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izatga88's Recent Entries

mess.....dumb, slutty mess.....

by izatga88

Ugh....I'm totally exhausted right now.....I think I must have spent something like two hours in the bathroom/shower just ramming stuff at my ass while playing with my clit. I got out and was STILL so horny, it felt like my clit was actually bouncing around a bit & still wanting attention.....I don't even think I have any kind of control over when my pussy gets wet & lubes itself up anymore......it's like it's ready & waiting 24/7 now..... =_=

Anyways, I had a bit of dinner & am really tired. After getting sick (am better now) and losing some of my pay at work, it ~feels~ like my mind is awake, but.....my mind and body are in complete chaos right now.....

My logical mind feels awake, but it's like "only because my bimbo-self NEEDS it to be & is tired". Even still.....there are moments where my memory starts to go away and I start to feel willing to submit to the programming. At any moment, I'm either smiling and spreading my legs & not even noticing, or my logical mind is bargaining with myself because I need to buckle down & do work.

Two nights ago, my head was actually screwed on a bit straight for once after dinner, and then BOOM! I wake up something like 3 or 4 hours later and realise I have my player running my file loop, and my panties are down around my legs with my hands all over my pussy......I caught myself smiling & giggling & moaning loudly......I think my control over all of this is REALLY starting to......disolve?

I'm terrified of STDs, I've just been pleasuring myself amidst the programming, though especially now that hearing stuff from the files causes my body to go limp & legs to spread on command, if a guy I was with were to discover about my programming.......I'd really have no defenses.....the conflict between my need to function & work vs. my want for endless sex......somewhere in the middle of that, I feel like I have (the illusion of?) control over all of this........getting a steady sex partner would severely quiet that conflict.

In spite of all this pleasure & turmoil, now that my head is a little clearer, I think I'm even MORE scared of what would happen if I "Deprogrammed".....is that even possible while most of my "programming" has been raw conditioning/brainwashing and not just straight hypnosis? People I know are constantly pointing out that I'm better girlfriend material now emotionally, yet I've lost the ability to think for myself and move beyond how I'm programmed......

If all of it was gone......I still wouldn't want to go back to being an uptight know-it-all bitch about everything......I hated being that way before. I have more fun going out & being with people like this. Even my body is more fun - I'm a tiny person, and through highschool/college, I used to do a lot of fitness & exercise stuff.....I was actually strong enough to punt a guy's sack clear over his head if he started getting out of line with me, and I had noticeable muscle built in my arms & legs.

Now, after almost half a year, I still have nice abs & stuff, but the muscle on my arms has melted down to "normal" girl's arms. All of the sexual activity and programming has GOT to have had a reaction on the level of hormones in my system......my legs and ass are shaped very round & pornstar-esque now......I'm always aware of them jiggling, or moving, or my pussy rubbing up against my jeans between them - even my tits have been fuller. Everything is sooooo sensitive...... my face almost constantly reacts like this to even the slightest touch or movement: O_O

Hmm......I guess I like being a bit of a dumb, slutty bimbo ~ The slightest thought of "long", "hard", "come"......innocent words.....even THAT gets me giggling and buzzed on command.....I'm waaaaay beyond the point of turning this off.....hmm.....life's more fun now, and it feels nicer just to submit......maybe I should just forget this ever was any kind of experiment and just commit to being a complete bimbo forever?

I'm already on track for implants, my hair is nice & long and looks like a cheerleader's......I didn't realise it, but my ass and panties have been peaking up out of my jeans all weekend.....I've been a model bimbo for months now without realising it.....I guess there really isn't any reason to change or resist any of it.....

Comments

- izatga88

That might have been 40 minutes to post that and make it readable - I messed up the tags a lot too.

I don't know where I stand with "bi" thing I keep getting poked with on here.....guys make me melt inside, but that suggestion in the SLUT files has not gone entirely unnoticed either.....it's....a little weird.....

- Whimsical

We'll support any decision you make, whether its to deprogram or submit totally or something inbetween(well, most of us will, anyway). Just keep us informed, k? (and put me down as a definite yes vote for you trying the bi files ;) )

- Guuliar

I think it's funny that after all this time you still view a deprogram all file as a magical spell that releases you from all the effects of the programming. It'll probably kill a lot of triggers and a bit of the programming, but since you got a lot of curses it wont get rid of them, just prevent the progression and probably kill a bit of the addiction. You'll still stay where your at now, and if you like where your at and don't want to go back, you wont.

Maybe this is a good time to stop with the bimbofication because you already are in all sense of the word a bimbo, and should explore other things. Like bi files ^_^

- izatga88

lol ~ it looks like the "world" is willing that I'm not only a dumb and slutty bimbo, but a lesbian one too.... XD

- Plaat

Making things worse for other women is a start, feeding into the ideals of a bimbo, I see this as fantasy , not reality because I wouldn't want it to be. You can't remember your old self?, you weren't a bitch, your posts were fine and it was an experiment to you because you weren't all that unhappy before. The programming is good but the old you I would say was better! and I would've dated you. You can satisfy my body now, but not my mind, hypnosis should help us turn off so that we can turn on at our choosing and that is why I dislike real bimbos, their whole lives spent wasted. Is that you?

- BillionSix

Whatever guy you end up with is going to be sooo lucky!

- starchildskiss78

As the others have said...I support whichever direction you go in. The thought of you being happier is a plus at least....no point going through life being a know-it-all who isn't truly happy. I think part of the reason the bimbo kicks in so uncontrollably is because the masturbating isn't enough...you're going to have to get laid at one point. Use protection (and the pill) and be safe!

- chymos

slutty, I like. dumb, not so much. I like intelligence. If I had a chance to get with any porn star I chose, my choice would be Asia Carerra. Why? Along with being a porn star, she's *also* a member of MENSA. My ideal woman is a slutty (yet loyal) combination of beauty and brains.

- Fjm

Yes, there are very "slutty" women and pornstars who are of above average intelligence.

- izatga88

Yay ~ I can't seem to stay mad at anything.....I've been rather happy-feeling & stuff these last few days.....mostly ~

I'm kinda shocked at how much people are like, really into "smart" girls when you're almost ~always~ hearing tons of stuff about guys looking at women as objects & stuff for sex.

- gorgomctavish

Ah, there's no contradiction here, Iza. One can be both a lady and a whore. In fact, There are actually few things more erotic than a poised, intelligent girl who with a word or a touch turns into a wet, writhing, moaning mass of excited nerve endings....

- VeryGnawty

I agree with gorgom. While a slut is good, an intelligent slut is better.

- Dauric

I absolutely agree, it's the appeal of the triggered files to have both the lady companion -and- the willing sex toy/slave all in one package.

- nativedragon

i would agree a smart girl who at a word and/or touch becoming a willing sex object after al they can both provide and work while still being very very sexy and extremely loyal to their boyfriends or husbands

- Fiftieshypnodom

Iz, I think you're at about the perfect place right now. You're not so dumb that you'll get confused or lost having a normal conversation, you can be intelligent at times, when your pussy stops humming, you're generally happy and don't get mad easily or stay mad long (great girlfriend material), and you're still dedicated enough that I think you'd stay loyal to BF if you had one, as long as he kept you satisfied, or let you satisfy yourself. Long story short, don't worry about what folks are saying, you're great gf material as you are, now just go out there and find a nice, dominant, guy to use you the way you need.

- Guuliar

Most guys view bimbo's as a dime a dozen. Their the average to them. A smart girl who's sexually liberated is normally rare, or a lesbian. Unless your where I'm at, and then their everywhere. Point is, you stand out more with your intelligence than your bimboness. However your bimbo side is great when you need to keep and attract the guy.

- Whimsical

I agree with dragon a smart girl outside the bedroom; whose IQ I can turn off with a word or touch inside the bedroom is pretty much the hottest thing going.

- nativedragon

hey IZ when you gonna update us with how are you doing?

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