I need some help

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Nicole just left, great weekend. Missing Amber so much! Hope she feels the same.

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This is the hardest part waiting for Amber to get home. The wheels start coming off, is she still the same. I know for me I love her more, can’t wait for her to come home, all I want to do is jump in her arms and make love to her.

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I really see how this can work so much better though. I have more desire for Amber than ever before. I just hope it is the same for her. I really do

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I walked in the door and Justin was right there. We didn’t even say hello. We locked up in the most passionate and longest kiss we ever shared. It was such a felled, we were both worried the other would maybe be cooled off. It was just the opposite. Finally after ending the kiss I just said to Justin before we talk about anything I just need you to make love to me. Justin completely said yes, I have never needed to make love to you more than now. We both were even a little teary. I had an orgasm almost as soon as he went inside of me, our passion which is always high was extreme. It is like we were a military couple away from each other for months. It was the greatest feeling in the world. We can’t keep our arms from being around each other. Justin is snuggled up to me while I write this. We both keep saying to each other we found where we belong, we are in the best place we have ever been. We spent a half hour talking about our weekends, and we are actually really happy about each other’s good time. I’m not jealous, I’m just so happy. It probably is because I see it didn’t change us in a negative way, but a beautiful loving way. I’m sure jealousy or things will come up, but definitely not now. Justin said the light came on and he gets how this works now. You have to really be happy and love that your partner is in a loving relationship with someone else. If your partner loses their partner, in many ways you lose your own, because your partner is going to really be emotionally hurt. So how can you be with your secondary partner having sex and loving up to them when your partner probably needs you the most? So the better your partners relationship is, the more secure your secondary relationship is. It is hard to turn conventional thinking around, but to do this you have to learn and teach yourself how much you love your partners happiness and deep love for their lover. You also have to keep your partner secure that you are not threatened. Today at least, and it is a great start, we are experiencing that. Now maybe when we dig in and ask questions, about each other’s weekends that may change, I don’t think it will we are on an amazing high and so loving right now. I really want us to reach what they call compression where you absolutely love the happiness your partner gets from her/his other relationship, and many even start to get turned on and at roused by it. That’s the top of the mountain for a poly relationship. We have to communicate now and if there are tough questions we have to love our way through them and be honest. Also have to address the time before Glenn leaves and when he comes back. I think we are in a much better place to do that now. I still don’t know what Justin’s feelings are for Nicole other than they had a good time, but he made me feel very secure with how much he wanted me when I came home, and me him. If it is always like that, I will never worry about her, and hopefully him me. Time for some kissing and cuddling. That’s all we have done and made love 2 times already and it is as good as it ever had been. I’m so in love with Justin, no matter how deep my love is for Glenn, Justin is my man forever.

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Taking a break. I told Justin that we went out to dinner on Friday night, on the water. He doesn’t drink much we each had 1 beer. Drinking and driving definitely a no for him, and was glad I was in that camp as well. I learned a lot about him. He had a great Mom and he takes care of her as much as he can. I love that about him. He is a purchasing agency for a subsidiary of some company forgot the name. He moved here to take the job 4 years ago, it was hard because of his mom, but the increase in pay and upward mobility was too good to pass up. He is third to the marketing director hopes to move up in time. Lots more, but he wanted to take me to a club in the city, about 20 minutes, but I told him if we were doing that, I had to go home and change. He said ok, and in this case less is more. I slurred up a little, but not over the top. He actually complimented me and said that is perfect for this place. Had a band we danced, at least 2 guys asked me to dance, I politely declined. We danced slow and fast. He is a good dance partner. Then this! I go out to have a cigarette and this women, all dolled up and really hot stands next to me lights a cigarette and says hi. Casual talk, tells me how gorgeous I am and asks if I would like to hook up? I was a bit shocked, and didn’t really answer and she said I saw you inside and couldn’t get my eyes off you, is that your husband, boyfriend? I didn’t know how to answer, I said my boyfriend. She asks are you bi or curious? I said limited experience. She said let me give you my number and email, text me. She asked for mine, and just gave her my email. I came out twice more for a cigarette she came out both times. She seemed pretty nice, I’m thinking when Glenn is away and if Justin has a night with Nicole, I may give her a call, yes Nicole corrupted me lol. I never told Glenn. So we got home and made love. We talked in bed. I really felt myself falling deeper because I know him 100x more than just sleeping together and I like who he is. I said I need to have this talk with you. I love you very much, but I will never be your wife. I want you in my life, but Justin and I agreed to an open relationship, I can see anyone I want as can he. We are free to love another as long as we want. I can spend some nights with you like this, sometimes more sometimes less. I don’t want to discuss Justin and I at all. I also never want to hear you ask me to leave him, I am not. Before we get any deeper, can you handle all that? He said he never met anyone like me, his love for me keeps growing. I would hope that our nights together can be on the weekend because of my schedule, and I can get things done around the house, so yes, this is an ideal relationship for me. We did some other things, and we agreed getting to know each other once and for all really spiked his feelings for me and I agreed. It was an awesome weekend, and to have Justin jumping in my arms and making love to me was the best part of it. I really have fully embraced our poly relationship. I am going to work so hard to achieve compression. I can already tell how great it will feel and how much closer I will be with Justin. Next Justin on his weekend. Then our questions and plan for the Holiday and beyond. The harder part.

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I had an amazing weekend with Nicole. She is really a sweet beautiful woman. I didn’t fall in love for her, but I will say we are now in a relationship, and I can see if I continue to spend time with her, I am going to fall in love with her. She did move the needle and I am somewhat emotionally involved. She arrived with a big smile handed me a plate of cookies she baked for me. I felt so bad because I realized I had nothing for her. We were off to the beach, and she had a small bikini top on and with DD breast’s it was hard not to notice, she had a sheer half shirt type thing covering a little lol, and some gray tights really tight, and heels. I went over to her put my arms around her and said How about a nice kiss to break any possible tension. She didn’t answer she wrapped around me and we enjoyed a long passionate kiss. We got to the beach. I parked way in the far corner away from the pavilion and crowd so we could sit somewhat secluded. We sat down set up and she took her sheet top off and tights. She looked amazing in her bikini. She reached over and took my shirt off, and said now that is what amazing looks like! She gave me another nice kiss. I poured some champagne for us and made a toast. We took a sip, she payed down and asked me to cuddle behind her.I have to say I felt like I belonged with her. More to come Amber and I need a hug and kisses.

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So she put a favored song on her phone and turned around and kissed me til the song ended. I brought stuff to nibble on and ultimately was a beautiful sunset. We had time to stop home so she could change, went to the light show was awesome . I have to skip a lot of stuff but when we got home we sat on the couch talking and playing around, and she said I want you to take me to bed. I’ll leave the rest out. Not sure Amber wants to read about it. Saturday brunch, and the rest of the day was just us. I learned so much more about her, such a tough life, but she did not tell me she couldn’t get pregnant my only disappointment. It was a fun weekend, I consider a gift from Amber, and I would never turn a gift around on her, she has no worries no matter how involved I get with Nicole, I hope she realized that when she walked in the door

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I think seeing Justin greet me and me him really made us feel comfortable about each other’s weekends. We each had a great time with someone else and in the end we have had one of our best days together. We both realize if we work real hard we can do this, as long as our time together is enhanced. We checked all the boxes, we even asked the tough questions and gave the tough answers. My relationship with Glenn really became a committed relationship, We talked about our roles in each other’s lives, and we are in a great place. So where does this all leave us going forward?

We revisited I guess the toughest thing we have encountered, and this time it was much better. I told Justin I need more time with Glenn before he leaves and after he comes home. Now that we have really gotten close, I feel like I need it even more. I don’t want to go backward with him, and Justin knows my success with Glenn is important to his ability to have time with Nicole. I understand his success with Nicole can hurt my relationship with Glenn. If either of us loses a partner, our main partner has to be supportive and not taking off for a weekend at a great time of need. That is what keeps you wanting your partners relationship to stay warm and fuzzy. Easy in concept, a big change in how you always have thought. In front of all that is your relationship with each other, and it definitely through the first round is so much more loving. We both love this. So we talked about me needing to stay with Glenn from Friday afternoon through Wednesday morning when he leaves at 6 am. He had concerns, but realized he has to think differently and understands it is just the circumstances of him being gone for 10 days. I reminded him that Glenn will be working all day Monday and Tuesday. He kind of forgot about that, which made him more comfortable. His compromise was when we saw each other Monday morning and we were ok, and same Tuesday morning then he is ok. So I will have 5 days with Glenn before he leaves and 5 more when he gets home:). That also means Justin will be with Nicole the whole time, and I said to him since you are understanding my needs, while Glenn is gone, you can spend whatever time you may need with Nicole. So we are really trying our best to accommodate each other but most important us first. He worries after spending 5 straight nights with Glenn might have me thinking I want to be with him. I reminded him we are getting married XMas Eve, and My commitment to him is forever. Why get married if I have other ideas? I love you, Glenn knows not even to bring up leaving, I love you more than anyone else I could ever love. I needed some reassurances and he made me feel really secure. We are doing things perfectly so far. I want what so many couples that worked hard doing this became. Justin and I will be in a place that is hard to imagine. Justin is saying yes when he is programmed to say no. I know he is trying hard to change. Me too. I don’t want to be home alone while he is falling in love with Nicole but I have to say yes. The hardest part is addressing your fears hard early and make them your strength. If we come home from being with our lovers and 10 times we can’t wait to love up on each other, yes I will love Justin in love with Nicole and Justin will love me in love with Glenn. Sounds so impossible but after reading so many that do it, and having a great start, I know we can get there.

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So we share texts from our lovers always, so there are no surprises. I text Glenn and said remember talking about seeing each other more before you leave?

He returned, yes, don’t tell me bad news?

I said no. I we will be together from Friday after you get home from work until Wednesday morning - will be there to send you off, so I’m all yours for 5 days!

He text back OMG that is perfect, I love you so much! I wish it was Friday.

I said do you want some better news?

Of course, what is it?

I will be at your house when you get home New Years Night, and again through Wednesday morning! So I will be all yours for 5 more days!

OMG! That is the best news I have ever gotten from you!

It will be so nice I hate I’m not going to see you for so long.

I don’t think Justin was too keen reading that, it’s true some things are hard to share, but you have to to keep trust. I wasn’t so excited reading Justin’s either. It’s hard. He wrote to Nicole to see if she was available for the extra days.

He wrote hi Nicole. Thanks for a very enjoyable weekend, I loved it! Also just to let you know, I’m enjoying your cookies so much! They are so good. I wanted to ask you, if you can, no pressure, if you would like to spend Friday after work through Wednesday morning you can go to work from my house, and again do the same starting New Year’s night til Wednesday?

She texts back, are you serious? Yes! That would be amazing! So we get 10 nights together? I definitely would never say no to that! I also want to thank you. I have never had the full attention of someone for that long as you gave me. You treated me so nice, and so loving, I fell for you the first night (sorry but I honestly did). I hope I wasn’t overly cuddly, but I love to snuggle up. I know you like to plan things, and I loved all of it! I would just assume spend more time with you. You are so easy to talk to.

Justin said, no worries, It is a nice compliment that a beautiful women feels that way about me. You made me feel warm and cozy to be with you as well. We will do whatever you want ok? I’m not hard to please.

Thank you! If you plan something just let me know ok, so I can have the right clothes please?

Absolutely Nicole. I look forward to seeing you Friday! One thing to leave you with. I want you to feel comfortable enough that at some point during our time together this week, the 3 hardest things for you to tell me. That develops a lot of trust.

Ok, I’m not sure of what they would be but I will think hard about it, can I ask you a favor?

Sure

I want you to tell me 3 things you like in the bedroom that you might be afraid to tell me?

Oh wow, I’m going to have to really think about that one, but fair since I asked you something personal.

All that stuff was hard to read. I’m feeling reallyyyyyyy jealous right now, I need a lot of loving from Justin right now. He is going to fall hard for her, and she is already crazy in love with him. She didn’t even mention me this time. I just have to have faith, but this is not easssyyyyy!!! It’s quite an adjustment and we both need some lovin.

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This morning Justin got a little scared. Glenn text me this morning. We have an agreement to read texts from each other’s lover. We also have an agreement not to let the lover know they get read. No lying or hiding. Well I have been 100% faithful to that but this morning wasn’t comfortable. Glenn text. I was thinking about having 5 days with you. It made me think of what you said when we moved in together for the first time. You put your arms around me and said we are finally together, I feel like I am home. Justin said did you really say that? I said yes but do we really want to go back to that hypno time. Remember you used to tell me you wanted me to love him more than me, over and over. Please let’s move forward from that. He said I know but what if you feel like that again? I just said I can see your security is feeling threatened what do you need from me right now so I can reassure you? He said nothing, just hold me and give me a kiss. This can be hard sometimes. So We snuggled up and I let him know my feelings for him can’t be equaled.

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This is a real challenge. It is ripe with fear as I watch Amber and Glenn get closer and closer. In time that will be very rewarding, but getting there is hard. She is light years ahead of where I am with Nicole, but at the same time filled with that NRE (New Relationship Energy). I give her all the credit in the world. She has been very nurturing to my fears, and since we both came home, we have been making love to each other a lot, and I can feel it in her whole body and my own we have gotten closer. I have to go back to my motivational readings which define FEAR as False Evidence Appearing Real, because that is exactly what is happening here. I worry about all the time Amber needs with Glenn, but under the circumstances, I get it. She has done everything right. My fear is in the way. I have decided from now on I’m gauging fear only on how Amber and me are doing, not on Amber and Glenn. She is doing what she is supposed to be doing. Having a green light for a deep loving relationship with another man, and at the same time providing me with so much love and closeness, and reassurance above all. So I know one day I will love that her relationship with Glenn is so strong, I have to embrace the process. I will give her all she needs to do that, and just pay attention to me and her and how we are doing. Right now we are in a great place. I love her more than ever.

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He didn’t write about my side. I love Justin so much. If he has time to look over a situation, he really absorbs both sides. I’m so glad he understands my need to be with Glenn is more about circumstances than anything else. Yes, Glenn and I got a lot closer this weekend. Hard to believe but up until now, we had little time for anything but sex. Finally we love more about each other than sex. Yes, spending 5 nights in a row with him will no doubt intensify our relationship, and that is exactly what is supposed to happen. When he comes back we have to nurture it back again, and hopefully a higher level. The two are separate, Glenn can and never will be Justin. Justin saw that when we came home, and will see it forever. I know my time is coming. Justin is going to fall in love with Nicole, and he will have the new relationship energy, and need time with Nicole. Honestly, I’m scared to death of that! Literally! Justin is setting a great example for me. He is giving me what I need. I will have to do the same for him. No pain, no gain right. The prize is a deeply close amazing love between me and Justin and the beauty of sharing love from another partner as well, and your partner is so happy for you. I need that more than the fear. We have done everything right so far. I love Justin more than ever!

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The focus has to be on success. Many failures with people trying this. We read only about those that have done this successfully. Every one has a different set of rules, some have none. Some reach a level of compression where it becomes a total turn on actually feeling the love their partner has for their other partner. It just happens, you can’t wish for it or make it happen. Those that experience that have the most incredible relationships. I want that to happen. I think my experience with hypno wants me to feel that because I saw Amber having sex a few times and she has even seen me have sex with Nicole. I remember how turned on I felt, but with hypno, to feel that naturally is hopeful because I remember how good it felt, but this would be purely out of love. I imagine it would feel even better with a clear consenting mind. What I love the most is seeing Amber embraces this equally. When that is the case the success rate is very high. One of the series of questions we asked each other when we got home I started and she then asked me the same:

What was your best moment with Glenn?

Saturday night we spent a lot of time talking, and learning about each other, and we both felt closer, and started kissing, and we made love and it just felt so much more complete

Me:

Quite distinct to me. Nicole is ultra passionate and huggable. We had a similar experience. Getting to know each other, and she kissed up my neck to my lips, and whispered I want you to take me to bed. This was also Saturday night, and we had already had sex a few times, but the mood and my mind were different. I was really feeling it. That intimate moment with her kind of got my feelings tingly for her.

The worst moment:

Amber:

We talked about him going away and how hard it was going to be, and kind of fell into a tearful hug.

Justin:

No bad moments, but probably her not telling me about not being able to get pregnant. It is why in my text to her the question about the 3 hardest things that she hasn’t told me, and will tell me this weekend. I’m hoping that is one of them. I want to help her.

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Glenn just sent me another reflective text. Not helping! He said I realize I blew it with you after you moved in with me, when I called you out for the clothes you wear. I realize if I didn’t do that we’d still be living together and I would have you. Sometimes you get 1 chance in life and I know I blew that. When we went to the club you looked so good I wanted to just take you home and make love to you. I promise I won’t do that again. I text back and said let’s move forward and enjoy what we have ok? The past is the past. I had to share this with Justin, and he just said I agree with you, let’s look at our future. I think the biggest obstacle Justin and I have in doing this is I am way ahead of him. I’m already in a deeply loving relationship and he isn’t yet. Our needs are miles apart now. The good thing is that gap will close completely once he falls in love with Nicole and our biggest obstacle will be removed. I think at some point we both will have the freedom of seeing our lovers as we need not a schedule. A lot to look forward to. Sometimes I wish we could just skip all this and already be there lol, but work needs to be done.

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Glenn text me and asked if we can still meet at lunch everyday. I showed it to Justin and asked him if he was ok for me to still have sex with Glenn everyday. He asked me how important it was to me. I said it would really help me. So I am going to continue to have sex everyday with Glenn:). We are really getting very close, this will make our relationship and our love extremely strong.

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Justin wants comprising, and this it what that will be like. I will ultimately be seeing Glenn every day for at lunch for sex. I know how important it is for Glenn to feel like he lives with me like last weekend. Ultimately this 2 nights together will be more, and we will be living together close to half the time. So our love will get back to the level it was when we lived together.

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Eventually I will be living with Glenn and Justin, and having sex with Glenn everyday. This is working perfectly:). I can’t wait and Justin is starting to understand. Our 5 days together and again when he gets home is a prelude to Glenn and me future. So in a sense he will see I am home again:)

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Once compression is reached you stop measuring time spent with who. So there will be stretches I live with Glenn a lot more than Justin and visa versus. Whatever you need. Probably at first I will live with Glenn more. We need to get back where we were, so this 5 days will show Glenn what we have. He will love having me back.

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I just read what Amber wrote. I am totally prepared thankfully or I would be very concerned. She is overloaded with NRE or new relationship energy. It is a proven thing. She just spent 2 days living with Glenn. Her relationship just got a shot in the arm. Glenn too. He reflected on when Amber moved in and were ready to have a life together. Their love equates to that time and the immediate need is to feel that again. I’m sure it is all Amber can think about is living with Glenn. However her actions towards me are not unchanged but better. That is the key. She is right at compersion she will live with Glenn at times, you stop measuring how much time with who, and enjoy the happiness. I should be loaded with jealousy but I’m actually somewhat turned on by it. I’m not sure if it is residual hypno but it doesn’t feel like that. Maybe I’m thinking compersion so much I’m wishing her actions is that, I’m feeling it or wishing to be feeling it. She feels she needs to move in with him and so does he. I’m ok with what she does, I gauge her by how our personal relationship is, and it is great. If she needs to experience that, I’m ok. As long as we are good, and we are good, even better. I wish I was feeling like her right now, must be incredible. I did text Nicole at lunch and told her I wanted a long term relationship with her, one in which we lived together at times. She was totally in love with the thought. I said good because that is where this is heading. She said that is more than I ever thought I could have with you, I am already in love with you! I can’t stop thinking of you! I said by the end of this weekend you will probably here those words from me. She said if I hear them I want you to make love to me! I said I promise if I get that feeling I will. She said I love you so much! That was about it.

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I know she is going to live with Glenn when he gets back. It is pretty obvious they want to get back the level of love they had when she lived with him. Glenn’s text definitely had to with a conversation they had over the weekend, as long as she is unchanged toward me, this is part of the process. I’m just want her to be honest with me what she talked about and her plan. Must be a tough topic for her to admit to. She is overwhelmed with NRE.

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You are right Glenn and I talked about moving in together once Justin reaches compersion:). Hopefully that happens right after we live together 5 days after he returns. Then we can stay together for longer:). It is allowed in this type of relationship, and Glenn and I will finally have the type of relationship we want. I will always belong to Justin, but I will have my much needed time with Glenn:). We realized this weekend we need that time together.

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I love the love and honesty I can talk with here in this type of relationship. Glenn and I will become very close through this, and it will feel like we live together finally!:)))

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I just read what I wrote and it may have been to strong, I’m just excited! I love Justin 1st always but have 2 committed relationships that both need a lot of nourishing. I will have more time with Justin when I move in with him for even longer. I just need by Glenn time 1st.

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I’m ok with all of it, but I just hope she knows That Nicole by that time will be living with me, and we will by default develop a deep strong love. I’m so looking forward to weeks living with Nicole. She certainly will help fill in the void.

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You know I would never move in with Glenn. Not even for 5 days. I love you too much. I like the Friday to Sunday morning schedule and my daily noon quickie. The rest is for you.

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Well technically you will be there for 5 days, but 2 of those days I have you home. Got a text from Nicole earlier. She just said thinking about you can’t wait til Friday, I love you! I text back I am looking forward to it, did you think of your 3 things you find the hardest to share with me. She said I have 2 so far, you? I said same here I have 2 so far. She said this will be interesting, can I do one too? I have something I’d like you to answer. Ok what is it? She said I want you to think of the 3 things you like about me the most, and I will do the same, but I have many for you:). Ok good one, will be hard to pick just 3 for me, there are many things I like about you. Care to share one? Sure, I absolutely love that you are always cuddling and kissing me, I love shared affection, a lot of it. Nicole text back, I just love being close to you it comes easy with you. So she said for her, when I’m with her I am always attentive to her no matter what. No one ever did that with me before, I feel wanted and appreciated with you. I text back it is because you are wanted and appreciated, I will never hurt you in any way. I know you won’t. Ok I will let you enjoy your night, just wanted to say hi, I love you Justin. Your so sweet! Thank you and goodnight.

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She is starting to get to me. I think this weekend 5 day stretch is going to have me totally emotionally invested in her, she is a tough woman not to love, and totally a knockout. Hard to believe all the crap she has survived and can still be so sweet, and thoughtful. I know she is dying to hear I love you from her, but I’m just not there yet with her. This weekend will likely change that though. As far as Amber and me go we are on a high right now in our relationship. She was toying with me a bit so I gave some back to her on here. We are in a strong place right now. I’m still madly in love with her. When I have a clear mind, I am crazy about her. Our NRE never seems to end. We probably kiss more than any couple. Good thing she wears kids proof lipstick or she would be buying it by the truck load.

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So I asked Amber the 3 things she liked about me the best, in order.

3. A dream bedroom partner
2. How I treat her and love her always
1. How I’m open to try adventurous sexual things.

Me to her

3. The sexiest most loving woman I ever met
2. Her giving nature makes me proud
1. No matter what is going on the love she gives me every day.

We were both reflecting on the last few months, and how most things we tried tended to fail. Up until now, Aubrey was the most successful. Now, trying this poly stuff has us both believing this is totally for us. We have two perfect partners that fit this mold. Nicole is so made for this. She wanted this role, and Amber won’t probably like this, but she reminds me of her in a lot of ways. Nicole told me she never really enjoyed sex. It was frustrating, because she never had an orgasm with a man or a woman, just sex toys, and not to frequently. That changed when she had a threesome with me and Amber. She thought it was the excitement of her first threesome until last weekend, we had a lot of sex, and she had orgasms every time sometimes more. I don’t think of myself as anything special in bed, but whatever I’m doing it seems to work. What I do have is a lot of endurance, and a high sex drive. Amber and Nicole however are way above my sex drive, Amber could just have sex all day and she would love it. I’m getting the feeling Nicole is going to be the same way. The best thing about them they are both super wet, no KY in our house. That makes a lot of sex easier. The friction from someone drier and a lot of sex makes you sore at times and no desire. Amber having two men is sexually more in tune with her needs. It starts as soon as we get up. She is so cute, I can tell she wants sex just how she comes over and cuddles up with me, I can see the look in her eyes and facially. She has never refused me sex, which is a man’s dream, but sometimes I have because I’m just drained. I know Ambers body so well, I can give her so many orgasms it makes what I call “nasty Amber”come out. She starts talking like fuck me harder, drive your cock harder in my pussy, keep fucking me, on and on. That’s a huge turn on for me, I love nasty Amber. I also love the make love to me Amber. I love to tease her and talk to her when she is all hot and bothered, drives her crazy to be fucked. We definitely have an A++++++ sex life. Probably the best part of this weekend was the sex we had as soon as we saw each other. It was so intense so incredible. If it is always like that we are going to love having another partner just so we can starve for each other a few days. Time to go cuddle and hold her all night. Yeah, I love Amber so much I truly couldn’t live without her. She is a total gift and blessing, I will always be thankful for her. Yes, Nicole is a doll, sexy as hell, great sex, and a sweetheart, but Amber is special and she never has to worry about Nicole or anyone, ever!

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I was reflecting on our journey here. I came to realize that I have been polyamorous before we even arrived here. Amber has had sex with 4 other men and a woman, and has been in a committed relationship with Glenn for quite awhile. She has had sex with him pretty much every day since they met. Sometimes it has become so routine when she leaves she just says I’m going to make love to Glenn, I should be back by a little after one. I’m so used to her sleeping with him it doesn’t bother me at all. It’s been part of our life for so long. I’m so used to Amber having sex with others it is just part of our relationship. What has made it comfortable is every time she comes home be it a lunchtime quickie or spending the night or moving in with him, she comes home loving up on me the same as always. She has been in love with Glenn for quite awhile, and it just feels like part of our relationship. She teases me sometimes about it trying to make me jealous, but it would take a lot at this point. I had it right. I don’t worry about how many days she stays at Glenn’s. I just gauge her by how she is with me when she comes home, and it seems like the more time she spends with him the better it is when she comes home like last weekend. It soon is going to be her turn, when I start getting the same way with Nicole. I worry that she will have a tough time with it at least at first. Then again she saw me have sex with her. She tells me she loves Nicole and if it was anyone else she would probably be a lot more worried. This weekend is going to be very telling. Amber is now trying to downplay her 5 days with Glenn because she will be with me Monday and Tuesday while he is at work. Trying to downplay that she plans on staying with Glenn more than 5 days when he gets home. I’m betting she does, and that would be ok. I guess I would start to worry if that 5 days became 10 days. That would change my feelings about what is going on.

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A bit about NRE:

NRE (New Relationship Energy) is a term used to describe the intense giddiness one feels when falling in love. In poly circles, it's a term used to describe a particular state of mind that may be influencing peculiar or erratic decision-making.

That is classically what Amber is feeling right now to a tee. Her weekend with Glenn has taken her back to the feelings she had when she moved in with him. You can see by her erratic posts where those feelings come out, her need to spend more time with Glenn his need to spend more time with Amber. To be a true poly you have to enjoy watching this play out, but it can test your strength. When she says she wants to experience living with him, she means it, then she erratically says not really just teasing. You just have to let your partner enjoy that feeling as hard as it sounds. I would bet when Glenn comes back those 5 days from New Year’s Day forward will be requested to be longer, that’s my prediction. As I said before and she admitted they already talked about it. Have to give her time to come out of the fog. Oddly, as she is coming out of it I will probably be going into it. If you really want this lifestyle you have to really feel happy for your partner experiencing NRE, and I’m sure it can get very challenging, but I’m already used to it in part. As long as I don’t notice any changes in her I think I will be fine. I’m actually seriously getting turned on by the thought. I may already be experiencing compersion.

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I told her she would serve herself well to stay off of here for a bit before she incriminates herself with the whirlwind of feelings she is experiencing. She already added sleeping with Glenn every day again. It is obvious more is coming. I wish I could be a little bird on the wall listening to them having their discussion about moving in with each other for awhile when he comes back. She will have 5 days as it is, hopefully that is enough?

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Ok I have to respond here. I feel like everything is getting twisted here. Yes, Glenn and I did have a conversation about moving in together, but not in the way perhaps I worded it here. Yes, our love is very deep, especially after this weekend. I’m sure after sleeping with him everyday from now on will make it stronger and our 5 days together before he leaves even more. I dread he is gone for 10 days, that is going to be so hard. Also, no, I am never going to ever leave Justin, he knows that! So back to the moving in part. We never got the full experience of living together, and when he comes home I want us to have as much time together as we did apart. So depending how things go, and how Justin is with Nicole, and if he is not threatened by it, Glenn and I talked about living together for the 5 days planned, and hopefully 5 more added. So To make sure this is not twisted, it is only because of the circumstances, and remember, I love Glenn a lot. What Justin, I hope understands, and I know he does, the stronger my relationship is with Glenn the more secure his relationship is with Nicole. I will always show Justin that too. When I am with Justin he will know no matter how long I live with Glenn it doesn’t change who he is in my life. I can be deeply in love with 2 men, I have proven that to Justin. Even better, I saw he said he is even getting turned on by it now. That is not strange. I have read about that experience from a lot of poly people. Knowing that, Will make it easy to move in with Glenn for as long as I want to:), but clearly there has to be a limit for now. Adding 5 more days onto the 5 isn’t much more. Plus I will be with Justin on 4 of those days while Glenn works, so it isn’t like 10 straight days of nothing. Justin will know nothing has changed when I make love to him. Glenn loves that I love him enough to move in with him for awhile, this is needed by him/us so he can feel like I am totally his from time to time. If it needs more than 10 days, I know Justin will be ok, especially if he is getting turned on. I am going to talk to him about that right now, I just saw what he wrote, this could really get interesting.

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The only thing about that for me is that means he will be likely living with Nicole for the same period of time as I live with Glenn, and honestly, I am scared to death I will lose him. It is what likely means after 5 days I won’t be able to handle him being with her that long. I’m so jealous just even thinking about it. Especially when he comes home and tells me how he fell in love with her. That is going to be hurting a lot. So that is the reality. It will never happen as much as I want it to. He is so used to me in love with Glenn, his trust is so much stronger than mine, even though I trust both of them a lot. I think of my love for Hlenn. If he had a love like that for Nicole, I really don’t think I can handle it, it is going to be so hard seeing him all giddy with love for another woman. I’m also going to be home myself while he is out making love to her. I really don’t know how I can get through that, and I am well aware that I might be the reason this lifestyle might fail. I keep reading about how to control jealousy, but deep down I’m a very insecure woman, that Justin has made more secure than ever , but him with another woman making love to her several times a day scares me so bad. If I ever lost Justin, I would be a train wreck for life. Those 10 days are going to be a very rough road, and 5 days with Glenn when he comes home or more I want so bad, but that 5 days may never even happen. Nicole is a freaking knockout, and highly sexual, and very affectionate, and an absolute sweetheart. I have directly had sex with her woman to woman and made out with her in our bedroom, I know she is full of passion and a very seductive kisser. She also has crazy incredible boobs, that Justin suddenly loves. I’m shocked he isn’t head over heels for her already. So I’m talking what I want but will be too scared to have it.

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I feel like a hypocrite as I have sex with Glenn every day. I’m scared to death he is spending 5 days with Nicole this week. I have shed some tears on his shoulder, and thankfully he has a way of defining his love for me not just in words in how consistent his love has been all the time. Even when the hypno was over he allowed me to continue to see Glenn because he took responsibility for me being in love with him. He has always put me 1st but does that change when he falls in love with another woman who I think is better looking than me? I wish I could do hypno so I am not jealous, but just doesn’t work. Justin has gotten to the point he just pays attention to how I am with him and as long as that is unchanged, he doesn’t care how much I love Glenn, or even if I temporarily moved in with him, which I really want, but I know I couldn’t take him moving in with Nicole.

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When Glenn and I talked about moving in together for awhile he said even if it is just a couple of weeks, I just want to experience that with you. I totally agreed I wanted to have that experience with him so much. I told him I would try to make it happen, but I don’t think my fear will allow me too right now. Maybe at some point. We really need to feel that together just 1 time.

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I’m walking out the door in 20 minutes to go make love with Glenn and it is so easy for Justin. I wish I could be like that for him. I know Glenn is going to ask me if we will be able to move on with each other when he comes back. We are both so looking forward to it but I’m so scared. I’m going to talk to Justin about it when I get home. I know after being with Glenn right now, we both will want it even more.

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I can see every direction Amber is coming from. I agree with what she wants and why she wants it. I have learned one thing from what we have done the past few months. I would say we get so excited we move too fast. Amber and I as well want this to move really fast. I want to experience Nicole the way she experiences Glenn. She wants to experience living with Glenn because their love is deep. I want us to have all of that. She just wants it right now, instead of slowly allowing this to play out. Once we get to compersion she will be able to live with Glenn for a period of time anytime she feels that need, and I will her doing it, I’m already ok with it. I know what it means to her. We will discuss this when she gets home. She will appreciate the opportunity to experience him that way as she needs. I will hopefully get that from Nicole. The secondary partner has to feel somewhat equal or it won’t last.

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I just read what Justin wrote. He is so on the money. I no longer hide my feelings from him since we started on this path. I think I have made it clear to him, and the way he addresses he understands the how and why behind it. It has nothing to do with him, or anyway I feel about him at all. It isn’t to set the stage for me permanently being with Glenn. I don’t want that, I have made it clear to Glenn it will never be that way. We have been deeply in love for a long time. For the most part we have been sex partners with a few stay overs. In the midst of last weekend we talked about the feeling we both got when I moved in with him. I was in a no choice situation with Justin begging me everyday to move in with Glenn. At first it was a turn on. After awhile it was scary. I had to convince Glenn I needed to live with him and it was going to be a long time maybe forever. I tried scaring Justin, telling him I am going to be with Glenn until something happens and it ends and his response was why does it have to end? I knew then my only choice was to move in with Glenn. I loved him enough to try it. So yes I said to Glenn I’m finally home. We are together now. I had no choice. It was a relief for me to be with Glenn, because Justin loved it and I no longer had to hear him pushing me away every day. I thing. I never stopped loving him, I made his meals I made love to him every day. I was with Glenn until something changed, I realized it might be forever, and I quietly cried. I love Glenn and he held me through it all, but deep down inside I wanted to be with Justin. We talked and agreed we have to have that time together once in our life. Our love is so needing to at least feel that together. Justin is as always the logical calm when he has a clear mind. He said let’s not rush through this at lightning speed. I know you want to live with and experience your love together with Glenn. It will happen, but we have to let us get to a place where we want it to happen for each other. Your not ready. My coming time with Nicole you admit is going to be hard. I want you to think of this. How much do you love Glenn? I said I really love him a lot, I don’t want to ever lose him. Ok, how much has that diminished your love for me? I said OMG! I love you more, because you are letting me feel something so amazing. I will be with you forever no matter what! He said that is exactly what it will be like for me! Use your own experience and plug that into me, I promise that is exactly how I will feel about you. We control our own love. I want you to experience living with Glenn and you will. I’m not talking about a lengthy time. What length of time are you thinking? I said we are going to have 5 days, I was thinking 2 weeks? Three weeks? But remember a lot of those days I will be with you and you will see I love you so much probably more like this past weekend. I know you will, I will be the same to you as well. Maybe when he comes back that will be your time to have him that way, maybe it won’t quite come that soon, but it will come. I have to go clean up and make love to Justin. He is amazing. I will be living with Glenn when the time is right. I have to trust him with Nicole. I know I can, my mind needs to be convinced or retrained that will be so rewarding for him.

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I was dying for a cigarette and forgot to text Glenn. Of course he asked me if we were going to be able to live together when he gets home. I said, don’t be disappointed, but maybe. What I can promise you is we will live together soon, up to maybe 3 weeks:)))). If it works, I will live with you from time to time, so I will be all yours soon, just be patient ok?

He text back, I love you so much. I so hope it is when I come back, I am going to want to be with you so much!

I know, I will be dying to be with you, hopefully it is 3 weeks:))). If not then soon. I love you!

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I love what she wrote, she understands, meanwhile I text Nicole and just to skirt through insignificant stuff. I asked her about her thoughts of staying with me sometime in the near future for 2-3 weeks at a time?

She said your kidding me right? Of course I would want that I love you!

I said it will happen maybe as soon as New Years weekend, but if not sometime soon ok. I really like you a lot, and I want us to feel like a couple.

I feel like I am dreaming, you just made my day!!!! I will stay with you anytime and for however long you give me. This is so amazing. I won’t be able to stop thinking about it now all week. Can’t wait to see you Friday!

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Basically, compersion is the feeling of joy or happiness (and sometimes even arousal) for your partner's happiness with their other partner.

I really believe I am there. I’m getting hard suddenly when she leaves to make love to Glenn and when she comes home. This is hard to explain, because it is nothing like the hypno version that loved watching a cock go inside of her completely erotic. This is a feeling of I want to make love to her. I’m so happy for her.

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I hope I can feel that way.

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So I sat down with Amber because seems to be struggling with me and Nicole. She also is letting it interfere with her and Glenn. I basically told her this is 100% based on trust. I have to believe you are who you were when I met you, and that is the woman I knew early on I was going to spend the rest of my life with. That is still true today no matter how much in love you are with Glenn, you love me the same or even more. I can’t control Glenn, I’m sure he pulls at you to be with him, I don’t know him. I know you and I trust our love. I then posed a question to her. What is our main goal from all this? She answered to build our trust and enhance our relationship. I said so your personal goal, from everything we talk about and you write here is to have a chance to live with Glenn? She said yes, I want to experience that more than anything. Ok, so if you want it that bad, the only one that can make it happen is you. How bad do you want to have that? Is that worth trusting me. If it does I promise you I will never end up with Nicole. Do I worry that you living with Glenn will make me lose you? No. You have been so true in your love for me, I totally believe in us.

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This is an important weekend for us. When we see each other Monday morning she is apt to see a man with love for another woman, but she will also see a man that can’t wait to hold her kiss her and make love to her. Really, this weekend and Mon and Tues, she is going to decide if she lives with Glenn or not. We will have become a complete poly couple or we haven’t yet. It is ok if we haven’t as long as we are still on track. If she moves in with him I will see her that next Mon-Tues of that week. If we are the same she can fill her desire. I would just hope after those 5 days it isn’t more than a couple weeks or shorter. She may find that it was an awesome experience, or that was too long with him and sees some warts, I hope she comes out more in love not less. Then we are on our way.

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Nicole text me. I don’t want to pry but after your text today I was worrying all day that something happened to you and Amber. Are you both doing ok? If you don’t want to answer I understand totally. I replied that is really thoughtful of you, but we are better than ever. We are talking about giving our partner some extra time in their other relationship. Oh that’s a relief. I thought maybe I was causing Robles for you. I don’t ever want to do that. I cherish every minute with you. I love the time we spent together too! Ok I feel so much better now. I’ll let you get back to Amber. I love you!!

She is so sweet. I’m in trouble this weekend, but good trouble I think. She is hard not to love.

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I think this is what Justin does best. He has a logical way to share his thoughts. We started this to do exactly what I’m afraid to do, allow him with another woman. Grow our communication skills and have complete trust in each other, and it is happening. Justin also said to me don’t be afraid to fall, I will always be here to catch you. I know he will, and if I want us to be what I can already see already, and if I want to experience living with Glenn then I have to take a leap of faith. I want all of those things.

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Justin asked me to think of something. If I wasn’t as in love with you as anyone ever in my life, why would I stay while you are deeply in love with another man? Don’t you think that almost every man in this situation would leave? I trust you. He said Glenn doesn’t enter the thought process. I’m sure he is a special guy because you wouldn’t love him so much if he wasn’t. He is not competition to me at all. We together are. I trust and believe what we have and can have. I’m not going to be impatient I want to hold your hand and love you through this. The truth? I’m not crazy about the idea of you living with Glenn for a few weeks, but in your own way, you need that. I don’t need it, but that doesn’t matter it is important to you. I want what you want that doesn’t weaken us. So therefore, I want you to live with Glenn, and if you need up to 3 weeks, and you love me through it, do you think after that there is anything about your trust I will ever question again? No! Do you know how that will feel to me? Do you know the sexual freedom you will have? I want to earn that from you as well. There will never be doubt ever again about how much we love and trust each other, ever. That is why we are doing this. Think of what that will feel like. You will never be jealous again. The last thing is he said words are easy turning your brain around to embrace this is very hard. So take your time, and we will love each other through everything we need. I love you, and you make me so much of a better man because of how you love me. How can he ever think I would ever leave him for Glenn? The beauty is he doesn’t ever think I will and he is right. I know he won’t leave me either, this helps so much!

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I asked Justin how it was the first time I had sex with someone since being with him? He said the video of Jackie? It was so amazing but I was on hypno, but then I saw what was on the table and I was so scared. Ugh forgot that was the first. I will never do that again, I came within literally seconds of ruining my life. Someone was watching over me, let’s forget about that one. Ok the first time I was making love to Glenn no hypno. It felt pretty awful actually. I felt more awful for what I did than you did. What do you mean? Basically I pushed you in love with him. Then you were spending nights with him sometimes sleeping with him every day, it wasn’t good for me deep inside, but like a lot of things, I had to accept it, and I have. It no longer bothers me at all, and I give you all the credit. You reassured me you would never leave me and loved me no differently. I realize now for this to work, I have to embrace you being in love with Nicole and getting close to her. If I don’t I realize my relationship with Glenn is going to be in decline. The time I see him will be just sex again, no overnights. We both just want that one chance to live with each other, so where ever the end is we will always have that to reflect on. I want you to fall in love with Nicole, please please nurture me through it if it happens this weekend. He told me thank you he needed to hear that. He said he tried so hard to hold back any emotions for her, because he was afraid it would hurt me, I wasn’t ready. He said even doing that he definitely felt something for her. I told him to let go this week, I want you to be happy with her. I really know you won’t hurt me just like you know I won’t hurt you. He asked me if that was coming from my heart or my mind? I said my heart, she is a really good choice of a partner for you. Do you think she is better looking than me? I had a tear in my eye asking him that. He put his arms around me and said I love you so much. Please don’t do this to yourself. We promised no comparison questions because we will eat each other alive. She said I know she is, it’s ok. He hugged me and said I will answer one time only. Nicole is incredible looking. You are the best looking sexiest woman I have ever seen, not because you are with me, because you are. My friends were awestruck by your looks. When you left that day to go to Aubreys place all 3 said to me how can you let her out of the house like that? They made so many comments about your hair boobs body ass legs everything. They said you won the lottery dude. I said your right I did and I will be with her forever and I will be! I held him and hugged him and told him I may not look it but I love you and welcome Nicole into our lives. He said I so needed that from you thank you. I will show you Sunday who my girl is the second you walk through the door,I promise. You will never worry again. It will always be that way. Time to make love to him. I could never be without him. We are forever!

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I asked Justin if everything goes well this weekend, and then the weekend Glenn comes home, I’m gonna miss him so much. So that Monday if everything appears and feels right to him on that Monday, would he be ok if I moved in with Glenn for a few weeks? He said if everything goes right, and we are at the point of compersion, I would love for you to experience living with Glenn. I asked him if there was a defined time table. If we are doing really well, up to what point would you be comfortable. Those 5 days would be through Jan. 5. Would you be ok giving us til the end of the month, and then going forward 4 days with you and 3 days with Glenn? So you would be with him for the month of January, but I would be with you every work day Monday- Friday? I said Yes! He said oh I misunderstood I thought you wanted 3 weeks or so counting just the full days you were with him so I thought 3 weeks of those, so was thinking you meant 5-6 real weeks but 3 weeks of actual time. I said that would be so much better! So I could live with him for 6 real weeks which is 3 weeks of full days and 3 weeks of most of the day with you? Yes, providing we were still doing really well. We will be. I have to text Glenn he is going to be so happy. When I tell him I’m all his for 6 weeks he is going to be so happy. This is what we always wanted. I love you so much! I thought 3 weeks was kind of short since I’m not with him all week he works, I will be with you.

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He is snuggled up with me. He just said to me that we are both going to have 6 weeks with our other partners to experience all the new relationship energy high. Our partners will feel totally satisfied and locked in so we don’t lose them, and guess what is going to happen Monday through Friday when they are working? We are going to experience our own new relationship energy. We will be living in the bedroom the whole 8 hours. Our love is going to be felt like nothing we ever felt before! We are already feeling it, we just had sex and I think we are going to have to have sex again before bed. I’m really starting to understand all this now. We can live with our partners after this every once in awhile but just for a short time like 1 week. Everyone will be happy, our trust and love will be like no other. This is going to be so amazing! I think we found something that will fit for us and with totally clear minds. I just have to get through the days without Glenn but then I will be all his for 6 weeks. We have to give each other lots of love, when we are together, that’s going to be so important to me and I’m sure Justin as well. He is sucking on my boobs while I type, time to go.