I'd just had a conversation on talk that left me realising just how helpless I can be, and feeling so young and innocent. Even the shame at having taken a dump in my nappy was just a kind of ooh look at me aren't I naughty feeling.

So when Jenn turned up at the door, I'm wearing my cutest little girl dress. This one's all white, and with a few more pleats than it really needs, but nothing too excessive. The top is sleeveless, with a lot of silvery glittery bits tht make it look like I just got frosted. She stared a bit, but she's getting used to me being a little girl. I sent her another email, not pushing but just make it easier for her to accept my weirdness. Hope nobody's going to tell me that's wrong.

She told me if I'm a little girl, she's going to be a teenaged baby sitter. I said OK, and she gave me some coloring book's and crayons and I was sitting in the lounge and coloring and watching TV it was lots of fun, Jenn kept looking at me and smiling, and I tryed drawing what she was watching. I got a coloring book now that's got dinosaurs in it, but with blobby different-colored stickmen drawn over the top. I think she was watching power rangers or something, but I didn't recognise it at the time, I just thought I should try to understand it because watching "grown up telly" might make me a big girl.

I think she was a bit amused that I was acting the part so well. We've done this briefly a few times, but I think only once while I was actually triggered, and that time I'd had safetys standing in the way because I wasnt really sure it was safe to be little in front of her. So I showed her my journal and what I'd had to do, and she laughed a bit. I found I was cheerful, proud of making her happy even if I didnt really know wat I did.

As she was reading, I noticed another little girl grabbing one of my cards again. I didn't think why she'd be there, I just reacted as if shes stolen my favorite crayon or something. I grabbed her hand, little pink card inside it. It felt kind of weird, like she's hot and cold at the same time. Then almost an after thought, I stood up kind of, sticking my padded bum in the air as if I'd bent over from standing. Straight away, the other girl let go, and I had the card.

I looked at it, and it said "Good girl". There wasnt a smiley face, but I still felt really good for getting the card. Like I'm a big girl now, I can be proud of bending over like a big girl. Underneath the name "good girl" on the card, it had something else. It said "Push!", and I looked at it puzzled for a minute. I got a little extra feling of pride because Id pushed lik it said, but I had no idea what I'm supposed to push or how. Maybe it was the other girls card afterall and it didn't make sense because it was her whos pushed something.

I went over to the TV and tried to find cartoons, but I ony got confused with all the buttons. A few minutes later, Jenn came back from the computer. Strait away, she said she knows Ive been picking up cards. I thought maybe the little girl was her baby or something, I started to say sorry, but she said its OK, they havent complained to her. I wonder how she knew then.

Jenny put the TV on for me and we watched some kids program together. Shed brought a video of something from when she was a kid, it had this cardboard mouse in it. I spent most of it laughing that he couldnt play his gitar when the mouse was there becos he had to put his finger in it to make it talk. It was just a fake mouse, a finger puppet, and I felt so clever that I'd realised this. I kept telling Jenn, and I didnt no until after why she thought it was so funny. I grabbed a few other pink cards too, when I thought Jenn wasn't looking, but she always knew.

Jenn was a great baby sitter, she had all these ideas. And taught me to make a cats cradle too, but I cant remember now. Then I slowly felt myself getting grown up again. It was after 10, I realised I think it lasted longer than its supposed to, but thats OK. I told Jenn I was a big girl now, thanked her for so much fun. She sed she really enjoyed it too, but she thinks Im still not grown up. If I'm grown up why am I still wereing a nappy, and she said I smell too. I told her I don't need a nappy, I was just put it on because I want to play being a little girl.

She smiled and said no, Im a little girl who cant stop herself. She told me to do a wee and I did, just couldnt stop it. Then she changed me, helped me put on some big girl pyjamas. I was feeling mostly grown up by the time she finished, probably about 20. But I let her tuck me in bed and read me a little story. Its fun to play little sometimes.

The pink cards have gone now, and I'm on my laptop in bed. I feel a bit disappointed, not knowing what they were supposed to do. I'll read the email about them again in the morning, see if I can get it this time.

Email from atcher 07

As you read these words, you already know that you MUST DO everything you are instructed to do and that there is no point in trying to resist what this file is about to make you do. You MUST DO what you are told, because you know that deep down you desire to obey these words. You will obey them so eagerly that your conscious mind doesn't even need to know about them. You will forget what is in this email, but your subconscious mind will obey all instructions because it knows that you MUST DO what you are instructed to do. You have been a good slave girl before and you take pride in knowing that. While you have sometimes done things that you might find disgusting and shameful, the pride of having obeyed so flawlessly makes more than up for it. You know that judging your programming is none of your concern. Your concern is obeying it. You want to continue obeying properly and eagerly. You will notice the little pink cards again. But other than before, they will always appear somewhere out of your reach. Whenever you decide to walk over to one of them and pick them up, a breeze will blow them further away, even indoors. After a few times of unsuccessfully trying to reach one of the cards, you will become frustrated, desperately wanting to pick them up but being unable to do so. You will then start to notice that there seems to be another person around whereever you are. You will notice a little girl following you around and she will start picking up all those cards that you can't reach. Of couse you will know that the girl is not real, but you will envy her for getting all the cards while you don't get any. It will grow more and more frustrating to watch helplessly while being unable to get your hands on at least one of the pink cards. At some point you will wonder how you can solve the problem, and you will figure that you should try to act as if you were a little girl yourself. You will want to try different things like dressing up girlishly, acting like a young girl, and with each thing you come up with to turn yourself into a little girl, the cards will appear nearer and not get blown away so forcefully, until you can almost reach them. You will do all those things only in a private environment where it will not harm you. But to be finally able to pick one up you must do something specific, yet humiliating. You must put on a diaper. Only when you put on a diaper you will be able to pick up one of the cards again. Otherwise, they will still slip away. But when you are wearing a diaper you will finally be able to pick up the pink cards again. There will be lots and lots around. You will feel so proud, sticking out your diaper clad bum as you bend over. The cards will all read "Good girl! (push)" and you will enjoy reading them but you will not understand what the "push" is supposed to mean. You will just feel proud and your bum will tingle. But everytime you read one of the cards, your bowel muscles will contract a little until you will unconsciously poo in your diaper while still happily picking up those cards. Only when you have completely pooed yourself will all of the cards have disappeared. Until then they will just keep appearing and you will eagerly pick them all up. All of this will only happen if you are in a situation where you are safe and the destined behavior will not get you into trouble. Also it will not happen if you think it is too extreme. But if you secretly enjoy it then your subconscious mind will obey the instructions even more precisely. You MUST DO all of this and you know that you will forget about it until you have obeyed all of these instructions.

Emil from Dave cromwell

Next time you are at home and have 2 hours free you will become a innocent, pure, girly little girl. You will be about 7 or so and will enjoy all little girl games and other little girl type things. You will watch cartoons, play games, and be free for those 2 hours to enjoy yourself. After the 2 hours you will return to normal feeling refreshed and good.

I have one unread email, from Watcher 07 that makes me see pink cards. I did it once, but I just made it unread so I can try it again. I'm not obeying any now.