I just found out thank you. I got up and really had to pee so I went to the bathroom. Then, as I was about to sit down on the toilet and pull down my panties I felt my body freeze. I stood there for about a minute half doubled over with my thumbs up the waistband of my panties. I tried to move but whatever strain I put into trying it was no use. I really had to pee but it seemed so silly, being so close but unable to relieve myself. I thought i could hold out but then it dawned on me that however long i'd hold out, it would only lengthen my distress. I figured that I'd have to pee right then and there because it was the only way to unfreeze. Hesitatingly I let go. It ran down my legs and formed quite a large puddle on the floor. As I was about halfway done I managed to at least sit down so I peed through my panties still, but into the toilet. Afterwards I took a shower and felt a little better, knowing that this was some kind of substitute punishment for what puppy was planning to deliver to me.

Still, somehow I feel like I deserve punishment. I had tried playing with equinox tonight because it drove me nuts to be deserving something bad but not having it administered. Equinox did things to me that were quite fun. He had me undress in a gigantinc stadium full of spectators and then I was kissed and brought to orgasm by an angel. It felt so very stimulating but somehow it felt wrong too. I knew I was receiving some kind of noble treatment that I did not deserve. I could barely resist to yell that I am a panty pooping slut so everyone in the audience would know. Thankfully I kept that to myself. When puppy called me this I felt really flattered but I guess yelling something like that in public would be against my programming. I know that the kind of public was not real but it felt real and mybe my safety net kicked in.

The angel that treated me so nicely was really giving me a wonderful time and I tried to enjoy it despite feeling guilty. I apologized a lot, I felt like I had to, but equinox told me to stop so I did that. I had several orgasms and when I was back in my room, I felt so utterly spent that I fell asleep as soon as I lay down.

I woke up several times tonight. I just could not sleep very well. Every time I did that, I stood on all fours in my bed and then I felt like I needed to be punished so I went online and desperately seeked out someone who would do that for me.

I had whoshypnogirl send me one of her messages. It felt relieving, knowing that I had gotten something that will punish me later, but now I feel all needy again. I think I will need to beg for some mistreatment soon. I love this feeling but it would be so much easier if I finally received that punishment email I was about to get from werepuppy...