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shotane's Recent Entries

Starting something new

by shotane

Background

I'm a chubby, autistic guy aged 34 from the Netherlands. In almost all facets of life I have been a bit of a failure. I currently have a temporary, low paying job and no social life. In my youth I have always considered myself a heterosexual male with no real interest in homosexuality or being feminine. In the last few years I have increasingly watched shemale pornography and late 2019 I started watching some video's with a sissification theme. This led me to buying pueraria mirifica and reishi with the excuse to myself that I was going to take low doses and it might do some good for my hair and skin. In the first few weeks of this year I started getting slightly deeper into the whole feminization stuff. I played quite a few games on TFGames.Site and I started reading threads on the subject on Reddit. Last weekend I discovered this site and the whole idea of altering yourself by hypnosis. I have always been very skeptical towards hypnosis and assumed that many reports in the forum and journals must be roleplay. It did fascinate me though and I started listening this week.

At this point I would say I'm bisexual with a preferance for woman. Even though I did take PM for a while (with no significant effect), I very much identify as a man and can't really imagine myself as a woman. I have started listening to these files out of curiosity and a need for something to distract me from my boring life.

Bambi Sleep

I got to this site, because I read something on Reddit about how impactful Bambi Sleep was and it made me curious towards these files. I listened to 1,2,3 and 10 of the original files on monday (20-01-2020). Altough the audio was relaxing, I stayed conscious and didn't feel like there was anything special going on.

On tuesday (21-01-2020) I listened to 1,2,3,4,5 and 10 and again it seemed like there was nothing going on. I stayed conscious and didn't feel like I was in a 'trance' or anything like that. Afterwards I felt like I was a bit hazy, but still in complete control of myself. For some reason I got curious about whether it was possible to buy hormones on the internet and started looking around on the web. When my haziness retreated about a hour later I realised I had bought both estrogen and Spironolactone. I was not able to cancel this order. I was really worried after this, because there was not really a point where I did not feel present, but at the same time this was a very stupid and reckless thing to do. I decided that it would be beter to not listen again and that I should throw away the hormones as soon as it arrives.

Yesterday (23-01-2020) I decided to listen to 1,6,7,8,9 and 10, because I wanted to hear the files that I hadn't heard yet. This time felt really different. I fell into a deep sleep or trance very early into track 1. This is really strange for me, because I usually have a lot of difficulty falling asleep or even relaxing/letting go of thoughts. I 'woke' up during 9 and experienced an intense climax. This was unlike anything I have ever felt before. After the end of the session I seemed to be completely myself.

I think I will try again this evening. Yesterdays experience was great and I would not mind a repetition.

Curse Female Takeover

In the last week I have read a lot of interesting journals and forum-threads, but those about Curse Female Takeover fascinated me the most. I was too curious to not give it a listen. Last night I listened to it for the first time and was slightly dissapointed. It seems less sophisticated than Bambi Sleep and I find it difficult to imagine how this could have a big effect. I gave it second go this afternoon, but it didn't do anything for me. Maybe I should use another file to make me more receptive before listening to the file itself?

Continue?

This site and these files are a pretty, new world for me and I want to experiment. I'm pretty certain I will continue listening to Bambi, but I'm not sure about CFT. The supposed 'danger' is somewhat exciting to me, but for now it is a bit boring. Any advice on relaxing, getting into a trance and being more receptive to suggestions would be appreciated.

UPDATE - October 18th 2021

Well...more than 1.5 years later and I now consider myself a transwoman. I have been on hormones for the last half year and have transformed a lot, but not nearly as much as I would like to. I stil boymode outside (altough my breasts are outing me), but I'm sure I will socially transition to female within a another half year. Danique (or Dani) is my name and I feel a huge distance to the depressed, fearfull, derealized, sefhating 'man' I seemed to be a few years ago. When I used to consider myself a pansexual non-binary (with a preferance for woman), I can now only view myself as a heterosexual woman.

How much of this is caused by hypnosis fles? It is probably very exciting to think that 'Rudolf' was another victim of CFT and a new person/tulpa took over. However, I don't feel this to be the case. My interest in in these files was partly caused by existing doubts on my gender (despite my strong denial in the opening post) and I didn\'t continue long with the files. I discovered at the end of last year that I felt a whole lot better and more 'real' when taking estrogen. At first I didn't dare taking it for a longer period, but after falling in a deep, suicidal depression at the beginning of this year, I decided I would start again and continue using until there where transformations I was uncomfortable with. This last half year (since starting in april 2021) has been the best time of my life. I never knew life could actually be so fun and pleasant. I never expected to be this happy. When my breasts came I was filled with euphoria and I knew that this was not some sick fetish. This wasn\'t about sex, I'm really a woman. At no point was there a real break between personalities and the biggest change in my personality came only after starting HRT, more than a year after listening to these files.

Even if 'Rudolf' was a seperate (and the original) personality and I took his place, I really don't feel guilty. He was done with life and never really enjoyed it. There was no future or prospects before starting the transition and now there is. Even though it is going very slowly, I'm hopeful and excited about what is still to come.

Comments

Think carefully. - cluster

mixing the two files is not a good idea.\r\n\r\nalready at the first listening you bought the hormones, and then you repented. This is indicative of susceptibility to these suggestions.\r\n\r\nIf you go on, you may create a new person/tulpa, and is likely that she will do whatever she wants (likely to lose weight and perform therapies for the transition, because she is programmed to conform to beauty standards and then possibly perform assorted sexuality), and you will be too \"absent\" even to feel her orgasms.\r\n\r\nIf you like to \"disappear\", go ahead.

Well... - shotane

Well...more than 1.5 years later and I now consider myself a transwoman. I have been on hormones for the last half year and have transformed a lot, but not nearly as much as I would like to. I stil boymode outside (altough my breasts are outing me), but I\'m sure I will socially transition to female within a another half year. Danique (or Dani) is my name and I feel a huge distance to the depressed, fearfull, derealized, sefhating \'man\' I seemed to be a few years ago. When I used to consider myself a pansexual non-binary (with a preferance for woman), I can now only view myself as a heterosexual woman.\r\n\r\nHow much of this is caused by hypnosis fles? It is probably very exciting to think that \'Rudolf\' was another victim of CFT and a new person/tulpa took over. However, I don\'t feel this to be the case. My interest in in these files was partly caused by existing doubts on my gender (despite my strong denial in the opening post) and I didn\'t continue long with the files. I discovered at the end of last year that I felt a whole lot better and more \'real\' when taking estrogen. At first I didn\'t dare taking it for a longer period, but after falling in a deep, suicidal depression at the beginning of this year, I decided I would start again and continue using until there where transformations I was uncomfortable with. This last half year (since starting in april 2021) has been the best time of my life. I never knew life could actually be so fun and pleasant. I never expected to be this happy. When my breasts came I was filled with euphoria and I knew that this was not some sick fetish. This wasn\'t about sex, I\'m really a woman. At no point was there a real break between personalities and the biggest change in my personality came only after starting HRT, more than a year after listening to these files.

Welcome back. - cluster

First, welcome back, Danique. \r\nit\'s nice to know that you are fine, and that you are now a happier person than before.\r\nNow, distinguishing whether the emotional changes are due to hormonal action, hypnosis, gender euphoria or a mix of them is not easy, or even an exercize of futility.\r\n\r\nhowever, if you are under the influence of a tulpa, or if it was present, and then later there was a merger, in theory you should be able to recall what Rudolf was, and have him express his views on current status, and it would feel somewhat disconnected from the present you.\r\n\r\nIf, on the other hand, these changes are related to the metamorphic gender transition, you should not encounter, recalling your emotions, particular conflicts, but in the very starting days. \r\n\r\nthe only doubt is the possible long-term influence of the Bambi files, which tend to favor a promiscuous lifestyle, conformity to western feminine images and lifestyle, and decrease the ability to concentrate. \r\n\r\nthis is unfortunate, as the gender transition with related hormone therapies promotes lateral, ouside of the box thinking, which can be damaged by Bambi files. \r\n\r\nAs always, please take care.\r\n:)

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