So hard to explain unless you know the story from the start. My life is very complicated. I wish I could simplify.

My wife is what many would call a Domme. (She hates that word though. She calls herself a "dominant sadist.") She believes that this is her primary sexuality. I believe that my sexuality is primarily bound up in my "little stuff" or whatever you call it -- my fantasies about age regression, my fetish for diapers, my infantilism, and the like. The problems we have now stem from the fact that before we got married, she knew very little about her sexuality because of her childhood experiences, which are a totally different and long story, and I don't want to sidetrack this one. Suffice it to say that she knew about my desires to be treated like a baby and wear diapers before we got married and married me anyway. She was discovering a few dominant desires in herself, and I married her anyway.

Yes, she has tried to incorporate treating me as a baby into a Ds scenario, and she really disliked it. I've tried to be submissive too, and it just doesn't work for me when there's none of my baby stuff in the play and no hope of it ever appearing. We've had to admit that our kinks just don't seem to meet, so with each other all we can be is vanilla.

Well, we talked about this, and decided to open the relationship somewhat, since her needs require another person. She has had a number of submissive partners in the past, but now she has one who has been with us for over 7 years and lives with us. We read a wonderful book called The Ethical Slut (go here for the Wikipedia page about it) about polyamory, and it really helps -- it hits all the issues we ran into and more. Basically we agree that it's OK for us to seek out other partners and even add people to the family, as long as everybody in the family meets them, gets to know them, and agrees to it.

I've come close to finding people to be little with, either as babysitter or as another "child" to do little-kid things with, but nothing has lasted. I have a much harder time than she has. This is harder to find than just someone who is submissive. So she's had a steady live-in partner who can satisfy her kinky desires for 7 years while I've had disappointments.

Now, she doesn't like hypnosis. She doesn't like the very idea of it (well, the idea of it that she has in her head). She never wants to undergo hypnosis herself because giving up control is something she would never feel safe doing. And she doesn't want to hypnotize her submissives, because she would want them to submit willingly (the fact that they would have to be willing to submit to the hypnosis isn't something she considers in her decision). And I'm not sure she'd approve of the fact that I've been listening to hypnosis files, aside from the fact that I've been doing so without telling her.

She said a few things last night ... she notices that I've been doing more baby stuff lately (I have been wearing diapers all the time, but also have been sucking my thumb and pacifier more often and drinking out of sippy cups and baby bottles more, as well as wearing some of my baby clothes slightly more often). And she said some things to suggest that she's worried about it. She thinks I want to be Jennie all the time (which I would, if I could, at least to some extent) and doesn't want to "lose her husband." Never mind that I'd still be the same person and would still love her. My impression is that she sees me as some kind of emotional bedrock and doesn't want that image of me to change -- that is, she needs a feeling of stability and doesn't want me to undermine that feeling.

So although I've been feeling more alive over the past month or so than I have for years, it's been threatening my wife's sense of emotional stability. I think this has "mid-life crisis" written all over it. Some guys buy sports cars. Sigh.