New here, making an induction

[tomakeyouchange]

I'm be browsing the site for quite some time and I've decided that I want to start making files and contributing.
I've got a mic and some audio editing software, and I have a draft of an induction script I'd like for people to review and critique. It's intended as a precursor to sexual hypnosis for females through guided relaxation and imagery.
I welcome any suggestions for improvement.

Here is its:
You close your eyes and take ten long full deep breaths
1
2
3, You feel your breasts as they rise and fall
4
5
6, You feel the air move in and out of your lungs
7
8
9, You feel the air move across your tongue and lips
10
You are in a meadow with a soft warm breeze moving across you face
There is a small bubbling stream at one edge of the meadow with a path beside it
You follow the path and count your steps
1
2
3, the stream grows into a river
4
5
6, the river is gets louder
7
8, the river is loud enough to drown out the sounds of the birds and the trees but not my voice
9, the river is loud enough to block out the sound of your breathing but not my voice
10, the sounds of the river block out everything but the sound of my voice
The river flows over a waterfall
Down
Down Deep
Down Deep into the pool at the bottom of my waterfall
There is a stone path going down the side into the pool at the bottom of my waterfall
You climb down
Down Deep
Down Deep into the pool at the the bottom of my waterfall
1, You climb onto the first stone and feel the the spray from my waterfall
2, You climb onto the second stone, and the spray from my waterfall soaks into your shirt and you toss it away
3, You climb onto the third stone, and the spray from my waterfall soaks into your bra, and you toss it away
4, You climb onto the fourth stone, and the spray from my waterfall soaks into your pants, and you toss them away
5, You climb onto the fifth stone, and the spray from my waterfall soaks into your panties, and you toss them away
6, You climb onto the sixth stone, and the spray from my waterfall soaks into your naked flesh
7, You climb onto the seventh stone, and the spray from my waterfall soaks into your mind
8, You climb onto the eighth stone, and the spray from my waterfall soaks into your inhibitions and your toss them away
9, You climb onto the ninth stone, and the spray from my waterfall soaks into your resistance to hypnosis and you toss it away
10, You climb onto the last stone, and the spray from my waterfall soaks into your resistant to pleasure, and you toss it away
You slide down
Down deep
Down deep into the pool at the bottom of my waterfall
You can slide as down deep into the pool at the bottom of my waterfall as you want
The deeper you slide, the more relaxed and calm you become
The deeper you slide, the more submissive you become
The deeper you slide, the more suggestible you become
Whenever I say "the pool at the bottom of my waterfall", you feel myself sliding deep into the pool at the bottom of my waterfall once more

[HypnoZorro]

I would change "breast" in line 3 to chest. I would also suggest doing sensations on arms and eyes before chest.

[ProfessorPig]

a little suggestion is to make sure your movement is all in the same direction. you are counting up to have them sink down into trance.

another thing to think about is trying to switch up the wording when describing each step in a progression. for example you have each step of the waterfall deepener written as "You climb onto the x stone". this repetition might get a little boring if you are listening to the file regularly.

removing cloths and tossing them away is a really complex action, and its another area where fleshing out and really describing the action would be helpful. to some extent, the more of an imaginative state you can get the listener it, the deeper in trance they will go.

its a little odd that they are removing one item of clothing for each step as well. you could break it down as another deepener before the mist from the waterfall covers their body. sometimes if there is a weird activity that sticks out to me, it will take me out of a trance a bit, but this is mostly just be a personal preference for me, other people likely would not be bothered by it.

if the subject is well versed in hypnosis they will naturally understand that each number of a countdown will take them deeper in to trance, but generally people tend to say something like "with each number i count down/up you will sink a little deeper into trance, and when you reach X number you will be in a totally deep trance"

i am excited to see what you come up with, and i hope you have fun making files :9)

[tomakeyouchange]

Thank you for the replies.

I will change breast to chest.

I will see if I can rewrite the stone section a bit, to fix the numbering. I had intended the wording in that section to be about lowering barriers, not actual physical action, so I'd probably change "toss x away" with "let it fade from your mind".

I've done a little bit of testing using this script, and I have expanded the "meadow" section a bit to give the visualization a better base. I also continue deepening them after the point at which this version of the script ends by having them count down and letting them sink further down into the pool at the bottom of my waterfall, with explicit reference to trance that point.

[MN_FriendlyGuy]

My best to you as you begin making making hypnosis recordings, tomakeyouchange. This response suggests two changes.

Firstly: The word "You" can be removed from most of the suggestions that start with that word.
Example:
BEFORE: You close your eyes.
AFTER: Close your eyes.

Secondly: Learn the hypnosis/NLP technique of emotional anchoring and incorporate it.
Example:
"1, Climb onto the first stone. The spray from my waterfall feels refreshing. (pause) It cools your face. (pause) And maybe that makes you smile... happy to be here"

This emotional anchoring is important! Inserting these emotional anchors is essential to LOCKING IN the concluding suggestion: "Whenever I say "the pool at the bottom of my waterfall", you feel...."

It's hoped that these suggested changes will ignite excitement... excitement about learning hypnotic technique that makes a difference. Again, my best to you.

I'm be browsing the site for quite some time and I've decided that I want to start making files and contributing.
I've got a mic and some audio editing software, and I have a draft of an induction script I'd like for people to review and critique. It's intended as a precursor to sexual hypnosis for females through guided relaxation and imagery.
I welcome any suggestions for improvement.

[tomakeyouchange]

Thank you for the advice.
I am going to look into emotional anchor and see how I can use it into my file.
I will post a new iteration of the script as soon as I finish writing it