The art of changing consciousness in accordance with will?

[dgrade]

*Note: This got a bit long in the build up, but at the end there is a question for you all...*

Hello folks, I've taken a few months off from the site to really start studying this subject matter instead of just enjoying the mind-fuck. I had some success, and I had some failures so I thought it best to really come to grips with the theories behind hypnosis to better utilize this tool.

I have succeeded in greatly advancing my knowledge of both the psychological and metaphysical schools of thought on hypnosis. While I am no longer an active practitioner in ritual magick (not to be confused with witchcraft or the sort, ritual magick is all about enlightenment and raising awareness, no love spells here), I have experienced things which will forever make me a believer. Now through my studies of hypnosis I have come to understand the subjective world we experience with greater clarity and I am even more a believer.

If this were Jeopardy, "The art of changing consciousness in accordance with will" could both describe hypnosis and ritual magick. From my metaphysical studies I understand the "Will" to be representative of a higher self, the opposite of will is a more primal self (these are both poor descriptions but the extent of each is beyond the scope of this post). We mortal beings in our subjective realities typically exist somewhere in between. This is best illustrated by:

Do what thou Wilt shall be the whole of the law.
Love is the law.
Love under Will.

Our primal heart is our law, but according Crowley we should make our love subservient to the higher will. Say what you will about the man, but he spent more time contemplating the enlightenment of man than most of us have even lived. For me personally, I find that ignoring his guidance may be at my peril.

So what if my will is as transient as my consciousness seems to be? How shall I guide my heart and my subconscious if my will is in flux?

Let me give you a practical and very personal example:

I love women. I am aggressive with women. Every inch of the female form inspires my lust to new heights. Yet should I go a day without sexual release I find my will begins to shift. Their bodies fascinate me, but do not arouse me. Not even their touch will do for me what I need. Should I seek solace at my own hands I will invariably find my mind wanders towards the exact opposite. Not only am I no longer aggressive, but I am no longer inclined to women at all. The penis of a man is all that I crave and all that will satiate. The euphoria of orgasm comes only when I am over-come by the sense of submission to a man. The longer I go without orgasm the greater this shift becomes... submission is not enough. Greater and greater my depravity grows as I long constantly to be "owned" by a man and degraded as though I am only his object.

It is important to further note that I am in no way attracted to men at all. Not even when I crave most their masculine dominance. This has led to deeply unfulfilling relationships with both men and women. It is my hope that through hypnosis I will be able to explore my submissive homosexual interests, as today whenever I am presented the opportunity I do not enjoy the experience and never feel anything but disgust for my partner.

Please share with me your thoughts, in the context as I have presented them. I am very interested of hearing from the practitioners here.