I need some help

[grover27]

Sounds like you are loving life again. Remember, you will have good days and bad days but when you have bad days, the good days are just ahead. Life is how you view it and make it. Treat your loved one right. Love them and love yourself and love life and the rest will fall into place. PS - There were enough clues that you guys were in Florida but I had been figuring you guys were on the Atlantic side of the state this whole time - do I need to imagine you are on the Gulf now?

[wmxx]

We are on the same side as Tampa lol. So let your imagination reset. Yes, we are all in a good place right now. I told Justin I had to ask him something and wanted an honest answer. He said I will always answer you honestly, what would you like to ask me? I asked him if he had to make a choice between me and Nicole, and we were not married, who would he pick? He put his arms around me and said, do you really need me to answer that? You already know. I told him I just needed to hear it from him. He gave me a kiss and said, always you, always. I love you like I could never love another, it will always be that way, always. Then he asked me if I really felt I needed to ask him that? I said not really but I think being pregnant that maybe Nicole looks nicer than me or will look nicer. He said a pregnant woman is the sexiest woman of all, but pregnant or not pregnant, you will always be my princess ok? I felt better. Sometimes I look ahead and feel I’m not going to look so nice anymore, and he will want Nicole. He told me it isn’t your hair, your dolled up look that love comes from, it’s you it comes from. It’s feeling you inside, the rest just compliments all that. He took me to bed and talked to me the entire time he made love to me, some beautiful thoughts. He really really knows how to love a woman. I felt so loved! I really have gotten into a deep loving relationship with Justin, I was missing so much before, but not now. I know I’m extremely lucky to have him, very lucky. He said He knew what I could be, and I am that now, and he loves what we have. I couldn’t agree more.

[wmxx]

So me and Nicole have these fun Super Bowl incentives for Justin. He can’t touch me or Nicole during the entire game. Nicole and I will be naked, completely dolled up (which is everyday anyway). Nicole and I will be making out the whole game. Justin gets some nice deep kisses from one of us while the other gives him a blowjob, but not to completion until after the game. The blowjob occurs after every time The Bucs score! Nicole and I will have our own coin toss to see who sucks Justin first. He said he will be routing for a high scoring game. After the game win or lose he will be in for a mega sex threesome, and we will wear him out! I’m so wet just thinking about it. I am doing Nicole’s hair, nails, and makeup. I will make her and myself into a seductress. The only thing we will have on is our 6” scrappy hooker heels. He is going to never forget this Super Bowl:)). We are going full whore on him and each other. Can’t wait for the fun to begin. He is going to have a sore dick before the night is over! This is going to be so much fun!

[wmxx]

We are going to be teasing him the whole game. Our boobs will be in his face while we are licking each other all over and he can’t touch us unless Tampa scores. Then he gets a taste of what is to come. For me and Nicole whoever’s turn it is when the game ends fucks Justin, but soon after he is going to have to fuck the other one of us. We will taunt him like little sluts. He is going to remember this night forever! So will me and Nicole. I will be orgasming right in his ear and he will not be able to touch me:))). Me and Nicole want to see how many orgasms we can have before the night is over:). I love Nicole so much, she loves this type of thing as much as me because we are two ultra horny women.

[wmxx]

Nicole hasn’t been to her Mom’s in awhile. I asked her if everything was ok. She said the reason is she is afraid if she does she is going to smoke and she quit with me. Just reminds me how much I would love a cigarette and some lines, especially tonight during a sex fest. I do wish I could do lines, sometimes I don’t think of it at all but right now I really wish I could do it, just one night! So hard fighting those thoughts off sometimes, but I know I can’t which sometimes makes it worse ughhh!

[wmxx]

Now that was a fun game! Tampa Bay scored a lot, but nothing toward the end. The real fun started after the game:). I think Justin had a memorable Super Bowl! Back to working out today. A lot of the soreness went away, but it will be back I’m sure. We are all doing our own routine based on what we need.

[wmxx]

Had a chance to sit with Nicole today and I wanted to ask her a few things. I asked her if she was still happy and liked living with us. She said definitely yes. She said she has gotten very close to both of us and can’t imagine not being here. Then she said why are you asking is something wrong? I said no, because I love her being here, I was wondering if me being pregnant might change her mind. She said, oh no, I can’t wait for you to have your baby that will be so awesome! I asked her how she think Justin will be if it is not his baby. She said I haven’t talked to him about it, but I think he would be crushed. He might try to hide it, but whether you realize it or not, you are his life! He adores you. Not many men could handle some of the things you put him through, he loves you like no one ever could, I hope you know that. I got a little teary, and said I love him just as much. My judgement got really cloudy because I was doing coke. That has changed and my relationship with him is really the best it has ever been. I just pray every night it is his. She said she does too. I have an appointment at Mayo 2 weeks from tomorrow and Justin and I will have a NIPP test done. My blood and his DNA and we will know that Friday. I know how hard he will take it if it isn’t his. Every day he sees my big belly that’s all he will be able to think about. I’m so scared it will ruin our marriage. I am probably more scared than he is. I hope and pray so hard it is his. I know he will be an amazing father. This has to be his, it really really does. I’m scared to find out otherwise. Then I have to contact Glenn the likely other choice, and I do don’t want to do that. I need to think of something else, these thoughts don’t leave me feeling well. I would never abort the pregnancy no matter what. That is not an option. I personally couldn’t live with myself if I went that way, I won’t.

[wmxx]

Nicole also told me when it was just her and him living here, and I had moved in with Glenn that he barely ate, he cried a lot, and asked me what he was doing wrong? He said all I have done since I have known her is love her and make her my priority, but I must have something missing. I did more listening than talking she told me, but I really hurt for him. She said she loves Justin but not likely the way you love each other. I envy what you have. He gives me love and it’s real but you will always be his girl, he has told me that several times. She said she has told him she knows that, and she isn’t a threat to her meaning me. I am the jealous type. For me to be living with a sexy horny gorgeous woman that is sleeping with my husband is so seemingly impossible, but I’m not jealous of Nicole at all. Most women are sneaky but she is just so different. She is playing the role she always wanted to play, and for her, this situation is beyond perfect for her. She gives Justin and I space. She seems to instinctively realize when we need it. We really all just got lucky. This fits together better than anyone could ever realize. There is so much mutual love and understanding. Justin doesn’t just love Nicole he really cares about her wellbeing. He treats her, and really everyone with a lot of respect. He loves me a lot, he shows me every day. I love him so much.

[wmxx]

Today it was Justin’s time. I had to ask him really serious questions about my pregnancy. I asked him just how important it is for him to be the father. He curled his lip and his eyes got real glassy, and he tried to talk but he couldn’t. He was breaking down. I put my arms around him, and I told him why and how much I loved him. He finally said it is really important to him that he is the father. He said he prays many times a day for that to be the case. He said I want you to have my baby more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. I told him I pray for that every day as well. I next ask the real difficult question, what if it is not. He said he doesn’t like to think about that, but the only thing you need to know is I will give everything I have to that baby, no matter what, you have my word on that. When I said for better or worse, I meant it. I hope you realize no matter what I will never leave you, my love is strong for you, It is stronger than any situation we end up in, I hope I have proven that to you. We had more private conversations about Nicole, and other things, past, present, and future. It was all good, but a very emotional morning after our workouts. This man is so special. I always knew that, but I am feeling him in a way I guess I never could before. I could never do better than to be the one he loves. I soooooo can feel it now, so much more than ever before, because I’m not altered or numb anymore. I left a path of destruction, and he still believed in me and us. I’ve done so much crying today, because of what I did, but also because I know as much as Justin loves me, I love him the same way. He will never regret being my husband another day in his life. I am all in, and the feeling is just so hard to describe. We are making love in an entirely different way. I love how it feels more than I have ever felt in my life. We just have to keep praying. Things will work out, you just have to believe.

[wmxx]

OMG We just had a delivery. Justin bought me a dove orchid, which we can plant. He said the flower symbolizes love and my go to pouty red lips! The flower is beautiful and really looks like pouty red lips. He bought Nicole 2 dozen yellow roses, which symbolizes friendship. Before we could even admire all the beauty, he pulled out a really decoratively wrapped gift for me and Nicole. Mine was a very sexy looking gold bracelet with our wedding date engraved on the inside. He got one similar for Nicole, and the engraving said my special friend. We were both in tears, and he said he hired a Michelin chef, which I never heard of for a special Valentine’s Day dinner of all our favorite goodies. I didn’t even know what a Michelin chef was . Wow. Look up dove orchid. I never heard of it, but so beautiful! He is so creatively thoughtful! What a wonderful man I have! I feel so blessed! Nicole was in tears, she said no one ever did something like this for her. I’m so in love with this man! He made this day so special and more to come.

[wmxx]

So Nicole and I have a plan for Justin. Because that chef guy is coming over Sunday, we decided that Saturday we will find out how many times Justine can have complete sex in one day. We will wake up do our workouts all take a shower together and Nicole and I will make breakfast totally naked except heels. Justin is going to have to watch us make out and get dirty with each other. After breakfast I am going to have sex with him while Nicole sluts up. When I get done I will take a quickie shower with Justin, and Nicole will fuck him, while I get totally slurred up. Each time we will come out dressed and looking different. We are going to fuck him so much he won’t be able to have sex at some point. We are going to see how much sex is enough. If he can’t make it through the day he we will oil up our boobs and give him a 4 boob massage, all over his body, and in his face. Nicole and I will be having sex with each other as much as possible. We are both extremely horny, we could keep having sex no matter what. He is going to be double teamed by a pair of nympho whores, that only want one thing, his hard cock between our legs and in our mouth. I’m getting so wet just writing this. I have to go find Justin, I need him inside of me right now!

[wmxx]

I’m kind of learning that Nicole and I have really connected and in a lot of ways she reminds me of me. Sexually, we are one in the same. She also loves being a woman, always dolled up, nails always done, toes too lol. Loves sexy clothes, slutty close, and isn’t afraid to flaunt her perfect body. I love doing her makeup and she loves me doing it. I have taught her a lot on how to do certain things and she is getting good at it. We talk like sisters and best friends, and sexually we really connect. Neither of us ever had a female partner before, and honestly, if there wasn’t a Nicole, I don’t think I’d ever have another. She shared the same with me. We both love watching each other have sex with Justin, it is a turn on. He likes watching us too, and We both notice there are certain ways we touch and kiss and fondle each other, that Justin has observed and does it now to us. It has made him an even better lover, and watching Nicole have sex with him, I learn things too, as does Nicole. The bedroom is very healthy here as is everything else. We watch out for each other always. When we work out we push each other and it helps. I would never in a million years would have believed I would be in a daily 3 way relationship, but I love it! My favorite part of all of it is kissing Nicole, she is such a sensuous passionate kisser, but she says the same about me. It used to be hard for any of us just to get up and go in the bedroom and have sex, but now sex happens spontaneously. Sometimes it starts with 2 and becomes 3, or Nicole and Justin start making out, and I say to myself, they are going to have sex, like it is no big deal. It’s so weird to describe, but so amazing to live! I don’t know how other 3 way relationships work but ours is so crazy good! I love it!

[stupidme]

YAY!

[wmxx]

Justin needed a break lol. Me and Nicole are making him crazy, but Hs is loving it! Last night I chopped my hair off. I ended up cutting 8” off but my hair is still down just above the middle of my back. It is so much lighter now, all that hair is heavy. It feels so weird. I actually got paid 450.00 for my hair. Justin and Nicole day I look even better like this. Certainly a lot easier to take care of. I can do a lot more with it. I already have had 5 different hair styles today and so has Nicole. Her hair is the opposite of mine. She has jet black very fine hair, and when she wears her makeup a certain way with her green eyes she looks so exotic, especially with her perfect DD boobs, which I have been kissing and licking all day along with Justin. After I’m done breastfeeding I am getting mine done finally. I want exactly what she has. Look so good on her. I should have gotten DDs when I got mine done but I was afraid they would be too big, oh well. I’m going to fix that. She wears some of my clothes and they look so much better on top when she wears them. Yeah, I’m jealous of Nicole’s boobs, but at least I have access to them.

[wmxx]

I think we wore Justin out. We fucked him 7 times between us, and by late afternoon he said he was done, although we did double team him before bed so officially 8 times. So it was just me and Nicole going at it while we massaged his whole body with our boobs in between Nicole and I going at it. Justin said I’m not complaining but you two are the horniest 2 women I ever met by far. Not sure about that but we love our sex:). Hope everyone has a great Valentine’s Day! Nicole and I are dressing really sexy for the chef and see if we can distract him. Hope he is a hunk and we might offer him a little dessert:). Justin said not to go there this guy is a professional. We teased him telling him we will see how professional he is. Justin said maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. He said please just behave! LOL...we shall see.

[wmxx]

Nicole went to her mother’s house this morning. She pulled me aside and said will you be upset with me if I smoke? She said she knows she is going to crack because her Mom smokes. She said she asked her Mom to not smoke while she was there, and her Mom said I will try or just go outside so you don’t see me. I told her I won’t be upset but jealous because I would love to have one. I just said if you do just don’t smoke in front of me if you start again. She said she wouldn’t and she was going to try not to, but I can see where she was coming from. If it was me, I’d defiantly Be smoking. Does the feeling ever go away? I would love to be able to do some lines so bad. So hard sometimes. I have to start thinking other things, or I will make myself crazy.

[stupidme]

yeah, family is so important, and so is accountability, stand strong with nicole, be there for her when she needs you. yes it's a good idea if she must have a smoke it be somewhere you won't be tempted to join her. I will do my best to encourage you to be the person you want to be, a healthy mother taking good care of her baby. I hope everything goes well

[wmxx]

Yesterday’s dinner was so delicious. Justin got his wish as me and Nicole behaved for the most part but the chef was a bit out of our age range lol. We still had some fun and the guy can cook! He really did a great job. Justin thought he was outstanding and said somewhere down the road he will be back. Nicole did not cave in yesterday at her Moms. I’m proud of her that she has the willpower. I don’t think I could of done it, although I guess I am doing it, but I don’t have any other options. Justin wasn’t very sexual yesterday, I think we took it all out of him Saturday. Things continue to go so well here. I think we have a great feeling of love, family, and friendship. Nicole is no doubt a part of our family now, and I am so happy she is. She keeps me grounded sometimes when my thoughts get the best of me. She is always there for me to talk to and she knows me well enough to know just what to say or do, but sometimes women just need to talk, and that is out relief, so she is a good listener as well. Well, a week from Wednesday it is back to Mayo and next Friday we will get results back from Justin’s NIPP test. I’m really really nervous over that, the closer it gets the more unnerving it gets.

[wmxx]

We are at the beach today. Very warm here, but the water is too cold but not stopping the visitors the think it is great! So I asked Justin if it is true that a man’s dick shrinks if he is in cold water. He laughed really hard and said yes it does but not a whole lot unless it is really really cold. I told him I wanted to ice his dick when we got home, he just shook his head and said that’s not gonna happen, what are you crazy? I told him I wanted to see how small his dick could get. He said sorry but that ain’t happening. Nicole and I were laughing that we were going to turn Justin into a little boy. He just shook his head. I really want to see that, those things are weird. How do you guys walk around with those things seriously? I like them when they are in me though:).

[wmxx]

These workouts are starting to show up in the way I feel and the soreness is going away. I did a mile on the Peloton including an uphill grade. That is way more than before, and this includes hills. Really starting to feel and see the difference and progress. If this keeps up and it will, I am gong to be in the best shape of my life. Nicole said she is being pushed so hard, and it hurts, but knows it is working. Justin is really pushing, but he started from a better place than us. We all went shopping today and Nicole and I behaved. We were a bit to sexy for the high end grocery store we went to, got a lot of looks. Justin is so used to it now he doesn’t blush anymore. We always bend down far to get items on lower shelves:). No kissing though, but we both had our arm on top of Justin’s while he pushed the cart. I know what people are thinking, and it is right! He is with us both. I love when we all go out because it is fun.

[wmxx]

Next week at this time we will be back at Mayo. If all goes well I will transfer to a local. Justin just wanted to be sure under the circumstances that everything was off to a good start. He will also be taking a NIPP test with me to determine if he is the father or not. I’m starting to get really nervous about all this. Justin said he wants to stay at Mayo until he finds out, so looks like we are there until sometime on Friday. We are either coming back home Saturday morning all really excited and happy or otherwise it probably will be a quiet ride home, and I’m afraid where that may lead. It is easy to say now it doesn’t matter, but we all know it does in some shape or form. It could really impact our marriage and relationship. I hate to thing about it, but it is a reality we may all face. There is zero chance I will terminate the pregnancy or give up my baby. That would be even worse, and no one has suggested that, so it isn’t worth talking about. Beyond that I can’t imagine going to Glenn’s house and telling him he is the next most likely father, that scares me, because I have no idea what he would try to do. He could really cause me a lot of trouble, I don’t even want to think about it. I have to think positive, which is not easy. I don’t see Justin wearing this pressure yet, but I’m sure as the next week unfolds it is going to start showing, how can it not? Nicole and I have had a few conversations about it. She said if for some reason it does not belong to JustinI might want to think about getting pregnant again rather soon so Justin can have a baby with me and feel like a complete father. It is something we will certainly talk about, but for now, I have a long way to go with this one, and that is my main concern and focus. I will be getting another ultra sound this time I’m sure more details, along with more bloodwork and whatever else. They strongly suggested I enter rehab. I will be proud to tell them I am not only clean, I am working out daily with a pro, and following guidelines of a nutritionist. I think they will be surprised.

[grover27]

I don't know Glenn, but I would be very surprised if he would want anything to do with the baby. He hardly wanted anything to do with you more than being a FWB. To tell him that he doesn't have to pay child support or do anything else will be a huge relief I am sure. I am not sure why you even need to tell him but if you do, I am sure the best part of the conversation for him will be that you want nothing from him. I would recommend not even telling him or talking to him ever again. Seriously consider that. Why complicate your life any further?

[wmxx]

Grover I understand where you are coming from believe me! It is a moral issue. If he is the father he needs to know. Somewhere my baby will have to know the truth, and may seek out the father. I have to know who it is. I think you are right, he will want nothing to do with it. I also worry that he might fight and cause trouble for me, somehow try and wiggle his way into my life. I really don’t know what is going to happen. He has the right to know he fathered a child, that I can’t deny him. I’m praying that doesn’t even come into play.

[wmxx]

Sometime exactly a week from now we will learn if Justin is the father or not. It seems the closer it gets the more nervous I get. We leave here Tuesday of next week and will be staying until Saturday morning. I’m hoping that is a cheerful ride home. My mind spins around like a top. What if this? What if that? I know it makes a huge difference regardless of what Justin says. It kind of makes a difference to me as well. I want a complete home and there is only one way that can be achieved. I’ve even thought there is a small chance neither Justin or Glenn are the father. Then what? It doesn’t help to be thinking all this but when you are in this situation it is unavoidable. My workouts are paying off. I truly feel the difference. I have a lot of energy. We all pray and have our fingers crossed. Soon we will hopefully have an answer. Hopefully it is the right one.

[wmxx]

It has been a calm week once again. We are enjoying life, working out, and enjoying each other. This continues to be the life I would have laughed at several months ago as something that could never happen, to the life I love. Nicole has become the best friend I have ever had, she has said the same about me. I think Justin really loves how me and Nicole have gotten so close. Nicole loves how Justin treats her, and how he treats everyone for that matter. He is as even headed a man I have ever seen and known. The only time I saw him steaming was the issue with Glenn. I can see that if anyone messes with me or Nicole he won’t take it kindly and I wouldn’t want to mess with him. Justin wants to take us to a comedy climax tonight which sounds like a fun idea. I told Justin we can’t sit in the front. I don’t want to get picked on lol. Nicole and I plan to be ultra sexy and Justin is going to be blushing tonight lol.

[wmxx]

I finally got an admission from Justin! He told me he loves when Nicole and I dress slutty. He said your both so dam sexy that it doesn’t really look slutty on either of us, that we pull it off! He then said maybe it is residual from the hypno, but He said it gets him all stirred up, meaning really he wants to fuck us! Lol. This is the first time he ever admitted that. So we both asked him ok, then what do you want us to wear tonight? He went in our closets and picked out something for each of us. We have a lot to choose from. So we each have him a few choices of heels that go with our dresses. He picked the highest heels in the group which are 5” heels. I think we will have more fun when we get home. Time to get ready. I love getting dolled up, and so does Nicole, especially if we are going out!

[stupidme]

so glad everything is going well!

[wmxx]

Last night was a riot! The headliner came out and came into the audience. Sure enough he stops at our table. He shakes his head and asks Justin to stand up. He looks him over and says this guy is chiseled, and then says ok so you are either the body guard here, or there is a story, which is it? Justin laughed and said you’d be better off asking them. So he says ok blonde stand up as he asks my name, he says ok what’s the story here? I said there is no story. He looks at me and says oh so you are the unlucky one? Everyone is laughing. I said I’m his wife. So then he asks Nicole to stand up asks her name. So he says Justin is married to Amber and you are? Nicole says Justin is my friend and so is Amber. He asks are these friends with benefits? Nicole smiles and says of course. He turns to Justin and hands him the mic sits at our table and says, ok this show is way better than mine, who wants to hear more? Everyone is hooting and whistling. Justin gives me the mic and I hand it back to the comic. He says to Nicole do you live with them. She says yes. Something going on with you and Amber? She says yes! So someone in the back starts yelling kiss her kiss her, and the whole room starts saying it. So we kissed a real sensuous kiss to a standing ovation. The guy said you just ruined my show how can I top that? He gave us all a hug and went into his act. I think Justin was totally embarrassed. It was so much fun! All the comics were really good, especially the last guy. When we got home the fun really started. We had a nice sexy three way and it went on for quite awhile. We want to go back again. Two guys came over to Justin after we kissed and kneel in front of him palms up arms in front moving up and down. I think it got more personal than he was comfortable with but he is getting used to us and he is definitely loosening up compared to before. I had 1 sip of Justin’s beer to drink, that’s it! I am really in Mom mode now, some of the changes I have made seem impossible to me, but I am driven like never before. I’m getting in great shape rather quickly. I can feel the difference in a big way. Coke used to supply my energy, now diet and exercise do. I could go for some coke though, I still miss it a lot. It seems to not go away! I won’t though. If I was done breast feeding today, I’d be doing a line right now. I’m hoping it is because it just hasn’t been long enough yet. I hope after about 15 months pass that urge will be a memory.

[wmxx]

Justin has been a bit quiet today. We are leaving tomorrow and heading for Mayo. We won’t come back until Saturday. I’m really starting to feel the reality of this trip. I hope everything is progressing well for me, but then there is the NIPP test to see if Justin is the father. I pray so hard it is his. I hate the feeling of being in there and everyone attending to me knows the baby might not belong to Justin. It makes me feel like the cheating wife, but they don’t understand Justin knew, and that he sleeps with Nicole. Everything to them is cookie cutter, at least that’s how it makes me feel. Heaven forbid it doesn’t belong to Justin. I still have this intuition it does not, mainly because looking back at the time frame I was sleeping with Glenn a lot. I was there overnight often. I hope that doesn’t turn out to be the case. Yeah, I could go for multiple lines right now. Wish so much I could. This might be our toughest week ever, how it all ends no one knows right now. It is very unnerving. The closer it gets the more stress I feel. All is well here but you can get a sense of the tension in the air. Reality can be harsh sometimes.

[wmxx]

Leaving soon. Tension rising. Hope and pray for the best

[wmxx]

I had a great visit. They were worried about me with the coke use. I told them I have done none since I found out I was pregnant. No cigarettes either and working with a professional trainer that works with pregnant women, and have followed the nutritionists guidelines to the letter. They were shocked! I was also formed of studies done that prove the long term benefits to my baby from working out properly. I was pleased with all the info. Everything looks good some more blood work. I had to also give blood for Justin’s NIPP test. All he had to do was swab DNA. I won’t have blood left! This is a tension filled night. Now we just wait until Friday. We aren’t talking about it, everyone knows how important this is. We have an appointment at 4PM. We will know then, on Friday. Wish it was now, the suspense is so stressful. We have 2 double beds, and Nicole told me to sleep with Justin the whole time. She said she would get a separate room, but Justin said no. We all went out for the entire day. Got back here about 8. It’s really stressful. I pray Justin is the father, it just means so much to us.

[stupidme]

Praying for all of you. Whatever you do don't abandon each other.

I still highly recommend having a therapist to talk to, a trained therapist can be so helpful.

[wmxx]

Thank you stupidme. We are on our way out for lunch and the rest of the day. So nervous waiting. Tomorrow seems like the most important day of my life. Nothing I can do about it now except hope and pray. Justin is acting stressed. Not sure if I have ever seen him like this. He tries to hide it, but I know him too well, it’s wearing on him. Even Nicole is different, she knows the significance. We will have the answer tomorrow. I pray it is the one we all are hoping for.

[wmxx]

Supposed to be having lunch but I can’t eat. I’m so nervous about the appointment today. Justin not eating much either. Split a couple of appetizers and most of it left. Really scared right now. I’m praying. Will know in less than 4 hours. This is soooooo hard!

[grover27]

I've been thinking about you guys and praying for you. I pray that your fears have been alleviated when you next log in but if not, I agree with Stupidme - find a therapist ASAP. Justin is clearly a unique and solid dude. I am sure if the worst has happened, he is not going to be happy but he and you can get past this. You all knew the risks of this lifestyle and it's not the child's fault that his/her father is not Justin. Justin will be an amazing dad and you will be an amazing mom. If people can love an adopted child like its their own, Justin can love this baby like it's his own. If you had cheated on Justin then I think it would be a lot harder, but like I said, Justin knew what you were doing. See a therapist and get right with this and love each other and love this child. God put this child in you belly for a reason and He put Justin in your life for a reason. Trust in this but also trust in Justin. Finally, do not hesitate to do rehab if you ever get too close to doing coke again. Best wishes.

[wmxx]

IT IS JUSTIN’S BABY!!!!!!!!! We are so happy. He came in and just shook our hands congratulating us. He said let me give you 15 minutes and I will be back. All your files to take home. Justin fell into my arms and we both cried so hard. This is such an amazing feeling. Nicole gave us a hug and stepped out. Justin told me how much he loves me. He promised me he would be the best husband and father he could be. I’m finally enjoying being pregnant, it feels so good now I don’t know if I have ever been happier! I don’t know what else to say.

[grover27]

I was about to get ready for bed and remembered that I had to check on here for your news. I don't know you but I am so happy and relieved for you. I don't know if you are religious, but please be thanking God for this one. He clearly wanted you guys to have the best possible situation for bringing this child into the world. I have several children and they are amazing gifts. I can only imagine how hard you cried after getting that amazingly great news. A big congratulations to you all. Now all you have to do is concentrate on staying healthy and clean and making the best home for this child, which will be so much easier for you now. Tell Justin that Grover sends his congratulations.

[wmxx]

Our lives just changed so much. I was scared to death to face this day, and everything turned out perfect. One thing really hit me. There is no other man that I’d ever want to have a child with than Justin. It wasn’t supposed to happen yet, but in so many ways it saved everything. I was on a collision course of reaching a really bad place. The one thing that never changed was no matter what, Justin stood by me always. I’m so lucky in so many ways. I will be as good of a mother as I possibly can be. I so want to be a Mom now. I’m with the right man, which will make it so much easier. I know Justin will be a great father. I love Nicole. She is so happy for us. She gave us all the space we needed in the right moments, and has been a rock for me being there to talk to when I needed that. She feels like a guardian angel to me. She will always be welcome here. I know one day she may leave, and desire a life and family of her own, but she says no, she loves it here and it provides everything she needs. I hope it remains that way. I don’t know what I would do without her. This all seems like a big happy dream right now after so many bad situations we have gone through. I love where we all are now, and not very far in the future I will have a child to add to that love. I’m really content right now. It seems like as soon as the stress went away my desire for coke went away with it. I feel right now that is and always will be part of my past. I grew up really fast through all this, my potential as a wife and parent is all up to me now, and I will put the rest of my life into making the best of it. We are all glowing now, it is a wonderful feeling.

[wmxx]

Getting ready to head home. The feeling is much better than on the way here, and so much better than what it could have been. I will be so happy to get home. Justin wants us to have a celebration tomorrow. He has such a glow and is so happy to be a father. He has wrapped around me since we got the news. He is smothering me, and I love it! Our relationship just took a huge leap forward. I love that I’m carrying his baby. Everything just seems so much brighter now. We have gotten off a bumpy road and it has been what seems like an eternity. We are in the best place we have ever been. The workouts and nutritional changes have left me feeling really good. I’m so ready to be a mom and embrace all the associated responsibilities. Nothing has ever felt so good in my life. Blessed!

[wmxx]

I’m not sure if this is where this saga should end or not. Everything is normal and better in our lives now. Maybe this would be a good place to sign off. It seems like I know a few of you that chime in periodically and help guide me with thoughts from the outside. It didn’t matter if I agreed with them or not it was just good to hear. Not sure how many read this anyway. It was intended just to document our journey so we could one day go back and look at what we went through which is a lot more than I ever thought. I will leave it up to any of those that have followed this journey. It will probably get boring now. Does anyone here wish I continue here?

[grover27]

I think it's good to have chapters in life. My thought would be to have this be the end of this chapter of your life. Ride off into the sunset and live a purpose driven life. You know what's right and wrong. You know that you deserve a good life and have it. You know that you dodged a bullet, more like a missile. I'm not sure if this was all a "cheap lesson" or an expensive lesson, but it was an important lesson. Don't ever forget it, but move on to happier times and don't let the past dictate your future. I'll always read any updates you provide but I think this has been a journal of trying times. It started off as "I need some help" and it evolved to a completely different person and a completely different level of help. Never be afraid to ask for help but avoid putting yourself in positions where you know you are going to need to ask for help later. You were on a very self-destructive path. That's likely because of your past - it usually is - but your present and your future are brighter than the vast majority of people will ever have. Don't take that for granted. Don't dwell in the past - live in the present and savor every minute. Self improvement is the meaning of life - self destruction is the complete opposite and is essentially slow suicide. Never stop striving to improve and you will have an amazing life. Justin loves you for how kind you are and you love him for how kind he is. That's an amazing connection and an amazing find. Always take care of him and he will always take care of you and you will never have a problem. Pretty simple really. Good luck and God Bless.

[wmxx]

Justin wants to start getting baby furniture already. He is so much more relaxed now. This was really wearing on him. This afternoon we made love and we stayed in bed and talked. He told me right now I am the women he knew I was and would be. He also said he forgives me for every bad turn, and our life together from this point can be as amazing as we want it to be. He told me no matter what he will always love me. I shared those feelings with him as well. I don’t know what it is but having his baby inside of me has me loving him in a stronger and different way. Justin has been holding my hand, kissing and hugging me like never before. I love all the affection, and that’s something he has always been good at, I never feel neglected. We both make sure Nicole is not lacking for affection either, but if she needs it she isn’t afraid to snuggle up with me or Justin or both of us. She is so freakin hot! She was born with some crazy good genes. Yeah her boobs are not natural, but her face, body, and eyes, along with her jet black hair makes her so exotic looking. If there ever was a perfect 10, Nicole is a perfect 10. Amazingly she is a 10 inside as well. I love her so much in every way. Nicole says she sees me the same way, but I don’t think I’m as good looking as her. It doesn’t matter. We are all happy and I’m going to gain weight and look all ugly soon so I’m sure Justin will be more attracted to her, even though he said just the opposite. I’m not sure I believe all that.

[stupidme]

I agree with grover, if you don't feel the need to post anymore that's fine, if you continue I'll read and comment if I think it's appropriate, if you need to reach out privately or want to talk on more private channels I, and I'm sure grover, would be fine if you sent us private messages. But make sure you never feel alone, there are times when your close loved ones are all you want or need and other times you need a larger network, I've gone back and forth. But never isolate yourself nor pay attention to only one source of knowledge or wisdom everyone has blind spots even with the best of intentions. I personally would like at least one announcement of when the baby is born, I hope I can celebrate the birth of a new life, to a loving family!

[wmxx]

Thanks for the feedback. Maybe this is another chapter. I like the idea of that. Justin told me last night how much he wishes his grandfather could have met me. He also added that he wants to raise our child in many of the ways he raised him. He said he never gave him anything He didn’t earn, and set his moral compass and compassion for others in a really good way. The best way he could ever show appreciation and thank him is doing the same for his own. It got pretty emotional for him and ultimately me. I have such a strong bond with Justin now, better than ever before. I’m really fortunate to have him as my husband. I will be the wife and mother he will be proud of. Our course in life is set. We have both been afforded an opportunity to have a life to be proud of no matter how difficult the path was to get here. Most of which I admit was my fault. It seemed like the very moment I found out I was pregnant the bell went off. It was a wake up call that certainly changed the course of my life. I was on a dark path to destruction. Kind of strange my baby doesn’t realize he/she literally saved my life. I owe every thing I do going forward to make sure he/she gets everything I have within me to have a great life. I was mature enough to become great at my work and run a successful business, but completely immature otherwise because of drugs. I can see that now. While doing them they completely blind you. Those days are over now. I can see clearly now. My head is on right. I’m not a dumb blonde whore. I hate to admit it but I lived my life as one. Don’t get me wrong I love sex, I love being dolled up all the time. I do that for me, it was part of an image I needed to present with the work I was in. I love looking good all the time. I want Justin to be proud of the woman he is with. I know he loves it! I know he loves me. I know I love him. More than ever before.

[wmxx]

I sat down with Nicole and Justin to let them know about my feelings about something. I told them there may come a time in my pregnancy where I can’t have sex anymore. Certainly after I deliver, if not some time before as well. I told them to have as much sex as they want or need. I don’t want them feeling sorry for me that I can’t participate, or to feel guilty in any way. I told them I could still participate in a 3-way but just in a different way. I don’t want this to create tension in any way. I have become very secure in what we have. They both gave me a hug and said that means a lot. They both also reassured me that I will be part of it in some way as I feel I want or can be. The amazing part to me is I not only said it, I truly meant it. We all have intimate relationships with each other as well as together. I don’t want that to change. You have to remember this is coming from a formerly insecure very jealous woman, ME! I dont know why it is that way with Nicole especially because she is the sexiest woman in any room or any place she goes. She is just so different and trusting. She always without us asking knows when Justin and I need some alone time and always provides it. I know they love each other and it makes me sincerely happy. I love Nicole so much, I don’t know what I would do without her. She is my best friend, a lover, and so much more. This arrangement isn’t anything at all like I would ever think was possible for me, but I love it. Nicole is the first and last woman I would ever sleep with. I have to be bisexual, but in a strange way. I would never have interest in any other woman at all. She has a certain look to her that is so irresistible and a personality and quality that makes her unlike any woman I have ever known. We clicked from day 1. It was supposed to be a one time thing. Justin was allowing me to sleep with anyone I wanted. I felt so guilty I wanted to surprise him with Nicole. When I put eyes on her the first time I thought no way, this woman is so sexy I can’t let Justin sleep with her. Then she explained what she wanted and she has this sincere way about her that you believe her, and it always turns out that it is real not BS. Well here we are, and now I love that I went through with it. I know if it was anyone else, this kind of arrangement would be impossible. She has earned my trust 1000 times over. I know people live this lifestyle all over. I think we are at the top of that lifestyle. We communicate about things all the time, and since I became pregnant even more.

[warren101]

I have also been following along. I only have one thing to add: Having a child will make Justin even more in love with you. I doubt that your 3 way arrangement will cause any future problems. Thanks for sharing your travels with us.

[grover27]

I agree with stupidme - and you can certainly PM if you ever want to. I have been hard on you at times and mostly because I am a dude and could see that Justin was putting himself at risk. You surprised me in being as great as you were at first, and then surprised me doubly much when you confessed all the shit that you were hiding. 9.5 out of 10 guys would never have stayed with you at that point and yet Justin did. In retrospect, I can say that he did the right thing and I am happy for you all that this worked out.

You have certainly impressed me with where you have gotten to now. But make no mistake, the baby saved your life - and I know you know this. And while this forum thread hasn't been about hypnosis for a very long time, there is actually a very important lesson here for people who are into hypnosis. Specifically, when using hypnosis, you really need to want to make a change. You have to have a reason to want to make a change. Without that need and desire, hypnosis rarely works or at least doesn't work the same way. Some of this hypno stuff can get into brainwashing and that can work but that is a long and slow change usually. Real change happens when you are truly ready to change. Your baby gave you that real reason to want to change and you now see how powerful that is. In the future, if you ever want to make a change, you need to be fully aware of why it is that you want to make that change.

At this point, however, you just need to stay clean - which you will do for your love of this baby and your love of Justin - and just love life and love each other. Feel free to be a whore and a slut with Justin and Nicole. There's nothing wrong with having fun and loving life that way as long as you are staying safe and honest. Trust and love each other and have fun!

And yes, please let us know some updates on the baby and life should you choose to stop posting regularly.

[wmxx]

Warren, Grover, and stupidme thanks for all your input. Grover I want you to know I’m the women that you thought I was except for one thing. I used coke. You will see that women from now on. Yes, my baby probably saved my life, and if not, my relationship with Nicole, and my marriage to Justin. I’m grateful his love and belief in me was so strong. The worst thing about drugs is it is just a big lie. All of it. Some don’t make it back to the other side, and I’m lucky I did. When my baby gets past the point of breast feeding I intend to go out and speak about my story to others before it costs them their lives. Working out, eating nutritiously, have me feeling really good now. It has been a long time! Sadly, this is the first Justin has seen me at my full potential. I know he is at a peak level of happiness about us. I am too. We have an amazing deep love. He wants to be a dad so much, he can’t wait. We are all excited. Nicole is so happy for us. She wants to help with the baby. Maybe this will have her rethink what she wants in life and have surgery and one day a family of her own. She says with certainty, the life she is living with us has made her happier than any other time in her life and will only leave if asked to. That will be never. She is part of us now, and always will be.

[wmxx]

Baby shopping after lunch. Since we don’t know the sex yet, mostly furniture items. Also looking around so once we do we know what we like. This is very exciting! I never expected this so soon. Our plan was 2 kids, after our 2 year adventure and exploration. We are really happy though, and Justin is in a big way into baby mode! What a difference in him before he knew if it was his or not to now. It is like he was set free! I love the love and attention, I crave it from him. Not that he wasn’t affectionate before, he was, but now he is ultra affectionate. Even with Nicole, he is so happy right now. I asked Justin a serious question last night. I said if Nicole had surgery and she wanted to have your baby, would you? His eyebrows went up and his immediate answer was are you serious? Of course not. The only babies I will ever be making is with you. You are my wife. I was actually relieved to hear that. Not that either of them expressed those thoughts, just a bit of my mind that may have been insecure. Really, things between all of us are perfect right now. I wish I could bottle this atmosphere and make it permanent! I guess it is up to us to do that, and right now we are. There is a lot of passion involving us all. Never a shortage of intimacy around here! It is such a beautiful place to be in life. It seems like it was a long climb to the mountain top, but we are on it now. We have to work to keep it that way and we all talk about that a lot. It is too nice to take for granted!

[wmxx]

So tonight Justin made me cry, but in a good way. He bought a karaoke machine. So after dinner he set it up and he asked Nicole and I to sit on the couch. He said I used to do this a long time ago, but it has been awhile, so don’t expect much, it is just something I want to do for you. So he starts the song and it is Lone Star - Amazed. He called me up next to him and he looked me in the eyes and smiled the whole song. Tears were running down my eyes. He really did very well with it. I was amazed! I wrapped around him when he finished and I told him I feel the same way and how much I love him. Nicole was teary eyed as well and stood up and gave him a standing ovation and told him Justin that was so thoughtful and beautiful. She said you picked out the perfect song for Amber because I see your love for her in your eyes every day. So we spent some time playing around with it and I’m not very good but Nicole did pretty good. It’s harder than it looks. It was such an emotional song with him sharing his inner feelings with me. It made my night. I couldn’t be with a better man, I really couldn’t.