As I told you previously I felt very lost  and doubtful.

So the obvious solution would be to lurk and ask on the forums.After searching around to look for similar problems, I found some  people having similar problems but not many useful or concise answers.So I started my own thread.

I had to edit it quite a few times due to nerves getting in the way of expressing myself, but it ended alright.

At first, It got many views but, unfortunately no answers.Then some people started posting, and that, seemingly attracted even more posts.

To sum it up, i got quite a lot of advice there, and valuable one nonetheless.However its still hard not to feel discouraged.


Still,It feels like if my case was rare, like if for normal people it was much easier.

Searching the forums made me think twice about posting my own thread.
To put it lightly, It sounded as if my problems were unusual or strange or unfixable.May posts actually had similar issues but, the poster never got them resolved or never bothered to post feedback.Maybe they gave up.

"You tried this and still nothing? Really?
Oooookaaayy, whatever, then try this other stuff"

"Oh It works! trust me, if it works for me it works for you"

"All hypnosis is self hypnosis, if you want it to work it will work, eventually"


All of those are exaggerated oversimplifications of what was said on forums(not in my thread),but in essence you can sum them up as true(they really are),generic and shallow(since they don't address any of the particular issues).

I admit  that I DID get some very useful advice though, from ocntrl and charredsoul .

Well lets get to the actual hypnosis:.
I had some experiences today, not actual mind blowing ones but it feels like some kind of progress.

I listened to several inductions, at different times(afternoon and night), and I got some mild effects out of them.

Actual relaxation but still no trance.Also i noticed  my mind still catches and analyses every sentence and i often catch myself reflecting on what might have been the author's intention when he used that particular word or words, or that tone or rhythm or trigger or whatever.

However, I also noticed than although I know such distractions are detrimental, its usually easier to let them go and less disruptive, than say, actively trashing that train of thought. So I let it be for now, in hopes  it wont bother me too much.

I was about to give up  for the day, when I noticed some inductions mentioned how unnecessary it was to remember the actual monologue.

What a wonderful feeling when I tried to remember and was faced with a wall of mist.

Of course, I could remember if I  tried really hard to do so, I could focus, and then go step from step recalling the different parts.

But it required so much more effort than before.

It wasn't really amnesia, more like when trying to remember I was met with a "What do I care for that anyway?"kind of response.And it felt GREAT.

I honestly don't know if it means progress or not,or if instead of a suggestion working it was merely coincidence.

But for a split second, I really believed I was getting some effects from the files, and I couldn't be happier.

Trance is still something alien to me:

Many times, in files, you hear the word trance, and having no reference of what it feels like, I don't know what to think.

According to many, it feels great by itself, by the opinion of others its just a stepping stone to get the files to take effect.

Many agree on "blanking out" in trance and only realising they have been there afterwards, many others consider it just mere relaxation.

I don't really know,but if I had to choose what  to experience I would definitely go for blanking out.

My head is always full with that omnidirectional ,sometimes obsessive, internal dialogue.
Sometimes wise and sometimes foolish, but always there and always tiresome.
It would be so nice to shut it up for a while to think of nothing and maybe, only maybe obey.

I'm not really submissive, nor dominant,nor anything at all.
I don't really have any "strong" fetish, but I'm open to many things,I want to experience many things.

So hypnosis apart from being itself a goal , can be a gateway to an amazing range of things, the possibilities feel so wide I'm overwhelmed by expectations.

Still,starting small.Besides, for me, trance itself is a goal, so I need not worry about things that might some or might be possible if I achieve it.

Trying as always.

PD:This journal is updated each day about the PREVIOUS day on the calendar.(I try to keep it daily but its not always possible)

-BDweller