After a number of unpleasantnesses yesterday I felt like I really needed to so something to clean up the mess (the one in my head) and rebuild some confidence. I don't know how it started, but there was a rumor going round that someone had somehow circumvented my safety suggestions and could control me like a mindless puppet, even making me stuff that is against my rules and against my limits. Upon hearing that, some lovable, caring people around here grew understandably uncomfortable about it and stopped playing with me.

I was left a little clueless about why they suddenly didn't think it is safe any more, but after some inquiry I found out about the rumor and tried to assure everyone that I am fine. Unfortunately, they didn't really believe it and I felt like I was abandoned for something that wasn't my fault. It felt unfair and I grew upset.

I slept over it and got to my senses. This morning I had a phone session with Mistress and She removed all my current email slave induced triggers and everything that derived from them. So I am pretty much starting over from scratch now.

I do now have a "safety phrase" that I will automatically use whenever a suggestion goes against my programming or when I am really uncomfortable with it . The phrase is "carrot pie", so unless you read those words from me, I am fine with what is happening, even if I act like it is torture. I secretly enjoy a lot of stuff that I wouldn't admit openly, so you may hear me beggingfor mercy or something like that. It will be my conscious mind trying to protect me from humiliation maybe. But unless you read the words "carrot pie" from me, I am fine. Seriously. I am safe now and I was safe before. But maybe now I am less diffucult to read. Torment me and let me suffer, if there is no talk about carrot pie, I am fine with it. It is as simple as that, really. Be cool. Let's have fun.

I really have to stress this: As for now, no one here has ever succeeded in weakening my Mistress's safety net or Her control over me in any way. And no one will. Not ever.

Now about my last few journal entries: I have been made to do increasingly disgusting things. I can't say I don't enjoy those, I really do. But not all readers enjoy them as much and besides, I also like to be made into a slut and stuff like that. Or you may want to try something different entirely. Or a combination of all those deliciously naughty things you can think of. Just so there is something to read about for everyone. I have some limits but if you scratch them, no biggie, I will just tell you about it and that is that. Don't be shy.

And above all, have fun writing something evil and reading about the outcome!