Today I have crossed a line. I'm not sure of the significance of it, as I've crossed similar lines, but todays for some reason feel that much more poignient. I went to the drugstore to buy diapers to facilitate training with the files hear. I was atounded at how easy and pleasent the experience was. In the past, buying panties or other toys for my amusement was usually a harrowing experience. Clerks staring down their noses at me, looking like they know exactly why I'm buying something. Especially when I bought the butt plug- the lady there got al uppity just because I didn't want to keep the reciept, what am I going to do, put it on my tax return? Some of these lines phased me. Like when I realised how far I could go for humiliation. Buying panties is one thing, realising that you'r willing shit yourself if told to is another. For some reason, however, just buying diapers, cheerfully, with a nod and "Thanks to the cashier, has hit me pretty hard. I'm happy I did it, I can't describe the elation I feel at the free access I have to them. And I want to continue my hypnotraining. Thats not the issue. I guess the issue is that I am just continually suprised at my willingness to be disgusting, and the comlete lack of validation I feel at doing by myself. The lament of my life has always been that I could never find another person that understands the depths to which I am willing to lower myself. And so I must do it alone. I, a man who wants to serve has only himself. I guess I wish that I had been told to buy the diapers.