I need some help

[wmxx]

Mike couldn’t make it home but he gave us the safe combo. We shot each other up and had sex after the euphoric feeling wore off. It is so impossible to not want to feel that way!! Can’t wait until this weekend when we can shoot up all day. We will likely be staying here because we will need more than 1 shot a day. Having 4 again will be so perfect!!! I played a joke on Nicole when we had our shots ready to shoot each other up. I told her I’d shoot her up but I’m quitting and not shooting up anymore. Her jaw dropped!!! She said if she has to hold me down she is going to shoot me up. I told her I’m done. She sat there and lectured me on why we need to shoot up permanently now! She reminded me we vowed we would never quit, and said now let me shoot you up. She said you know how much you love it and being a hooker so stop being an idiot and shoot up. I continued for about 15 more minutes. She actually started crying and said you know you need this!!! I had to tell her I was only kidding!!! I needed to shoot up so bad Icouldn’t wait any longer. She was so relieved and somewhat pissed. I told her I promise I will never quit!!! I told her I will be back to 4 shots a day soon. She gave me a big hug and long kiss. She said I love this and being a hooker so much I will never stop, ever!!! She said she loves shooting up more than anything else, and then fucking so many guys, it is so erotic going to bed with someone different at least twice a day. I agreed!!!

[wmxx]

We just said goodbye to Justin for the weekend and probably forever. Nicole and I are really torn up about it and thankfully we shot ip and feel so much better. We are hookers again for Mike, just what we want. It is so hard leaving someone we both love and adore, but we love shooting up and that changes everything.

[wmxx]

Well we didn’t see this coming. No sooner than we said goodbye to Justin he comes over to Mike’s and had 2 friends with him. He essentially made us gather all our clothes and stuff put is in his car and the other 2 drove our cars. We ended up several hundred miles away in a beautiful house. Justin sold the other , and told us this is for all of our good. He had to once and for all get us away from drugs. We are still doing coke but no more shooting up and it’s painful. More as this terrible withdrawal is complete. I need to shoot up so bad!!! Justin watches us 24/7. He even took our keys away!

[wmxx]

Wow so much has changed. We moved completely out of the area we lived in. We have not shot up in probably 2 weeks. It was soooo hard!!! We all had a heart to heart long open conversation about our future. We have really spun out of control. The one thing that took the longest was convincing Justin that we are completely off heroin, but he accepts that we do coke. At least for now, we have to slowly ween ourselves off of it and he gave us up to a year. We have enough for about 2 -3 months because Nicole and I have been stockpiling it for a long time. It took a lot to get Justin to accept us doing lines, and we will sit down every week and discuss it. Unfortunately, Nicole confided in me that she loves shooting up so much if she finds any she said she would have to do it. I kind of feel the same way. Right now I’d give anything to shoot up. Our hope is that as time goes on and shooting up becomes an option, we will be able to resist it. Right now we are both vulnerable and if I saw her shoot up I would not be able to not do it myself too. It is such an amazing feeling, just thinking about it and writing about it makes me want it so bad. Nicole told me she will find some and when she does she promised me she will make sure I shoot up. I can say I will resist but deep down I know how much I would love some and know I would want her to shoot me up. She has been looking since we got here. It’s just a matter of time and she will find some. She told me she will have sex for it, whatever it takes. Once you start shooting up it seems like you will always need it. It’s a matter of what you want more Justin or shooting up? The answer is Justin, but we can’t resist shooting up. I’m so hoping she finds some, the more I think about it the more I have to have it.

[stupidme]

I'm very happy to hear that Justin is taking care of you, let me encourage you to push through and be the woman he loves and put him and your health and your baby's health above what your body thinks you need. Also be strong for Nicole, work together to be better.

https://youtu.be/XB6yjGVuzVo

[wmxx]

Thank you. It is extremely hard especially for Nicole. She is out looking for some a lot, and probably not in good areas. Even though I told her I’m done she laughs at me. She said as soon as I get my hands on some I guarantee you will be begging me to shoot you up. I tell her no, but if she had some ready to shoot me up, I know I would do it. It makes me feel better than anything. Nicole is desperate and I’m not but I am vulnerable. She reminded me we made a pact never to quit, and the other would make sure the one quitting would shoot up. I’m torn I hope she finds some, because I woul love it, but then again I hope she doesn’t because I know With close to 100% certainty she will get me hooked again, she is obsessed to get her hands on some. It’s just a matter of time. She is meeting a guy from a dating site this morning and she said she thinks he is a dealer, but they had a kind of cryptic conversation. She will use her body and seduce it out of him. I know how bad she wants to shoot up now. Basically it is a matter of time, which pretty much means I will be shooting up again soon. The more she keeps driving it inside my head how awesome I will feel and how much I love it, the truth is I sit hear day dreaming about Nicole shooting me up. I want to do bad now. I really hope she gets some. Just writing about it makes me need it so much, and I love the feeling.

[wmxx]

It’s strange because I know I have been a bad influence on Nicole. She had great will power, but I knew once I broke through I could get her hooked on coke, and I did. Once the barrier has been broken it was easy to get her shooting up. The problem is in a lot of ways she has become me. Now she will make sure I am hooked and need to shoot up with her. It is like we have come full circle. She knows all she has to do is get me to let her shoot me up once, and I will be begging for it. Sadly, it is true, and the more I keep thinking about this the more I want her to shoot me up, I need to feel like that again it is sooooo good!

[stupidme]

tell justin, I seriously think that you should consider putting her and maybe you in a rehab facility, make sure justin is there to support and help

[wmxx]

I understand that is good advice, but all this thinking and dress, I really am hoping Nicole gets some today. I want her to shoot me up so much now. I text her and even told her that I really need her to shoot me up. She just text back and said you might get your wish today!! She told me again, there is no way she will ever let me stop, and reminded each other if one of us ever tried to quit, the other will do anything to make sure they don’t ever quit. Followed by there is a 95% chance I will be shooting you up today! I am on my way to shooting up right now!!! Wow, I am so jealous now, she is shooting up like right now. I need to so bad now. I wish I was with her. I asked if I could join her. She said maybe, and said if so you have to have sex with him. I said of course, I do miss being a hooker. So excited she just text me directions, I am suddenly shaking. I will be shooting up very soon. Nicole is right, I can’t quit.

[wmxx]

I am in his driveway. Nicole text me she shot up and said she feels so incredible! I can’t wait to go in and shoot up, I need it so bad, Nicole is looking out for me now, she knows how much I love shooting up with her. I’m a couple of minutes I will love how I’m feeling.

[wmxx]

Omg I am so high and feel amazing right noire I longed thiss so muzh

[wmxx]

I am worried about Nicole. She shot up twice, and is heading back there today for more sex and to shoot up. This guy isn’t easy to have sex with as he is a little below average to put it kindly. I absolutely love to shoot up but the withdrawal is extremely ugly. Thankfully neither of us were in that long and that deep. I’m afraid Nicole is going in really deep this time. She told me she will never quit again, it hurts too much. I am having breakfast with her this morning. She also told me he gave her some in powder form to hold her between shooting up. She all but forced me to do some last night, but somehow I held off, but believe me I wanted it really bad. She plans on me coming with her to shoot up and said she will never let me quit and I was weak and will ultimately be shooting up again, just a matter of time. She may be right but I’m not doing it because of me, it is because of her, I don’t want her destroying herself, but it’s so hard because I want to shoot up so bad. She went to do a line last night and she didn’t even know which bag was her coke. I admit, I will never stop doing coke, and at least Justin knows. I can’t give up my cigarettes either especially doing coke, but at least he knows. He really isn’t happy about any of this, but I told him I was using coke, and smoking since I met him. I’m the same woman he fell in love with. His hope is one day soon I will realize it is hurting me more than it is helping me. He doesn’t understand. I could never get through a day without my coke period! Hopefully meeting with Nicole becomes a positive thing.

[wmxx]

Omg this is so hard. Nicole was just about in tears. She told me we made a pact that the other would never let the other quit. She doesn’t want to do this alone, and said we love each other and you know how much you love it. She broke me down completely and I am at this park with her because she didn’t want to drive after doing a line of heroine. We both did a line and I have to admit I love it so much. Nicole’s entire attitude changed as soon as I did a line. She gave me a hug and a kiss, and told me she loves me so much. She asked me how I felt and I could only say amazing and I’m glad we are good now. She said after lunch I am going there to shoot up and I want you to promise me you will come with me. She said she wants to be the one to shoot me up because it is so emotional to see how happy your making your lover. I was hit emotionally and told her I promise I will have you shoot me up, I sooo look forward to it. She made me promise I wouldn’t break our pact, and I would shoot up with her every day from now on. I said yes. I love Nicole. I’m so happy she thinks of me that way. She is right, we made a pact, and I’m dying to shoot up now. She said in a day or two, we will be hooked together again, and we both love it, we will be happy again. She gets to me. She is right though, I need to start shooting up with her again, I love it so much and it brings us so close. Our relationship is so strong when we are both hooked on heroin, we struggle when we are not. From now on we will never consider quitting an option. I’m so high right now.

[wmxx]

We both had a serious conversation about leaving and moving back in with new Mike. He made sure we never had to suffer and we shot up as often as we needed. We also both love being hookers. We are probably going to get hooked again and leave.

[wmxx]

We are talking about moving to near new Mike and eventually get a place of our own and open our own escort business. We both can then relax and shoot up as we want to and be hookers and answer to ourselves. We are lovers and always will be. This morning Nicole woke me up to that. We promised never to let the other quit, and she showed me how much she loves me getting me to shoot up again. I love her so much.

[wmxx]

We both admit how emotional it is shooting each other up. I love the look on Nicole’s face when I put the needle in her and seeing how good I made her feel. She loves shooting me up too. We can’t wait to start doing that again only this time with no guilt. This will be permanent now. I’m so glad we will both be doing this together for each other from now on.

[stupidme]

you are idiots

[wmxx]

Nicole and I are leaving this weekend. We are going back to where we were before Justin moved us. We are going to finally be free. Opening an escort service and we can finally shoot up all we want and dont have any pressure of quitting. Nicole made me feel so bad that I was breaking our pact to never quit. I’m so grateful for her getting me back to shooting up. She really knows how much I love it!! From now on we will be hookers, which we agree is when we are happiest, and coming home to Nicole shooting me up and me her is so bonding! It gives each of us several times a day to make the other feel so good. From now on no boyfriends to hide things from. We can shoot up as we need it, and will always have our coke too. I feel bad for Justin. We both adore him, but he really does deserve better. When it comes to my coke, and shooting up, I’m not giving it up for anyone! Nicole really pointed that out to me. I was always quitting because of someone else. She made me understand that. She knows how much I love it because she does too. The nice thing now is when she shoots me up she makes me feel so good and happy, not miserable trying to quit when I don’t want to. I do the same for her. It’s such a good feeling shooting her up because I know how she is going to feel and I get to be the one to make her feel that way. Stupid me: I’m not upset with your input. I’m sorry this didn’t go the way you perhaps wanted it to. I am meeting with Justin today to sort out baby and other details. This is really really hard on him, and is for me and Nicole too, he is the best man in the world. It is sad.

[wmxx]

One thing Nicole said to me that made me want to keep shooting up was her saying think about it. You should embrace being hooked on shooting up. The only time that is a bad to be hooked on it is when you want to quit. She followed by saying if it was entirely u to you would you ever quit? I thought for a second and realized If it were up to me I’d never quit and it is up to me. We will never quit so it doesn’t matter if we are hooked or not, we will always satisfy that need and craving which is why you love it, because she puts it in me, and makes me feel so good. She makes perfect sense, I’m so glad she opened my eyes. My whole life there has always been someone trying to take something away from me. When I was 12 I was smoking on a regular basis and there was always someone trying to take them away from me. I love to smoke and now I no longer have to worry about someone trying to take them away from me. When I was 15 and got hooked on coke it was the same, everyone trying to take it away from me. Now I am free from that. Same thing now that I shoot up several times a day, someone is always trying to take it away from me. I love Nicole, because she encouraged me to shoot up, enjoy my coke, and smoke all I want. I want her to do the same, and it’s so nice to love someone that also understands how much fun it is to be a hooker and fuck so many different men. We both can never get enough sex and this is so nice. We finally have each other and instead of someone always pulling stuff away from me, Nicole encourages me to do what makes me happy.

[wmxx]

Nicole and I just arrived at our new condo rental back in new Mike’s town. The first thing we did was shoot each other up and have sex. We both agreed we are finally free!!! We can shoot up and do all the coke we want and be the hookers we love to be. It was very emotional yesterday leaving Justin. He told us we are always wanted, loved, and welcome to be here, but he finally realized he can’t compete with our need and love of coke and heroine. He wrote me a 10 page letter. We cried for hours. It was so so hard. In his letter was a promise he made me the day we got married. Half of his net worth is mine. He added a contingency. He wants to be there when I have the baby, and play a role in his/her life. He will fly in often and visit. I had no issues with that. I am happy actually. It’s not lack of love, I just know I can’t be the wife he deserves. I’m pretty broken up about it as is Nicole. Neither of us will be dating, just fucking. I need to shoot up more than ever just to deal with Justin not being here. I love him more than I could ever love another man. I know I did him wrong, and his love for me is truly unconditional. I wonder if we will ever make love again when he visits. He told me he would spend the rest of his life waiting for me to grow up. I couldn’t get through all this without shooting up. Nicole feels the same way. It hurts a lot, a real lot. We are going to use the next couple of weeks to chill out and shoot up a lot! The best part of this is I will be high on my coke 24/7 and I’m sure I will be back to 20 lines a day again. After I have the baby I am going to spend 5 days with old Mike. I told him I shoot up now. He said he knew it was a matter of time before I would try it and love it. He was happy for me. I just said you know me better than anyone. I’m actually looking forward to having him shoot me up and have sex. He says he misses doing lines with me, and he said I have to let him shoot me up. I told him I would really love that. So free now! I love it!

[wmxx]

Nothing feels so free than to wake up next to Nicole And before we even get out of bed we both know what the other needs. We immediately smile at each other steal a nice deep kiss and shoot each other up. This is as free as I have ever felt!! Finally I can be high as much as I want with none pulling at me. I have never been able to feel this way. I feel so good all the time now. I have my coke and my cigarettes in between shooting up and I feel amazing all day. No more cravings that can’t be served. I will never have to go through that again. Nicole and I are just taking time for ourselves to enjoy this amazing feeling. We wouldn’t do anything if we didn’t love being hookers and having tons of sex every day. Can’t wait to get back to that. We even have powder now so when we are on dates and can’t shoot up we can still have it:). I prefer the needle though. Works really fast and sooo much better. Nicole and I remade our pact. If one of us tries to quit the other will shoot us up in our sleep which will wake us up but no quitting shooting up, coke, or cigarettes. Nicole asked me if I had no choice but to give up 2 of the 3 which would I give up. I said omg I will never give up any of them. If I had to I would keep shooting up but I would never be able to give up my coke or cigarettes. I tried that and I can’t. If I’m doing coke there is 0 chance I give up my cigarettes! I would lose it! I asked her and she agreed. The good news is we don’t have to worry about that anymore. Can’t be hooked on something you love, because that craving just makes it even better! It makes sure you never try and be stupid enough to quit:).

[wmxx]

Nicole told me she is so glad she met me. She kind of brought tears to both our eyes. She said there is something about me shooting her up that strengthens her bond with me, because I’m the one making her feel so good. I totally understand that feeling. When Nicole shoots me up it is such a closeness I feel for her. It feels like she is the one person in the world that knows all the pain I have suffered, and all the people that try to take it away from me and bring me even more pain, she understands when she puts that needle in me it all goes away! I love how she realizes how much I need it, and I can relate to how much she needs it and it feels so good being the one that can take her pain away. It is why we know we can never let the other one quit! We both know how painful that would be, and will never let each other suffer through that again. We trust each other so much, and are grateful we will never let the other suffer, we will make sure quitting is never an option. I love her so much!

[wmxx]

I have never seen Nicole so happy. We are doing lines together and she is so content! I can’t wait to shoot her up again after lunch, and watch how relaxed and content she is. I’m relaxed too. I feel like I did before Justin. I would go to Mike’s and do lines all day and have sex with him several times. Even when I met Justin I was having an affair with Mike. WE had a lot of sex, more than I had with Justin. I was doing 20-25 lines a day then, And having sex at least 3 times a day. I would tell Justin at the beginning I was tired on a Saturday when he thought I was working but I was at Mike’s all day doing lines and sleeping with him. Often I would spend the night with Mike which meant more lines and more sex. I was doing coke in Justin’s bathroom all the time. I would leave his house and go right to Mikes for lines and a lot more sex. So many times I’d make an excuse to leave Justin’s house to go do lines and have sex with Mike. Now I can do all the lines I want again, and as soon as we get our escort business up and running, I will be having a lot of sex. We both laughed because we are off to new Mike’s later to shoot us and have sex with him. We are desperate for a cock in us!!!! So horny!

[wmxx]

Was great to shoot up and have sex with Mike again. Nicole just shot me up and I’m going to try and describe what I’m feeling right now. It is such euphoria and feel so safe. Just feel so good like an elevated state of feeling so incredibly good. All I can say is wow! I’m looking at Nicole and she looks so content and happy. We are sitting topless on the couch just feeling the moment. I love shooting up so much. So gooood!

[wmxx]

Part of Justin’s letter to me included that he would get hooked on cocaine and heroine so we could all rehab together. He said he’d go through the pain with us. I was shocked he would actually go that far. I told him I didn’t want him to go that far, it might not be that easy for him to quit. I told him Nicole and I love our coke and really love shooting up. To us being totally hooked on both is a positive not a negative because being hooked only matters if you want to quit. We have no intentions of ever quitting, so we actually love being hooked because we know we can satisfy that craving anytime we want. That’s what is so nice living together. We will make sure the other never tried to quit, and do whatever it takes to make quitting impossible. That’s why I love Nicole so much! She looks out for me and know how happy I am now that the threat of someone taking it away from me is gone. We promised each other that will never happen again. I know I will never quit anyway but it is so nice to know Nicole will be there for me and never let it happen and I will never let her quit either!

[wmxx]

Shooting each other up at the same time is bonding Nicole and I. We are getting so close. We each make each other feel so good! Between shooting up and doing lots of lines in between I can finally be high all the time now, which is where I was when I met Justin. I was thinking about Aubrey for some reason this morning. That was another affair that I made last. I fucked Aubrey several times and kept telling Justin he had to get comfortable with me before I fucked him in front of Justin. What he didn’t know is the only reason I was sleeping with Aubrey so much was because we were doing lots of lines together. I wonder what would have happened if I wasn’t so stupid making a video fucking Jackie, and leaving my bag of coke and readied lines out which is how Justin found out I was doing coke. I told him I threw it away and went to his house to talk. Of course I never threw my coke out, I was high when I got to his house, and did more in the bathroom. My point is Justin never saw me not high! I was always high, and now that I shoot up Im even higher. My point is I love my coke, and Nicole is so right, no one is taking it away from me ever again. Nicole told me that nobody is taking her coke, heroin, and cigarettes away ever. She is more protective than me! Lol..but I love her for it! We are taking 2 weeks before we start hooking and just enjoy how awesome it feels to shoot each other up 4 times a day and do all the lines we want. Nicole already had a killer body but she probably lost 7 or 8 pounds being so high all the time. Her boobs with the weight loss are incredibly huge now. When she starts hooking guys are going to love her. I will be the same once I get my body back in a month or so!! Whatever doesn’t come back right, plastic surgery will fix.

[wmxx]

Doing lines with Nicole. One thing for sure we have talked a lot. Getting deep into each other’s past which in either case is not very good. When you are raped and forced to do coke at 14 or 15 by a drug dealing boyfriend it wasn’t much fun. I still remember Getting hooked on cigarettes in grade school. I think I became a full time smoker in either 4th or 5th grade. I remember stealing cigarettes from my mom who was spaced out anyway. I used to smoke right in front of her and she was too high to even know. I remember starting to inhale almost immediately and the first time I got that craving that I needed them. I thought that feeling was so cool, and satisfying it felt so amazing! I very quickly fell in love with my cigarettes and was smoking a pack a day within a year. I still love them.

[wmxx]

Nothing like shooting up to start the day feeling sooo good. Justin texts us every day. I didn’t realize how much I would miss him, I have cried a few times. I don’t know why he still wants us. We are a mismatch because I love to shoot up now and be a hooker and he deserves better than that. I have no doubt how much he loves me which makes it harder. I found the best man in the world and I’m just too messed up to have him. I’m never going to give any of this up, so it is what it is.

[wmxx]

Nicole and I slept in a little this morning but we both had to get up so we could shoot each other up. I’m so glad I started shooting up, it makes me feel sooooo good. Then I have my lines until after lunch. The best part is my sweety Nicole is right there doing it with me. We encourage each other to always remember how good it feels. It is the first time I can really enjoy all of it. No one here to try and take it away! It makes it so much more enjoyable. Nicole said since she started doing coke and shooting up she has been so happy. I can see it in her every day. I’m so glad she is doing it with me now. Our bond and pull towards each other is extremely strong, and there is no chance we will ever let the other quit because it makes us feel too good. We seem to only go out if we have to and it usually means doing lines together in a store bathroom lol. We can hardly go 45 minutes without doing a line now. We also talked about shooting up 5 times a day because 4 is kind of not enough, but Mike told us trouble ahead if we start shooting too much. Nicole said she is ready for 5 and told me I’m going to do 5 with her. I love how she thinks of me. She knows I want to do 5, and I’m going to give her a nice surprise and shoot her up 5 times today. She will love it and so will I because that means I will be doing 5 too. There is nothing better than to satisfy that craving and how good it feels.

[wmxx]

Nicole and I agreed we need to shoot up 5 times a day starting today. We also agreed that we will never go more than 5 times a day which simply means we are very hooked now, which we love. Getting to satisfy that 5 times a day is awesome! I’m almost always craving something be it heroin, coke or cigarettes, and I love the feeling of satisfying that craving. It feels so good. The only time it doesn’t is when someone interferes and tries to take it away from you. So glad we don’t have to worry about that anymore. This is my medication and I love it!

[wmxx]

I was talking to Nicole and she said to me her altered state shooting up and doing coke is so much better than how things were before. I responded by saying how I tried to tell her how amazing it is. I have been this way since I was 14. All along the way people have tried to take my coke away from me, and it will never happen, I don’t know of life without it and finally I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I always wanted to try shooting up and I really love it. Nicole told me she loves it so much she will never give it up. I totally agree. When it’s time to shoot up and we are getting ready the look in her eyes knowing how bad her body needs it, and how happy and comfortable she looks makes me so happy that I am the one putting the needle inside of her. She told me the same thing. She said if you could see the look on your face when I’m getting ready to put the needle in you, taking away my craving for it and making me feel so good. She is so right. I can’t wait for the moment she shoots me up. We have fallen deeply in love and shooting each other up has deeply connected us. Speaking of love, we both miss Justin so much. He text yesterday and said he is renting a house so he is right there when I have the baby. He wants to see us both, and we really want to see him. He is coming over Tuesday! He will be here Monday night. It will be extremely emotional for us all.

[wmxx]

What an emotional night. Justin came over in a planned visit. Nicole and I agreed we would shoot up in front of him. We did it because we want him to see who we are not who he wants us to be. When we were shooting up I could see the look in his eyes like he wanted to rip the needles out of our hands before we could shoot up. Not sure of his reaction after that everything just felt so calm and peaceful and euphoric. We had a threesome with Justin. He didn’t breath a word about us shooting up. I think he feels helpless after so many tries. We are still so in love with him to the point where we both cried for hours talking after he left. We did so many lines and they didn’t seem to help. I miss him so bad. I never loved a man so much but I know I don’t deserve him. I’m not going to stop doing lines or shooting up, so it isn’t going to ever change. It was strange that he didn’t ask any questions like he has given up on me but still wants to be in his baby’s life. Once the baby is born Nicole and I will start our escort business. If I need to get my boobs done and anything else, I am going to have my killer body back one way or the other. I don’t think I will ever have a body like Nicole. Her boobs are so perfect and huge with her little bubble ass and long fine jet black hair and exotic eyes. I did a Kim Kardashian makeover on her for fun. She is so much more petite than Kim but similar facial features and hair. I think personally Nicole is better looking than Kim. I’m the opposite of Nicole as I am a true blonde. I used to have the perfect Barbie doll figure which I will have back again by Thanksgiving. I hope my boobs stay as big as they are now and I will be so happy. Yes, I’m a woman but I love women’s breasts:).

[wmxx]

I was reflecting back on Justin. He overwhelmed me with thoughtfulness, kindness, and the way he looked at me was so different than any other man. He is so patient. I feel bad because I made him wait to have sex with me, but he never made us about that. He told me to take my time and I would know when I’m ready. All the while I am going to Mike’s house pretty much every day doing lines and having sex multiple times a day. I told Justin no sleepovers right away while I was spending the night at Mike’s doing lines and having sex. I didn’t want to lose Justin, but there was no way I was giving up my coke and cigarettes. I never fell in love with Mike, but I loved hanging out with him and doing lines. Mike was a boob man. He was so cute. He got bold one day while we were doing lines and we were already having lots of sex. He asked me if I would take my top and bra off every time I walked through the door. It became a ritual. As soon as I walked in off came my top and bra, but most of the time I was in a dress and heels so I’d just be in panties. I would jump on the couch with him, he would go right for my boobs. He would look at me and say I know what you need a nice fat line. I would say yes I need one really bad. We would do a line and immediately have sex. So many times I left Justin’s so I could go have sex with Mike. So many times I would tell Justin I was tired and then go have sex with Mike several times. I would go to work right from Mike’s house. I’d have sex do a line, take a shower and Amy would have a line waiting for me when I got in. I did what I had to do I could get back to Mike’s and have sex again. Mike was my only outlet at the time, and I need lots of sex so I was at Mike’s everyday so he could fuck me several times. I never felt guilty because I love to sneak around, but I feel guilty now, real guilty.

[wmxx]

Nothing feels so awesome like shooting up for the first time in the morning. It just makes the day start off so nice. I don’t think I ever enjoyed a feeling as good as shooting up the first time everyday and knowing you will always have it from now on. We both realize there is no chance of quitting anymore, but we never want to quit anyway. It’s like hitting a jackpot shooting up, doing lines, and having our cigarettes. It just feels so good to always be high now and enjoy sex with each other constantly. Nicole said she never wants to come down ever again, she loves being high all the time and so don’t I. We always feel so good now. Yesterday for the first time we both shot ourselves up, something I never thought I could do, but when you need to shoot up that all changes instantly. I didn’t even hesitate nor did Nicole. We are so hooked now, nothing will get in the way of us shooting up, and we will never let the other one quit, ever! Even if we have to shoot the other one up in their sleep. Nicole already told me she will shoot me up in my sleep, and I’m so grateful to have her. I’m really happy she loves me so much she will never let me quit. I will do the same for her. I will never let her quit shooting up, coke, or cigarettes! We know how much each of us loves all of them!

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I had my baby. A little beautiful girl! So much has happened. There were addiction issues which broke my heart. It was like I got struck by lightning. This has changed me so much and Nicole as well. I’m done with drugs. Seeing my little girl and holding her, nothing like it in the world. We are back with Justin, he has a permanent smile on his face, he adores his little girl so much. So much has happened. Little time. Exhausted and withdrawing. More as I feel up to it. Yes, I have been an irresponsible jerk, no more! This changed my life!

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I just can’t help it. I have been on coke my whole life. I saved a lot before I went into the hospital. This morning I couldn’t take it anymore. I am back doing lines again. It feels so good. I realize I can’t live without it. This was my last try at quitting. I am never trying to quit again. I can’t live without my coke and cigarettes.

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I have tried to limit myself to 10-12 lines a day. It is hard. Neither Nicole or Justin know I am doing lines again. Nicole asked me if I was craving to shoot up or do lines. I said lines yes! Shooting up? Sometimes but I’m not going there anymore. She told me she feels ready to crack and how much she needs a line. I felt so bad for her, and I told her she can’t say anything but I’m still doing lines. I put one out for her. I never saw her so relieved in my life. She said she has a lot of leftover coke, and said she was getting ready to do lines again. She gave me a big hug and a kiss, and she surprised me by saying I’m so glad you are doing lines again! I told her I can’t quit no matter what so I stopped trying. She said her need was so strong she was going to do some probably today. I’m so glad she is going to be hooked again:). I love doing lines with Nicole and having sex, but right now I’m off limits, or at least partially.

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Things are normalized here for once. Nicole and I try to do lines when the other one isn’t so we have baby coverage. Justin has a new love! He loves his daughter so much. Our relationship has become very strong again. Since I am not ready for sex yet Nicole has sex with him everyday. Their relationship is much closer now again. We decided it best if Justin doesn’t know we are doing lines again, so everyone stays happy. Right now things are as good as they have been in a long time. My boobs are so huge, but not firm like they used to be. I’m going to get that fixed after I recover. I hope they stay this big. I always wanted huge boobs!

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Another nice benefit of my coke is it helps me lose weight:). I have just 9 more pounds to lose. I have a woman come over 4 days a week to help me exercise properly, and tighten things back up. My boobs need some help but I love how big they are especially now that I have lost weight. Wait until I lose 10 more pounds and tighten things up. I will have my body back only with much larger boobs. That will be so nice to go out and show them off in a nice tight dress. It has been so long since I had my killer body but now it will be even better! It’s going to make me want to show it off, and have sex with someone. I am insecure and it seems like having sex with men kind of validated me. Plus I have always gotten a thrill sneaking around, there is just something about it that gets me so turned on. Soon I will have my body back, my coke already, and an affair. Just thinking about it gets me wet! I will have a man on the side very soon, and hopefully he does lines. I’m kind of afraid someone will be shooting up, because I know if it is in front of me it will be so hard not to start shooting up again. I think deep down I want to meet someone that will shoot me up, because I love the feeling. That would be awesome to get back to shooting up again, even though the withdrawal is so hard. I know when I start shooting up again, I won’t quit. I don’t want to ever have to do that again. Once I start again, and sooner or later I will, I will just stay on it, that’s the secret:)

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Nicole told me last night how much she wants to start shooting up again. I told her I know, I have started thinking about it a lot. It’s so hard to give up that feeling! We both want to try and stay away from it, but at the same time if either of us stumbles across some and it is right in front of us, we both said we would do it without hesitating. I guess trying not to find it is the safest. I know when I go see old Mike, he will love to shoot me up. So at the very least When I get there, I know I will be shooting up again. He tried to get me to shoot up so many times. When I talked to him and told him I wanted to plan a week with him, and I have a surprise for him, he made me tell him. I asked him to promise me he would shoot me up. He was so excited, and promised me he would shoot me up. He warned me knowing I was already hooked on it before, that as soon as I shoot ip I will be back on it. I told him I know. I let him know I want to be back on it so bad! He said if that’s what you want I will have you totally hooked before you leave. I told him how much I love him and how he takes care of me. I miss having sex and doing lines with him so much. I’ll bet I’ve done well over a thousand lines with him and have had sex with him more than any other man. He is not very good looking but he takes care of me all the time. He will have me shooting up again. I have never spent more than 1 night at a time with him, so 7 nights will be so awesome.

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Awe... old Mike is so cute. He text me and made me promise I wouldn’t shoot up until I got there, because he wants to be the one to make me feel so good. I promised him the next time I shoot up he will be the one doing it. I love how he takes care of my needs. Now I can’t wait for him to get me started:). That’s all I can think of now. Wait until he sees my boobs, he is going to be all over them. He always wanted me topless when I was there. He is going to love how big they have gotten. I know by the time I leave there he will have me back to more than 20 lines a day.

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So I told Nicole I am going to start shooting up again when I spend a week at Mike’s. She said you have to get him shooting me up too! I told her if he does you are going to have to sleep with him, and I warned her he isn’t a good looking guy. She said she didn’t care what he looked like, she will have sex with him no matter what. I told her I don’t know why But I will be jealous. I always had Mike to myself. I told her I don’t want her sleeping with him. She was furious. She is dying to start shooting up again and I’m going to be and I won’t share? I feel bad for her but I just want Mike shooting me up and having sex with me. That is how it always was. I slept with Mike a few times everyday while we did lines. It’s weird but I want him to myself. I don’t think I could stand knowing Mike is shooting up Nicole and having sex with her. We have to sort this out.

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Nicole sat down with me and made a confession. She said she has been doing coke as long as me! She felt like such a hypocrite because she pushed me along with Justin, into rehab the first time I went. She used to do my coke since she moved in with us! She wanted me in rehab so she could do more of my coke! She said she is similar to me and she needs to shoot up with me. She is desperate. She told me there is 0 chance she would ever quit coke ever! I told her I can guarantee I will never quit, I can’t even function without my lines. She said you have to let me shoot up with you, I’m begging you! I gave her a hug, and told her she would have Mike shoot her up too. She gave me the deepest passionate kiss ever and told me she loves me. She is so much like me, sneaky, and will do anything for coke. I know how it feels to go without it, never again! We are going to Mike’s on November 1st. My body will be killer by then!

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Nicole and I were just talking. We both came to the conclusion that being hooked on anything is a good thing. It is only a bad thing if you want to quit. It is very hard. Neither of us have any desire to ever quit coke, or cigarettes, and we love shooting up so much, so we want to be hooked on it. The issues only matter if you want to quit, so it doesn’t matter that we are hooked, in fact it makes it better! Satisfying that craving feels sooo good. Justin thinks I am going to see Amy:), but I will be back where I was when I met Justin. Doing lines with Mike and having endless sex with him. This time I am all Mike’s for a solid week! We will rekindle our long term affair. This time I will be shooting up the whole time. OMG the thought of Mike being the one to get me back to shooting up is so nice. I have this visual in my mind of being naked and Mike shooting me up and going inside me. I really was deeply in love with Mike before, but kind of in a different way. He made me feel so good! I fell for him because our level of intimacy was so high. We made love at least everyday, many times twice a day, and if I sent the night at least 3 times a day. You can’t be in bed with someone that much and not develop strong feelings. I know shooting up doing lines and frequently making love to him is going to have me very deeply in love with him, and it will be very very hard to leave him. I’m going to be shooting up 3-4 times a day, and doing 20+ lines a day, and making love to him 3 or more times a day. I have to be realistic, shooting up is a game changer. Mike knows if he gets me shooting it, I will become his, and you know what, I think about it, and I want to become totally Mike’s. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but after 7 days with Mike shooting me up and making love to me constantly, I will be ready to spend the rest of my life with him, I can already feel it, and Mike is smart. He told me in 7 days together I will become his permanently, and he is right. I want that to happen. So does he, so we will make it happen. I always loved Mike, now I am preparing to spend the rest of my life with him. I told him I want him to make me all his and he said I had you once and lost you, this time I won’t lose you. He is so right:). I want to be Mike’s

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I have been texting Mike a lot this morning. We both realize we are on a course that is going to see our love blossom. He told me this morning how crushed he was when we moved away. I told him it hurt not to have him making love to me everyday. He was so nervous when I met Justin that he would not see me hardly at all anymore and the love making would end. I told him I never wanted to end our affair, and how much I want him now that I know I’m going to be making love to him again. He asked me to promise him something. He wants me to promise I will never leave. I told him if it is what I know it will be, I promise I won’t. I told him to have the man I love shooting me up to get me back on it will make me never want to be apart again. He told me once he shoots me up, there is no way I will ever leave. I said I realize and know that already, I’m going to fall deeply in love with Mike just like before.

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I got goose bumps. Mike text me and said once I got there, I will never leave. I said how do you know that? He said once he shoots me up, I will never leave. He said he has wanted me since he first met me, and this time I’m not getting away. I told him if that was to happen, I would love it! I followed by saying I want that to happen! I would be so happy! He said he will make sure it happens, and asked me if that is what I want? I said yes!!!! I would love to be yours! I absolutely need you to be the one to shoot me up, and make love to me all the time. I can’t wait, I won’t leave, I promise! He told me he has loved me forever, and he will always take care of me. I’m so turned on right now. I’m almost certain I will be with Mike from now on. I am dying to shoot up so bad! Soon Mike will be shooting me up every day. I so want that!!! I’m so ready!

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I might have to move my date earlier than November 1. It’s weird. I am off heroin, but thinking about Mike shooting me up makes me crave it so bad. I need that so bad now. Lus Mike is perfect for me. He will never try and take my coke away from me, I will never have to worry ever again, and he loves sex and he is good in bed. I have to go sooner, I need to show him how much I want to be his before he changes his mind. I’m going sooner. I need him shooting me up now.

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I have such a great love for Justin and he adores me, but I was brought up on coke and cigarettes and it is my life. I realize after 2 rehabs, and trying to quit I can’t so I stopped trying. Otherwise I’d have the best marriage and man anyone could ask for. My best bet is Mike, we fit together perfectly. I will never have to withdrawal again, and he will start shooting me up and I will need him. I’m going to be with Mike from now on, because I have to be.

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I arrived at old Mike’s yesterday. What a reunion! It was so emotional and I could hardly wait for him to shoot me up and make love to me. I never realized how deeply in love with him I was and still am. He put the needle in me under one condition. I become totally his. It was an easy promise, I love him so much. I do love that he is shooting me up now. He is the first man to make love to me since I had the baby. I am so his again and so relieved I am shooting up permanently now with Mike. I already feel so amazingly close to Mike, I’m finally his.

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You can’t believe how good it feels to be shooting up again. Nicole is at her mom’s but was here shooting up yesterday and early this morning. She is so happy. I know how much she loves shooting up. I’m so happy for her that she is shooting up again, she loves it! I am so into Mike. I made love to him so many times and it was so emotional felling him inside of me again, knowing I am his now. In his words he told me how beautiful I am and how my tits are so huge and how he can’t leave them alone. I told him they are his now, no one else’s forever! Something about having my real honey shooting me up that is so loving. I have this bond with Mike that is unbreakable. I had an affair with him the entire time we lived here on Justin. I spent more night’s at Mike’s than Justin’s because Mike understood how much I loved coke, Justin never knew then I was hooked on coke and sleeping with Mike several times a day. Mike is someone I will never cheat on. I’m finally all his and I made him promise he will never let me off shooting up. He promised me I would never stop shooting up now. That is such a relief. With Mike he embraces me doing lines and shooting up, I will never be pressured to quit. I love him so much!