I need some help

[wmxx]

I just did a line before Nicole comes. Glenn asked me about her. I told him she was super hot. He wants me to take some coke and do lines with her and bring her back home. He asked me if I have ever been with her that way, I said yes a lot. I told him I will try I know she does lines occasionally. He said he would love to have a threesome with us, and I said so would I. I will try really hard. Glenn is so hot she probably will. So glad I got my coke back. I would love to do a line with Nicole and have sex

[wmxx]

That was a painful meeting. I wanted Nicole to do a line with me, but she didn’t. I had to do a line in front of her. I needed it so bad. She told me after I shared with Justin I was using coke he was really concerned about me. He told Nicole to hold on, and he came back with all the pages I wrote here since he last looked. He promised he wouldn’t read them but he had Nicole read them. He was so shocked I have been doing coke pretty much since I met him. He was shocked. He was really shocked about my affair with Mike, the entire time before we moved. Many times once I moved in with Justin, he was home on Saturday. I would go into work and do a line with Amy, and I would have no appointments scheduled. I went to Mike’s to do lines with him all day, and we would have sex all day. He wasn’t my type but he was good in bed, but I was there for the coke. We would do 5-6 lines every Saturday, but I was doing coke so much I had a nice tolerance so no one knew. She said that crushed him. I was crying because I really love Justin so much. When we moved here I told Nicole the first couple of weeks I was desperate for coke, I asked a few people, could not get any. I finally withdrew enough to manage. I had all this guilt that I had an ongoing affair, did coke everyday and hid it all. I couldn’t stand it. I almost told him a few times but I knew he would leave me. So I figured I would leave him before I had to tell him. So I did. I’m with Glenn now. Glenn can’t measure up to Justin, and he makes it so much easier, because I have my coke back. I love coke so much but I also realize it cost me Justin, and it hurts really deep, but I did it for him, I did so much to hurt him. She told me she was up a great deal of the night talking to Justin and telling him I am everything he always wanted, she didn’t do anything wrong, it was 100% because of coke. You have to forgive her, get her help, or otherwise the woman your heart bleeds for will slowly destroy herself. She knows he is hurting but understand it isn’t who she is. I also told him you have to to confess everything as hard as it is and start healing, both of you! I have witnessed your love, there is nothing like it. I’m going to take you to Justin right now. I told him he has to agree to you using coke. It is better than you destroying yourself. I told him if she is here with us we can make sure she doesn’t go over the top with it, and gradually help her use it less and less. I said he will allow me to have my coke? Yes, but certainly not forever, you need help girlfriend. I told her I’m afraid to see him now. She said one outcome or the other you have to. I said I will agree, but not until Monday when Glenn goes back to work, it will get too ugly here, all my stuff. I promise Monday morning. Please tell Justin I am so sorry, I love him so much. I don’t see how he can forgive me. She said it will take awhile but it is worth it and he agreed. She dropped me off at a park about a 1/4 mile from Glenn’s, she didn’t want to even see him. I have one more line left, and do I ever need it. I am going to stay here awhile before I go home. At least I have my coke to get me through.

[wmxx]

Ok, this is for Justin and Nicole. I’m scared right now, and I want to thank Nicole who is a true genuine person. I love you so much. I know you are concerned. Thank you. For Justin. You are someone I love so much. The last couple of months have been very difficult. I have not used coke since we got here. Not necessarily by choice, to be honest, because I couldn’t find any. What it did is make me realize all the secrets I have hidden. I am going to put them all here. Everything! No secrets left. This is so hard! I left you because I knew I would have to come clean of all of this at some point. I was sure you would kick me to the curb. I thought it would be easier if I left you and then I’d never have to come clean. Let me start about some things you didn’t know. I did my first line at 14. One of my neighbors who was 21 at the time I had a crush on. He had moved out. He invited me to his apartment. He wanted to have sex with me. I said I never did that before, and he said you want to try it? I said no. He took out a bag of coke, and he said this will make you want to have sex. I had smoked weed and thought it was so cool he had coke. He said this is all you have to do and he did a line. He said here it will make you feel better than you ever felt before. So I did it. He was right it felt so good. Then he said lay on the bed, and he kissed me. It felt amazing and he started to take my clothes off and I said no. He said let’s be naked together and he kept going. Once my clothes were off he didn’t say anything he held me down, and just fucked me. It kind of hurt and felt good at the same time. He raped me basically. That was my start. I did coke very rarely until I was about 20. Fast forward to Justin. The first date I was doing coke. I had been doing it everyday mostly for a year. I love coke so much. I was worried when I met him, because I fell hard and fast for him. But nothing was going to stop me from doing lines. I was fucking Mike, the guy I was getting my coke from at least 3 times a week. He was far from my type but the sex was great. This was going on right from the start dating Justin. I was also fucking Jackie once in awhile, so when Justin wanted me to fuck a cross dresser, I was so wanting that. I would do lines with Jackie and it was a dream. I was so pissed when he saw the coke, I thought that was it. What he didn’t know was that was my coke. I did lines all night with Jackie. The next morning he didn’t give me a wake up line, it was my own coke and I always woke up to doing a line and a cigarette. That was another thing. I never quit cigarettes, I smoked from the day I met him. I smoked all day at my shop and did lines. Jackie gave me an excuse to suddenly start smoking. I have smoked since I was 14, never tried to quit because my cigarettes when I’m doing coke are mandatory. I love to smoke. Such a relief that I had an excuse to smoke now. Same with Aubrey. He loved coke. All the times I went to his house to fuck him we were doing lines. Even the day Justin’s friends were over, I was doing lines. Every time I washed my hair or did my make up I was doing lines. More coming I have to pee lol

[wmxx]

I had one other affair before I moved in with Justin. I was out with Amy one night and I met this hot guy. We were talking and we discovered we both loved coke. I went to his house probably 5-10 times. We did lines together and had sex. He was pretty bad in bed, so I stopped and filled that time fucking Mike more. I’m not unfaithful, coke makes me unfaithful. There is nothing like coke and good sex. Justin is amazing in bed. I was always doing lines before we had sex, no better experience like him, he is incredible in bed and lasts a long time and can have sex about an hour after the last time. Glenn, no coke or weed, is once a day, very frustrating. Justin if you can find it in your heart to work something out, I love you so much, but I need to slowly get used to not using coke anymore. Nicole had text me what you suggested. However many lines a day I am doing now my first week back I start from there. Each week 1 do one less line until I am at zero. I think that is the best way. Taking it away from me instantly will be awful. I hope you forgive me. My coke created every bad thing I did, and I am responsible. I love Glenn, but I know and already said he was a mistake. He is off until Monday. I was so afraid you would leave me because one day I would have had to tell you all of this and I knew you would throw me out. I thought it would be easier to leave you. My love never changed for you, my guilt changed what I did. I know we have a long road back. Nicole is amazing. She said once we get together she is going to leave. Please don’t let her, she is so good for us and so unselfish. She has you, and she still would rather have us together at her own sadness. Please convince her we want her. I love her so much, look what she is doing taking a day off. She got through to me. I love you both. I have to head back, and I’m not going to lie, I really need a line right now, but if you will have me, It will slowly start to go away.

[grover27]

What I say here is my gut reaction and it's pretty rude.

Well if that's what you want that's what you want, from all I've seen here you'll probably change your mind again, it's been fairly wishy washy I think this is a mistake you have shown yourselves to be truly happiest with justin nicole and amber together in a 3 way relationship and now you look like you are going to throw that away. and bringing hypnosis and drugs into it is just gonna make it harder if you do change your minds tomorrow. Good luck with your lives

This is the truth

[wmxx]

Wow, I get home and he asks where Nicole is? I had two lines out as you can see for both of you. I told him she had to get some things done because she was off today. He said oh no. Look what I got for you to give to her. He pulls out what he said was 18 more grams so a full ounce of coke here. When I left he went to his friends to buy 3-4 grams for her. His friend said why don’t you just buy a full ounce including what you got yesterday, and I’ll save you 800. He didn’t bring enough money, but wanted to be here in case I came back with Nicole. So he had to go to the bank again and back to pay his friend. He said well there are 2 lines out, you may as well do them. I have more coke now than ever. I just did a line. I have to keep track. I have to know how many lines I’m doing a day. I think yesterday was about 15. It scares me to think that would mean in 15 weeks no more coke. It’s my last chance really. I’m dying to see Justin, but at the same time, I’m so scared to face him. Well, it is my real last chance, once this is gone I can’t get anymore anyway, so I may as well get it out of my system now. I will do as much as I can. I love it so much this 1 line a week subtraction I actually think could work. It is a slow withdrawal, instead of just stopping instantly, that really hurts. I have 16 weeks to enjoy it, if Justin doesn’t forgive me, I will never stop doing coke ever so in some ways this is a turning point in my life. If I keep this up I will be an old hag before I’m 35 or 40. It’s not what I want but I’ll never stop on my own. I have spilled my ugly secrets to Justin, and I truly am responsible. If This works he will have the most dedicated loving wife ever! He certainly a model husband. I do hope Nicole doesn’t leave. She said it will hurt to leave you guys because I love you both, but I think you guys will need time alone to heal and restore. She sees us as more in love and made for each other than anyone. Justin please talk her out of leaving.

Nicole just text me, and Justin convinced her there is no reason to leave. I’m staying!

I text back that is so awesome I love you so much.

She told me she loves me and said this is your chance girlfriend to make your life meaningful otherwise to put it frankfully you are going to die! Think of that!

[wmxx]

She text back again Justin is making a calendar. (Very good sign for you) of when your ending doing coke. He wants to know how many lines a day you will be doing week 1 when you get here?

I said by next Monday start with 20 so in 21 weeks it will be zero.

Wow you are doing a lot of coke!

I said, I know but that is what I was doing before when I was with Justin.

Ok, well at least we have a start and end date. So that takes you through sometime in May and we will have our Amber back!

I will do this, facing Justin is going to be so hard. Glenn just pulled in talk to you later tonight.

[wmxx]

The thought of giving up my coke is weighing on me. Just thinking about it makes me want it more. Just did another line. With my honey now.

[wmxx]

Glenn has a strange desire. He loves laying on the couch and have me lick his cock and not really give him a blow job, but use his cock like a pacifier

[wmxx]

Ok I thought of one more thing. I’m not helping my cause here, but I said To Nicole I would tell everything. That weekend I went shopping with Amy before we moved in together I was really at Mike’s doing lines and having sex all weekend. I think that is it. I’m really sorry.

[wmxx]

Glenn is definitely used to his work schedule. He just went to bed already. I should get some cuddle time, but he is up early. He gave me a nice kiss goodnight and told me he’d have my line and coffee waiting for me in the morning. I think Nicole is right. He wants be dependent on coke and I would never think of leaving him. There is something I hate to say is true about that. Having unlimited coke and your man loves you doing it is like a dream for me. I started counting my lines and I just did my 17th today so I guess I am doing 20 or so a day. When I was with Justin I was probably doing 5 on a day where it was hard for me to do it, and on days I was at Mike’s like all day Saturday probably close to 20. I used to love Saturday’s because I knew I was going to be doing a lot of lines and having sex all day. I shocked my friend Amy. She knew I was having an affair with Glenn. I told her yesterday I moved in with him. She was like what? Are you serious
? What happened with Justin? I told her I kind of opened up about my coke use and my ongoing affair with Mike, and before he found out I knew I had to leave him, because he was going to probably end it anyway. She said you are crazy girl! That man is a dream husband, he adored you, and you were so far in love with him you 2 were the most perfect match I have ever seen, why girlfriend? I know I love him so much but I had all this guilt, and it was eating away at me. When We moved here I had no coke and all these guilty feelings were eating me alive inside. She said Amber you have to fix that, you are out of your mind! You will never find another man like that, ever. I don’t know anyone that ever had a bad word about him. Remember what he did for me and the girls? He saved all of us and didn’t want me to ever tell you. I know, but let me ask you something, did you ever go 2 months without coke? She said omg no, I wouldn’t be able to function! I said exactly! Here is the other thing. Glenn bought me an ounce of coke!!! He is fine with me doing it and he did some with me yesterday! I finally have my coke back! She said omg you must be so relieved! I think the most I went without it was 3 days and I couldn’t stand it. See, imagine 2 months? You are like me you love your coke, and you know how bad I need it as well! I can see the position you are in. You must be so relieved, I’ll bet you are doing a lot right now? I said girlfriend I have been doing lines nonstop, I’m in heaven right now! She said, I understand now, If I were you, I hate to say this, but knowing myself, and knowing you, I would stay with Glenn especially if you love him, you will never have to worry about your coke, and better yet you don’t have to hide it. I’m so glad you said that. I’m really thinking I’m going to stay with Glenn, I can’t give up my coke now that I got it back! She said I’d do the same.

I so needed to hear Amy say that. She knows me. She is exactly like me. She can’t live without her coke. She has been having an affair for over a year now, kind of like me and Mike, but she is in love, and she does coke with him all the time. I’m really glad I text her. I have my coke now, and I’m not giving it up again. I never gave it up, I couldn’t get any. I’m so grateful for Glenn.

[wmxx]

I haven’t text Mike since I left. I just text him and he said Holy shit Amber how are you? I said I’m doing great now, I went 2 months without coke! I finally have a new boyfriend and now I have my coke back:). He said 2 months, lol..when you were with me, you couldn’t go 30 minutes without a line! LOL I know, you kept me together, and I miss the great sex! He said tell me about it, I loved having sex with you, at one time you told me you were having sex with me more than your boyfriend. I know, I used to love Saturday, we had sex all day long. You need to come visit sometime, and relive some good times.

[wmxx]

I asked Glenn if he knew what his guy cut the coke with because now that I am using it on a regular basis it seems kind of over cut. He text him and he said I know the first bag was cut with too much baking soda. I made it up in the second bag. If she likes coke cut with meth she will love it, but tell her to be careful and not use as much because she will get seriously hooked. OMG! I only did coke twice with meth and that is the most incredible high of all. So as nice as Glenn was to put my line out this morning, I wanted the other bag. I did the meth coke, and I’m so high right now. He is right though if I do 20 lines of this I’ll be really addicted. I love it so much though. The difference in the high is night and day. I love it. I’m heading to make love to my sweetheart. I love him so much. He keeps me feeling so good!

[wmxx]

I finally figured this out and Glenn said he had the same thought and totally agrees with me. I am in the kitchen and I have all my coke and all my cigarettes in my handbag. Glenn asked me what I am doing and I said Justin and Nicole are coming for my coke and cigarettes! He laughed, and I yelled at him, they are! Then he realized I was right. He said they don’t want me happy and I should never trust them, because they are going to come for your cigarettes and coke. I begged him not to let them in if they come over and not let them take it from me. He said he is the only one I can trust. See, I told you this all along. I will make sure your coke and cigarettes are always safe. I love Glenn so much. I can trust him. He said they will never get it as long as I am here. I’m going to make love with him right now. I will take my coke and cigarettes with me. I’m with Glenn forever, he so cares about me. He said Justin and Nicole are evil and they are.

[wmxx]

Glenn just wanted a blow job. He said he loves watching coke whore movies, and he asked if I have ever been one? I said yes, I love being a coke whore. I told him how when I met Justin I was already a coke whore with my coke guy Mike. I had an affair with Mike the entire time I was with Justin. I even spent a weekend with him and for about a year I was his coke whore. I was a coke whore to another guy but it didn’t last long. He wants me to be his coke whore. I told him I will always be his coke whore, and better yet, I love him so much. He will protect me from Justin and Nicole, and will make all my lines for me:). He also said that he thinks the meth coke is way too strong for me so he mixed both bags together. He said now you will get your meth, in a much more diluted state. He said it will take me a little longer to get addicted to it. I said I’m ok with that, but what happens if I need more meth? He said when I get hooked on it He can just get me meth if I need it. He asked me if I ever thought of any other drugs or done anything else. I told him not really, but I like the meth bag I haven’t done another line yet and I’m still high. The meth rush when you first snort it, is so amazing! I love that feeling. I love the combo. He eased my feelings that Justin and Nicole won’t get my coke, he promised me he would never let them. He said to stay away from them and I will. I’m a coke whore again, And he wants me topless all the time around the house which is fine with me.

[wmxx]

I have always been very loyal to my coke suppliers. With Mike all he had to do was text me and within the hour I was in bed with him. He was so worried when I met Justin. I remember the first time I went over he said, are we still going be able to have sex? I said of course. Don’t worry about Justin, he will never know I’m doing coke and having an affair most days. I told him sex with him was more of a priority than Justin. I made sure I was having more sex with Mike than Justin. After saying good night to Justin usually around 10pm I would go over Mikes and do lines and have sex a lot. I would spend the night. I slept with Mike way more than Justin. I am a very loyal coke whore, and I love being one.

[wmxx]

After fucking him 4 times and again in the morning, I would go to my shop Amy had. Line ready for me we would go out and have a couple cigarettes, and sometimes I would go right back to Mike’s and spend the day doing lines and having sex. Mike could bounce back in 15-20 minutes and have sex again. So over 24 hours sometimes I had sex with Mike more than 10 times. I was in bed with him way more than Justin. The HUGE problem here is Glenn is not very sexual. Once a day, twice if I’m lucky. Once I have built my coke tolerance up and I can be normal doing coke, I will definitely put an ad in and find a sex/coke partner to be with while Glenn works. I need more sex. Plus doing coke alone all the time kinda sucks. Glenn is out working on this old car he is trying to restore. But he loves me doing coke and I love that!

[wmxx]

I just got a long email from Nicole. The gist of which is how much Justin misses me, and how painful it is that he has lost you. He is even willing to sit down with you and is willing to work out something where you can have your coke, but not abusing it. He sees your using meth now, and he knows that will kill you. He can’t stand what is happening to you. He will even let you have affairs. Now that he realizes you were in a constant affair the whole time is was with you and doing coke the whole time, you never neglected to love him. He wants that before it’s too late. He will accept you that way with hopes over time that need will diminish. The man adores you. It went on and on. That really touched me. I said I adore Justin. I feel bad about all I did to him. I just love my coke. The issue is where do I get my coke? Nicole said she will get some when I need it. I have to think about this it could be a trick.

[wmxx]

Nicole text me that she is home and took the week off from work because she was worried about Justin. I hope someday you realize how much he loves you! Every woman in the world wants a man like that. I love Justin, I’m a much different way, and he loves me, but we both know you will always be his girl no matter what. You need to come home on Monday. I really love Justin. I’m afraid I’m not good enough for him, I can’t be his Princess the way he wants me. I can’t help it I love my coke. Even Amy said 3 days without coke I was a mess. After 2 months without it I was asking strangers if they did coke. The night we were at the club I asked people. If a guy had coke and wanted a blow job I would have blown him. There is only one possible way for this to work. Just ask Justin to make a file for himself regarding my coke. He will know what I mean. I don’t see any other way it will work. He will love it if he does. She text me back Justin said yes and by the time I get home it will be in full effect. I said, I will be home on Monday, but I want to text with him by Friday. I need to see if it is working. That is the only way we will fit together and I can have my coke. Tell him I’m sorry, and I never stopped loving him. No matter what I was doing I love him!

[wmxx]

Nicole wrote back file is for using but not abusing. Abusing will trigger a negative response. He told me what it is about, hypnotism. So I understand file now. Ok I wasn’t sure you knew. Justin is highly susceptible to hypnosis. So basically he will have a hypnotist make him a file that makes him love that I use coke, but a trigger will be set if I am abusing and not using. She said oh wow! That is so cool, that actually works? I said yes extremely well. If he listens every day he will love me using coke as long as I don’t abuse it. She said that is amazing. So girlfriend you got your coke back, just don’t be foolish and abuse it! I am abusing it right now. I need to. I am trying to get my tolerance level higher after not having it for 2 months. Right now anyone that saw me would have an idea I’m on something. Once my tolerance level is high I get a great coke buzz and I can handle it from years of experience. Well if that is the case, I think this could work, one day I hope you can get off of it, because long term use will take it’s toll on you. I said I know, one day I will get there, but now I need it. She said I’ll tell you what. If you come home on Monday, next weekend I will do a line or two with you and we will have sex! But that will be it. I only do it maybe 3-4 times a year. I don’t want to be using it all the time. Girlfriend you are on! I would love to do a couple lines with you! She text back well I’m counting on you being home Monday! So is Justin. I love you so much! Justin says he misses you so much and he can’t live without you. You are his everything!

That. Will work if Justin really does love me doing coke. I need a line so bad right now. I have to start doing more.

[wmxx]

I have so much baggage for Justin to deal with. The biggest is my ongoing affair with Mike. I really was having sex more with Mike than Justin. Before I moved in with Justin we had sex probably 3 days a week, and Sometimes multiple sex on some of those days. I wanted to be with Justin a lot more, but knowing I would do lines all night with Mike was more than I could resist. I spent so many overnights with Mike, and it had nothing to do about love, it had everything to do about coke. I’m not sure why I am one of those people that can’t get enough of it, but it has always been my weakness. I’m so relieved I will be back with Justin and not have to hide my coke. I must have done 1000 lines in his bathroom. Sometimes when he went in the bathroom I would grab my hand bag and pinch a line between my fingers and do it. I would take my makeup mirror out and make sure I had no residue around my nose. I was so used to doing lines all day I actually functioned better on coke, and that’s where I’m trying to get now. Since Glenn mixed the bags the level of meth must be way down because now it is just like good coke. I should be ok. I think about it. Every man I have had sex with except Justin I did coke with. Seems strange the man I love the most I never did coke with. I know in total, I have had more total sex with Mike than Justin. That hopefully changes soon. I know if I keep the courage going, I will try not to do a line when I wake up Monday morning, but I will definitely do one in his driveway before I go in. I hope he asks me if I did a line and when I say yes and it turns him on, I will feel so much more comfortable. I cringe thinking Justin will want to watch me do a line. That is going to be so strange because I did thousands of lines behind his back. I’m taking all the coke Glenn bought me, but I will leave him cash for it in an envelope. Seems like yesterday I was plotting to leave Justin, now I am plotting to leave Glenn. I picked out with tweezers as much as the visible meth in the bag I could find. It is glassy looking and in some cases yellowish brown. I know I have gotten enough out so what remains is minimal. I love how meth feels but it scares me. I know addiction is really fast and deadly. I finally ate something, but haven’t eaten much at all. I’m so high all the time now, and I absolutely love it. I feel so good when I have my coke. I’m never going to give this up again. I need it so bad. I need another line.

[wmxx]

I did keep all the meth I picked out. I want to save it for a special situation. Probably cut real well I could get 2 lines out of it possibly 3. So when I’m really in a party mood I will do straight meth which I have never done before, but want to try it. I hear the rush is amazing and it lasts about 12 hours. I would probably only do it if I met some guy and was having an affair that did coke. I don’t want to look for an affair when I am with Justin, but if an affair/coke turn up, I certainly would go for it. I’m so chatty, my mind is going a million miles an hour. I’m not sure if I’m making sense but these are my thoughts. This morning that meth really hit me hard, I didn’t need another line til noon. I must have just hit a random amount in the bag that was more than the rest so the line I did had a lot of meth in it. That was really good but I felt all paranoid for awhile. Kept thinking I was going to lose my coke and cigarettes and went into a state of panic. Really scared me.

[wmxx]

The more I think about this the more I think I will be a much better wife for Justin. No more hiding coke, no more going without coke. I will be so much happier and in the end Justin is going to benefit from it. Glenn is just too inattentive. When he is horny he is affectionate, when I take care of him he just goes about his business with little affection. He never had anyone around. Doing coke alone isn’t the best, but being alone doing coke alone is pretty shitty. I love affection when I’m high, I absolutely could have nonstop sex when I’m high. Here I get nothing.

[wmxx]

I’ve actually decided to take a completely different route. I am going to surprise everyone, including Justin and Nicole!

[wmxx]

Well here is my surprise. I left Glenn’s house last night at 10pm. I didn’t do a line from dinner time on. I took all my makeup and enough clothes to get me through the weekend. I will get the rest of my stuff on Monday. I left him a note and he has blown up my phone since 6 this morning. I got home and Justin and Nicole were in bed, but heard my car pull in. I did a line in my car since I finished driving. I haven’t gotten used it doing coke yet so it is pretty obvious I am high, can’t hide it yet. They greeted me in towels. Justin and I hugged and kissed and it felt so good. Nicole followed. It took me back to when I was sneaking coke with Justin. We immediately went in the bedroom. Justin said him and Nicole had just started having sex. He said I don’t want to talk about anything tonight, I’m just so happy you are home. We had sex and I orgasmed almost as soon as he went inside of me, the feeling was amazing. I woke up this morning at 5. I could not sleep. It felt so strange doing a line right at the living room table. Justin and Nicole were still in bed, we all slept together. I think they were having sex after I got up. I have Justin back, and my coke. It all feels really strange.

[wmxx]

Justin got his file. He listened twice so we started to talk. It worked but not good enough, seems to be resisting it some. He is listening again. Part of the file is he completely forgets about this site. From now on this is my personal diary. Hope this file takes, usually it is instant for him. This has worked but not nearly good enough. I don’t really want to tell all and apologize because Nicole told me how painful it all is for him. She had to talk hours with him until he realized that the coke was my problem not my love for him. This is going to be extremely hard to sit down and tell everything and then move forward. I need this file to work and right now I need another line really bad. I’m doing them in the bathroom. I can’t bring myself to doing it in front of Justin as high as I am. I’m already on my 5th line

[wmxx]

If this file works I will be so relieved. I will have my coke and not have to hide it. What a feeling that would be. My relationship with Justin will be free of me hiding coke. Tonight is New Year’s Eve. I have 3 lines of pure meth and I always wanted to try it. Hopefully if I’m really high and Justin’s files work, I am going to do meth tonight:) Kind if scared but I saved it for the right occasion. That hopefully is tonight. I just can’t get carried away and do all 3 lines tonight or I may have another problem on my hands. Mike tried to get me on meth, but I was too afraid.

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Finally got up the nerve to view Glenn’s texts. Not at all what I thought and now he has me totally nervous. He said I’m not worried. There is enough meth in your coke that in 2-3 weeks, you will be totally addicted to meth and you will come crawling back to me. It’s just a matter of time. Enjoy your coke. Do you wonder why you didn’t need a line for 5 hours? Yes, it is diluted but you are still doing meth. Keep snorting, your about to become my meth whore really soon. Now he has me really freaked out and paranoid. I really hope he is bluffing which I think is the case

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Justin is on his 4 th time listening to his file

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Nicole went out shopping because she knew Justin and I had to talk about all of what I did. Justin is 4 times into his file. We were in the bedroom, and I was so nervous I had to do a line before we talked. I told him to give me a minute before we talk. I got up with my handbag where all my coke is, and he stopped me and said are you going to do some coke? I said well, yes. He said I would love to see you do a line, could you do it here? I was sooooo relieved, but still scared. I was about to do a line in front of Justin. I cut myself a line and he watched as I snorted it. He said that is so cool you can do that. I immediately reached in his pants and he was hard! Sooooooo relieved. I knew his hypno was now working. He was full of curious questions. He said how does that make you feel. Right about this time it was kicking in. It’s a relief, because my last line had worn off. It feels like everything is euphoric. It is the best feeling in the world. He said it actually turns me on to watch you do it. How often do you need to do it? I said right now I’m on my way up, in terms of reaching an amount I need. I do about 20 lines a day. Can I watch when you do them, I don’t know why, but it really turns me on you know how to do that. He asked me how I discovered that you liked it. I felt like I was dreaming. I was rambling on and on. That’s kind of what coke does. I said I tried it when I was 14, and I would say the last 2 years I have done it daily. He asked me why I never told him I was doing it the whole time I was with him? He added was it because you were having an affair? Why did you have an affair? I told him I didn’t think he would like that I was doing coke everyday. My affair wasn’t to hurt you, I’m really sorry it happened the way it did. Mike was where I got my coke. I didn’t always have the money for the amount I needed. I started sleeping with Mike before I met you. I knew while I was at his house He gave me lines and we started sleeping together. It wasn’t love, it allowed me to do my coke and I slept with him for it essentially. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have loved you doing that for coke. I missed out on everything? I know, if I knew you were ok with it things would have been totally different. He said they would have. I don’t want to miss out anymore, I would love for you to do it when I can watch you do it. You look so sexy when you do a line. I could imagine you doing it for sex, that is so hot. So do you want me to find a coke fuck buddy? He said yes that would be amazing. I said I’m not interested in that right now. I’m not in control yet. I would say my tolerance will kick in in another week or two. I would love a coke partner. He said he’d love me having one. Maybe you and Nicole could do some and we can all have sex, that would be so hot. So do you want me to do lines all the time. He said as long as you are under control, and not going overboard, that would be awful! I promised him I would most of my lines in front of him and if he was patient I will in time find a coke buddy.

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That was such a relief! I was so scared, and doing a line in front of Justin and he got hard, was soooo much what I needed. I can do my coke freely now. I really love Justin and this is really the only way we can work. I need my coke. Nicole told him if he didn’t accept my coke that I would soon be doing meth and you will never see her again. Now I have to deal with what Glenn said. That scares me. I’m already getting ahead of that in case he is right. I am going to put a straight forward ad in. Looking for clean looking hot guy that enjoys coke and sex. Hubby knows. Available for overnights. May be interested in doing meth together as well. I put my description in and photo available. It is so much better having a coke and sex partner like Mike. I have to prepare just in case Glenn is right, so I will need a partner that is on meth like me if that happens. I certainly hope it doesn’t but I have to be ready. I think I am going to find out what it feels like tonight doing straight meth. I’m pretty sure I am going to do a line of meth, I have always wanted to do meth, it is supposed to be a great long lasting high. I’m actually hoping I don’t like it as much as coke, but if I do, I will find a meth partner really really fast because I will have just 2 lines left and that is a powerful addiction. I’m hopeful Nicole will do a line or two with me tonight. It is so much nicer doing it with someone else. She told me she would if I can back:))). Justin already wants us to do a line together. He will love it. I have noticed Justin and Nicole are really really close now. I don’t mind as long as I have my coke. They can have sex all they want, even if I am secondary for awhile.

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Now that I am back on coke and not working and know pretty much no people here, I think of my bucket list of things I always wanted to try but was afraid, or didn’t want friends to know. I’m at the stage right now or maybe it is the coke talking, where I feel I am ready to experiment. Meth has always been on that list. I will definitely do meth. Another thing I want to try is ecstasy. I love sex. When I find a coke partner, I would love to try that with him. I love sex so much that must be incredible. Another thing high on my list is heroine. I came really close to doing it with Mike. I watched him shoot up a few times. He always shot 1/4 to a 1/2 of a full dose. He did it very rarely because he told me you can get in huge trouble if you do any more than that. One day when I was there I asked him to shoot me up, I wanted to try it. He said I would love to but I don’t want to be the one to shoot you up your first time. He gave me a needle and tied me off and showed me what to do, I couldn’t shoot myself up. If I had a coke buddy that I trusted like Mike I will try it. I want to experience different highs, but I don’t think anything will top coke I love it. Time for a line, I have to get Justin. This is so weird but I love it.

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I love this. The more Justin sees me doing lines the more he loves it. This is so perfect! I already feel comfortable having Justin watch me do a line. It actually turns me on too. Just thinking he loves it now:). It is like a piano off my back. I can do my coke and he is happy. He asked me how much coke I was doing when he met me? I said it was about like now, maybe 20 lines a day. He said I look really sexy doing a line:)))). As soon as I was done he asked me how I felt. I told him it takes a couple of minutes and I will feel incredibly good. He asked me how long it lasts and I told him usually about 45 minutes to an hour, and then I need another line so I keep feeling like this. Once I’m doing coke, I stay high all the time, I love the feeling. He got so turned on he kissed me really long and we made love. He said watching me do a line turns him on so much all he can think about is how much he loves me and make love to him. So I kind of tested to see where he is at. I asked him if he was happy that I do coke? He said yes, and he sees how happy it makes me. I said it makes me happier than anything else. Nicole had come home. I get a sense that she is jealous of me now. I told her how much Justin loves watching me do a line. I told her he even said he’d love to watch me and Nicole do a line and have sex. She was shocked and said he wants to see me do a line? Wow. She came back and said, I promised I’d do a line or two with you so I will do some tonight. When she was making good money she told me she did a lot more coke. I’m getting the feeling she wants to start doing coke in front of Justin now so he doesn’t migrate back to me. I could just be paranoid.

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OMG! I reactivated my dating account, and I already have 17 responses. Like usual a lot of jerks. I deleted 12 right away and blocked them. I had one guy tell me he is like me, loves coke and sex, but recently got into meth. He said once you get on meth, you will forget about coke. He said the biggest differences are so much less cost, much more euphoric high, and it lasts 8-12 hours. He said he did coke everyday. Cost got him curious about meth and loves it. I was excited, and I said this is perfect. Then I looked at his picture. No chance! I was so disappointed, Now I know I have to try meth, but not with him. I got another one and I looked at the picture first. This guy wasn’t red hot, but he is pretty good looking. He told me he does coke every day, and would love someone that enjoys it as much as him. His top bucket list drug is heroine. He never tried it but always wanted to. I’d love to get to know you and meet and see if we could become coke and sex partners. I have all the coke you need, on me! If we hit it off, I would love to try heroine with you. This is the best one I got. Sounds intelligent, seems to have a lot of money, and a huge plus is like me, wanting to try heroine. I think I am going to write him back. This might be my chance to finally try it. I’m going to wait and see what else I get. That is the one I liked the best a coke buddy that wants to try heroine like me:))). This is going to be perfect to cross things off my bucket list!

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I want to be clear. I love my coke. I won’t stop using it. I want to try heroin one time, I don’t want to use it. If meth is really what that guy says, that could be a problem, but I want to at least try it. Ecstasy yes, I would do that again if it is really that good with sex. Time to do a line for Justin:)

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Nicole just did a few hits of weed, and I just looked at her while I was doing a line and said this is so much better. Then I pulled down Justin’s pants right in front of her and swallowed his load. Justin loves to watch me do lines. It makes me want to do more. I’m going to make Nicole so jealous tonight. I think she kind of really fell deep with Justin whole I was gone. I can see it. We are tight though. I love her, and I know she loves me. We had sex already. First time on coke with a woman. I just have to reclaim my man, and he loves me doing coke;).

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I finally had a little talk with Nicole. I said it seems like we are competing for Justin. Let’s both enjoy him the way we did before. You can have sex with him anytime you want, and cuddle and kiss all you want

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We have a lot of stuff for New Year’s Eve. We are all getting ready to cook and prepare appetizers and have lobsters shrimp and a lot of seafood. Going to be a fun night. I’m doing a line and jumping in. I’m so tempted to do a line of meth. I might ruin the night though, not sure what it will do. So far the guy with the unlimited coke and wants to try heroin with me is the best. I got 6 more replies all garbage. Kind of wanted to try meth first, but the order doesn’t matter, I will try them all. I don’t think any will be better than coke.

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Nicole was an nervous and actually asked Justin if he would be ok with her doing some coke tonight? She said it’s not a habit for me, I like to do it once in awhile. Justin said yes, just make sure I’m here when you do it! She looked at me and smiled and winked. I went over and gave her a long sexy kiss. I’m so glad I have someone to do lines with tonight.

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So I took my coke out and asked Nicole if I should cut her a line, and she said not yet. Justin is just amazed by me doing coke. He said doesn’t it hurt putting that in your nose. I said no it feels so good. You feel so good you never ever want to stop. I told him I love cocaine so much. Every time I do a line he gives me a real passionate kiss. I’m loving this so much. I have Justin without having to hide my coke. That used to be so hard. I’m so out of practice though. I can’t hide that I’m using something. I can’t really go out anywhere for awhile. I’m using a lot more today. I sent that guy a picture. He got back to me and said I was so erotic and stunning looking. He told me when he tries heroin he would love it to be with me. He asked me if I wanted to meet. I said let me talk to you early next week. I’m partying hard tonight. I asked him if he could get some eroding and he said yes. I said, I’m going to try it so if we hook up, I’m sure it won’t be long. I have decided since we came here for two years, I’m going to try everything I can but I don’t think anything will replace my coke. I know when we leave here, My coke is coming with me. I can’t wait until Nicole does a line, she has done quite a bit in her life, so this isn’t like a first time. I want to see how she does with it. I’m still thinking about doing a line of meth, but I would never tell Nicole I’m doing meth. If I do it I’m afraid they will know I’m doing something. When I try heroin it won’t be on a night I’m coming home, it will definitely be a weekend with someone that wants to try it too. Mike warned me the euphoria is way above coke, and the drop down happens quickly and your first impulse, like coke is to shoot up again. He said don’t do it or you will be on heroin and if you think you can’t quit coke, heroin is 100 times harder. So I’m only doing a half of a full dose. If I really like it I will do as Mike does just shoot up every once in awhile.

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Justin bought some cigars. I hate when he smokes those. The whole house smells like it for days. Nicole and I are pleading with him not to have one, just have a couple of our cigarettes instead. He says he likes them once in awhile but doesn’t want to end up hooked on them, but he is hooked on his cigars. He said all right, I’ll save them for outdoors. I told him if he really wants to smoke something while you have your beer just take one of my cigarettes. Then I said better yet do a line with us:). He said no way but you look so sexy doing that. I love seeing you do it. I wish I had Justin like this when I met him. I could have done my coke with no issues. I don’t have to worry anymore though:)

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Nicole did her first line with me about an hour ago. We did a line side by side and Justin was in awe. Nicole immediately kissed me, and we never made it to the bedroom we were having sex with each other, and I went down on Nicole and gave her an orgasm! First time I ever did! I came so many times Justin finally jumped on me and fucked me and pulled out and fucked Nicole. He pulled out of her and was going to fuck me again, but Nicole said I want that cock. She sucked all his cum right out of him and had a mouthful and kissed me. We both swallowed some of it. We started going at it and just finished. I need another line. I love Nicole so much!

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Nicole just did another line with me. I love this woman! Maybe I am getting a new coke partner:). I love it! So does Justin. She is happier than I have ever seen her. I love coke so much. I’ve been wrapped around Nicole all night. My tongue is sore from circling those beautiful DDs.

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I want her to do coke with me so bad. She said she will do 1 more line at midnight and that’s it:(

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Happy New Year everyone. Nothing like starting the New Year doing a line. What a night. Nicole was fun to party with. We all had a great time, lots of sex. We are getting back to normal as we all slept in the same bed last night.

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Checking my ad responses. Got one from a guy that used to do tons of coke but switched to meth. Says he loves it a lot more than coke, and he is pretty hot. He said he’d love to see a picture. I sent him one. He said if I had a meth weekend with himI will never do coke again. That sounds pretty interesting. He is on my keeper list which is now 2. I definitely have to try meth. That’s 2 that said it is way better than coke. Hard to believe.

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The problem with meth it is highly addictive, but if it is that good, I would want to be addicted to it. I would just keep using it. I never got that part. If you are hooked on something that you don’t like that would suck, but if it is something your not going to quit anyway, it doesn’t matter if you are hooked, because you are not giving it up anyway. I just don’t want to end up hooked on something I don’t want to use. Like coke, I’m never quitting it so it doesn’t matter if I am addicted or not, I love it

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Nicole just reminded me my breast revision appointment is Thursday. I completely forgot about it. Dam it. I want to get my boobs done but that means 6 weeks before I am completely heeled and a few weeks without sex, and no coke for a few days. The thought of not having my coke is scary. Then I can’t meet my meth date or heroin date. I think if I don’t get my boobs done now I never will do I have to do this. It will give me time to get the 3 of us back to where we were. Looks like Justin and Nicole are going to be having a lot of sex, because I won’t be able to. I have to sleep on my back. Which means Nicole and Justin will be sleeping together every single night. I already feel like the secondary partner, I really am going to be. I already can sense they are well connected just from the few days I was gone. I hurt Justin and Nicole was there for him every step of the way. I think he loves her more than me now, at least that’s how it feels. I have to talk to Justin about it when Nicole goes to work tomorrow. It is so obvious he loves her huge tits, he spends a lot of time with them, not as much with my tiny D cups. I hope I can fit a DDD on this body. I will be bigger than Nicole and finally have the boobs I wanted. Then when I find a coke buddy, he will love them! I have to get this done, Going to be hard not being able to do the lines I need. Just have to dig in.

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Coke makes you think of a lot of things. I realize now Justin is no dummy. I somehow think his instincts made him know that I was extremely sexual, and I was probably having affairs on him, and because of my past he probably knew about the coke. Especially after seeing it in the video. He probably knew it was mine. He figured if we moved away I would get all of this out of my system, and we could normalize our lives again. He is deeply devoted, and very forgiving. I say he knew because the hypno he embraced willfully every time. It became a way for him dealing with me having affairs, moving in with my lover doing coke. His willingness shows me he loves me so much, he finds a way to handle his emotions. He had to know I was using coke, especially after seeing it and me admitting I was doing coke. He knew I didn’t just stop. Mike was in my life before Justin. I was doing coke with Mike so much and sleeping with him more than I slept with Justin. It is true I need a coke buddy that I can do lines with and sleep with a lot. It doesn’t mean I love Justin any less, and he sees that. I may stray from time to time, but he knows no matter how many affairs I have or how much coke I do, I love him and always come back to him. I think now that he knows how much I slept with Mike, yet loved him endlessly, he found a way to enjoy it. He wants me to find a coke buddy to do coke with and sleep with. It is perfect for us. He knows I am happiest when I have my coke and am having a long term affair, and now he has Nicole so he is having his own affair, and I love that he is, makes it easier for me to do my coke and have my own affair.

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I have been texting my go to guy Mike. I told him I’m going to drive back for a week and asked if I could stay the week with him. He said, seriously do you have to ask? That would be great. I told him I’m getting my boobs done so it will be in about 2 months. He said that is awesome Amber! I’m going to tell Justin I’m going to see Amy. One condition, you have to shoot me up this time:). He said, if you come for a week I promise I will shoot you up. I said I also want to do meth with you. He said deal! I’d rather do it with him, because I trust him. I’m so excited now! Finally going to get to try things I have always wanted to do. He came so close to shooting me up before, but too many people. Now I will just be with him so he will definitely shoot me up. Heck if it is really that good, as everyone says, I would switch from coke to heroin, I just love the best high. Coke is always my choice though. And when I come back the guy from the site has heroin so I will be all set