this makes me happy. If I NEED to be the smart guy, I can do it, and I do it now and then....it helps me at work to knowe about metabolism and psychology and to be able to hold a conversation, but when it doesn't help me, I don't use it. And honestly, the bigger I get, the more people want to ask me about my workout program and the less they ask me about my political views, so it gets better all the time.
So those are ways that my life has changed. I still have pretty much my old friends, my family hasn't disowned me, my partner of 7 years is supportive and even started working out himself, I don't have to explain anything to my facebook friends and old high school classmates, because to them I'm just that guy who started working out in his 30s and is showing some good progress. they have their own shit to worry about.
And excuses are what I use for getting out of chores or avoiding annoying social situations. I go to the gym the same way I brush my teeth and go to work each day, because going to the gym is something I DO.